A/N: ...I had forgotten about this. ^_^' I wrote it long ago when I found mellra's challenge ("Son of Satan, Child of Heaven") but I never published it because it turned out to be the complete opposite of what he had intended with the challenge. Whoops. =0w0'= Anyway, I remembered it now that I saw that ahnikagee had published a story in response to the same challenge. And now that there is a nice version of it I feel like I can post my not-so-nice version without causing the challenge owner too much grief.

Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen, in whom my soul delights - Isaiah 42:1

WARNINGS
§ Physical harm
§ Religious fanaticism is never pretty

I do not own or profit from any of what Kazue Kato has created. A few sentences and settings are mellra's, the rest is me modding and tinkering and mixing science with fantasy – as usual. =P

Rin rolled over in his bed, trying and failing to fall asleep. How could he? All the things that had happened, all the things that would happen or might happen or…

Rin huffed in frustration, coming to rest flat on his back. His eyes idly counted the wooden boards that made up the bottom of the vacant bunk bed above him. Shiemi had been crying. Ryuji had been angry – angrier than usual. All of them had worn similar expressions on their faces that cursed day when Amaimon made him reveal who he was. When he had been taken to that court room and put on display like some exotic, dangerous animal.

Then I shall ask you openly: isn't that demon Satan's child?

That is correct.

Rin tossed to the side again and felt his tail make an irritated flick under the comforter as he curled his knees up against his chest. "That cursed day", it made it sound like it was long ago. Really, it had just been two days. Two days can feel long, though. He had barely seen anybody except Shura (who threw the weirdest exercises at him) and Yukio (who seemed to think that rules and restrictions were the solution to all problems) and those he had seen…

Why the hell is Satan's kid here in the Academy?!

Why are you laughing as if there's nothing strange about it?!

Rin kicked off the comforter and swung his legs over the edge of the bed.

…and stayed there. He looked at his feet. Yukio was sleeping across the room; Rin could hear his rhythmic breathing. His fingers clenched around the bed sheets he sat on. Yukio, his little brother, who always had to stick up for him when he messed up – and he always did. Friggin' always.

Even if he got up on those feet, what would he do? How would he set this mess right? The others hated him. The first friends he'd ever had hated him. And Yukio was working his butt off to get his death sentence revoked.

"I always mess up." The tail curled in on itself, wrapping protectively around his body as if trying to comfort him with a hug. Rin swatted at the stupid thing, clenched his teeth as the stab of pain brought tears to his eyes. "That's all I am. A huge, walking mistake." The tears started to spill down his cheeks. "I should never have been born." He smothered a sniff, not wanting to wake Yukio. The tail kept trying to wrap around him and he kept shoving it away. He wished his dad would hug him instead. Hug him like he did when he was little and tell him that he wasn't a demon. That all this was a bad dream that would go away.

"I wish you were here, old man", he whispered, feeling the warm tears drip onto his feet as he spoke. "I wish I could be strong like you. I wish I was strong enough to… do something."

It wasn't Rin's nature to dwell on the past. His mind was one that moved forward – sometimes too fast to notice the present properly. Whenever he thought of the past it was because he didn't know how to move forward, so the past had time to catch up to him. Like trickling tears, memories sifted into his mind; warm, comforting. There were memories of sunny days on the beach and chilly autumn days when he and Yukio had helped Nagatomo rake the yard free of leaves, days when the old man had picked them up from school and days when Yukio had been in bed with a fever from too much playing outside in the snow.

Eventually, Rin's tears were drained. He rose from the bed, silently, and knelt down beside it, clasping his hands on top of the warm sheets.

When you're lost, there's always a shepherd to lead you right. When you need help, He will provide it if you ask.

