We should have done this a long time ago, Raph thought as April dug her fingers harder into his neck. His hands wrapped around her waist, her skin warm through her shirt. He knew why they hadn't, but shimmying up to April's bedroom after Mikey and Casey had gone to bed was so much easier than arranging their schedule around Donnie. Something about it had felt taboo though. There was no pretense about why they were getting together, nowhere for her to go to leave him for the night. Not that he'd stay...though he supposed he could. After all they'd slept together a couple of times already. But somehow, here in her room with the door closed, it felt undeniably different.

Innocently the lip of her shirt found its way over his hand and his fingertips grazed the bare skin of her waist. He was keenly aware of this new contact and tried to discern her response to it. She didn't tense up or pull away, just kept on kissing him so he determined she was either okay with it - or totally oblivious. Cautiously his hand crept upward, all the while trying to stay attuned to her reaction, ready to pull back if she gave the slightest indication he should.

Frankly, it was a lot to keep track of. Between wondering how far he should take it, contemplating what her skin would feel like up there, and trying to remain mindful of her receptivity, he had a hard time concentrating on what his mouth was doing. He was jolted when April manipulated her mouth against his in such a way it was clear she wanted him to be more attentive. He snapped his focus back to where their lips joined when he became suddenly aware that his hand had reached her bra.

His slow trek upward froze immediately and he tried to pick up any apprehension on her end. The movement of her mouth slowed thoughtfully as though she was trying to come to a decision. Then she abruptly pulled away from him.

He relinquished his hold on her immediately. "Sorry…Sorry," he stammered, holding up his hands apologetically and trying to convey his sincerity through his eyes.

Her eyes softened instantly. "Oh, Raph, no," she murmured, quickly reassuring him with a peck on the lips. He carefully did not respond to by touching her in any way. "It's not that at all. It's just…" She blushed deeply before, to his astonishment, she grabbed the bottom of her shirt and lifted it off over her head.

"There. That better?" she asked, trying to infuse some bravado in her voice, with only the pink of her cheeks betraying her.

At a loss for words, he found his head nodding before he was even aware of it. Tentatively, he allowed his eyes to roam where his hands were still too timid to go. He must have been making a spectacle of himself because she blushed even deeper, her head dipping bashfully to the side. The shift caused a bra strap to fall over her delicate shoulder and he felt his breath catch.

Hearing the hitch in his breath, she looked up at him. "Want this to go too?" she asked, nodding to the dangling strap.

For the second time, his head nodded of its own accord.

There was a quiet but unmistakable knock at the door and before she could even say anything, it started to slowly creep open. Raphael immediately leapt to the ceiling, his limbs splayed to prop himself up in the upper corner of the room.

April lunged at the door, pushing it closed before it had opened much more than a crack. "Donnie! I'm not decent!"

"It's Donnie?" he mouthed to her from across the room.

She nodded furiously, her back propped against the door, holding it shut.

"I'm sorry. I know it's late," Don's muffled voice came from the other side of the door and already Raph could hear the familiar tremor in his voice that indicated he'd been downing too many energy drinks again. "I assumed you'd be asleep and I wanted to wake you gently. It's just that it's important. Well, not so important it's urgent...I could have waited until tomorrow I suppose. But it's exciting! And-"

"It's fine. It's fine," April answered. "Just - I'll be right with you. Give me a second."

Raph silently returned to the floor and shot her a stern look. She shrugged at him grandly, mouthing, "What do you want me to do?" before putting her shirt back over her head. He grimaced even harder as she slunk out of the room without him.

"I thought I told Casey to stop getting you Monster drinks," he heard her whisper to Donnie before her voice disappeared altogether.

She lectured Don about getting some sleep, and even though he'd promised he'd be right up, she could tell he was too far in the zone, especially after she'd helped him with what he'd waken her up to show her.

April crossed the moonlit yard, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear, yawning. It was late. Donnie'd had her there for about an hour and she was crashing after the adrenaline rush of almost being caught. Even so, she suspected she had one more hurdle to cross before she could actually go to sleep.

She stepped into the house to find Raph in front of the TV. She'd expected he'd be up and she had intended to be firm, but he was sulking, the angriest pout she'd ever seen on his face. She couldn't help but find it adorable.

"You okay there, big guy?" she asked with a smirk.

"I'm gonna kill 'im," he growled.

"Well, that would solve one problem," she chuckled. "Might open us up to some others though."

"What was so fucking important it couldn't wait?" he demanded, not playing along.

She sighed, running fingers through her hair with both hands. "He's come up with something to scan my brainwaves. Like he talked about, remember? I asked him for help Raph. You expect me to get angry when he delivers?"

"And he couldn't have shown you tomorrow?" he continued, undaunted.

"He could have, but he needed me there to help him calibrate it and you know how he gets when he's on a roll. Don't act like this is anything new," she pleaded. "It was just... bad timing."

