A/N: Ug. I finished. I have learned the horror of deadlines.

"Present time!" Jirou sand happily and promptly fell asleep.

"Wow." Shishido looked down at Jirou. "What happened?"

Oshitari clucked his tongue. "I hear he was camped outside Marui's house the whole week, with a telescope."

"That's lovely, but Ore-sama is getting bored." Atobe walked in with a package wrapped in gold foil in his hands. "We all have our presents, yes?"

"I just love the way they all look sketchy except for Kabaji's." Oshitari remarked randomly.

"And so I'll open Jirou's-" Gakuto began saying,

"NO, I'LL OPEN JIROU'S!" Jirou shouted, awake and alert.

The whole team watched with wide eyes as Jirou attacked the wrapping, only to find-

"It's a pillow."

"That green thing is a pillow?"

"No, I'm quite sure it's a shirt of some sort-"

Jirou stared at the lump of thing. He lay on it. And fell asleep.

"HA! I told you it was a pillow!"

"But it was saggy in weird places!"

"I am sure I saw arm holes-"

Ryoma had felt very proud about his gift to Jirou.

"Choutarou! Open yours now!" Gakuto said, bouncing up and down.

"Um…sure."

Choutarou's present was very large and lumpy, and was soft to the touch.

Tentatively, he unraveled it, revealing-

A cat. A stuffed plush cat.

"It's so fluffy." Oshitari remarked. "And pink."

"Gekokujou." Hiyoshi added unnecessarily.

"Well." Gakuto sighed, seeming disappointed. "Let's name it."

"Bob." Atobe stated. "Bob it shall be."

Choutarou looked uncomfortable. "Um…okay."

Gakuto put up a hand. "What if it's a girl? I mean, like…it's pink."

"Bob is unisex name!" Atobe argued.

Choutarou looked around. "Um…Bob is fine, guys."

Just then, Kaidou realized he had forgotten to put a nametag on Charlotte…

Oshitari was already distracted, for his present had poked him.

"Are you okay?" Choutarou asked worriedly.

"I'm fine."

"Whatever the hell is in that bag-" Gakuto squinted distrustfully at the patterned gift bag-

"Is bad." He finished lamely.

"No, duh. "Shishido yelled. "Just dump it out, Oshitari."

And with a few shakes of the bag, it fell out.

"Woah…is that a voodoo doll?"

"…Those are…a lot of needles…"

"Usu."

"And it looks like Oshitari too!"

"It's like this person hates you or something!"

Meanwhile, Marui laughed evilly.

Shishido opened his present next. Small and round, burnt around the edges in a flowery pattern. Some ash dropped off.

It was burnt grip tape.

"There's a note attached." Gakuto pointed out.

"Read it, read it!" The now awake Jirou chanted.

Shishido peeled off the sticky note.

"It says… I bought this in burning mode, sorry."

"…" Atobe stared distastefully.

"WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN BURNING MODE?!" Shishido yelled, throwing up his arms.

"Now, now, Shishido-san." Choutarou attempted.

"OH MY GOD." Shishido waved his arms and stormed away.

"You peasants. Always bickering. Ore-sama shall open his now."

With a flourish, Atobe whipped off the wrapping neatly.

He gasped.

Oshitari internally face palmed.

A hair razor, in all its glory.

"They dare mock me." Atobe said, a low, dark tone to his voice.

"THIS IS THE MARK OF THAT SEIGAKU BRAT."

No, Atobe, no it wasn't. It was just Kirihara, clueless because there was no more pink hair dye left to buy.

Hiyoshi proceeded to open his gift.

"That's a nice pen." Oshitari commented.

Hiyoshi frowned and tried it on a scrap piece of wrapping paper,

Choutarou nodded, observing. "And it writes 'Gekokujou' very beautifully as well."

Hiyoshi was pleased.

Yagyuu felt a sudden spark of happiness, although he did not know why…

"Ow!"

They all looked up to see Shishido stumbling over a package with a very nicely tied bow on top.

"Usu." Went Kabaji, which probably meant, 'that's my present.'

Kabaji picked it up.

"You know." Gakuto started, "That bow looks awfully nice. Like it was done by god or something."

Jirou gasped. "Or maybe the child of god?"

Shishido looked grave. "If indeed this present was given to you by Yukimura, you better cherish it. Or else he'll eat you alive."

Kabaji, for one, was suddenly overcome with a responsibility he hadn't felt ever since his life mission was to say 'Usu' at every turn.

Unfortunately, as pretty as the bow may be, it was a rock.

It was rock with a neat set of eyes and a mouth, painted on, delicately.

