Chapter 1

I stared on myself at the mirror when I was adjusting my necktie with upmost care. I made sure everything concerning my physical appearance was just right. My tie was not crooked. Check. My hair was neatly combed. Check. All of the buttons were correctly at their respective corresponding holes. Check. Everything was perfect, but something was missing.

I look great, but I lacked only one thing that could ruin everything.

A smile.

A sincere, happy smile.

What I saw in myself was now a face with no emotion whatsoever, as if a living mannequin.

I am now not able to smile like before.

Now, my source of happiness…

…

"Oi, Akihiko!"

The castles in the air that I was having had disappeared and knocked me back to reality.

Isaka's voice echoed throughout my room.

"What took you so long?"

"Wait a sec, I'm still…"

"Get your damn ass quickly out here! They're all tired of waiting!"

I glared over him. He was shocked.

My cold stare as if had pierced through him, that I could saw his expression had been overwhelmed with fear.

He scurried out from the room at the speed of lightning.

Geez…

I always hated this kind of thing.

…

"Sorry for the wait…"

Today was another day where one of my writings had newly received an award.

I had to throw away my former persona for temporarily.

I needed to act like a professional.

My faked smile flashed brightly in the darkened hall.

All of the women swooned and squealed loudly. How noisy and irritating.

Another thing that irked me – tons of cameras flickered around me.

Were they trying to blind me or what?

"First of all, I would like to thank everybody for the endless support…"

Yeah right.

"…that my latest work had been another success…"

Because it's purely my effort.

My latest book, His Smile Never Fade had now became one of my most successful work.

I received many praises and credits for that single book.

Everyone said, "It is truly a masterpiece, Usami-sensei! You're a genius!"

So funny.

I thought I would never write ever again.

They also said, "I cried a lot on every chapter!"

How hilarious of that.

To think that I could make people cry.

I thought my heart had frozen a long time ago.

…

I'm finally free from that mind-torturing ceremony which I hated so much.

I hated social ocassions.

I immediately fled after it was over, though Isaka said there were more important things for me to do.

Isaka was not amused, he said he wanted to kill me.

Who cares about that?

He won't able to do that.

I'm the one who had been feeding them all with money and fame.

If I died, then what would happen to the company?

I had a more crucial matter to do that any other problems were nothing compared to it.

Nevertheless, I drove my car and parked at a nearby flower store.

I pushed the door as I entered the store, producing a clanking sound of a bell.

"Irashai…"

The blue-haired florist raised his chin up when he was arranging some flowers at the counter.

I knew him. So did he.

He detested me.

"May I help you?"

I can saw his look changed, but still able to calm himself down and staying polite. He did not want to lose a customer.

"As usual."

He knew what he had to do.

Everytime I came here, I would buy fresh flowers with fragrant smell – with different type of flowers each time.

"Wait a sec."

He wandered in the store and returned with a bunch of fresh gardenia in his arms. Its sweet aroma spread around the store.

He thanked me once I paid for the flowers, then walked out from the store.

My next destination – the hospital.

…

Everything were white. The walls, the ceilings, the floors, the curtains, the wards, the beds…

I'm sick of all these whiteness.

My head gonna explode from the scent of medicines.

I took the elevator, walked through the hall, arrived in front of the door.

Room 251.

It's the same room all over again.

I turned the knob and entered inside.

What I found in the room was the same thing.

Strangely, this was the only thing that I wasn't bored of.

I threw away the wilted flowers from the vase into the nearest waste bin and replaced them with the fresh gardenia.

I took a chair, sat myself down next to the bed.

The longer I was in this room, my heart defrosted little by little.

"Missed me?"

He was sleeping.

I stroked his hair.

I had been in this room so often, yet I am not able to get used to it.

I kissed his forehead lovingly.

My eyes slowly began to bear some fruits, then fell down my eyes drip by drip.

I could not stop my sobs.

I could not hold it anymore.

Whenever I came to this room, I will cry bitterly.

This room – was the last place that I wanted to go.

His fragile form lying on the bed so serenely, oxygen mask strapped to his face to aid his breathing.

Nonetheless, he still looked so beautiful that it was so sad.

How could I stop myself from crying?

He was my only source of happiness.

My latest work, His Smile Never Fade was none of my fantasy.

It's all about him. His biography. A novel about his life.

His childhood, his family, his life as a college student, his forbidden love.

And the horrible climax of the story – he went through physical and sexual abuse for months – from his own lover. The man that he loved so much.

Full of tragedy.

The worst of all, even to me – that I left the story ended with a cliffhanger. He fell into a deep coma, and nobody knew whether he will survive or not. Most readers speculated that he died in the end of the story.

I was told, it was the saddest and the most heart-wrenching thing I had ever wrote.

I could not agree more.

This could be a nightmare.

I want to wake up. But I can't.

There was a huge aura of death had surrounded him. Even the doctors doubted on how long he could go on.

No… I don't want him to die…

I could not forgive myself for everything that I had done.

I'm the one who caused him to be like this.

Unable to control myself anymore, I buried myself into his neck and cried. Cried as hard as I could as if that would make a change.

"Please… I'm begging you, you may punish me as severe as you want… you may hate me as much as you want… It's okay for you to not forgive me at all, but…"

My hand clutched his hospital clothing tighter.

"Please wake up! Let me see you healthy and kicking once again! Let me taste your cooking once again! Let me hear you scolding me once again! Let me see you smile once again! Don't you realize how miserable my life had been without you?"

He had been sleeping for three years straight.

My life had been meaningless without him.

"Please, open your eyes…"

How could I not be sad?

"Misaki…"

Yay I'm now free! No more exams! No more school! :D I can write whenever I wanted, yaaaaayy~! xD Oh, excuse me for my lazy style of writing… Most importantly, no more stress! *imitates Elsa from the movie Frozen* I'm freeee~! Let it goooo~! LET IT GOOOOO~!

P.S. Don't insult Akihiko. Poor him D: