All That You Can't Leave Behind

Rating: T

Synopsis: Love and death. Two certainties in Felicity's world. Once they collide, there is no coming back from the heartbreak.

Pairing: Oliver & Felicity

Characters: Oliver, Felicity, Diggle, Lyla, Roy, Thea, Laurel

Season/Episode: 3x09

Category: Angst, Tragedy, Pain

Disclaimer: (the usual, don't own, idea was mine though)

AN: This was the only way I knew how to process last night's episode. I'm SO sorry! I'm also thinking about expanding this into a few more parts. We'll see, though.

She should have known her words would come back to bite her, but this? It made her wish for a time machine so she could turn back the clock and take them all back.

"So that's it? You're going to spend your life hiding down here, in this cave, waiting to die? I'm sorry. I'm not going to wait with you because if there's one thing that today taught me, it's that life is precious. I want so much more in mine than this."

She'd been working late, again, trying to put off going to the foundry for as long as possible, when her phone vibrated on the desk beside her. A sigh of relief escaped her lips when she saw it was Diggle. "I swear, I'll be there in five minutes…" she started to say when he cut her off.

"Felicity, you need to get here now," he urgently replied. "It doesn't look good and I need all the help I can get."

Her heart immediately sank. She knew what those words meant. Oliver had been hurt beyond what Diggle and Roy were capable to fixing by themselves. "I'll be right there," Felicity replied, grabbing her purse and quickly throwing her things into it.

Scrambling out of her office, she ran into Ray just as he was hopping off the elevator. "Hey, what's the rush?" he asked.

"My… my friend's been in an accident," she muttered without looking at him. "I… I have to go." Felicity hurried into the elevator and pressed the lobby button as quickly as she could.

"You want me to…?"

"No!" Felicity quickly cut him off as the doors closed.

Not even ten minutes later, she was racing into the open back lot of Verdant, her heart beating a mile a minute as she punched in the security code and flew down the stairs into the lair. There was blood, so much blood, leading from the steps towards the med bay. When she gazed up from the trail of red droplets, she found Diggle and Roy frantically working to save their friend.

Oliver was sprawled out on the table, not unlike the last time when he'd been injected with a strong blood coagulant, but his skin was ashen. Blood dripped from the fingers of his outstretched hand onto the floor beside the gurnee. It took all of Felicity's strength to keep from gasping out loud at the sight before her, so she threw off her coat and grabbed a pair of gloves in an effort to stave off her fears.

"Oh, thank god!" Roy said once he saw her moving towards them.

Beside him, Diggle glanced up from where he'd been trying to stop the bleeding from somewhere along Oliver's side. "Grab the saline and a blood bag from the fridge," he ordered without so much as a hello.

That was fine. Felicity needed something else to focus on beside the fact that her friend was injured and unconscious and possibly bleeding out in front of her eyes. She scurried around, gathering the supplies he asked for along with a few more boxes of gauze pads and suture kits. They were laid out on the table beside Oliver's hip, which was when she finally got a good look at him.

"Oh, my god," Felicity gasped, her eyes raking over his chest to find a smattering of stab wounds that extended from his shoulder all the way down to the hem of his pants. Some where shallow while a few were very deep and possibly life-threatening. The one Diggle was working to close off appeared to be one of the bad ones.

Some of the wounds had already been patched up by Roy's inexperienced hand. Felicity grabbed more gauze pads then began pressing them to the wound at Oliver's shoulder. It was just as bad as the one he'd received when his mother had shot him, maybe a little worse considering this one had probably come from a knife with a serrated edge. Those were a bitch to fix, especially if the perpetrator had been merciless. Judging from all the other wounds, that seemed to be the case.

The sound of the heart rate monitor quickly grabbed her attention when it began to sound the alarm that Oliver's pulse had dropped to a dangerously low level.

"He's crashing!" Diggle yelled. "Roy, get more blood. Felicity, I need the defibrillator."

Like the well oiled machine they'd become through months of working together, Roy and Felicity did as they were asked while Diggle tried everything in his power to keep their friend alive. But it didn't seem to be working. No matter what they did, Oliver's condition continued to spiral downward.

