AN: Written for CelticFire32 in the CM 2014 Christmas Fic Gift Exchange. Sorry I couldn't write you Hotch/JJ, but since you said any pairing was ok, I went with one I could. Also, this is my first published CM fanfic, so I hope I stayed somewhere NEAR the realm of IN CHARACTER, so if someone goes a bit OOC, I apologize. Please R&R

Prompts: "Same Auld Lang Syne", "It's a Wonderful Life", three wisemen, Ghost of Christmas Past

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I still do not own Criminal Minds. I have, however, enlisted Nicholas Cage in helping me steal the rights, in exchange for my help in stealing the Declaration of Independence.

Warnings: Angstiness ahead. You have been warned.

Derek Morgan was running late, speeding through the few cars on the snowy roads. He'd forgotten to pick up a bottle of red wine for his sisters, who had flown in from Chicago the night before to spend Christmas at his house. He pulled into the shopping center closest to his house and as he walked towards the liquor store, he spotted a familiar face among the crowds of stragglers that had to finish Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. As the snow fell around her, he knew that it was exactly who he thought it was. Not daring to believe it, he followed her into the grocery store, and as he turned a corner, he knew it was Penelope Garcia, live and right there in front of him. He followed her into the frozen food section where she was picking out a tub of rainbow vanilla ice cream, a treat he could vaguely remember having eaten at a party at her house four years ago, a few months before she left.

"Baby Girl?" he asked hesitantly, touching her sleeve. She spun on her heels, and after a second, her eyes flew open, and she took a step back.

"Choc- Derek, hi. How- how are you," she stuttered, a bit surprised. "It's been a while." She was a bit nervous, which was evident to the experienced profiler. Even after three years, she still had the same nervous tick of fiddling with her purse when she was uneasy. He tried to ignore it and focus on the fact that, for the first time in three years, he had his Baby Girl near him. It took a few minutes for him to remember that Penelope wasn't his Baby Girl anymore. She was Kevin Lynch's Baby Girl now. As they walked, he tried to find a way to continue their conversation, but he couldn't think of anything to say to the woman that had stolen his heart and walked away with half of the pieces, leaving him alone in a world of the darkest and evilest with his only light stripped away suddenly by her leaving.

He eventually settled on "Yeah, it has" and let the conversation fall. Penelope smiled and moved to hug Derek, but instead spilled her purse across the supermarket floor. Derek chuckled a bit and bent over to help Penelope pick up the various colorful things that fell out of her purse. As they bent over, she laughed, and Derek's heart ached for the days that that same laugh had made the darkest of the dark cases more bearable. Garcia's hand almost naturally found Morgan's, and she laced her fingers through his, swinging her hand gently. As they walked, he let go of her hand and stepped away, willing himself not to feel the familiar spark that hadn't ever really dissipated with time. He'd kept on dating around, having a few serious relationships but nothing that would last. All he really wanted was Garcia, but he'd never had the words before she got shot, and once he'd finally found them, she'd been with Lynch. He kept his eyes on her, trying to ignore the fact that he wanted nothing more than to kiss her then and there. They made small talk for a bit, but he could tell Penelope was still stalling on a topic that she wasn't sure about, and he had an idea of what it was, but no idea of how to initiate it.

"So…" he trailed off as they set her groceries onto the checkout station, where a friendly kid in need of some money was bagging groceries. As the kid handed Garcia her bags, she smiled and moved to pay, only to find Morgan's hand in her way, swiping his card for her with that look in his eyes that dared her to argue. A long time ago, she would've spewed some silly little pick-up line and they would've had a good laugh before their phones would ring with a new case requiring their attention. As always, thinking about those days led Penelope to a topic she was uncomfortable bringing up. As they carried her groceries to her car, she decided to broach the subject.

"So… How's everyone back at Quantico?" she asked. Morgan's eyes grew clouded with anger; a small selfish part of his brain didn't want to tell her about the people she'd left behind. The part of his brain that still loved Penelope Garcia wanted to pull her in tight, kiss her on the lips, and tell her to never leave. The rational part of his brain told him she would slap him across the face if he did. She's with Kevin, Derek scolded himself. He repeated it to himself, a mantra of sorts to keep his mind from going places it never should. He took a deep breath a forced a semi-smile as he thought of the members of his second family, the BAU.

"They're ok. Hotch and Beth finally got married, but I'm fairly sure you were there for that. Um… Prentiss came for a visit last month. She was really here to adopt Declan, though. She had a ring, so I'm assuming she married that British guy, Clyde something-or-other. JJ and Will had another baby. She named Emily the baby's godmother and I'm the godfather…" Morgan trailed off. It felt strange to tell Penelope about the happenings in Quantico, as if she should already know, and her ignorance was unbelievable. A few years ago, that would've been true. A few years ago, she would've been the maid of honor at Hotch's wedding, would've been Rosaline LaMontagne's godmother, would've been at Emily's wedding, hell, she would've been the one arranging the damn thing, and, much to Emily's protest, turning the affair into a colorful event to remember from rocking chairs in old age. As that thought ran through his head, Penelope said his name, bringing him back to the present.

"It seems like a lot's happened. Why don't we get a drink since we're both here?" Penelope asked, the nervous air still clinging to her. "I'll buy." She held out her hand to Derek, and he grabbed it as eagerly as he would have three years before, driven by the irrational part of his brain that wanted to believe she had always cared about them, and that she hadn't left by choice, despite all the signs displaying otherwise.

A small part of Derek's mind told him that his sisters were waiting, but the rest of him was so glad to finally see Penelope that he decided to text his sisters that he'd be late. He just hoped they'd understand. Yes, they'd flown from Chicago, but they knew how much he loved Penelope, and they had always been supportive of the two. He fired off a quick text and smiled at Garcia.

