SUMMARY: Pearl cannot bring herself to forgive the beast that stole Rose's life. If hating Steven is her grief, learning to love him is learning to cope.

Beach City Hospital's postnatal ward's atmosphere threatened to overwhelm Pearl, resident brain of the Crystal Gems. For a species for whom obnoxiousness came as easily as breathing, babies somehow managed to be particularly annoying: shrill, whiny, and disgustingly biological. She couldn't help but liken them to Amethyst, her perennial nemesis, and the thought made her want to retch. Being penned in by these howling creatures was not improving her already-sour mood.

The source of all her misfortune, a certain Greg Universe, seemed to be the only one of the group unperturbed by what she could only describe as a 'murder' of children. He was busying himself with a cradle in the centre of the room, where the noise and the smell seemed to congregate thickest, and she crossed her arms as she watched him fuss and coo over the most horrid little beast of the lot.

The thought that within her reach was the greatest foe the Crystal Gems had ever faced, not some mighty monster or fearsome predator but a simple and defenseless human child, and there was nothing she could do about it, was frustrating. The baby wasn't even a threat in any conventional sense of the word; the only danger it posed was to itself, but that thought did not stop her from wishing it would choke on its own incessant burps.

How very morbid. Pearl stifled a small giggle, careful to lower her head and pretend she'd made no sound.

"Hey," drawled Amethyst beside her, looking equally as bored as Pearl felt. "Can we go home now? Even I'm feeling a little grossed out by these tiny people."

"And we all know Amethyst is the queen of all things revolting," Pearl added, slightly smirking. Amethyst snorted, hands fidgeting behind her back, but kept her mouth shut otherwise. Pearl was grateful for that, if nothing else.

Something about the tiny humans, whether their smell, their soft and frail flesh, or even the innocent smiles on their sweet, pudgy little faces, put her off. Gems were created with a full body of knowledge and an intimate understanding of the intricacies of human nature (or Gem nature, rather). She would be the first to claim naivete was alien to them, and children, incarnations of humanity's good nature, made her feel even more out of place on the alien planet.

Their de facto leader, on the other hand, seemed unfazed by their complaints or their circumstances. Her eyes were for the little devil only, as she stood over the other side of the cradle, utterly transfixed by its peaceful sleeping face. In a way, that scared Pearl the most. Garnet had idolised Rose as her leader and friend, and both Pearl and Amethyst similarly looked up to Garnet. For Gems, such breaks in the chain of command were almost unprecedented, and now, Pearl, out of her element and her depth, felt more lost and alone than ever before.

Rose Quartz had imposed sense and order on the chaotic world of Earth. She'd mothered them, guided them, and made them brave. Now she was gone.

The sound of the baby laughing startled Pearl out of her thoughts. More startling, though, was the way Garnet smiled and reached out to the baby, gently caressing its face as though she understood some cosmic truth no one else grasped. When little Steven Quartz Universe reached back, closing a tiny hand around Garnet's massive index finger and nibbling on it like some sort of snack, Pearl felt something flare up inside her like never before.

"So when do I get to take him home?" Greg said nervously, scratching his crown. "I mean, I'm a travelling musician, money's tight, you know how it is."

"Of course, sir," was the nurse's response as she milled through the ward, pen scratching away at the clipboard she held. Pearl was entranced by the grace and discipline of her movements as she attended to the infants, as though they had been practiced over many, many years. "You must be very tired. I'm sorry to hear about your wife."

"Yeah," Greg replied, nodding. Pearl felt no sympathy for him. "With Rose gone," he paused to choke back what Pearl could have sworn was a sob, "I'm feeling pretty blue. It'll be nice to get to know my new little buddy."

Pearl watched him lean down to plant a kiss on the baby's forehead. It mystified her that Greg could be so fond of the little brat who stole his wife, especially when said brat did none of the things she'd read made babies so captivating. He didn't cry, he didn't bite, he didn't pull or poke or pinch at all. He didn't do much of anything, really, beyond just lying there in his crib, quiet and unassuming until you paid attention to him. Then he'd smile and laugh, Rose's laugh, and it only served to drive the point of his mother's sacrifice home.

"Hey, Pearl!" cried a voice from the doorway, prompting the babies to worsen their chorus of wails. Pearl covered her ears as Amethyst sauntered over, sheepish but otherwise her same old unrepentant self. She gestured towards the doorway and grinned. "Wanna go down to the waiting room and pretend we've got the smallpox?"

"No!" Pearl said, grimacing. "It wasn't funny fifty years ago and it isn't funny now!"

"Sheesh, what a killjoy," sighed the other Gem, as Garnet stomped past her and dragged her away. "You're never any fun!"

"Excuse me, ma'am, but can you lower your voice?" the nurse hissed, hustling after the other two Gems with Greg in tow. "There are children sleeping in here!" From a distance, Pearl could make out some sort of muffled groan as the doors to the ward swung shut.

Leaving her fortuitously alone with the baby.

She longed to finally look it in the eye, face to face. Rose's actions and the nigh-impenetrable reasoning behind them had been weighing on her mind for so long that all she could think of now was this encounter. Perhaps, she mused, she could dispose of the child in secret, and, with a little luck, free Rose from the confines of the gem embedded in his stomach.

With that grim thought in mind, Pearl made her way through the rows of cribs.

The room almost seemed to fall silent, background noise melting away into amenable quiet as she approached Steven's cradle and leaned over its head to look her grudge in the eye. The knot forming in her throat tightened as she lifted him up out of the bed and into her arms, cradling him between them as gently as she could.

"Shush," she whispered, placing a single finger tentatively on his mouth. He stared back at her, eyes wide and shining, and together, for a few moments, they shared a personable impasse.

Then he croaked, and started laughing.

It rang too much of Rose's laugh: throaty, halting and reassuring, in a way that reverberated through her core and filled her with light. She shuddered, baby clasped tightly in her arms, and clutched even tighter when she felt the predictable tears pooling at the corners of her eyes.

"Is it so wrong to want her back?" Pearl whispered, craning her head forward. "Is it so wrong to hate you for taking her away from us? We can't go on without Rose. What's the point..."

Her grip tightened. Steven squeaked, but otherwise made no sound, and Pearl carried on, absorbed in her grief.

"Why did you take her away from us? It's all your-"

Quite without warning, Pearl felt a curiously comforting touch on the point of her nose. Her eyes briefly focused, blinking back tears, to find Steven reaching up to her, still smiling that goofy smile as he patted her on the only part of her face he could reach. Something inside her swelled in response, and she tamped it down, trying her best to hold on to her anger.

Her eyes closed, and she forced the smile forming on her face into something resembling a frown.

"Fault," she continued, so sharply that it burst the bubble of anticipation surrounding them, and the cacophony of infant screams resumed, worse than ever. It amazed her that in her arms Steven remained placid, staring up at her the way, she remembered, she'd used to stare at Rose.

"I despise you," she said, glaring into his beady little eyes. "I swear I will never forgive you."

When the Gems came back to find her an hour later, they were surprised to find her still in the ward, crouched by Steven's crib, idly stroking his face as he slept, a foul expression plastered on her own.