A/N: So, occasionally I get an idea that really has no plot, no discernible excuse, and that really, I'm only writing because the idea entertains me too much not to.

This is one of those, borne out of the image of Kate and Gibbs having a conversation that could make even Gibbs want to curl in on himself and die. My only excuse is that the idea of torturing Gibbs this way made me laugh, a lot, so hopefully it'll entertain someone else, too. The plotbunnies made me do it...

So, imagine the team are staking out some guy who spends a lot of his time in the kind of places where people go to get their kink on... T rated for discussion of adult/sexual topics/themes... Oh, and my headcanon is that while Abby is the most obviously out there member of the team, Gibbs has a bit of a kinky side when he's in the mood, JSYK ;D

GIBBS

"Gibbs?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever, um..."

He looked up at her. She was looking out the window, affecting unconcern, but her cheeks were flaming red.

"Have I ever...?" he prompted.

She glanced towards him for a second, then back out the window. "Done... you know..." She gestured towards the club they were staking out.

He stared at her for a second, then took a large gulp of coffee. Was she really asking what he thought she was asking?

"I always wondered... I had this friend at college who just - well, she was kind of wild." Kate laughed self-consciously. "Some of the stuff she used to talk about doing..."

She looked over at him again, her gaze lingering this time. "I mean, I just sometimes wonder if she did it because she enjoyed it or because the people she was with enjoyed it, you know?" Her blush had subsided a little, and her tone of voice was matter of fact, though she still didn't seem particularly comfortable.

Gibbs swallowed his mouthful of coffee, cursed whatever gods or fates or other malicious spirits had determined that Kate would decide to wonder about this - and do so out loud - when they were stuck in a car together, and took a deep breath. "Any guy who, uh, has any balls-" he coughed "-wants to make the lady he's with feel... good," he hazarded.

He took another glug of coffee and hoped like hell that Kate would find something else to talk about, and that the darkness would swallow the 'WTF' expression he was sure was on his face.

She shook her head. "But some of the things she did... Don't get me wrong, some of it could be fun, depending." Her shrug was too stiff to be casual. "I mean, as a game, I suppose, with someone I trusted..." She paused, took a breath, as if she was psyching herself up to speak. Gibbs braced himself. "I guess I could see the appeal of getting, um, tied up."

Some of his coffee went down the wrong way, and he choked and spluttered. Kate thumped then rubbed his back, and he didn't have the heart to tell her that her touching him did not help matters. He wished he could rewind the last five minutes and shut this conversation down before it had really started, so he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his life with the idea of her tied to his bed lurking in his brain.

When he could breathe again she was still talking. He felt kind of grateful he'd obviously missed some of it.

"-But I just can't see how a woman would enjoy something like anal sex, you know? I mean, what do you think, Gibbs?"

God, how did he even start to answer a question like that? Kate had always been, as Tony would put it, a bit puritanical about sex, so it wasn't like he was surprised exactly that her experiences were on the vanilla side, but shit. Did she have to quiz him about it?

"Um." How did he answer without offending her? Or making her think he was some kind of animal, for that matter... But now she was looking at him with genuine curiosity, and although his brain was insisting that answering this was a bad idea for all sorts of reasons, apparently his mouth wasn't getting the message. "If it's - if you know what you're doing - it should be... ah... good... for both parties."

"Hmmm." She didn't look convinced. Gibbs wondered if there was any way at all to offer himself as an experimental subject without it being obvious that his interest in her sexual education was not remotely selfless.

Probably not.

"And she used to go on about this guy who'd spank her, and-"

He forced himself to look away from her and to try and blank out whatever else she was saying. There was no way it could get better, and so many ways it could get worse.

He heard her pause and offered a non-committal "Mm-hm?"

"Really?"

When he looked back at her Kate was staring at him, looking a bit shocked and also a little... impressed. Crap. The downside of not listening was that he had no idea what he'd just agreed or admitted to.

He shrugged, wondering if there was any way to take it back without admitting he'd been doing his best to ignore her, and preferably without having to find out what she'd just asked. He felt pretty damn certain that any further question Kate Todd might pose to him on this subject would not be good for his mental health.

She smiled mysteriously, looking, frankly, way too amused... what the hell had she asked? For a moment he really wanted to know, and screw his good mental health.

"What?"

"Just... Surprised, I guess."

If she didn't look so damn entertained he would confess he had no idea what she was talking about, but perversely - whoops, wrong word, mental backtrack - out of plain cussedness he didn't want to give her the satisfaction. "Lot you don't know about me, Agent Todd." Maybe if he was suitably snippy with her, she'd stop trying to make conversation and he wouldn't say anything else incriminating. Gotta be worth a try.

