Chapter Three: Healing

Several moons have passed since my wolves encounter and the attempts at healing from my injuries were slow. Exceeding so in fact, my body ached from lack of movement off my bed, leaving my mind to daydream. Often as I lay on my bedding, I would let my eyes drift close and think of a different life, a life where I was a fully grown man with facial hair a plenty and a strength that would strike fear into my foes. I had many adventures in this other life, better life, and nothing could stop me. I was impenetrable. Of course my thoughts during the days of slow healing weren't always filled with happy adventures. Other times the wolf would stalk my mind, his rust colored body would be tense and ready for the pounce. His yellow eyes would glare at my soul and his teeth would be barred, promising death. I doubt that I'd ever be capable of shaking that memory of the wolf, he would become the center of my nightmares for many years to come.

In between my thoughts, Dyfrinna would have me move from my cot. She would stand by my side and help me make my way about the house. My movements were slow, and while I could easily blame that on the fact that my laps would occur no more than once in a day, the truth was that I had become weak. The short daily exercise certainly wasn't anything exceedingly difficult, but I could not deny my lack of strength the healing process had caused. I hated admitting the weakness that I felt to my core, I hated the way I had to depend on my sister's small arm for balance, least I get dizzy and fall. Dyfrinna would often whisper small words of encouragement but I hated those most of all. That may sound bitter and ungrateful, but all they achieved was adding to the guilt.

My guilt came quickly after that first night, the burden I had placed upon my family's shoulders a constant pain in the back of my mind. It hurt to think that had I just listened to my sister that night, had I not been so self-centered, none of this would have ever happened. Dyfrinna deserved better, she didn't deserve the exhaustion that covered her soft features each morning as she removed the bandages and cleaned my wounds. She didn't deserve to spend her small amounts of free time on me and my care, her gaze never giving any hint as to what lay behind the wrappings, and she certainly didn't deserve to silently do her duty without a single complaint. While I never expected Dyfrinna to yell or curse at me for my actions, I also didn't expect her to remain completely silent. Maybe that was her way of getting back at me, all softness and forgiveness then let the guilt gnaw away at my conscious…

Of course my father was a different story. Frald was never known as a quiet man, so though I didn't expect screams from my sister, I did expect them from our father. However after his yells that night, he seldom spoke a single word to me. I had a feeling that was because my actions were at the very back of his mind, that his silence was due to something that took a much stronger hold on his thoughts. I could feel it within my heart, his sadness was strong and gripped him hard. Although he would never outright admit it, I knew that he wasn't, and probably never truly would be, over mother's death. He would still complete his work at the farm, I would watch through the window as he birthed the calves, plowed the fields, and chopped trees. However I could see he had lost all spirit in the job, completing it simply as something to take up his time, not as something he wanted to do, or at the very least needed to do.

I worried for Frald, not only mentally but physically as well. Soon enough, I had noticed his neglect. He had left his wound unchecked, having ignored the pain and festering for so long. The reminder of his act in saving me becoming infected. It was on one evening as he sat eating the meal Dyfrinna had prepared for us that I had seen the rotting flesh peeking out beneath his sleeve. He was reaching out to adjust the logs of the fire when his angrily discolored skin peeked out from beneath his clothing. I had sucked in a quick breath, unable to hold back the "What is that?" which alerted my sister to the injury. He had pulled his sleeve down quickly, grumbling his displeasure.

Dyfrinna had been quick to stand and take hold of his arm, a stern look on her face. He looked sheepish and apologetic, like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar. She pulled up the sleeve and had been quite alarmed at what she saw. Dark greenish flesh, torn and bubbled looking dark and disgusting. I turned my eyes away, attempting to keep the bile from rising up my throat. I knew without even looking that my sister's eyes stayed intent on the wound. She was strong, and had seen many a nasty wound, this one would be no different.

It had taken several weeks to get my father's arm to have healthy pink flesh again, for its movements not to be stiff but strong and swift. Several weeks of my sister caring for not only me, her reckless little brother, but also our headstrong father. My guilt pile just kept on moving high to the clouds as I watched her do her work.

XoXoXoXoX

My wrappings were to be removed permanently today, Dyfrinna had paused in her work at dabbing at my wounds. Her blank expression shifting as her lips turned up in a small smile. I saw her as she used to be then, younger and happier before our mothers passing. Dyfrinna had always been a beautiful girl, and now she was becoming a beautiful woman. Her body making the changes to move into adulthood, and with it came back the shine of her hair. After mother's death the long black strands began to go dry with stress and grief, and my injury simply added to it. However now, with my body becoming healthier and her mind being eased into a calming peace she was gaining her usual beauty back. Yet, even with all that she was still not at her peak, lots of work and little sleep being the main cause.

