The Heart Doesn't Forget

So yeah, that rain kiss between Damon and Elena pretty much rekindled my love for Vampire Diaries to the point where I just had to write this. Seriously one of the greatest DE scenes of all time. I've written VD fics before, but I've never published any, so this is my first. In other words, writing these characters feels foreign and difficult, but I tried my best in depicting Elena's feelings.

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Diaries, and if I did Damon would be aalll mine.

Elena closed the door behind her, pausing as she leaned against it.

She'd been doing so fine lately, school was working out, she had something going on with Liam, she had her friends around her, and Ric was back... she was finally, genuinely happy.

And then he came back.

She remembered the look in his eyes when she told him that she didn't remember him or their time together. His eyes betrayed his every emotion; sadness, hurt, desperation, but most of all – love. The admiration and reverence in his eyes when he looked at her, as if she was some sort of celestial being shining down upon him, caused a lump to form in her chest.

But like she said, she couldn't remember. And while she'd wanted to remember, she couldn't do that anymore. Alaric was human; the compulsion couldn't be broken. So she made the final step; this was her life now. This was her new beginning. She would start anew, and nothing would stop her.

But when she went to sleep, her dreams got in the way.

He was always there.

"Damon!" She heard her own voice, laughing and yelling his name. She felt his hugs and kisses, remembered the feeling of being in his arms, the love in his eyes, their adventures together. It all came in flashes before her closed her eyes, and she shifted uncontrollably through the night, reliving every moment.

But by the time she woke, everything was gone; erased from her mind. She remembered her feelings in the memories, but whenever she tried delving deeper into her memories, she couldn't see anything. It was all blank space, his face erased from her memory and only replaced by those feelings. Just the intangible sensory experience, nothing else.

She had somehow – in what she could only guess was a twisted and crazy way – been happy with him. Truly happy. In love. She could feel those feelings from her old memories, but she couldn't remember or see them, which was slowly caving a hole in her very being.

That missing piece – her memories, the answers to all her questions.

Him.

It annoyed her to no end. She wanted peace, a normal life – well as normal as a vampire in medical school could have – normal friends, normal school, normal moments standing in front of the mirror, debating which dress she should wear, normal fretting over tests and assignments.

And then he'd given her just that. "I love you enough to let you go, Elena," he'd said, his eyes clear and determined, yet filled with sorrow as he gave her one final look.

He was willingly letting her go to live her own life, to be happy. He was sacrificing whatever it is they'd had for her happiness and wellbeing.

He was walking away, like she'd wanted.

What should have been elation and happiness was replaced by sadness and regret. Sadness because of that indescribable look in his eyes, and regret over her decision to remove him completely from her memories. The cavity in her soul kept growing darker and bigger, nearly swallowing her whole.

She had erased something so important to her, that when she was yet again confronted with it, every cell of her being longed to be back to how it was.

Except she didn't know how it'd been. She didn't remember them.

Sinking towards the floor, she let her eyes shed the tears that had threatened to escape. She cried quietly in the silence of her room, disturbed only by the sounds of her sniffling.

Was it guilt? Was that why she felt so drawn to him, so desperate to remember? She had to admit seeing him hurt was a strange sensation; in her compelled eyes Damon was incapable of being hurt, nor was he capable of executing one single selfless act.

But he was hurt; she saw it in his eyes, and he'd let her go, despite travelling literally through space and time to get back to her.

She couldn't figure out her heart. She couldn't figure it out, because it was not complete. Parts of it were hidden away in her mind, locked behind the invincible bars of compulsion. She could only remember in her dreams, and even those had to end.

She sobbed, feeling frustrated and upset. Three things she knew for sure:

One, Damon Salvatore was in love with her. He would do anything for her. Even let her go.

Two, Damon Salvatore had lied to her about that time under the comets. She knew immediately when he spoke the words by the tone in his voice, his sunken shoulders and the defeat in his eyes.

Three, her life could never be the same again.

Unless she remembered.

Like the dreams she had of her memories while she slept, this dream, no, this illusion of the life she was living had to end. She had to know the truth; she had to remember.

If not for him, then for her mangled, messy heart, which in this very moment was aching with every step he took away from her dorm.