"We need to get him to a hospital," Diggle said, finally giving up the fight. He pulled off his blood soaked gloves and threw them into the trash can.

"What!?" Felicity's head shot up from where she'd been concentrating on staunching the blood from Oliver's shoulder wound. "You have to keep trying! We can't give up!"

"There's nothing else I can do," he replied, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

"So this is it? You're just throwing in the towel?" she angrily spat. "You're giving up on Oliver? Your friend? The godfather to your daughter?"

"Felicity," Diggle tried to interrupt her tangent, but she was having none of it.

"No, we are not giving up!" she yelled, frantically scurrying around the table to try and do whatever she could to stop the bleeding. "We need to keep trying! How many times has this happened in the past? How many times have we managed to save him? How can you…"

"Because he doesn't want to die down here!" he finally shouted at her.

Felicity felt her body freeze almost immediately. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as the words she'd said to Oliver barely two months ago played again in her mind. You're going to spend your life hiding down here, in this cave, waiting to die? He didn't want to die down there. He wanted to live. He didn't want her words to become his destiny. Yet here he was, in the lair as close to death's doorstep as he'd ever come.

"I'm making the call," Diggle informed her as her eyes flicked away from his and back towards Oliver's prone form.

Felicity staggered back, her shoulders slumping. A deep, almost savage ache came to rest over her heart as she gazed down at her partner. "Oh, Oliver," she murmured, placing her hand against his cheek as tears stung the corners of her eyes. She wanted to cry, to scream, to curse and yell, but she couldn't. Not a sound came from her throat as tears leaked from her eyes spilling across her cheeks and falling to the ground.

Felicity didn't know how long she'd stood there until an arm wrapped around her waist and tugged her away from the table. Beside her stood Roy, his face sullen as he moved her away from Oliver. It was then that she noticed the paramedics making their way down the stairs. They were dressed in military garb, all dark green and black camo, very much unlike the paramedics she was used to.

Her questioning gaze prompted Roy to respond, "Dig called Lyla. They're taking Oliver to an A.R.G.U.S. facility." All she could do was nod as they watched the elite military team gather their friend onto a backboard and bring him up the stairs. Felicity buried her face in the red cotton of Roy's hoodie as the door slammed shut.

She didn't know how long the stood there. Her mind had gone numb to the world around her. It wasn't until she felt Roy wrap his arms around her waist and tug her forward that Felicity finally snapped out of it. He was helping her up the foundry steps where Diggle stood holding the door open. She was grateful for the support these two men gave her when she felt like everything was falling apart.

The drive to the A.R.G.U.S. run hospital was short. Felicity's mind was elsewhere, though. A constant loop of Diggle's words played over in her mind. He doesn't want to die down here! Somehow she'd gotten through to Oliver, only he'd never told her. She could understand why. She'd been the one to walk away. She'd been the one who couldn't take having her heart broken over and over.

And yet here she was, shattered to pieces once again by the man she told herself to stop caring so much about. Felicity could feel fresh tears slide down her cheeks as she sat curled up in Roy's lap. Why did she have to care about Oliver so much? Why did her heart believe him when he said he loved her in that lonely hospital hallway? Her brain did it's best to rationalize it, but it was no use. Her heart was right, had always been right. If only she'd listened to it…

As the trio entered the emergency room, Felicity noticed it looked like any other hospital she'd been to, except for the unusually large number of soldiers walking the halls. A few feet from the door stood a concerned Lyla, her arms full of her squirming baby daughter. Just seeing baby Sara sent knives through her heart. They'd already already lost one member of the team. Losing their leader was unfathomable.

"Hey, it's going to be okay," Lyla said as soon as her eyes landed on Felicity. She gave Sara over to Diggle and wrapped her arms around the trembling blonde. "He's got the best team of doctors working on him."

Felicity sagged into her embrace as more tears streamed down her cheeks. No matter how many people hugged her and gave her their best that night, she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge them. She was hurting in unimaginable ways and just the possibility of Oliver not waking up sent her straight into fits of sobbing.

Lyla led her down the hall to a secluded waiting room then eased her into a couch where they sat together, Felicity clinging to her like the world would fall apart if someone didn't hold her. When Lyla got a phone call, she passed her to Roy's waiting arms and he hugged her just as he had the night Sara died.

