Chapter 1: past and future

wildest dreams: memory.

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present: now.

She heard the slide window open and close behind her, but the view was so beautiful she didn't want to miss it, not even for a second. It wasn't like she needed to look to know who it was anyway: his scent, his aura and the tempo of his footsteps… she was certain.

He stopped at her side but didn't face the view, his back resting against the rail. Wasn't he always like that though? unable to see beauty before his eyes? choosing to look over it?

She sighed.

"Will you remember me?" he heard her asking quietly, hands crossed on the balcony rail. Standing on a nice dress, staring at the sunset, her posture relaxed. Inside, the party kept on going with the same old friends that insisted on leaving always too late.

"Aa".

His eyes were closed, head crooked to the side opposite from her. She looked at him: tall, muscular and handsome as hell wearing a casual white button up shirt, slightly open at the collarbone. He glanced back at her: red lips and rosy cheeks, too many glasses of champagne it seemed.

And then he remembered.

Long legs tangled with his, pink hair against the black of his sheets, dark shade of green on her eyes when she couldn't keep them open anymore because he made her feel so so much when he moved like that, hard and slow.

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It'd been the worst Monday ever: her alarm didn't go off on time, making her late for her shift thus not having time for either make-up or coffee. Fifteen minutes later there were no taxis on the street- and then she was thirty minutes late and Shizune scowled at her with a raised eyebrow, because she knew Tsunade was hard on punctuality- she was on a bad mood already.

Lunch came around and she found herself in a better mood, morning all forgotten. A fellow coworker asked to join her, she smiled politely, of course, I'd love if you join me, and made small talk. How is your wife? how are the kids doing at school? yeah, she remembered how mean other kids could be, but it'd surely pass. Her phone rang. "I'm sorry, this will only take a minute" she apologized; he smiled and frowned at his extremely green salad: vegan.

"Naruto-kun, how nice to hear from you right in the middle of my lunch break" she greeted her friend sarcastically.

"Sakura, I'm sorry- I shouldn't, it's not my place but I think you deserve to know…" she couldn't remember the last time she heard him talk in such a serious tone. Back at the table, the man she was sharing her lunch with looked at her with worried eyes. Jesus, something really bad must've happened. She looked like she was going to be sick or pass out at any moment.

He chewed on his tasteless lettuce and looked attentively at his coworker shaky form.

He hoped everything was okay.

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She heard the knock on her door. Again.

Go the fuck away.

"Sakura, I know you are in there; I called the hospital already …" She sighed, it was impossible to keep Ino away; she could be a pain in the ass when she wanted to. The medic cursed, got up from her position in front of the TV and made her way to the door to open it with an impatience gesture. Ino took her in: pale face, wrinkled clothes; sullen eyes, expressionless face. Sakura…

Neither of them said anything as Sakura felt slim arms hug her frame. It didn't take long. "I'm so sorry…" the blonde whispered. The woman with the pink hair couldn't hold back anymore, tears started forming at the back of her eyes and she didn't stop the sobs- her heart was breaking into tiny pieces.

Please let it be a dream. She thought heaven can't help me now.

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3:43 AM, five months ago.

The night was chilly, but the windows were wide open letting the light of the moon shine in, coating the lovers silently. "No one has to know what we do; you know?" she said mostly to herself, but she knew he was listening.

He always did.

His clothes were all over her room; his hand ran lazily through her hair while the other rested on her lower back, she could hear his steady heartbeat from her position on top.

Because she knew he had more important things to take care than her -and them-, he had just a little too much baggage to carry and work on. There was no denying he was utterly messed up and he was so lost, and she yearned to help him, to heal him; so much it hurt her.

"Sakura…" his voice, a familiar sound, so close and yet so distant. Was he there, right there with her? –what was he thinking? 'what was he dreaming of?'. He flipped them over in a blink; her back pressed against the soft mattress and he was looking at her like that again. Soft kisses on her neck, she closed her eyes; his fingers played with her nipple in a slow sensual motion; and she could feel it, she could feel herself getting wet and anxious to be touched and she was losing her resolve so easily … and it at started again: this is getting good now…

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present, 35 minutes ago.

"I would like to make a toast for this bastard right here, for being promoted to Senior Partner, the youngest lawyer in the firm ever to make it!" Naruto raised his glass and looked at his friends with a grin, turning to focus on a dark-haired man "Although you got the job all the way across the globe before me, I'm still proud of you 'ttebayo!"