The old man had said those words. He had said them even if he knew who Rin was. Swallowing a couple of times to steady his voice, Rin began to whisper softly:

"I don't know if You're listening, God. I don't even know if You would listen to me, y'know, because of who I am. I didn't choose to be born like this, but... But please – please, I need Your help. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. You're the only one that can help me. Please, give me strength to carry this burden. Please, I don't want to be like this, I don't want to be Satan's son! I want to be strong like dad – like my real dad! He must be with You, right? His name was Fujimoto Shiro." Speaking that name, Rin choked back a sob. He would be strong. He would finish his prayer. "He was the greatest man I knew. He was my dad." Rin bit his lip, forcing his voice to stay steady. "He taught me to always have faith in You, that faith is a guiding light when everything seems dark, that You give people strength when they need it most. I need that now. Please, Lord: help me." Rin shut his eyes, breathing out a slow, unsteady breath as he concluded his prayer as he had been taught when he was little: "In Your Son's name we pray. Amen."

Sleep came to him after that, as if the worries that haunted him had been drained by the tears and the prayer. When Rin's eyes opened again, he wasn't in his bed. He was in the park the old man used to take him and Yukio to when they were little. And yet it wasn't that park. Not entirely. Not… as it had been. The light was clearer, the shadows darker, the grain on the swing's wooden seat more defined; like an enhanced photograph of reality.
Rin found none of that strange, or alarming. He merely observed the scenery, absorbed the scenery, and felt a peace he hadn't known since he was little settle inside. His worries from before were completely gone, like shadows chased away by soft, warm light.

Until someone looped an arm around his neck from behind and pulled him into a tight headlock. Then, his years of street brawls - and recently exorcist training - kicked into gear: Rin broke away from the assailant with a heave, turning on his heel and in position to fight. After that he didn't know what he was doing anymore.

"Bwaahahah look at that face! Oh I don't think I'll ever tire of that. Nice break, by the way. Did Shura teach you that?"

Rin still didn't know what he was doing, so his body assumed command and rushed into the old man's arms. The old man… he even smelled like the old man…

"Missed you too, kid."

Rin could hear the smile in his voice as the old priest murmured into his hair and wrapped his arms around him. He was real. He had to be. He felt real. That was impossible, though: unless…

"Dad… am I dead?"

"'course not, dumbass." He ruffled Rin's hair jokingly, but with so much warmth Rin was sure he would start crying again. He had missed that hair-ruffle. He had missed everything about the old man, even the things he used to hate. "You're fifteen: what would you die of? Fatal zit infection?"

Against his will, Rin chortled into his shoulder. Yeah, he had even missed the old fart's lame jokes.

"I hope not. But… is this just a dream then? It doesn't feel like a dream."

"It isn't. This is… heaven's teaser preview."

"Teaser preview?" That was just weird – maybe all this was a dream after all? "In heaven…?"

The old priest placed his hands on Rin's shoulders and held him at arm's length, as if to get a better look at him.

"You prayed", he said softly, with a gentle smile in his eyes. "More importantly, you prayed from an honest heart. You laid aside any pride that prevented you from asking for help and humbly requested the strength to face your fears. Furthermore, you renounced Satan." His face cracked into a huge grin. "Glad to know I left a better impression than that old bat. Even though I'll always wish I had been a better father for you", he added, and the grin gained a tint of sadness at the edges.

Rin opened his mouth to contradict that and tell him he was the awesomest dad ever, but the old man beat him to it and resumed in a more cheerful tone:

"But this isn't about what I think of you; I'm your dad, I'll always be biased." He looked at him, glowing with fatherly pride. "No, your prayers and actions have caught the attention of somebody way more important than me."

"Who?"

"He."

"What he…?" Rin wondered aloud, turning his head back and forth to see if there was someone else with them in the park.

"Or She, I suppose. Or neither." The old priest shrugged, and grinned at the confused look on Rin's face. "Hey, don't look at me: I tried asking, but I honestly didn't understand the answer."

"You aren't meant to."

It was impossible to tell where the voice spoke from. It was soft as a murmur of wind in grass, and yet it reverberated through Rin like a stroke of thunder. And without knowing why, he began to cry. The voice felt warm and compassionate, like the mother he had never known, and wise; ancient, like a father who knew the birth name of eternity. He felt an immense love for that voice, a love that was returned tenfold to him as he was flooded by the light that was moving towards them – or was it the landscape that drew in towards the light? It seemed to hold a gravity of its own, as if all the stars of the universe had poured their light together in a single celestial body at its centre.