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours that passed before a doctor in blue scrubs stepped into the room. Immediately upon seeing him, Felicity shot to her feet. "How's Oliver? Is he okay? Is he alive?" she asked, searching the doctor's eyes for any clues as to the well being of her friend.

"Mr. Queen is in critical condition," the doctor somberly replied, and Felicity immediately felt her body begin to sag. If Roy hadn't stepped up behind her and put an arm around her waist, she probably would have sunk to the floor. Tears welled in her eyes as she continued listening to the doctor. "We've done the best we could to stop the bleeding, but the puncture wounds went deep, piercing several major organs including his kidney, liver, spleen and right lung. He lost a lot of blood, and quite frankly it's a miracle he's even alive. The next twenty-four hours are critical. If he survives those, then he's got a fifty percent chance of recovering."

"Fifty percent is better than nothing," Felicity sniffled, her grip on Roy tightening. "Can we see him?"

"Yes, follow me," he replied. The doctor led the quartet through a maze of hallways until they finally reached the intensive care unit. Oliver was only a few doors down from the entrance, but it felt like miles as Felicity walked down the quiet hallway. Her heart thundered in her chest the closer she got until they finally stopped at the door.

The doctor pushed it open, motioning for them to go inside. Roy had to nudge her slightly to get her to move, but as soon as Felicity entered the room, she understood why she'd hesitated. Laying on the bed covered in bandages with tubes and wires crisscrossing his body, she finally saw Oliver. He didn't look like the strong hero she always saw him as. He looked weak and fragile, two words she never thought she'd ever associate with him. Machines helped him breathe, tubes fed him and kept him medicated.

A hoarse sob escaped Felicity's throat and she turned in Roy's arms, burying her face in his shoulder. He held her, rocking her back and forth as his hands rubbed up and down her back. But no amount of kind words and gentle touches could comfort her. So she pulled herself out of his grasp and slowly made her way toward the bed.

"Oh, Oliver," she whispered, her hand reaching out to stroke the short strands of his hair. "Please," Felicity begged, leaning down so her lips were a hair's breadth from his ear. "Please be okay. Remember what I told you the night of Slade's siege. You are not done fighting. So fight, Oliver, fight your way back from this. Fight your way back to me. Just don't give up, okay? I believe in you and I love you. Do you hear me? I love you." With that, she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Several more tears streamed down her cheeks before she finally pulled away. But her hand continued to tenderly stroke his forehead. The rest of the team stood behind her, a wall of support in her time of need. They, too, were hurting, and it showed on their faces how torn up they were over Oliver's fate, but none more than she. Even when Laurel arrived, and subsequently burst into tears, her pain had nothing on Felicity's. The only person that did was Thea.

She arrived an hour later, running into the room practically shouting, "Where is he?! Where's my brother!" Felicity caught her just as she entered, throwing her arms around the brunette the moment she saw Oliver. "Oh, god! What happened to him?" she sobbed, her eyes peering over Felicity's shoulder as she rocked Thea back and forth.

"We don't know," Felicity mumbled, holding onto her a little tighter when her sobs increased in pitch and volume. She was lying, and she hated it, but keeping Thea in the dark about the real reason Oliver lay in that hospital bed was the right thing to do. After what the team had discovered about Thea's involvement in Sara's murder, it was just better that way.

Oliver done what any brother would have done in his situation: he'd taken the fall for her and decided to try and beat Ra's al Ghul himself, knowing full well that he'd probably die trying. Felicity's heart seized in her chest as a fresh stream of tears slid down her cheeks She and Thea stood together, holding each other and crying over the man they both loved and cared for in their own special way.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," Thea mumbled against Felicity's shirt. "First it was the boat, then it was the Christmas thing two years ago… And now this? Who would want to hurt him? He's never hurt anyone in his life!"

Holding her a little closer, Felicity didn't answer. She didn't want to. She couldn't. Instead, she let the younger Queen's head fall into the crook of her neck as they stood at her brother's bedside, hoping he'd pull through this like he always did. Oliver was strong. He'd survived so many trials and tribulations, but what if he wasn't strong enough? What if her words from the previous night had been a prophecy?