The entire group cheered after him, toasting glasses, even the ever so serious now-promoted-senior-partner couldn't help a smirk. The chatter and laughter continued like it hadn't been interrupted, the blonde quickly scanned the room in search of a certain missing woman, his quest all but forgotten as soon as his eyes found his girl.

Hinata smiled at her boyfriend´s antics, somehow he always managed to make everything a competition between Sasuke and himself. Boys. He joined at her side and hugged her waist. She kept on the smile, but couldn't stop the blushing, years into a relationship with the blonde hadn't help her control it; he squeezed her side and looked intently at her glass, the Hyūga rolled her eyes back in response "It's just water Naruto-kun, don't worry". The blonde smiled and kissed her hair. Her blush deepened just a bit.

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She had cried for nearly three days straight after Ino left. It wasn't as if he had broken up with her, they were not even together to begin with. Regardless, the medic was torn: one side of her was happy and oh so proud of him for achieving so much at such a young age, considering everything he had been through; on the other, she felt her heart was tired of waiting, ten years was a long long time and she felt defeated and used and unloved. She was twenty-four and had lived half her life with a broken heart, waiting.

Love couldn't move mountains, she realized, love couldn't take it all; love was a fragile thing, her feelings for the man had been deep and raw and so fucking strong… 'with what propose? She'd never be enough for him'. She applied red lipstick to her lips and checked her make-up in the mirror. The amount of concealer she had to use to cover her dark circles didn't look that bad after all, 'Oh no, I'm just tired, I've been working until very late recently'. Still, her eyes betrayed her; they lacked their usual brightness and spark to them. She felt exhausted and emotionally drained.

The first night she felt pure and raw anger towards the Uchiha. He had no problem with fucking her every night and then leaving her like it meant nothing, not a call not a single message; and she was equally stupid because when he showed up at her place unannounced days later, tired, dark circles under his eyes, she would melt against his kisses and touch, how was she supposed to stop him?. The son of a bitch didn't even have the decency to tell her he was leaving himself.

"Sakura… I- he got the job in New York; he's leaving next week. –I'm sorry, he won't be back for at least a couple of years. It might do him some good to get away for a bit, but I'm so sorry Sakura, you don't deserve this- If there is anything…"

On the second night, she meditated: in hindsight, she knew it couldn't work between them, it wasn't meant to be from the very beginning. She had been right to doubt when they decided to cross that line all those years ago. Back then she hoped for his love, even if it was just pretended. Now she knew better. He wasn't capable of giving back anything: he couldn't do it; there was no space for her within his own demons, his own past drowning him.

Not matter how hard she tried to fight it, how hard she tried to push those demons away his family, to make him see there was a future for him, Itachi. He was meant to come to the realization by himself. But she knew he wouldn't, she was aware of how selfish it was to ask such courage from him, he was broken inside. Could she blame him?

Just the night before, as she tried to fall asleep, she realized she would try and give up on loving Uchiha Sasuke, she would force it upon herself. She would forget and forgive him for his shortcomings; he never asked for her love, it wasn't fair to blame him for it. Sakura had been invited to the farewell party Naruto had planned his best friend, she would attend and look pretty and say good-bye to the man of her dreams for the very last time.

Nothing last forever.

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present: after.

She gathered forces and smiled; only a sad one, though. She wanted to laugh at her own stupidity; there was no way out for them, just separate ways. No more wishful thinking from now on, she promised. No more looking back.

The sun had set, and the city was cover in a dark grey hue.

She looked his way, avoiding eye contact; instead she focused on a point on the grey horizon. "I hope all the best for you, Sasuke, I truly do. Please take care of yourself". The woman smiled at him one last time sincerely as she straightened herself and turned to head back to the party. Funnily enough, she'd envisioned herself crying and begging him to stay or at least take her with him, because she loved him with all her heart and that was enough, right? - but she felt nothing, just plain numbness in her heart.

"Sakura…" his voice was deep and calm, as always. She didn't turn. Say you will remember me; say you will see me again. Please.

He paused. The sky wasn't grey anymore, it turned pitch black with no stars. No moon. Only building lights forming shadows against them.

"Thank you".

She nodded; maybe he saw it, maybe he didn't. Sakura accepted it and decided, from that moment on, he was not her concern anymore.

say you'll remember me, even if it's in your wildest dreams.

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July 2019: revised and I'm still alive, I think.

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