O' Brave New World

A Harry Potter one-shot by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan based work of prose. Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and Warner Brothers, please support the official release.

"So, your godfather and Hermione's mum are... Together," Ron said with a shrug. "What's the problem?"

Harry stared in utter disbelief at Ron. Harry had a trembling Hermione in his arms. The bushy haired girl was still muttering to herself about it "not being real".

Ron sighed and shook his head. He leaned back and ate some crisps. "Come on! Shouldn't you be happy about it? I mean, I've seen your mum, Hermione." Ron nodded. "Your dad was a complete moron for cheating on her!"

Hermione moaned, shivering harder. Harry sighed.

"That's... Not really the issue, Ron," Harry said. "It's more catching her mum and Sirius in... Really crazy shagging scenarios."

"Oh," Ron winced. He reached out and squeezed Hermione's hand. "I'm so sorry about that, Hermione. Why didn't you say that at the start?"

"Well," Harry said with a glare, "I thought you of all people would understand how catching your parents shag is disturbing!"

"Oh, that," Ron said. "Yeah... That's happened," he said.

"So how do you handle it?" Harry asked. Ron shrugged.

"I just lock it away into a part of my mind I will never, ever look. Ever," Ron said, almost cheerfully, but with a glazed look in his eyes that spoke of horrors that could not be unseen.

Harry blinked.

"Is... That healthy?" He asked.

Ron shrugged. "Hell if I know."

Some time later, Hermione headed out to go see her father at a hotel in London. Harry, being the only person who wouldn't make a scene in Muggle London, went with her. It was a short bus ride over, and then a walk to the elevator. Where they both now stood, fidgeting in the silence.

Hermione fell back on her manners, and smiled genuinely at her best friend.

"I really do appreciate this Harry. It helps to know you're here when I see Dad."

"You're my friend Hermione, I'll always have your back," Harry replied, smiling back just as genuinely. She felt her heart skip a beat as her own smile grew.

At last, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. The two blinked at the sight before them in the hallway: A young, familiar looking man in a cloak standing outside the room her father was supposed to be staying in. He turned to look at them, and their eyes met. Hermione gaped in disbelief.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione snarled. The wizard sputtered as the two approached him, Harry already drawing his wand.

"ME? WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOIN..."

A loud female sound from the door way interrupted the incipient argument and the Wizards eyes widened. He immediately turned and pressed a magical device against the door, making it swing open, before he rushed in. Harry and Hermione were only a step behind him as they all barged into the room at once.

The scene they stumbled into was one Hermione would try with all her might to forget.

"MOTHER!"

"Draco?"

"MRS. MALFOY?"

"Potter."

"DAD!"

"HERMIONE?"

"GRANGER? YOUR FATHER?!"

"So... Let me try to understand this," Hermione began slowly, some time later. Narcissa Malfoy was sitting on the love seat with her father, both of them in bath robes. Harry was by her side on the couch.

And Draco had been tasered, tied up, and left to struggle uselessly in his bonds on the floor.

Narcissa smiled smugly. John Granger rubbed the back of his head.

"You two met during our fourth year," Hermione said, pointing to them. "You corresponded... In secret!"

"I know honey, I'm sorry," John sighed. "Your mum and I have been having problems for a long time, you know this."

"And you've met my husband... And my son," Narcissa said, leveling a scowl at her son. Draco mumbled something angrily. Harry couldn't bother to care what it was. "And John is... Well..." She smiled at him, and squeezed his hand. John smiled back. "He's... Special."

"But-But he's a Muggle!" Hermione argued. "I-I mean, even with your husband being... A racist..."

"A murderer," Harry chimed in.

"And pants in bed," Narcissa snorted.

"MMPH MMNGH!" Draco screamed through his gag, cheeks bright red. Narcissa smiled serenely, and squeezed John's hands in her own.

"Besides," Narcissa went on, "I don't care much about magic and muggle when it comes to romance. Your father showed me that..." She smiled broadly. "Over and over and over-"

"Oh God, please, stop," Hermione begged. Harry rubbed her back comfortingly. Narcissa kept smirking, as John tried not to look too smug. He reached out and patted Hermione's hand comfortingly.

"I'm sorry sweetie."

Hermione sighed.

"But... how did you two even meet?" She asked, finally focusing on something that wouldn't further the mental damage. Narcissa cleared her throat.