A sharp stab in the ribs brought Rin out of his wonder; the old man was already kneeling beside him, and the elbow had been a sign for Rin to kneel as well.

"Wh-who're you?"

"More eloquent than you were when you came here, Shiro." There was a feeling of approval, although Rin was sure that it wasn't his own. Actually, he wasn't sure what was going on at all.

"…well, I suppose Rin is the best example that ignorance is bliss, Lord." The old man didn't lift his eyes from the ground, and although he was smiling he sounded more reverent that Rin had ever heard him be in life. And Rin still didn't get what was going on.

"Not ignorance", the voice corrected, and Rin had a peculiar but distinct feeling that the owner of the voice was smiling. "Innocence. The innocence of a child held captive by a devil's spirit."

"Um, thanks…? I just, don't… Who are you?" There were no stutter to his words this time. Instead there was a feeling of wonder, immaculate and profound… like a child's.

"Who am I?" This time there was amusement. Could light be amused…? "I am the one who always was. I am the one who never is. I gave my life for you before you were born." There was a pause that made the skin of earth shiver underneath them, made the sky hold its breath in anticipation of what would come next. "I am."*

Rin blinked. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say, but figured that if he had made a good impression with his first spontaneous question then he might be lucky with the other, too:

"I don't understand."

"I know. It's best that way." There was something in the voice that could have been a smile, if its owner had had a face. "I have heard you, Rin. I have seen you, and you have a good heart. I will free it from Satan's grasp; however, Satan's powers are part of you. I cannot remove them without removing that part of who you are, so instead I will replace them. But before I do such a thing, I must ask you this: without the Blue Flame, without the taint of the Adversary, would you still fight against him?"

"Uhm, against who…?"

"Against Satan. Rin, did you sleep through all my classes at Sunday school…?" hissed the old priest beside him.

At this, Rin lit up. He had slept through most of Sunday school, yes; because he was a person of practice, not of theory. Practical stuff, he could do - and what God asked of him he definitely could do. So when he answered, it was loud and clear without a single trace of hesitation:

"Of course I will!"

In the corner of his eye, he could see his old man flashing him a proud look.

"Very well, then. Now, return to the world of the living: not as the son of Satan, but as a Child of Heaven."

The light poured out in all directions around him, into him, filling him with a warmth and bliss that made everything else fade away from his consciousness: except a distant, familiar voice:

"Go kick ass, Rin! And tell Yukio to get a girlfriend already: Shura's been hitting on him since he was an Esquire! And tell Princess Pheles I'll come back and haunt him if he causes you trouble!"

A/N:

* YHVH: four letters that have racked the minds of countless scholars worldwide. I'm a language nerd and a history nerd: allow me to indulge, okay?

My personal favourite amongst interpretations of the name of god is that the name actually is a verb: "to be", "to exist". Makes sense with that famous passage with Moses and the burning shrub where god simply declares "I am" when Moses asks who he is. God characterises himself not as a being but a state; simply "the one that exists" or the one that is, not in a place or at an isolated time but everywhere and eternally.

What makes me like that verb is that it's conjugated in a special way. The verb form is an aspect called imperfective: it means that what happens is an ongoing, habitual, or repeating action/event. Literally, an action that is imperfective is an action that is incomplete and still happening. So while "to be" is a generally static state, this conjugation makes "to be" a process. And to top off the paradox, the YHVH verb in the Bible is sentient and acts, like a noun.

I'm not the religious kind, but if I'm going to think of god, I believe I prefer to think of god as something that happens rather than someone that is. If god is in indeed in the water, in the animals and in the trees, then it makes sense in my mind if the nature of god is a process, a constantly changing "something" that despite being transient – water changing from liquid to ice, one life ending and another beginning – is fundamentally eternal.