Want a way to finish old pieces of writing you have stored on your computer and little motivation to actually complete?

Step 1: Decide to apply to college

Step 2: Complete your entire application except your essays

Step 3: Leave writing the essays until the last week

Step 4: Decide to write your essays

Step 5: Write one of three

Step 6: Stare blankly at the blinking line of death for two hours trying to come up with "anything else you want us to know about yourself that you haven't had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in the application. Include any special circumstances, experiences, talents, skills, etc. that you think would have a positive impact on the admissions committee."

Step 7: Go looking through old fics trying to find something to distract yourself with

Step 8: Find old fic you weren't sure you were ever going to finish.

Step 9: Decide to take a break from writing essays by writing stories, but as soon as you run out of juice you're going to go right back to the essay

Step 10: Finish the fic

Works pretty well.

There was a house in the woods that no one liked to talk about except in hushed whispers and bedtime stories to keep the children in their beds at night.

No one could ever agree on what exactly lived there. Some people claimed a monster. Some a demon. Some claimed a human, gone mad by isolation. They all agreed that a family used to live there. A happy one, though a bit odd. A bit odd… and extremely rich. That was the reason their town had popped up in the first place. The rich family had lived there for centuries, and had paid people, people with valuable trades and talents, to move into a town set up close by to provide the family with the things they needed.

It had been a peaceful coexistence. The people lived in their village, happy and working, sometimes getting orders from the strange manor in the woods. Never the family themselves, but always a man whom they knew by no other name than Butler.

Then something happened.

The riches dried up. The father left. A curse was placed upon the family. They were all mysteriously killed by a disease.

No one knew.

The villagers searched for the manor, searching for survivors or bodies. The manor was never found.

After a few years, many of them began to be convinced that there never was a manor at all. That it was all a hoax, that the mysterious man Butler who still came into town every once in a while acted on his own.

Then the lightning started.

Two years ago, on the first full moon of the year, the village went into a panic when they saw lightning striking in the forest. It wasn't the lightning itself, the closeness, or fear of a fire… it was the fact that the lightning didn't disappear after a split second. It stayed, as if anchored to a point in the woods.

A point they could have sworn was exactly where the manor used to reside.

Then people began to disappear… and the lightning turned red.

Edward Elric was annoyed. This in and of itself was not a new thing. He was often annoyed. And often angry. Being away from the calming influence of his baby brother had not helped this at all.

But right now he was annoyed for a particular reason. It wasn't just his usual being annoyed. He was extremely annoyed today. Mainly because he had been traveling down this stupid road for three days now and it certainly seemed like he wasn't any closer to his destination.

Everyone had called him crazy coming out here, which meant that he couldn't get any rides. No one went here of their own free will anymore, apparently. Except crazy alchemists who were exploring the world looking for alchemic knowledge. That would be him.

He had only had to be told about this village three times before he knew that he had to go visit. The first time he had been told about it, he hadn't paid much attention. He had learned that a lot of people liked to claim that they had their own personal alchemist when the man was just a hack. The second time he had heard about it he took it a bit more seriously. They had mentioned lightning in the forest, without a storm, which sounded a lot like major transmutations to him.

He still was not alarmed into spending three days traveling down a deserted road to go find this place.

It wasn't until he heard about the disappearances that he dedicated himself to going.

Alchemists and disappearances in close proximities never boded well. He could be using humans as materials for chimeras, any manner of human transmutation, even a Philosopher's Stone. There were very few people who knew about them and even fewer who knew about them this far west, but you could never be too safe. Ideas spread like wild fire and even if this alchemist hadn't heard about a Philosopher's Stone itself he could have gotten the idea to use human life force as energy for a transmutation. And that was something that Ed was determined to stop at all costs.

So he kept on trudging down the road.

He knew that he had finally reached the small town when he heard a gasp.

The girl was standing quite the distance away from him, but even from here he could tell that her jaw was about hitting the ground. Not used to visitors, then.

He waved his arm in the air to show he was friendly, shouting a hello to her. She waved and shouted back, prompting Ed to continue walking towards her while she moved towards him.

"Hey," he said once they were finally within hearing distance of each other. "I'm looking for Dublin?"

"It's right up ahead," she said, staring at him as if she'd never seen anything like him in her life. Her voice was accented strangely. "What brings you here, stranger?"

"Uh… I heard about an alchemist in this town. You wouldn't happen to know about that would you?"

Her jaw dropped again.

"You're looking for the Fowls?"

"Uh… are the Fowls the alchemists in town?"