"Your wounds are healed Argis. We can keep these off now." She stated while tossing the white fabric into the fire. She stood to her full height, looking very much like Ylva, with her arms stretched out to assist me to my feet. Her pure black hair cascaded down from her head to her waist, the same as our mothers. Her features were a twin of Ylva's, a small pixie nose and full lips. Her skin was soft and pale like the moon, and her eyes were grey and filled with the same wisdom as mother's had had. She'd been gifted mother's appearance and I, my fathers.

I stood and took her arm, walking to a window with colored glass so I could peer upon my reflection. My skin was paler than its usual tone, the lack of sun rays touching my face made me look like a ghost. My good eye looked normal, if not a little sunken. My Left eye however, had gone a pearly white with blindness. Three silver scars ran their way up my jaw across my pale eye stopping just above my brow.

I had gotten used to the feeling of not being able to use my left eye, even when the bandages had been removed from my face for cleaning. I didn't think much of it at the time, but now that I saw it, now that I could look directly at the blank surface that was left of my eye, I had the sudden urge to rip it out. Violent shaking took over and I fell to my knees in front of the smooth glass. My sisters grasp on my arm released as she let it sink in.

I don't know what I expected to see when I saw my face again, scarring sure, maybe some paleness, but certainly not the colorless surface that took over my left eye. "Your eye would never heal. The attack may have taken half your sight, but it will not take your courage, understood Argis?" Her words reminded me of mothers name for me. I reached out and touched the cool glass. This would take some getting used to...

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

It took some time to get back into the routine of things. Dyfrinna wanted me to wait a few more sun passes before attempting to get back to work, but I refused to lay and play with my thumbs while I was healthy and capable of assisting. Besides, I doubted I could take another day of being idle. However, even getting back to the daily labors immediately didn't stop it from taking longer than I liked, too long to get used to only seeing half of what I was accustomed to.

The wind was warm and the sun even more so that very first day. The last edges of winter gone and life began anew in spring. I had missed out on the majority of the season while I had lay in bed, unable to participate in the assisting of birth. The tiny calves jumped and played in the fields, their mothers grazing on the soft bright grass. I smiled, hoping I could assist in feeding the small creatures. I love the joy of the season, so much life and renewal. Renewal, that's the word I must focus on.

I held my breath as I took slow steps out of the doors of my home. I expected Dyfrinna to take notice of my presence outdoors immediately, her face covered in displeasure that I was out walking around and concern for my health. I could just see her standing there with her hands on her hips, warning me to return to my bed and not to worry myself with the work. However she didn't seem to see me, her nose was buried deep in the papers she held. I stepped up to her cautiously, scanning her face, which was filled with concentration as she went over her notes.

I glanced over then, at a bit of movement. Many more helpful hands were busy working on the fields than what I was used to. "Why are all these people here Dyfrinna?" She lifted her pale face and looked at me with a bright smile.

"You're up! Oh you look so good, in need of a bit of color maybe, but that will be remedied soon I'm sure." She touched my forehead, checking my temperature. "Oh yes, very good." She let her hand fall, happiness radiating from her very core. "Now what was that you wanted? That's right!" She turned her bright eyes onto the several men hard at work with the crops. She laughed softly and looked back at me, "Why those are Kenneth's sons, they've been helping us since not long after you were hurt. You didn't think me and father were doing all this work on our own did you?" Honestly I had, that's why I was so ready to be out of the bed and helping her. She had looked so down hearted and tired, what else was I to assume but that she had been working herself to death? Looking at her now I was honestly shocked, it was like a complete change in her entire demeanor. Dyfrinna had been a happy person before mother's death, caring, kind, loving but now she was just bursting with joy. What could have possibly happened in the last few day to make her act so?

I brushed off the thoughts, enjoying her happiness while it was here. "Well I guess…" Dyfrinna laughed again and took my arm, placing her journal and papers under a rock and pulled me off to the side under an old tree.

"Of course we weren't silly!" She sat down and leaned against the trunk of the tree. "It was really hard at first, we tried to do everything on our own those first few days. I was still trying to figure out how mother managed to run everything so smoothly and I suppose I still am… but it was near impossible on our own, and with father hurting…" She paused likely thinking about how father was still hurting, and may very well hurt till the day he sends his spirit to Ylva's side. "Anyway, I decided to look for help. I had traveled to seek audience with the Jarl, I didn't really know if he could help, but anything was better than what we were doing."

I turned a questioning gaze onto her, "Why didn't you just ask assistance from one of the other farmers?" That seemed like the first thing I would have done, not schlep all the way up to the Jarl's longhouse.

Her eyes darkened, "They refused. I asked them, more like begged them for help, but every single one of them refused us." She sighed and ran her small hands over her dress, smoothing out the creases. "They told me that they were unable to spare anyone, that they had their hands full as is…" Her voice was tense, I could sense her anger rising. "I knew the truth though… "She kept her eyes down and told me her story. She had been at the alehouse one late evening, attempting to get a drink of something strong to help her sleep. She recited the words she heard from across the room in small whispers, the rumors of a curse being thrown on our family. "They think that we are cursed, Argis. They wouldn't help because mother was killed, our gold was taken and then not long after you…" She didn't finish her statement, though I knew what she referred to.