He drummed his fingers thoughtfully on the arm of the sofa before deciding to drop it. He sat up straighter and looked at her with new eyes. "Soooo…"

"Nuh-uh," she warned, wagging a finger at him. "I've had enough excitement for one night. I'm heading to bed. Alone," she added with emphasis.

He crossed his arms over his plastron and sunk deeper into the couch once again. "Fine," he grumbled irritably.

She rolled her eyes heavenward, heading toward the stairs undeterred. "They're not going anywhere Raph," she said, indicating towards her chest.

"They look like they're going upstairs to me," he protested.

"They're gonna go away for a long time if you don't stop complaining," she threatened.

"Gonna kill 'im," she heard him mutter under his breath.

April smiled, feeling more confident in her abilities as they circled one another inside the barn. It was a welcome shelter from the heat of the encroaching summer. Raph came at her again. She successfully fended him off before sliding out of harm's way once more and she wondered if it looked as graceful as it had felt. He'd been stepping up his game with her, now sparring with actual weapons in hand. She couldn't deny that her tessen endowed her with more confidence. The weapon had chosen her after all and felt as though it were a natural extension of her own arm.

A feeling of boldness overcame her as he lunged for her again. She spun away from him in a feint, then elbowed him in the face, leaping away and quickly planting herself for his next attack. When she looked back, she saw him on all fours. He reached up to rub his jaw.

"Nice one," he complimented.

Her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped. "I got you?" she squeaked in disbelief.

"Yeah, you tagged me good," he confirmed with pride.

A lingering doubt that he was placating her faded away. That just wasn't his nature and he'd never allow her to floor him like that. "I got you!" she sang out, jumping up and down triumphantly.

"Looks like I've been too soft on you," he said, standing up. "But you know what that means?" he asked with a mischievous look in his eye. April froze as a smirk sidled up his face. "Payback."

All training went out the window as April shrieked playfully and sprinted away from him as fast as she could. She made a bee-line for a rope that had once been used to help haul bales of hay and shimmied up it. He stopped under the rope and laughed, hands on his hips.

"Get down from there," he demanded.

"Nonononono," she giggled, freezing halfway up the rope. She wrapped her legs around it, clinging to it with all her might. Looking down at him, she bit her lip at the devilish grin he wore.

"Don't make me come up and get you," he teased.

April screamed again when she felt the rope go taut under his weight. Frantically she started climbing higher, the rope swaying under their combined weight. A sudden burst of light flooded the barn as the door swung open and she stopped and shielded her eyes with one hand.

"What's with all the screaming?" Donnie asked, a thermos in one hand.

The rope went slack beneath her hands as Raphael dropped to the floor. She followed suit, landing next to him.

Putting two and two together, Don took quick inventory of his work table and added, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't rough-house around my equipment." April noticed how the comment was directed specifically to Raph and not her, despite the fact she'd been an obvious participant.

"We were just sparring and got a little carried away," April explained before Raph could respond, and gently nudged him to leave.

He took the hint but grumbled to his brother as they passed him: "No one's fucking with your stuff."

Donnie grabbed his arm with clear intent. "April, I need to talk to my brother if you don't mind."

"S-sure," she stammered. "I'll catch you both later." She locked eyes with Raphael as she exited the barn and the pleading look he'd given her along with the severity in Don's voice put her on edge. The thought of waiting to find out what was going on inside was too much to bear so instead she stayed out of sight and listened in.

"I know what's going on," Donatello announced, and her stomach turned.

"What'd ya mean?" Raph replied irritably. Despite his restraint she heard the nervous quiver in his voice, could sense his distress. Enough so that she almost burst back to his side, not wanting him to face this alone.

"I think it's great that you're both making good use of your time by training together," he went on to explain and April felt an instant rush a relief overcome her even as she registered the resentment in his tone. "Just…be careful with her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Raph demanded gruffly.

"I know how you can get," Donnie continued. "I just don't want her to accidentally get hurt because-"

"Does she look hurt to you?!" Raph barked.

April's fists clenched. How was this any different to Don and Casey having it out about her - like she had no voice of her own? April sneered, threw up her hands, and returned to the house feeling equally irritable at both of them. Irritated at Don's over-protectiveness. Irritated that Raph couldn't just be relieved that Donnie wasn't on to them like she'd feared.

The screen door slammed and she knew Raphael was in the house. She'd already busied herself in the kitchen, selecting what she was going to fix for dinner, and was filling the sink with water to do some dishes. He called her name, and any hope she had of him going upstairs and allowing them both time to cool off faded away.

"I'm in here," she answered with a sigh.

"You won't believe what Donnie just said," he began immediately upon entering the kitchen.

"I heard," she replied coldly, keeping her back toward him. "The beginning of it anyway."