"They used to be," she muttered, looking around as if afraid of being overheard in a completely empty field. "Or at least the father was before they all disappeared."

Ed fought back a groan. He did not come all this way just to find out that the guy was dead and everything he had heard was old rumors.

"They all disappeared?"

"That's what we all thought," she said, still whispering. "Until the lightning started."

He perked up slightly. So everything wasn't an old rumor! There was at least something to it! So were the Fowls still alive or was there some new alchemist taking residence in their home? That had happened enough. In a way it almost happened to him and Al. Mustang looked them up because he heard word about Hohenheim living in Resembool. The situation was of course different considering Ed and Al were his sons, but…

"The lightning?"

"It started off blue. In the middle of the night, when there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. Out in the woods. Then people started disappearing a month ago… and the lightning turned red." She delivered the last line so dramatically, Ed was surprised there wasn't an accompanying orchestra to make some sort of doom sound.

"Can you take me to the home?"

"No goes near there, mister! Not unless you want to die!"

"And you think people are dying?"

"Well what else could be going on? I doubt he's just inviting them over for tea and forgetting to let them go!"

"Mhmm," Ed said noncommittally. Not that he didn't think this was a problem, in fact it was. He would drink milk before believing the two instances weren't connected. It was just the girl herself he couldn't take seriously. "Well do you know how I could get there?"

"You're going to die."

"I've been told that before," he said dryly, raising his eyebrows.

She gestured to the line of trees in the far distance. "The mansion is somewhere in there. No one quite knows where it is. I suppose you could wait for nightfall and search for the lightning. It's a full moon tonight, so it should happen."

Well that was terribly helpful.

He started marching towards the tree line, ignoring her cries of warning behind him. Why did those people exist everywhere? They couldn't seem to just say things straight out to save their lives.

The light slowly began to disappear the further Ed got in the trees. He wasn't sure if that was because the trees were getting thicker or the sun was going down. Either way he wasn't very keen on spending the night among these trees. The resemblance to the woods right outside of Kanama made him more than just a little uneasy.

The first break in the trees he found revealed to him that it actually wasn't nearly as close to night as he feared. The sun was going down, yes, but still more than high enough that he would be able to get out of the trees if he didn't find something soon.

And just then he found something.

Or rather, nearly stepped on someone.

The man was probably one of the shortest he had ever seen in his life. And incredibly dirty. And hairy.

Ed yelled, and scrambled backwards so that he wouldn't actually step on him, but the man didn't seem to care. He seemed more annoyed about getting woken up, though then again it was his choice to nap in a hole in the ground.

"What do you want?"

"I'm looking for the Fowl home?"

"Why?"

Ed sighed. He got the feeling that he would have to repeat this a lot.

"I'm looking for an alchemist that was reported to be in this area. Someone told me that I'd find it if I wandered around in the woods here enough."

The man grinned, showing off strangely square teeth.

"You would eventually. And probably get yourself killed."

Ed sighed again. Would anyone here be the slightest bit helpful? "So I suppose I should just go back and forget about it?"

"No, you should trust me."

This threw Ed for a loop. "What?"

"Fowl pays me to lead people looking for him through the right paths."

"And how did you get that job?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I stole something from them, then got caught selling it. Butler decided that instead of killing me on the spot he was going to see if there was something more productive for me to do than push daises."

"Butler?"

"You'll meet him. If you're going to follow me, that is."

"Do I have much a choice?"

"You could wander around until you die."

For the third time now, Ed sighed.

"Lead the way."

"The way" turned out to be an experience that Ed never wanted to mention again. Or think about. Or remember. Or ever, ever experience again.

In fact he was pretty sure he was just going to banish the experience to the depth of his subconscious and never recall it again.

He didn't know if he had ever been more pleased to say goodbye to someone.

Three quick knocks and about a minute's delay later, the door swung open.

Ed's jaw almost hit the ground.

Standing in the doorway was a man to rival Armstrong and Sig in size and strength. He wasn't as bulkily muscled, but he was taller and Ed could tell just as strong.

"And who are you?" The growl was menacing, and if Ed wasn't so familiar with Armstrong and Sig, he probably would have soiled his pants.

"My name is Edward Elric. I'm an alchemist from the East. Are you the alchemist here?"

He eyed him carefully and Ed straightened under his inspection.

"Follow me," he eventually rumbled causing Ed to let go of the breath he didn't know he was holding.

The halls the giant led him through were spacious, and rather dark. Which only made entering the brightly lit room even more painful. He was blinking so much to adjust to the light change he almost didn't notice the boy sitting at the center table.