"Well... about your third year my Draco was sending so many letters home talking about you. I just knew what it meant. So I decided to be a appropriate parent and investigate the family of the girl my little dragon clearly had a crush on."

Hermione's eyes widened in disbelief. Harry gaped. Draco had managed to work out of his bonds, and to get the gag off his mouth. This let everyone hear him squeal in horror.

"I NEVER SAID ANYTING ABOUT A CRUSH ON GRANGER IN THOSE LETTERS!" He bellowed.

Narcissa waved a hand negligently.

"Oh, you know how boys are at that age when dealing with girls at that age they like," Narcissa chuckled. Draco sneered.

"I DON'T LIKE HER! SHE'S A MUD-!" He paused as John Granger glared death at him, long with everyone else. Including his mother.

"Muggle born," he amended.

Narcissa rolled her eyes.

"Anyway... We began to correspond, and one thing lead to another and...Well," she shrugged languidly, "here we are."

She looked over at John and sighed. "I suppose we'll have to go get dressed, now that the moment is over."

John nodded. "It would be less awkward. Come on, I'll help."

He took Narcissa's hand, and led her into the other room of the hotel. Narcissa sauntered, smiling warmly at John.

Hermione just sat there and twitched, staring into nothing. Harry frowned in concern, and poked her side.

"Uh, Hermione?"

After a few moments, she straightened up and a disturbingly serene expression came over her face.

"I understand now..."

"Understand what?" Draco and Harry asked, in a similar tone of concern.

Hermione's head tilted oddly to look at Draco, a unholy light beginning to gleam in her eyes.

"My mom hooking up with Sirus... Dad with your Mum... All this insanity," she said slowly, with rising volume. "It's all. YOUR. FAULT."

"Granger?" Draco squeaked.

"Hermione?" Harry asked, though in a far manlier tone.

Shortly thereafter, a dressed Narcissa peaked into the room. She noted its trashed state first. Then she noticed the creepily grinning Hermione standing with her hands making twisting motions in front of a concerned Harry. Standing behind the Boy Who Lived, a clearly terrified Draco was cowering and using Potter as a shield.

"Harry," Hermione said in a happy, sing-song voice, "just step aside! I just want to have a little chat with Malfoy! I promise it won't hurt me at all!"

"You're the hero Scarhead! SAVE ME!" Draco whimpered.

Harry looked back over his shoulder at his cowering rival, and then back at his far more terrifying best friend. He took a deep breath, clearly damning the better angels of his nature.

"Now Hermione," he began in a reasonable tone.

John peeked out over Narcissa's shoulder, his hand on her hip. He raised an eyebrow.

"Shouldn't we...?" He gestured at the confrontation. Narcissa shook her head.

"No. My little Draco has been getting odd gender advice from Lucius's little boys club. It will do him good to understand the true strength of a lady." She smiled at John. "You should be proud of her."

Hermione cocked her head again, her eyes brightening as a idea occurs to her.

"Haa~arrry," Hermione simpered in an attempt at a throaty purr, "if you step aside, I'll let you get to second base~."

John raised an eyebrow at his daughter's Americanism and her obvious psychotic break. Narcissa shook her head again as John tried to intervene, and she winked.

Harry... Looked thoughtful, even while he blushed and looked Hermione up and down.

"POTTER?" Draco gasped in horror. Harry shook his head.

"I'm thinking, I'm THINKING!" He said defensively.

From the doorway, Narcissa wiped a tear of pride from her eyes.

"And now she is using her feminine wiles! So Slytherin! They grow up so fast..."

Afterwards...

Back at Grimmauld Place, Sirus entered the kitchen and blinked at the sight before him. Namely, a brutalized and unconscious Ron on the floor while Ginny sat at the table fixing herself a sandwich.

"What happened?" Sirius asked. Ginny sighed.

"My 'genius' brother figured out that since Hermione Dad was dating Mrs. Malfoy, they might get married," Ginny explained, sounding bored, "that would make her related to Draco and thus Ron decided to 'break it to her gently' they he could never date her due to her potential brother."

Kreacher popped his head around the corner, wide eyed in amazement.

"Nasty Mudblood friend of stupid mudblood loving master may not be so bad after all," Kreacher murmured.

Written a long time ago with help from Rift120. But uploaded now. Hope you enjoyed!