DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em, though I wish I did. No money. Nothing. Nada. Just for fun. PLEASE don't sue me.

NOTE TO READER: Rating: Good for all ages I guess. Sickenly sweet fanfic. OOC, and Lana, Rae and Bernie are of my own invention. Can't say there's a point to this...it just came to me in one night and so it was written in one night... TAKES PLACE A COUPLE YEARS AFTER ENDLESS WALTZ...

Clown of the Heart
Parts 7-9

Part 7

But instead of hearing a harsh word or getting a look of utter disgust I looked up to see an amused smile on her face.

"So you have a crush on Trowa? I wondered why I've seen you every night since opening day. Especially after the first day when I saw you almost leave." Catherine said her smile broadening. I bit my lip again.

"I don't feel very well. I need some air." I said after a wave of nausea came over me. I wanted to run away so badly. So very, very badly.

"Okay, I'll see he gets it. I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

Realizing it was a question, not a statement to tease me I felt my nausea leave up for a moment as I thought up an answer that would force her to let me know where I stood with her. "Sure...if you still want me to come now." My answer was almost drowned out by a thunderous applause in the background.

"Yes. I'd love for you to show up. Now I'll know I have someone to show my little brother off to."

I giggled at her tone and with giddy relief. Then a worrying thought came to me. "He doesn't have a girl... girlfriend does he?"

Catherine laughed aloud as she spoke. "No sweetie, he's as free as the wind."

That relieved almost all my nausea.

"Show will be ending soon. I'll take you back to your seat." Bernie said turning around to go back out into the crowd.

As I turned around to follow him I heard a soft male voice say behind me, "What's this?"

"You have an admirer Trowa." Catherine said with a giggle. I refused to turn around. I knew he knew it was me. I knew he was watching me go back to my seat. When I returned to my seat I was forced to look back towards the darkness of the backstage tents. He was still standing there- alone, watching me with his wild eyes. I had to avert my eyes from the gaze. I looked around the tent, up in the air to the roof. Somehow the tightrope act, which had been delayed, never seemed more interesting. I purposely concentrated as hard as I could on the act.

When I was forced to look back down at the ground I HAD to look in the direction I wanted to avoid. I started when I realized that the figure leaning on a pole, arms crossed with a bag dangling from one hand, was still there. Still watching me.

I tried to sink down lower into my seat. 'Oh no! I've REALLY done it this time! I know. I just WON'T come tomorrow. But I can't do that. I promised Catherine I would. If only Rae were here. She'd out shine me...draw his attention away. Surely he hates me now.'

I felt sick again. I realized with an amount of gratification the show was over. I bolted out of my seat and ran out of the tent. Crisp night air assaulted my lungs. I clasped my arms around me in a hugging motion. Vaguely, before Bernie had led me to my doom, I began to recall the plan I had finally worked out for giving Trowa the gifts. I was going to ask which trailer was his and quickly leave it on the trailer's doorstep. Easy and unhumilating.

'Well at least he got them.', a voice inside me said. 'And at least you know you aren't going to be beat up by his sister or a jealous girlfriend.' Yes, that was nice to know.

I looked around briefly to figure out where I was. A little walk further and I'd be able to have some peace and quiet to think. They had set the circus up on the fairgrounds. There was a mini park up ahead. One that surely would be quiet.

I came to the desired section and heaved a sigh of relief. Couples were walking along in quiet contemplation of each other. Trees created a labyrinth of sheltering quiet and peace and a lake that glimmered in the opening among the treetops sparkled with the moon's gift of diamonds in it's waves. Breathing in the air and taking in the sounds and shapes nature offered my senses, I felt my nausea and tension leave up again under it's spell.

I walked quietly to the edge of the lake and looked up at the stars. I sat down, happily, dreamily, as I gazed at their sparkling beauty, just as the lake-like diamonds. I numbly remembered the words I had written on the card:

Please take this rose that I offer you with the most sincerest meaning it's red petals can boast and these candies to sweeten your tastebuds and lips.

Sincerely, An admirer

I couldn't bear to sign my name. I forced myself to relax again, and try to force my mind to go numb. To just admire the beauty around me. Finally I became totally relaxed.

"I always had preferred the night's beauties as well and, ah, you didn't sign your name on your card." said an unexpected voice behind me.

I jumped at the sound of it as my muscles began to tense. Slowly I turned to meet the night-shrouded figure of Trowa. I visibly gulped. Absent the bag, now he carried what had been its contents in his hands. Words failed me. Was he going to pitch them back at me? Thank me for them? What did he plan to do? How did he know where to find me?