"It's one of those pet rock things."

"Shush, Gakuto, don't speak ill of Yukimura's gift."

"Usu."

They crowded around and watched the rock, as if expecting it to do a flip.

"It's very beautiful."

They all nodded at Choutarou's comment.

In Rikkai, Sanada thanked Yukimura for helping him tie the bow on his present….

And now Gakuto slowly peeled back the wrapping of his present, eager.

It was a pillar. A mini pillar on pedestal.

"WHY!" Gakuto yelled, "WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THESE ARE GREAT GIFTS?!"

Jirou picked up the Christmas card that had come with it.

"Become the pillar," He started reading, "become the pillar."

"HOW DO I BECOME THE DAMN PILLAR?!"

"Maybe the person is implying that you are tiny, like the pillar."

"Or you are skinny, like the pillar."

"Or maybe you secretly are a pillar."

Yes, Tezuka thought to himself, I will inspire Gakuto with this pillar…

All was beautiful in Rikkai, until the presents arrived.

Eight tennis players, all with inhuman strength and plenty other inhuman factors, rushed toward the gates of RikkaiDai where the packages were sitting.

"MINE! MINE!"

"HAHA, MINE'S BIGGER!"

"GET YOUR SHOE OUT OF MY SHIRT-"

"TARUNDORU!"

-and that was how Sanada got the team to sit down obediently in a circle to open the presents.

Yukimura at down last, carrying a floppy package that made sloshing sounds as it moved.

"Jackal can go first." Kirihara offered, nudging Jackal with his elbow.

Jackal stared at the elaborate wrapping, frills and all.

Delicately, he touched the wrapping gently, as if afraid it would break.

"Oh my god, Jackal, just rip it!" Kirihara said, annoyed.

"But-"

Kirihara ripped it.

"See, like thi-AHHH OH MY GOD, YUKIMURA-BUCHOU-"

Yukimura looked over, "-oh…oh my…"

"KILL IT!" Niou shouted, taking off his shoe and readying it at the gigantic portrait of Atobe Keigo in full color, framed in a thick gold frame.

Yagyuu was one step ahead, already smashing the painting with a tennis racket repeatedly.

In moments, it was no longer a horrifying picture.

"Well, Jackal." Yagyuu said as he finished smashing the portrait, "I kept the frame intact."

"Thank you, Yagyuu."

Although, Atobe thought to himself, now, the portrait would give away his whole identity in this secret Santa…

Marui stared down his gift next.

He unwrapped it.

And frowned.

"These are my pajamas." He said.

"So it appears this person has mended them for you," Renji read off the note attached. "And I quote, it says, 'I will watch over you tonight as you wear your pajamas'"

"Is it just me, or is that kind of extremely creepy sounding?" Niou muttered.

"Is it just me, or is there also a guy watching us this moment?" Kirihara wondered as he stared at Jirou, a few meters away, peeking from behind a tree.

Marui's eyes widened as he saw the barreling form of Jirou, heading straight toward him screaming, "MARUI-SENPAI LOVES MY PRESENT!"

Marui quickly dropped the pajamas.

And ran.

The rest of the team watched, fascinated, as Jirou managed to catch up, whip out a rope and happily tie up Marui.

"I'm not helping him." Niou murmured as he watched Jirou growl ferociously at whoever came within ten meters of them.

"I think we all agree." Renji pointed out.

"Anyways- I'll open my present now." Niou said, and was met with a small, neat, book with the words: 'The Complete Guide To Meditation'"

Jackal let out a small, nervous laugh at the expression beginning to form on Niou's face.

"I think the giver thinks you have bad temper issues."

"I DO NOT HAVE BAD TEMPER ISSUES!" Niou spat, turning toward Jackal.

"Or maybe they think you are a misbehaving child." Yukimura chimed in.

"I'M NOT!" Niou shouted as he whipped the book at a passing car, making it screech and honk.

It then crashed in a tree and went still.

Meanwhile, Choutarou was thinking of how the meditation book was such a lovely gift for Niou-san…

Renji opened up his present and gasped. Mind you, Renji gasping is a very big deal, for he has never gasped in his life.

"B-b-best Data Master in the World…" Renji read off the sweater, trembling in joy.

"That is one ugly sweater," Yagyuu remarked harshly.

"I-I'm sorry guys, I'm getting emotional-"

Renji hurried away with the sweater to the water fountains to dry his tears.

Or perhaps to secretly take a selfie and show off to Inui.

Kabaji, it seemed, was a very good gift giver.

Sanada sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He would never understand his team.

"Gen, open yours." Yukimura encouraged, seeing Sanada sigh.