"Sure, let's go see if anywhere is open on Christmas Eve," Derek laughed, climbing in the front seat of Esther. He turned to Penelope and said, "I'm so glad this car has a top. I always thought it didn't." They both laughed as the former tech put the car in drive.

"So, how's Reid?" Garcia asked, attempting to keep the news of Quantico flowing. She might not have been a profiler, but she had noticed that Morgan hadn't mentioned the young genius. Morgan's expression shifted to something darker than she'd seen all day.

"He… left, last month. Well, he was forced out," Morgan said quietly. "I'm pretty sure you know what really happened."

"Oh my god, is he-" Garcia began, leaving the word schizophrenic hanging in the air. They all knew about his mother, and his genetic predilection to the condition. Morgan nodded sadly, confirming Garcia's suspicions.

"It was hard, Penelope. He… he hallucinated three wisemen giving him advice him at his desk. He began talking to them, and Strauss caught him. We'd all kind of noticed it, but we pretended not to. He was still functioning, even solved a few cases, but Strauss noticing pretty much forced our hand. After that, Hotch took him to a psychologist, and he was diagnosed. That was a hard night, for all of us. When I got to his house, he had his gun against his temple. I didn't even think, I just grabbed the gun and turned it away from him. I shot a hole through his wall into the vacant apartment next door, and Hotch shouted at me for running into something without thinking, just like you always used to do. After that, Reid told us he didn't want to go to a hospital, but he soon realized that we couldn't take care of him. He checked himself in last month…" Derek told her as they drove down the streets, becoming lost in the memory of that horrible night. Tears gathered in Penelope's eyes as she pictured Spencer Reid so helpless and broken as to take his own gun and put it by his head. He'd always promised her he'd never do that, but she wasn't angry with him for breaking a promise made in sanity that was broken in a moment of insanity. She was upset with herself for not being there, and the entire team for not trying to tell her, even though she admitted to herself that they really probably couldn't find her. She'd gone to great lengths to ensure that. However, she detected something else in Derek's voice, a little tiny tell that Derek wasn't giving her everything there was to know about the situation.

"What else aren't you telling me Derek? I might not have ever been a profiler, but I worked with six of the best for eight years. Now spill," Garcia ordered, using the voice she would use on him when he was being secretive during a case. He remembered back to Cindy's case when she'd taken the same tone with him because of some asshole calling him out by name during a takedown. The tone of her voice hadn't changed after all the time she'd been gone. It remained a constant, and, had things been different, he could've relished the sweet sound of it for days on end, but things weren't different, and she had asked a question.

"Reid asked us to see if you could take care of him. He was willing to stay with you, but we couldn't find you. He listed on some form somewhere that you could check him out of the hospital if you ever came back. Ba- Penelope, he needed you, and-" Derek started. He suddenly let the angry part of his brain drop a few misplaced words into their amicable conversation. The angry part, the part that blamed her for everything, for Reid, for the fact that their team was falling apart, for the fact that their new tech was an incompetent brat that couldn't even operate Garcia's system, and for the fact that Rossi had retired, was rearing its ugly head, but Penelope was prepared for it, expecting it, even. She stepped back a bit, her walls going up to protect the soft interior that was Penelope Garcia, the girl who was still just that, a girl trying to see the world without being clouded by the cynicism that floated around the BAU like an incurable and highly contagious disease. She felt tears well in her eyes and scrubbed furiously at them, trying to avoid showing weakness in front of her old colleague. She turned to face him, anger and defensiveness woven into her features and voice as she responded.

"No, don't even try that Derek! Don't try to guilt me back into your life! When I left three years ago, I left for a reason. I didn't want that life anymore. I loved you guys, I really did, but… I was tired of closing my eyes at night and seeing dead bodies, of typing my fastest and being just five seconds too late, of watching you all run into danger from the safety of my computer bubble, so when my required time with the FBI ended, I had already planned to leave, and I'm sorry if I left at the wrong time, but I couldn't do it anymore Derek, I just couldn't. It hurt too much," she choked up, tears painting her cheeks a rainbow of colors like the emotions inside of her. She leaned over towards Derek, feeling the old familiar spark but trying desperately to ignore the feelings that would only screw up the carefully placed walls around her heart that she'd built up brick by brick when she left.

"Pen…" Derek trailed off. She leaned in and kissed him on the head, and got out of the car. Penelope walked around her warm car to open Derek's door, standing beside it and gesturing to him to get out.

"I'm choosing to believe your were my Ghost of Christmas Past, reminding me of my old life. Now I'm going to sit with Kevin on our little farm in the middle of nowhere while we watch "It's a Wonderful Life", make bad nerdy jokes, eat popcorn, and listen to Captain Kirk neigh outside because he's never seen snow before," Garcia said as he got out.

"Bye, Baby Girl," Derek said, the familiar nickname rolling off his tongue as she climbed into her car, driving out to her little farm, not telling Derek that Kevin was the name of her cat in the hopes of avoiding an awkward conversation, even more awkward flirtation, and a pity invitation from someone she once loved, still loved, and would always love.

As she pulled up to her house, she realized it was too big for just her. It was big enough for someone else, someone who could fill the void that Lynch had left in her all those years ago when he broke up with her that night, the night she refused to marry him. It was big enough to fit one more person in the lonely world of a barn cat, two horses, a foal, and a lonely old animal lady without hope of finding love outside of the one person she knew she could never have.

Putting her car back in drive, she headed out towards the hospital Morgan said Reid was in, hoping the visiting hours hadn't ended yet.