"Well?" he asked. "Name?"

"Lana..."I croaked out.

"Lana." he repeated in a softer tone. "It's pretty."

I smiled gently as I felt a blush come to my cheeks forcing me to look away from the beautiful green eyes. I looked back and for the first time realized he wasn't in his clown outfit, but a T-shirt and jeans. A TIGHT T-shirt and jeans. Every muscle of his chest and arms rippled under the fabric when he moved, every muscular thigh was shown off. Realizing I had been staring, I turned back around away from him, blushing again. I heard his soft steps come to my side.

Part 8

"Mind if I sit with you?" he asked as if pleased with himself. Had he worn that outfit on PURPOSE?

I shook my head as I whispered, "I don't mind."

I stared ahead as I heard him sit down on the soft grass and begin to regard me. I refused to look at him. I concentrated instead on the dancing lights in the lake. I felt something soft and feathery brush against my cheek, trail down my neck, then down my arm. It caused goosebumps to rise on my bare arms. I was already cold from not having worn a jacket over my tanktop. The days were hot, the nights growing cold. I had thought I'd be home by now. I shivered as I looked down to see what it was causing the bumps to rise on my skin. It was the rose I had given him. He traced it back up my arm. Being cold already and the tingly sensation made me shiver again more noticeably.

"Are you cold?" he asked when he noticed it.

"A little." I answered softly.

Shock registered through every pore of my body when I felt his arms encircle me and push me against his much, much warmer body. His grip around me was secure yet gentle. I sighed. I couldn't help it. I never thought he would notice ME. I never even imagined that I would ever be held by any man I liked.

"So... you've spent tons of money coming for every show just to see me." he stated with mild amusement in his voice.

I felt a little humiliated again as I nodded.

"I know you asked about me. Bernie told me. I've been sort of following you around." he whispered by my ear.

"You mean I wasn't just being paranoid that someone was following me around?" I asked in disbelief.

"No." A soft expression came to his features as his voice became gentle." I'm sorry if I frightened you. I was just trying to figure you out. I've been watching you from the first time I saw you when I was in the ring for our act until I received these gifts from you." His tone became seductive. "I wanted to be sure that you were attracted to me too. That I REALLY was what you were coming to see."

"You mean you saw me in that crowd the first day?" I asked in disbelief.

He nodded and pulled me tighter to him nuzzling my neck with his cheek. I sighed again finally relaxing in the security and warmth I felt in his arms. I dared to be brave enough to lay a hand on his. Gently he maneuvered his hand to entwine our fingers. I felt him tilt his head against mine and he relieved a sigh of his own. We sat like that for awhile looking up at the skies or at the lake wordlessly, and then one of the things that had kept festering in the recesses of my mind since this all began peaked.

"There's only three more days you know." I said sadly.

He tilted his head slightly to look at me. I strained my neck to look at him. He was chewing on his lower lip.

"I know. I've been thinking about that too." he replied in a contemplative voice.

"Well what can we do about that?" I asked turning into him slightly. "I don't think I can scrounge up enough money to come the last two days. I need money for work, gas..."

He stopped my lips with two gentle fingers pressed on them. "That won't be a problem. Do you have enough gas to get here and to work each day?"

I thought about it briefly. I had a half-full tank, so yes, I did. I nodded.

"Then all you need to do is show up. I'll take care of the rest," he said with a hint of a smile.

"And after..." I asked in a squeak.

Perhaps I was just someone whom he was just passing time with? He unraveled his fingers from mine and caressed my cheek. "I have leave time coming up soon. I'll come to see you then. In the meantime I'll call and write...if YOU like me enough to let me."

I caught the emphasized 'you'. Did he want a long-term relationship after all? A solid one? I doubted I could JUST be friends with him. I was too attracted to him.

"I'll let you." I said in a dream state. He did smile at that. "I don't have anything on me to write my address and phone number on. And..." I stopped at my next thought, my eyes widening. It was the second thing that had been bothering me. In a rush I asked, "How old are you?"

He looked confused. "Nineteen."

Relieved I let out the deep breath I had took in and held. I had feared I was in the arms of a minor.

"And you?" he countered point blankly.

"Eighteen." In a strange way I was happy as a lark that he was older than I was.

He sighed a similar one to mine and bent his head to rest on my cheek. "You'll be here tomorrow...you can bring your address then." he said with a dreamy look in his eyes as he gave me a gentle squeeze. I wondered what he was thinking.

I nodded.

"Now," he said turning his attention to the chocolates," what kind of chocolates are in here?" He unraveled one arm from around me to pick the box up.