I don't doubt that you can beat him, I am terrified that you won't kill him. Because that's not who you are anymore. And I am so afraid that he's going to use your HUMANITY against you.

Her words, along with the ones she'd said two months ago, had fresh tears spilling from Felicity's eyes. They fell of their own free will, and there was no way she could stop them. She'd been terrified that night, terrified that Oliver was walking into his own grave, and now he was laying in that hospital bed, on death's door, and all she wanted was one more moment to tell him that she loved him too.

Some time between two and three in the morning, Thea had fallen asleep in the chair beside Oliver's bed. The position looked uncomfortable, prompting Felicity to beckon Roy over so he could carry her to the couch beneath the window where he and Diggle sat. She took the now empty chair, her hand sliding into Oliver's as the other reached out to brush over his forehead. His fingers were cool to the touch and she immediately tugged the sheet covering his body a little higher over his chest.

There was so much Felicity wanted to say at that moment. She needed to talk to him, to tell him all the things she regretted not saying in those months they spent avoiding each other, but she didn't want to do it in front of an audience. So she kept her thoughts to herself, her fingers tracing patterns across his skin, hoping he knew she was there, that she would stay until he opened his eyes again. Her chin fell to the mattress beside his arm, her eyes drooping with exhaustion.

Felicity didn't know how long she'd been asleep, but the sound of alarms going off within a few feet of her startled her awake. She bolted upright just as several nurses and doctors flew into the room. They told her and the rest of the team to leave, that someone would be out to tell them what was going on as soon as the situation was under control.

But somehow, Felicity knew, there wouldn't be much to say. These were the last moments she had with Oliver. Just before the nurse took hold of her arm, she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I love you," Felicity wept, the tears spilling from her eyes and falling against his cheek. She was soon pulled away from his body, her hand losing its grip on his as the nurse ushered her out the door and closed it behind her.

Out in the hall, Roy and Diggle stood stoically staring at the door while Laurel shook uncontrollably, tears silently falling down her cheeks as she tried not to let her emotions run amok. Thea, on the other hand, was a mess, crying out for her brother so loud that a nurse was headed their way to stop her. Felicity did the only thing she could. She wrapped her arms around the younger Queen and brought her in close.

Together, they slid to the floor, holding each other in one last desperate attempt to hold onto whatever hope they had left that Oliver would pull through. But as soon as the doctor walked out of the room and Felicity saw the somber look on his face, she knew. She tried to steel herself for what he was about to say, tried to find the strength and courage she knew she possessed. If not for her, then at least for Thea.

They looked up at him as he approached. "I'm sorry." Those two words shouldn't have hurt so much, but they felt like daggers slicing their way through Felicity's heart.

Beside her, Thea was screaming, her sobs uncontrollable, inconsolable. She'd lost her father. She'd lost her mother. Now she was losing her brother for the second time. All Felicity could do was hold her close as the rest of the team crowded around them, falling to their knees as they grieved together for the first time since Sara's death.

As they all sat together, something that Oliver said to her that fateful night came rushing back. I don't have the luxury of falling to pieces. Everyone is looking to me to handle things, to make the right decisions. Everyone is looking to me to lead. If I grieve, nobody else gets to. Felicity didn't understand why it stuck with her until that very moment as the team fell apart around her. Their leader was gone and someone had to take his place, so she took it upon herself to try and rally them before she let herself fall apart.

It wasn't easy. In fact, it was the hardest thing Felicity had ever done, pulling herself away from the group to take care of the things that needed to be taken care of. She put up emotional walls so thick to shield her heart that once it was time to lay Oliver to rest, she didn't even cry.

The cold February wind whipped around her as she stood to Thea's left. Walter stood to her right while Roy, Diggle, Lyla, Laurel, and Captain Lance stood behind them. Barry, Iris, Catlin, and Cisco had also come from Central City to pay their respects and stood in the last row. Along the perimeter of the cemetery, she could feel someone lurking in the shadows. Felicity knew it was Malcolm Merlyn because she'd see a flash of black out of the corner of her eye as they'd stepped out of the limousine.

