SCENE: PHANTOM GHOST MESS HALL, HYPERSPACE.
[ENTER LT. BASIL (me), EZRA BRIDGER, SABINE WREN AND KANAN JARRUS]
ME: "Hello to you, my dear readers!"
EZRA [crosses arms and scowls at me]: "Can you hurry this up? We're due at Lothal any minute, and I doubt dragging along a crazy writer is going to do anything good for our mission."
ME: [rolls eyes]: "Yes, Ezra, I'm aware of that. I'm the author; I'm the one who decided on that. You'll arrive in Lothal when I say so and no sooner!"
SABINE: "Watch out Ezra, it sounds like she means business."
[Ezra glares at her]
ME: "Yeah, if you're not nice to me, then I can just put you in another fanfiction and kill you!"
EZRA [paling]: "Hey, I didn't mean it like that…"
ME [laughing]: "I'm kidding. I don't like killing off characters unless they die canonically. So far, you haven't. You're safe. For now."
EZRA [voice cracks]: "For now?! What do you mean, for now?!"
KANAN [clears throat]: "Can we just get to the point?"
ME: "Ah, yes, the point… what was that again…?"
SABINE: "Future chapters in Memento."
ME: "Right! Yeah. Okay."
[Ezra and Kanan simultaneously facepalm]
ME: "Anyway, I just wanted to inform you guys that Memento is remaining a one-shot for the time being. I want to focus my work on Hope and Power and Shadows of the Future first."
EZRA: "So, what, Galen Marek and Luke Skywalker are more important than us?"
ME [sighing]: "No, they just have seniority because I started working on their stories before I even knew that Rebels was coming out."
KANAN [raises eyebrows]: "For someone who is giving those stories seniority, you've sure been writing a lot of one-shots."
[Awkward silence]
[More awkward silence]
ME: "Don't diss the muse! I can't help it if my imagination has ADD."
SABINE: "That's not even possible."
ME: "I don't care."
KANAN: "Basil. Focus."
ME: "Right."
[Pause]
EZRA: "We don't have all day, you know."
[I use the powers of imagination to summon Zack Fair, who promptly casts a silencing spell on Ezra before warping back to Final Fantasy VII]
KANAN: "Okay, that was uncalled for."
EZRA: "Mmpf! Brrrfff!"
ME: "Don't worry, it won't last very long. Zack's melee attacks are better than his magic – Ezra will be able to talk again in a minute."
SABINE: "Admit it; you were showing off."
ME [sheepishly]: "Well… maybe just a little bit… heh."
[Another pause]
ME: "ANYWAY! Memento is probably not going to be made into multi-chap, and if it is, it won't be until after I've gone through at least chapter 10 of Hope and Power and chapter 5 of Shadows of the Future. To you readers who wanted me to make this into a big story… sorry. My muse is vast, but not limitless."
EZRA [grinning]: "Hey, the spell wore off."
ME: "Told you so."
SABINE: "Sooo… anything else?"
ME: "One more thing." [I look out of the computer screen to look the readers in the eye] "I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and/or followed my story. I swear, this one is actually the most popular one that I've written! My stuff has a tendency to be overlooked, and I am so glad that all of you took the time to read it. It means a lot to me." [smiles]
KANAN: "Is that it?"
ME: "Yep. It was nice talking to you three." [I grin at them. Kanan and Sabine grin back while Ezra scowls]. "Just a warning, though; from this point on, Rebels is only going to get more popular. And with popularity come the crazy fangirls."
[Kanan and Sabine blanch. Ezra looks nervous].
ME: "Ah. I see you've heard the stories."
[All three nod, looking somewhat sick]
ME: "Well, then I guess you know what's coming. Just between you and me, though, you might want to take Captain Rex's example and carry around a blaster wherever you go. Set to stun, of course… killing fans is bad karma."
KANAN [nods]: "We'll keep that in mind."
ME: "Good." [I wave at them] "Well, goodbye for now! The real world beckons."
EZRA: "Hang on a… what are you talking about? This is the real world!"
ME: "You just keep thinking that, kid. Bye!" [I warp through the computer screen back to reality].