"Just assorted ones to sweeten your tongue." I said in a cross between a shy and suggestive voice.

He caught the suggestive part of the comment and smiled again. He put the box in his other hand while keeping it draped around me, and cupped my cheek in his hand. "I think YOU'RE all I'll ever need to sweeten tongue." he purred in a sensual voice that made me want to melt.

I peered into the endless green depths of his eyes and realized he was telling the truth as HE knew it. I had a strange way of telling the difference between when a person lied or was telling the truth. He also felt the same way as I. We could never be JUST friends.

"Now help me open this box. You are going to help me eat these, right?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

"Well won't Catherine want any of them?" I asked feeling guilty again for not getting her anything.

"She might, but it'll be in her best interests if she doesn't have any. She's on a diet you know." he told me as if it was a deep, dark secret. I laughed and helped him with the wrapper.

~~~~*~~~~~

Part 9

Despite our already strong feelings for each other, we also knew from the beginning we wanted to take things slow. Both of us wanted the relationship to last. He had called at every new city he reached. Written every week, and came to see me at his every available vacation. The funny part was when I talked to Catherine when I had went back to the circus the next day and got in free thanks to Trowa's persuasion, that she said she never heard him talk as much as he did around me. Nor act the way he did. Perhaps I talked even less than he did. Rae was beside herself trying to figure out where I had "picked him up". You'd think she'd have figured out HE was the reason for my sudden interest in the circus.

I watched silently now, almost over a year later as a car roared up into the driveway of my apartment complex. I grinned happily; my excitement too wound up to be masked within. After minutes that seemed to last like an eternity I heard the much-desired knock on the door. I ran to it, forced myself to calm down, then opened it. I looked up at the tall man before me, bangs hanging over one of his beautiful green eyes. His eyes were still wild and in someway fiery, yet so gentle and loving that you lost yourself in them. But I realized that there was one thing nearly gone from them now-- sadness.

Trowa had told me in great detail of his past. The way he was raised, WHO he had been raised by, the physical abuse he had suffered from being in war all his life, and ultimately that he had been a Gundam pilot. His life was forced to be lonely, and filled with pain and unhappiness. But it seemed the loneliness was gone now. Even though the pain was still there, and probably never would go away completely. Which broke my heart. The very sight of him made me lose my breath and want to sing, dance, cry, and laugh. I knew now more than ever before that I loved him. I was IN love with him, and always would love him.

"Well can I come in or do you prefer to admire my magnificence in the hallway?" he asked playfully.

I stepped aside noticing he carried a bag with him. I forced myself not to get nosey--yet.

"How was your trip?" I asked taking his hand and we walked together to the couch and sat down.

"Well enough. I need to get that muffler fixed," he said nodding in the direction of the car outside.

I eyed the bag then looked up to see him grinning. "Here. I'm going to get us some tea." He handed me the bag as he stood up.

I watched him move with the grace he always did, like a dancer, then went back to the bag. I chuckled when I opened it. There was a red rose, a card, and a box of chocolates. I couldn't help but look up at him in the kitchen to see him smirk. I looked back down at the chocolates. They had been opened...

"I ate one on the way here. Hope you don't mind." he called from the kitchen.

I smelled the rose to hide the smile I felt come to my face. When I had given him the chocolates as a gift I had been right on the money. It was his weakness. Gingerly, I opened the box and put the lid aside. I glanced down and back up to smile at him, but did a double take when I saw a glint flashed at me from the middle of the assortment. I looked back at the chocolates and in the middle where a chocolate was supposed to rest in its holder was a diamond ring. My eyes were as wide as saucers as I picked it up and held it's sparkling beauty to the light. I looked over at Trowa and saw him smile warmly and shyly.

"Read the card," he said softly as I noticed he was purposely not coming out of the kitchen.

I put the ring on the coffee table in front of me and the chocolate box aside, but kept the rose in my hand. I opened the card that was decorated intricately with a red rose on the front. The card, I could tell was an expensive one. With a deep sigh I read:

Please take this rose that I offer you with the most sincerest meaning it's red petals can boast, and these candies to sweeten your tastebuds and lips.

And within the sweetness that the candies can bring, the ring that I offer you to ask you to love me forever. Will you consent to be my bride? For you alone will be all I ever need to sweeten my tongue.