Her anger had spiked at that moment. He was the reason for all this, the cause. If Felicity had an iota of training in hand to hand combat, she would have gone after him herself, but instead, she decided to go after him the only way she knew how: hacking. She'd find any and all of his bank accounts and transfer his money over to Thea. Then she'd find out where he was hiding and sic the SCPD on his ass. It was her only solace.

Once the casket was lowered into the ground, she grabbed a handful of dirt and threw it on top, just as she had with Sara. Felicity didn't have to explain herself this time. Her friends followed her gesture without uttering a single word. Thea was the last to do it, and once she'd thrown in her handful of dirt, she stood there, tears streaming down her cheeks as she sniffled. Without thinking about it, Felicity wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in for a hug.

They stood there for a long time, staring down at the coffin in the ground trying to make sense of what happened. While Thea fell to pieces, Felicity remained stoic. A touch on her arm pulled her out of her thoughts. Diggle stood at her side, silently nudging her away from the open grave so the groundskeeper could fill it in with dirt. She held up her finger, asking for one more moment, and he stepped back, taking Thea with him instead.

Felicity looked up at the wispy clouds above her head and took a deep breath. "Wherever you are, Oliver, I hope you're finally at peace," she whispered before turning around to follow the rest of her friends back to the small procession of cars that would take them home.

It was a short, silent journey back to her apartment. Barry had wanted to walk her up to her door, but Felicity had politely declined, saying she wanted to be alone that evening. She knew his intentions had been to stay, which was why she'd rebuffed him. Having been surrounded by her friends all week, she needed some time alone to think. Maybe tomorrow, she'd said, and he nodded, giving her one last hug before she'd exited the limousine.

When Felicity pushed her way through the door and set her keys and purse down on the little table next to it, a wave of exhaustion hit her. She hadn't eaten, hadn't slept in days. What little rest she'd had came in the form of short naps here and there while she was waiting for one person or another to call her back about the funeral arrangements.

Ray had been very understanding, giving her two weeks off to deal with… everything. He'd called a few times to check on her, but she'd kept the conversation short. The rest of the team had tried to shoulder some of the responsibility, but Felicity hadn't let them. She gave them something she refused to give herself: time to grieve. Oliver's words stuck with her that entire week leading up to the funeral. Someone had to be the strong one.

Now alone in her home, devoid of people asking her if she was okay or if she needed help with anything, Felicity sank down into the cushions of her couch and finally let herself cry for the first time since she'd uttered those last three words to Oliver. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks as she curled up into a little ball and let everything out. Although the pain didn't lessen as she hoped it would, it still felt good to give into emotions she'd hidden from everyone.

Felicity cried for hours, until her tears ran out and her body gave in to the exhaustion. The next thing she felt was the weightlessness of being picked up and carried from the couch into her room. The scent of leather and the outdoors invaded her nose, and she opened her eyes just a crack to see who was carrying her. She suspected Barry or maybe even Roy, but who she saw made her do a double take.

"Oliver?" she whispered, unable to believe her eyes.

It was a dream, she realized. Any minute now, she'd wake up on her couch. At least she hoped she would because dreaming about Oliver was the sweetest form of torture. It was the reason why she'd refused to sleep for more than an hour at a time. She'd wake up calling his name only to remember that he was gone.

But tonight, she didn't want to wake up. She wanted to pretend that Oliver was carrying her to her room after a long day at both her jobs, that none of the past few months had happened and that he was still alive. She wanted this stolen moment with him, even if it was just a dream.

"Go back to sleep," Oliver murmured as he pushed open the door to her bedroom and carried her to the bed. Ever so gently he laid her down in it, smoothing back her hair as he smiled. The light from the hallway made his eyes shine and she couldn't help but smile back.

He turned to leave, but Felicity grabbed the cuff of his shirtsleeve. "Don't go," she desperately pleaded, tears stinging her eyes once more.

"Okay," he replied.

Felicity scooted over in her bed, giving him room to lie down next to her. As he nestled in, she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. It was strong and solid and the most beautiful music to her ears. For a moment, she let herself believe Oliver really was there, his arms banded around her, holding her like she wished he would so many times in the past.

"I love you," Felicity whispered, pressing a kiss about his heart.

"I love you, too," he said, his lips brushing against her forehead. "Get some rest, okay?"