"Clearly." That was the kind of shit eating grin that he liked to use on his agents, and they were not supposed to use it back. Damnit. He liked to make Kate laugh, liked it a lot, but only with him, never at him.

"Okay then."

"You're just full of surprises aren't you, Agent Gibbs?" Yup, she was teasing him. "Here I thought Abby would be the one to go in for all the kinky stuff." There was laughter in her voice. "I guess I was wrong."

He glared. There really wasn't any safe answer to that and she knew it.

She grinned again, and she might as well have said 'Gotcha!' out loud.

Gibbs humphed, took a sip from his cup, then growled quietly to himself. Somewhere in the middle of this conversation he'd definitely lost a battle he hadn't realised he was fighting, and now his coffee was cold.

Stifling the impulse to grumble under his breath like the grumpy old man he clearly wasn't (no matter how much she might prod him), he turned to stare out at the club again. Not that he was sulking or anything. Nosir.

Figures began to emerge from the discreetly signposted door. Even in the dark, their mark stood out, literally, standing head and shoulders over his companions before somehow folding himself into the driver's seat of a ridiculously sleek sports car.

Not the most exciting of assignments, but he was just happy to have something to do. They hung back long enough not to arouse suspicions then stealthily tailed the man back to his townhouse, seeing him safely inside. Gibbs flipped open his cell and let McGee and DiNozzo they were up, then drove away, relieved that their job was over for the night. Night. Morning. Whatever time of day it was. A few hours sleep and a strong cup of coffee and he'd be able to think straight again. He hoped.

The journey to drop Kate off at home took them right back past the club, and he noticed her peering out at it with a look of mixed distaste and curiosity on her face.

"I can drop you off if you like," he drawled.

"Very funny, Gibbs."

He grinned. Things were back to normal when he was teasing her, not the other way round. "Hey, I try."

She shuddered. "Haha." She watched over her shoulder as the place disappeared into the darkness, then sat for a few minutes in silence before giving herself a shake. "Ugh. Sorry. It just... something about that whole area totally gave me the creeps."

Should he remind her of rule six? No, there was a time and a place. Not that he thought he would ever quite break Kate of the habit of apologising. She was too polite for that.

"Kate. It's okay. Strictly a surveillance op, remember?"

"Thank God." Out of the corner of his eye he could see that her face had returned to its usual composed expression, even relaxing into a smile. "Just don't ever send me in there undercover, okay?"

He didn't quite trust himself to respond to that safely, though he couldn't stop the low chuckle.

"Gibbs!"

A quick look proved she was more amused than offended. "You mean you don't want to moonlight as a Domme? Shame."

She snorted. "That might even be worse than pretending to be DiNozzo's wife."

He outright laughed at her tone. "Wardrobe'd prob'ly be about the same though."

She rolled her eyes at him and stuck her tongue out. "I'm sure Abby would be more than willing to provide me with a suitable outfit, but I'm not sure I'd be up for chastity belts and shackles."

He imagined for a second how Abby might dress Kate given a free hand, then shut down that thought. "Doesn't have to be all whips and chains, you know," he said, turning into her street. "Can be fun."

"The difference between using the whole chicken and just using a feather?"

He grinned. "Not the size of the feather, Kate, it's how you use it."

"Hmmm." Her earlier embarrassment seemed to have subsided considerably - she was even grinning back at him. "Maybe one of these days I'll give it a go." Her tone was almost flirtatious, and the sound loosened some vital screw in his mind as he brought the vehicle to a standstill.

"Well, if you ever wanna..." The tongue in cheek (mostly) suggestion slipped out without a thought, before he had time to stop it.

"Oh really."

He glanced over to her, opening his mouth to offer an 'I was kidding' defence, and stopped short. He could've coped with Kate looking shocked or offended or any of a dozen negative emotions. She did look surprised, at least, which wasn't unexpected. What he couldn't deal with was her raising an eyebrow, looking amused (again) and... intrigued.

"Uh."

She laughed at him (and that so was not meant to happen, ever), and opened the car door. "Thanks for the ride." He looked up at her, eyes wide, and then cursed himself for hearing double entendres that clearly weren't intended. "See you at work, Gibbs."

He watched her swing herself out of the car, totally failed to say goodbye or goodnight or anything remotely civil to her, and was only jolted back into action when she turned around at the entrance to her apartment building and gave him a funny look. He suddenly realised he'd been gawping at her like some kind of idiot. If his chin wasn't on his chest, he could wave casually and pretend he was just making sure she had got safely inside, but judging by her expression that boat had sailed.

He smiled weakly, lifted a hand in farewell, and drove off as fast as the early morning traffic would let him.