Sincerely,
An admirer

Finally with a bit of nervousness that I hadn't noticed before Trowa came out of the kitchen with two glasses of tea. He walked over to stand in front of me and set the glasses down with shaky hands on the table.

"Lana..."he said softly, as he bent down on one knee and picked up the ring. "Will you marry me?"

I felt dumbstruck and all at once my emotions came flooding within me. I heard myself begin to laugh and cry at the same time as I bolted forward and caught him around the neck in a strong embrace, then let go enough to look into his eyes. I nodded as I heard my inaudible, "Yes" come from my lips.

Trowa flashed me a relieved and winning smile and pulled my left hand from his neck and slipped the ring on the appropriate finger. He sighed deeply, the smile returning as he cupped my face in his hands and pulled me closer until my lips met his in the deepest, most passionate kiss I could imagine. Catherine would say if she had seen it that she didn't believe it. "Trowa doesn't act that way."

I wrapped my arms around his neck again and fell into the kiss as I felt his hands leave my face and his arms encircle me, pulling me closer to him. The kiss was leaving me dizzy. I wasn't sure if it was from the lack of oxygen or too much emotion permeating my senses all at once. My feelings were racing in all directions...happiness, love, passion, they suddenly became one. Finally we pulled away from it out of breath. Trowa fell back a bit, a smile hinted on his lips.

"I think I need to tell my family and Rae." I replied softly, gazing into his love filled eyes.

He nodded as I slid my hands down his chest and pulled out of his arms. Before I could reach over the couch for the receiver he grabbed my left hand and kissed it tenderly. He released my hand then moved to sit beside me on the couch. I smiled at him again and reached over, and picked up the phone's receiver. I stopped when I felt a velvety brush on my cheek, down my neck and over my arm. I looked down knowing what it was. He smiled at me innocently and slid closer to me, putting an arm around my shoulders, pulling me to face him. With the other hand he took the rose and brushed along my other cheek and around my neck. I followed it's movement with fascination, then watched as he laid it carefully on the table and used his now free hand to caress my face. I leaned into his hand, and softly kissed his palm.

"I love you," he said in a soft whisper.

"I love you too." I answered in the same voice.

He began leaning in for another kiss, but kept his lips lingering inches from mine as he spoke. "As I said, your all I need to sweeten my tongue."

I needed no other invitation...we motioned together in the meeting of our lips this time. I unwittingly dropped the phone's receiver as I put my arms around him again, and began to vaguely hear the phone start beeping to say it was off the hook. Briefly I reflected that the greatest joy in my life, my soul mate, was waiting for me in a circus, and I had only first known him as a clown.

But the thought floated away on a song in the air that made me believe that if I opened my eyes now I would see stars. The other kiss was nothing compared to this one. It spoke volumes as I could tell through it both our hearts sang as one.

FINIS

AUTHOR'S NOTE: You can archive this if you wish. I lack a spell checker on the system I have to use, so you may want to run this through one first. Now on an insane note:

DUO: How come you ALWAYS write about Trowa? Why don't you ever write about ME sometime?
HEERO: Or me? I'd like to have a girlfriend too!
DUO: So would I!
Calla: But you already have girlfriends! (points to Heero) YOU are with Relena...
HEERO: (smiles dreamily) Relena...(walks away in a daze)
Calla: (points to Duo) And you are with Hilde!
Duo: Hilde...(grins like an idiot)
Wufei: Women! What about me? I'm ALWAYS left out!
Calla: You're with Sally!
Wufei: Oh. (grins)
Quatre: So! At LEAST you can be connected with somebody! I'm the one everyone ALWAYS assumes is GAY! I'M NOT GAY! Just because I'm sensitive...(sobs)
Calla: Oh Quatre... but in my OTHER fanfic... the saga you DO have a girlfriend.
Quatre: But what about outside it?
Calla: Well...
Quatre: See... YOU don't love ME!
Calla: Quatre...
Trowa: It's not THAT Quatre...I'M her favorite character that's all. You're her SECOND favorite. She loves us all equally though...well except me...she likes me more.
Quatre: (starts crying)
Calla: (shakes her head and comes to Quatre's side) Quatre...why don't we settle this now. You want a girlfriend?
Q: Yeah.
C: (sweeps hand around the room) Okay who do you want? Q: (looks around then leans in to whisper in Calla's ear)
C: Are you SURE?
Q: (nods)
C: Okay...(gets up and goes to center of the room) Quatre wants Lady Une to be his girlfriend. Lady Une please step forward.
Lady Une: (comes forward and joins a gleeful Quatre)
Everyone especially Trieze: LADY UNE!!!
Trieze: But what about me?
C: You're dead. You don't mind.
T: Oh yeah...forgot. (scowls)
Duo: Lady Une. Who'd have thought...?