She let out a heavy sigh and replied, "But I don't want to close my eyes."

"Why?"

"Because I know when I open them, you'll be gone and I might never see you again." Felicity began to cry again, her hot tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt.

"I'll always be here," Oliver murmured, his warm breath tickling her ear. "Even if you don't see me. I'll always be here."

"But I never got to tell you how I felt," she wept.

"You did. Maybe not with words, but I always knew. I knew you loved me just as much as I loved you."

She gazed up at him and found that soft smile on his lips she knew he only reserved for her. Without thinking, without hesitation, she tilted her head up and pressed a kiss to those warm lips. She could feel Oliver's hands slowly slide up her back until they reached the back of her neck. One tangled itself in her hair as the other cradled her cheek.

The kiss felt so real that Felicity whimpered when he pulled away. She stared into the endless blue of his eyes and found that she wasn't the only one crying over this moment. Instinctively, her hand reached out, thumb brushing along his cheek as she wiped away the tear had silently fallen.

"I regret not doing that more," she whispered before pulling Oliver in for another kiss. Felicity didn't know how long she spent with her lips pressed to his, she just knew every time he tried to move away, she'd bring him in for one more.

When he finally managed to hold her back, Oliver said, "I have to go."

"No! Please stay! Just a little longer," Felicity begged, more tears streaming down her cheeks as she cradled his face in her hands, desperately trying to memorize every little line, every little curve. This dream couldn't be over so soon. She didn't want it to be. She wanted to sleep for eternity if it meant that Oliver would stay with her.

"Okay, but only until you fall asleep," he said.

"Promise me."

"I promise." And he kissed her one more time before pulling away and tucking her head beneath his chin. "Please take care of Thea for me," he whispered against her ear.

"Of course," she quietly replied. Felicity then closed her eyes and huddled as close to him as she possibly could, her ear pressing against his chest until she felt his heartbeat beneath it. The strong, steady rhythm became her lullaby and she fell asleep almost immediately.

She awoke the next morning in a haze, her head aching and her body sore. Rolling over expecting to find Oliver beside her, Felicity only found cold, empty bed sheets and realized last night only had been a dream. The void it left in her heart consumed her as tears returned to her eyes. She wept silently for what felt like hours, until her doorbell rang and she was forced to get up.

"Thea, what are you doing here?" Felicity asked when she found the remaining Queen standing at her door. Thea didn't say anything, though, just wrapped her arms around Felicity and buried her face in the crook of her neck as she began to cry.

"I saw him, last night, in my dream," Thea bawled. "He told me he loved me and that he was proud of me and that if I ever needed someone to talk to, you'd always be there to listen."

Felicity pulled her into her small apartment and sat her down on the couch. "I am. Don't ever hesitate to call me or come over or whatever. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen, just like I was for your brother." She couldn't bring herself to say his name. It still hurt too much. "You know, I dreamed about him too," she continued when Thea has settled into the couch beside her. "He told me to take care of you, and that's what I fully intend to do."

"He really loved you. Did he ever tell you?"

Felicity nodded. "Yeah. He did."

"Did you love him?" Thea asked.

Felicity looked down at her, tears stinging her eyes. "With all my heart," she whispered, unable to keep her voice from cracking.

"I never got to thank you for everything you've done for him," Thea said. "He talked about you a lot, said you were the reason he had changed so much since coming home from the island. Thank you for giving me back my brother, even if it was for just a little while."

Felicity couldn't help the tears that dripped down her cheeks as she threw her arms around the brunette and hugged her tight. "You're welcome," she whispered.

"He, um… He wanted you to have this," Thea added as she pulled away, reaching into her pocket to pull out a small box. "When I met with the lawyer about his will, he gave it to me and said I needed to give it to you."

Curious, Felicity opened the box. Inside was a beautiful silver heart pendant with an arrow wrapped around it hung from a thin silver chain. As she picked it up off the cotton it was nestled it, she saw something peeking out from beneath the soft white material. It was a folded sheet of standard notebook paper with her name scrawled across it in Oliver's handwriting. She pulled it free from the cotton and placed the necklace back inside the box before unfolding it.