He looked about Ed's age, maybe younger. Thin, pale, with dark eyes and brilliant blue eyes that watched Ed carefully.

"Take a seat," he said calmly. Ed eyed him in return then took the seat he gestured at.

"My name is Artemis Fowl. I am the owner of this house. Who are you and why are you here?"

"You're the owner?"

The youth nodded. He didn't look offended by Ed's question, though a shadow in his face betrayed annoyance. "My father's disappearance and my mother's insanity gives me rightful ownership of this property. I own the house. My question?"

"My name is Edward Elric, I'm an alchemist."

The words seem to give Artemis pause. "Mr. Elric… You wouldn't happen to be the Fullmetal Alchemist would you?"

"How do you know that?" Ed asked, eyes narrowing.

"I like to pay attention to the rest of the world," Artemis said dismissively, steepling his fingers. "And what business could the alchemist who can transmute without a circle have to do with me?"

"I…" Ed honestly did not expect the man to know who he was. He had gotten some recognition in Creta, but that was still fairly close to Amestris. He was about as far away from Amestris as he was going to get here. "I heard some rumors about a secluded alchemist living in the woods out here."

"You've found him."

"You?" Ed frowned. The girl had led him to expect the bald, towering hulk of a man, not a slight, pale boy that looked to be Al's age.

"Yes. Are you really that surprised Mr. Elric? You were younger than I am now when you became a State Alchemist."

"Amestris is also the most alchemically powerful nation in the world."

Artemis inclined his head. "You make a fair point. All the same, I am an alchemist of no small skill. If you wish to quiz me, feel free, though I assure you can I answer any question you ask me. I've even made an extensive study of Xingese alkahestry."

"I see."

"Or, if you'd like to move on to more productive pursuits, you can tell me why you sought me out and we can work towards putting you on your merry little way."

"Are you trying to get me leave?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm trying to get on with my studies. Alchemic breakthroughs aren't made by exchanging pleasantries with strangers, after all." He said it utterly calmly.

"… I see. Of course," Ed said. With every passing second he was starting to like this kid less and less. "Well then I'll cut to the chase. What are you doing here?"

"Pardon me?"

"What kind of sick experiments are you passing off as alchemic breakthroughs? You're working with human transmutation aren't you?"

Artemis blinked, for a fraction of a second blocking Ed's view of his bright blue eyes.

"Well you certainly cut to the chase," he responded dryly. "How about I answer your question with one of my own. How did you lose your arm and leg? How did you get your arm back?"

"That's my business."

"Then I don't see how what I'm doing here is yours considering they involve the same taboo. I assure you Mr. Elric, though my actions may not be technically legal, no one is getting hurt."

"No one is getting hurt?"

"No one at all," he promised, eyes completely steady.

"What about the disappearances?"

He cocked an eyebrow. "What disappearances?"

"People have been going missing. For the past few months. That's what brought me here."

A lot of comprehension crossed the young alchemist's face. "Ah I see. That is a misconception that is easily cleared up." He stood up, pushing his chair back in behind him. "Follow me, Mr. Elric."

The giant man seemed to materialize from the shadows in the room, a talent Ed had only ever seen displayed by the idiot Prince's guards. And both of them had been about half the size of this giant. If he wasn't the alchemist, he must have been the man that would show up in town from time to time.

He followed the two out one of the many doors and down a series of hallways, and up two different flights of stairs. "If I may clarify, no one has disappeared. They all volunteered. Butler proposed my need when he was in town one of day and the amount of money I was willing to pay for assistance, and they all came willingly." He eventually arrived at a door and opened it. "They are all here. But asleep, so if you could refrain from making noise."

Ed entered the room and found that it was exactly what the Fowl heir had said. There were ten to fifteen beds squeezed into one room, and each bed was inhabited by a single person.

"If you want to check that they're alive, go ahead."

He did just that, moving further into the room. They were all breathing, every single one of them. Sleeping deeply, too.

"Why…?"

"I needed data. Some of them I've been using to reconstruct human physiology, others I've been taking blood samples from. They are all willing participants. My research is all aimed towards being able to recreate human limbs. If I am successful, then there would be no need for automail in the future, only an expect bioalchemist. At the moment though, the research falls under the veil of human transmutation and is such illegal, which is what all the secrecy is about."

"Why are you keeping them here?"

"Easy access," he responded simply. "Genius strikes at odd moments, I can't afford to lose a brainwave simply because I did not have accessible subjects. I often require their assistance late into the night, hence their sleeping."