I placed my hand on hers, as she nervously picked at the threads on her gown. She looked up at me and her troubled eyes softened. "I'm really sorry for the trouble I've caused." She attempted to interrupt but I stopped her, "No, I have to get this out before guilt rips me in two." I looked forward and noticed father, his hair was growing thin and it seemed he was aging at a rapid rate. His eyes were blank and his hair turning a soft grey. When he had stated he lost his heart, he was not kidding. His will to live was deflating, and with it his health. "I was stupid. Stupid to think that running off to find a prized catch would ever heal any of the wounds I was suffering. I know now that the burden I placed on your shoulders was not something that should have ever existed and I'm truly sorry for it." I wanted to continue, I wanted to hold her cold hands and take away any of the hurt I had caused but I didn't have the power, so I sat silently.

Dyfrinna was quit, her soft breathing and the distant voices of the men of the field the only thing reaching my ears. I didn't dare look her in the eye for fear of what lay within those grey orbs. Finally after what seemed an era, she spoke. "I was going to say we all make mistakes, I was also going to say that you had no need to apologize to me. However by just looking at you I know these are not the right responses, not that they aren't true… Just not appropriate for the situation." She shifted her body and turned my shoulders with her hands. Looking straight into her eyes all I saw was my sister's full capacity for love and caring. "I forgive you Argis, for everything." A gigantic weight lifted from my heart and I was shocked to feel the wetness slide down my cheeks. She lifted her hand and brushed them away, "Careful Argis, you don't want any of the women folk to see you as a soft hearted man who cries, now do you?" I laughed, whipping the rest away with my sleeve. Dyfrinna stood and took in a deep breath, putting her hand out to me, helping me to my feet. "Come now, I have work to do and I believe its time you and father had a talk…" She gave me a look that to this day I could not possibly find the words to explain to you. However I knew there was no arguing with her or that look and with it, the weight reappeared upon my heart, this time filled more with fear than guilt.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

I had put off my father-son talk until very late in the day. We sat around the hearth fire, bowls of warm broth and veggies in our laps. Kenneth's sons had stayed for dinner and were a lively bunch of young men. The stories they told were a much needed distraction for my family, and the tricks they played on each other gave each of us a hearty laugh. Well, except my father.

He had finished his meal early and stood to put away his dish. My sister angled a warning look at me and I shivered. I had best get this over with, "um... Father?" He paused, as if not sure he had heard me correctly. I didn't blame him, we haven't truly spoken in at least a moon if not longer. "I was wondering if maybe I could speak to you, privately, before you make to your chamber for the night?" He turned his body, confusion written all over his aged face. His reply was a nod accompanied with a grunt, my stomach twisted.

I finished my meal slowly, not wanting to hurry off to see my father. Honestly I had no reason for the fear and nervousness that swirled inside me, but I couldn't seem to put a stop to it. Maybe I was afraid of what he thought of me, maybe I was afraid he wouldn't care, maybe both. I really wasn't sure. I moved to take care of my bowl, on account of the many glares I was receiving from my sister. I moved softly around the house, not sure where my father waited for me, but assuming on the location.

Just as I had assumed, he sat on a small log next to the place of mother's burning. His head was down and I could hear small murmurs from his lips. I slowed my steps, so as not to disturb him. "I miss you so much dearest... More than you can ever know." his voice was filled with pain, filled with so much emotion that it shook me to my core. My parents had loved each other so fiercely that many called it a spell. Now one was gone and the other could barely take the loneliness. Love sounded like a painful thing... "I'm so close, so close I can feel it, that bastard that took you from me will pay…" I stopped, just a few steps from him and my eyes widened in shock. He had been hunting the thief? What was he thinking? Frald may be a strong man, but he was no warrior, nor was he a detective of any kind. All that he would do was get himself killed.

"Is this true?" He sat bolt upright, his head turning with a glare plastered on his face.

"Aye that it is." He shuffled his feet, face full of defiance, just begging for me to tell him not to. "What of it?"

I decided I would tread carefully on this subject, "Nothing, disregard." This hunt may very well be the only thing keeping him from dying out of grief, but he would need to be watched.

He grunted and turned his eyes away from me, he swept his hand toward the area on the log next to him. "Sit son, let us speak." I moved to the location and opened my lips to speak.

XOXOXOXOX

I apologize many times over for the wait. I've been very busy the last few months and had little time to work on this. Working two jobs and school on top of that was the main cause, but the holidays made it so much worse. But don't you worry! I plan on completing this tale! It was actually rather difficult to get this chapter out, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with it, so I'm very sorry if it jumps around or is boring in any way.

PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK. It really does help with my writing process, any suggestions or ideas that you have, throw them my way! The story and I thrive off them!

Until next time (I won't make you wait as long I assure you).

Sincerely Your Humble Writer,

Smoldering Thoughts