Felicity,

If you're reading this, just know that whatever happened, it wasn't your fault. Please don't shoulder yourself with the responsibilities of my cause. It's not your burden to bear, nor should it be anyone else's. This was my crusade and mine alone. I don't want anyone else to end up like me. All I ask is that you take care of everyone and let them take care of you. Don't go it alone. Don't let the hurt and the pain turn you into something you're not. You are the light that chases away the darkness. Please don't ever lose that light.

If I didn't get to tell you this, thank you for being the voice in my ear, the eyes in the sky, and everything in between. Thank you for taking a broken man and trying to fix him. Thank you for believing in me even when I didn't believe in myself. Most of all, thank you for being a part of my life, even when I didn't deserve you.

If there's one thing I want for you, it's happiness. Don't get hung up over me. Find your happiness and hold onto it. Don't do what I did and let it slip through your fingers. Hold onto it and cherish it because god knows how long it will last. It might not sound like it, but you, Felicity, you were my happy story.

Keep an eye on Thea for me. Don't let Roy get too reckless and make sure Diggle continues to train with him. Tell Barry I was wrong and that he should follow his heart. He'll know what it means.

I love you.

Oliver

She gazed up at Thea, eyes shining with tears. Felicity threw her arms around the slight woman, holding onto her tight. She was all that was left of Oliver, his family, his legacy, and Felicity silently vowed to look out for her just as he'd asked. They held onto each other for quite some time before finally letting go.

"Your brother was a good man," Felicity finally said, wiping away the last of the tears that clung from her lashes.

"I know," Thea softly replied. "Malcolm told me his secret. That Oliver was the Arrow and that you and Roy and Mr. Diggle all worked with him." Felicity's eyes shot up to meet hers in shock and surprise. "And before you freak out, I just want to say, I'm so proud of him and all of you. You've done so many good things for Starling City and I hope one day I can too."

"Thea, no," Felicity interjected. She wasn't about to break her promise. "If you think you're going to continue your brother's crusade, I won't let you."

"Hear me out!" Thea begged, her eyes pleading with her, hoping she'd listen.

But Felicity had had enough. Too many people had already died in Oliver's crusade. Thea wasn't going to be one of them even if her reasons were justified. "No, Thea! This isn't up for discussion! This is what killed your brother! I won't let it kill you too!"

"What?" Thea asked, narrowing her eyes. "I thought you said you didn't know what had happened to him that night!"

"I don't know what happened to him! That's why I don't want you thinking you can just take up the mantle and keep it going. I've already lost too many people to this fight. I can't lose anymore!" Felicity exclaimed as tears leaked down her cheeks. "You're all I have left of him and I don't want to lose you, too."

"But I need to know! I need to know who killed my brother!" Thea seethed. The anger she'd been holding back for so long finally hit critical mass. Tears seeped down her cheeks as her sharp blue eyes, so much like Oliver's, Felicity realized, bore into her, silently searching for answers.

"Ra's al Ghul," Felicity murmured.

Thea's eyes widened in shock. "The man who trained Malcolm? He… He killed my brother?" Her voice wavered as her hand reached up to cup her mouth. "But… why?"

"Because he was going to go on a killing spree if Oliver didn't…" Felicity cut herself off. She'd revealed enough that day. Telling her that Sara was dead and by her hand would destroy her. Sucking in a shaky breath, she looked the younger Queen in the eye and said, "Look, Thea, please, I'm begging you. Don't go after him. Promise me you won't go after him."

Thea reached over and took her hands, and with a wavering smile, replied, "Okay, I won't go after him."

But Felicity knew the truth. Thea Queen was just like her brother: tenacious, foolhardy, and too brave for her britches. But Felicity also knew she wouldn't be able to do this herself, so hopefully she'd drop it when she realized Ra's al Ghul was a hard man to track down. And if Thea brought up the matter with Malcolm, he'd shoot her down as well. It was Felicity's only solace through all this pain. At least Thea would be safe. For now.

Music:

"Walk On" U2
"Life and Death" Paul Cardall
"Lost Without You" Delta Goodrem
"I Will Remember You" Sarah McLachlan
"Breathe (2AM)" Ana Nalick
"I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" Aerosmith
"Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of" U2
"See You Again" Carrie Underwood