Ed eyed each of them. It all added up logically. All the same there seemed something off about the situation that he couldn't quite pinpoint.

"I want to see your lab."

"If it will convince you that I am harmless, by all means," he said amiably, gesturing Ed down the hall. This time they had to descend several flights of stairs before reaching the area that Artemis deemed his lab. Sure enough, there were in depth diagrams of human limbs and joint systems. It almost reminded Ed of Winry's workshop, only without random pieces of metal and discarded, half-completed automail arms thrown everywhere.

"Well? Am I safe? I assure you, the villagers will all be allowed to go home in my own due time. I might give them a few harmless drugs to make them forget why they were here, but nothing that will harm them or give long lasting damage."

"… Yeah. You're good."

There was a slight gleam in his eyes as Artemis nodded. "My thanks, Mr. Elric. Should I have Butler show you out?"

"Yeah," Ed said, nodding himself now. Well at least now he could get on with his trip… he took one last look around the lab and felt his heart squeeze.

He missed home. He missed Winry's workshop, as insane as it was.

Most of all he missed the crazy gearhead.

"I'll give you half of my life if you give me half of yours."

Home.

Forget about the West. After this ordeal… he deserve to go home.

He smiled slightly, and if there was a bit of an extra spring in his step as he followed the monolith to the door, well that was his business wasn't it?

"Is he gone?"

"I watched him leave town myself," Butler rumbled. Artemis nodded, uncrossing his fingers and standing up.

"Then we can continue."

"Artemis… are you sure—" the giant asked as they began to walk.

"Positive Butler, as I've already told you. They may die a few years earlier, but on the whole they will be completely unaffected. That's why I wanted as many of them as I could get. If I were to take the energy I need from only one of them, it would easily kill them. It would likely kill two or three of them. But the more I use, the less energy is required from each one of them."

"But some of them have been through four or five transmutations, Artemis. I'm not sure if they'll be able to keep it up."

"They'll be fine, Butler. My calculations are flawless and the sacrifice necessary. Now, if you'll do the honors."

Butler nodded sharply, then opened the door as loudly as he could. Fourteen people jerked to awareness.

"Time to go."

When Artemis came to awareness he was bent over in fetal position on the floor, hands over his face. He could feel the moisture in the air, nothing too particularly out of the ordinary. He had come to expect that. The intense pain behind his eyes was not typical though. Transmutations didn't typically give him a migraine…

He pulled his hands away from his face and immediately directed his gaze towards the center of the room. The steam hung too thickly in the air to really tell what the results were. It had likely failed again, but Artemis couldn't help but feel that this was different.

The sources of his transmutation's energy were all knocked out, as usual. It had taken him almost an entire year to figure out how to use a living person's energy without killing them, and then another extra one to figure out how to take it collectively from a group. The execution was flawless though. They would sleep for a day, not even feeling the effects. They might die a few years earlier, but as he had promised the ex-Fullmetal Alchemist… no one was getting hurt.

Not for the first time, Artemis thanked his foresight to have a backup plan in the case of someone with intelligence coming and asking questions. Any of the villagers he could bribe and they would go about as if nothing happened, but anyone who actually knew alchemy… the ruse had come in handy today.

He fought back a snort.

Limbs.

He stumbled to his feet, then brushed the liquid on his face away. His eyes were likely over reacting from the migraine — he didn't cry.

Except, when he pulled his hand away, it wasn't clear water on his hand. In fact his entire hand, both now that he looked closer, was covered in blood.

It was then that he touched a steady finger to his left eye socket and found it empty.

The fact that he had just lost an eye didn't seem to matter to Artemis all that much in the moment however. The only reaction it managed to elicit from him was to clasp a hand over the empty eye socket to keep it from bleeding too badly. It would be taken care of. He would take care of it.

Right now he had more important business.

The closer he got to the center of the transmutation circle, the more visible the shape in the middle became. It certainly seemed like a proportional being, not some of the misshapen masses he had created in the beginning.

It was curled in fetal position; he could see the vertebrae of the spine poking through the dark skin. He stumbled the last few feet that separated him from the creation, falling to his knees in front of it.

The lungs were moving.

Heart in his throat, Artemis reached out his free hand and touched the shoulder.

It turned.

A chilling grin crossed the boy's face as his single blue eye met the pair of pair of blue and hazel in the elven face looking up at him.

"… who…?"

"Hello," he said speaking as clearly as he could. "My name is Artemis Fowl. And you, Holly, are a fairy."