He paused, sensing her irritation. "You want to tell me what I did wrong? Or am I supposed to guess?"

April snatched up a plate and started to scrub. "We're on thin ice as it is. You didn't need to confront him like that."

"Me?" he demanded.

"He's just trying to - "

"I know what he's just trying to do!" he snapped at the back of her head.

She placed the dish in the drying rack and picked up another. "We're not doing this again today," she declared unwaveringly over her shoulder.

"Course not. Why should we try to resolve any of this shit," he sarcastically bit back. "But then it's easier for you, isn't it?"

"How the hell is this easier for me?" she challenged, turning to face him.

"How about because he's not your brother. Or maybe because you've got fucking options if this doesn't work out," he snarled. "Take your pick."

"How dare you," she seethed through gritted teeth. The next thing she knew a plate had flown across the room and shattered against his plastron. He looked as equally shocked as she felt.

The world went hazy and then she seemed to step outside it as her vision tunneled. Angry as she was, she couldn't believe she'd hurled the plate at him...the plate she was still holding in her hand. She gasped, dropping it to the floor. Pieces of it scattered across the linoleum, joining all the others.

The world came back into focus. She staggered and clutched the kitchen counter at what she saw. All manner of dishware was flying around the room and Raphael was frantically trying to avoid the onslaught.

"STOP IT! APRIL, CALM DOWN!" he pleaded as a glass crashed against his shell.

Desperately she tried; she closed her eyes and focused with all her might. But she didn't know how she'd made it start much less how to end it. "I can't! I can't make it stop!" she cried. He was right; she needed to calm down. She knew that was the only thing that was going to work, and she knew it would be impossible with the mayhem going on around her. "Get out of the room!" she begged.

Instead, dodging projectiles, he crossed the room and embraced her. She sobbed, her body heaving against him as he held her tightly. "I gotcha," he calmed her. The dishware hovered in midair and she clutched at him tighter as they came crashing down around them.

Breathing heavily, she looked over his shoulder and took inventory of the room with wide, darting eyes. "Oh my god," she breathed, pulling away.

"No, it's okay. It's okay," Raph assured her, wiping away a trail of tears from her face.

"It's not!" she cried. "How's this going to work if you have to worry about me throwing cutlery at your head any time we have an argument?"

"You didn't do that," he soothed.

"I could have!" she insisted.

"Well it's a good thing I'm a ninja then," he smirked.

She couldn't help but grin at that and some of the tension she'd been holding left her body. "Raph, I'm serious."

"I know and we're gonna figure this out. Just -" He held up his hands. "Don't move." He carefully crossed the room once again, returning with a broom.

"Your feet," she said worriedly, noticing that a neat semi-circle of debris had been left clear around her own as though some instinctual part of her knew enough to protect herself.

"I'm alright. I have thick skin," he offered, sweeping a path for her to the living room.

She was still shaking like a leaf. He sat with her on the couch and she rested her head against his shoulder. "Give me a minute," she said. Finding comfort in his arm wrapped around her, she closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, on the still and quiet that finally surrounded them.

A few minutes passed and she felt calmer, even though Raphael's words still hung heavily in her mind. She inhaled deeply and, without moving, whispered, "Is that why you're with me?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked,confused.

Her eyes remained closed, half-afraid of what he might say or what he might realize about himself. "Are you with me because you don't have any other options?"

"That's - no," he stammered. "That's not what I said." His arm tightened around her in assurance.

"What's the difference?" she breathed.

"Is this - is this something that's been bothering you?" he asked in a mystified tone.

She shrugged against him bashfully, feeling uncomfortably exposed. "We'll - I'll get Donnie and tell him I had another incident," she said, standing up. "Should explain this mess."

He grabbed her by the wrist. "No, I'm serious. You know that's not true, right? You can tell." He pointed to his head with his free hand.

She smiled softly at him and stroked his cheek. "Yes," she nodded. "I can tell."

"Must be nice," he commented. "Sometimes I wish I could do that."

"No, you really don't. That's why this isn't easier for me," she said bluntly.

He shot her a quizzical look. She felt uneasy returning to a topic that was always volatile between them. But he was right that she had been avoiding this too long. She sighed and sat down next to him again.

"It's not always good to know how people really feel about you," she explained. "Casey - Casey won't be so hard, I don't think. He cares about me a lot. He really does. But...I don't think he'd have gotten as invested if it weren't for the competition."

"That's Casey all over," he agreed with a relieved smile that suddenly faded into a frown of concern. "...And Donnie?"

"You already know the answer to that, Raph," she murmured sadly. "It's why I avoid the subject. Why talking about it puts me on edge. Because I know. I really know..." she choked. "But awful as it's going to be I think it's time we talked to him."

She watched him closely, gauging his reaction, as he stared off in the distance. Then he nodded slowly and took a deep breath.

"Yeah…Yeah, I know."