Sanada complied as he started unwrapping his ribbon covered gift.

"So many ribbons…" Kirihara said in an awe like tone. "So sparkly!"

"What is it?" Kirihara asked, leaning forward.

Sanada stiffened.

Yukimura laughed.

"That's some very nice…wrinkle cream you've got there, Gen."

"I don't have wrinkles." Sanada demanded, looking very miffed.

"TARUNDORU!" He suddenly yelled without warning, and the anti-wrinkle cream flew far, far away.

"Actually, fuku-buchou," Kirihara notified him, "You have like, a lot of wrinkles."

Sanada stood up. "I'm going to the water fountains." He left.

"Oh Gen…" Yukimura said fondly, watching him stomp away, "We all know you just want to check for wrinkles…"

Yagyuu's gift had fallen out of its envelope packaging and was now staring at the note

I AM WATCHING YOU

The rest of the team had come over by now to see, just as Yagyuu's phone pinged with a new text.

With a sense of foreboding, he clicked open his phone.

I AM WATCHING YOU

Kirihara stared. "Yagyuu-senpai, please don't die tomorrow."

Yukimura gently petted Kirihara's head. "it's okay, Akaya. This is obviously Fuji's doing. But since he dared make you worry…."

Yukimura smiled brightly. "I will make him pay."

Yagyuu felt slightly sad that Yukimura was working to avenge for Kirihara, and not him.

"Now then…I shall open my present." Yukimura announced, and ripped off the wrapping.

"Fishy!" Kirihara exclaimed.

It was, indeed, a fish. A goldfish in a water filled bag. There was script on the bag.

"Please take your angers out on this fish," Yukimura read, "Not me. Please, I will do anything. PLEASE." Yukimura gave a little laugh as he finished reading. "I will think about it, but for now...I will take you up on this offer."

"Poor fishy." Jackal commented.

I'm sorry fish, Momo thought, I hope Yukimura doesn't kill you right away...

At last, only Kirihara's present remained unopened, a rectangular package.

"Open it!" Jackal urged.

"I am!" Kirihara answered as he tore the wrapping off the present-

"Oh."

Niou snickered. "What a nice meditation book you've got there."

Kirihara frowned. "Should I throw this at a car like you did to yours?"

"No, Akaya." Yukimura gently took the book from his hands. "I'll do it for you."

Away another car went crashing on that day.

In Seigaku, Oishi thought happily of the very nice book he had gotten Akaya-

"Practice is over-" Tezuka started to announce, but was interrupted by a delivery of gifts into the tennis courts.

Inui looked up from a selfie Renji had sent of him in a 'Best Data Master' sweater.

"Ah, our gifts are here."

Each respective team member took their respective gifts, excited and chattering.

Tezuka cleared his throat. "Since practice is over, we will all individually open out presents at home."

A chorus of 'yes' answered back.

At home, Tezuka opened his present silently.

A joke book.

He did not laugh. Pillars did not laugh.

Granted, Jackal had thought the joke book was great idea...

Ryoma took one look at the Gekokujou merchandise and decided he was never going to participate in such a troublesome event again. He gave the Gekokujou poster to Karupin.

He kept the mug, though.

Taka opened the box to find adorable sushi shaped erasers, sushi pencils, sushi socks, and finally, a sushi cup.

Why, this person really likes sushi! Taka thought to himself.

Meanwhile, Gakuto was still congratulating himself for being such an amazing Facebook stalker for finding out Taka owned a sushi restaurant.

Kaidou blushed severly as he picked up the lacy bonnet and gloves. He couldn't help but notice they were pink and frilly, and clearly meant for girls.

Were they supposed to be implying something? Kaidou thought, blushing even more. No,no,no, of course not...but perhaps...

Actually, it was just Yagyuu going overboard.

Momo kept staring at the Harry Potter fan book he had received.

What the hell is this thing?!

Niou, unfortunately, had given up finding Momo on Facebook and had settled for hoping he was one of the many that had 'studied' at 'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry'.

Eiji could not comprehend the note of hate that came with the perfectly good wristbands.

I hope I was mean enough...Shishido thought nervously.

Fuji smiled down at the cactus he had received. It would look lovely on his windowsill, with his other cactus, Benny-san-

Fuji looked up.

Benny-san wasn't in his place.

With a jolt, he realized that the unknown person had given him Benny-san.

This is your doing, isn't it...Yukimura? Fuji thought darkly. Scaring me like that...with no other than Benny-san...

"Thank you for the notebook, Renji."

"How did you know it was me?"

"The same way you know everyone else's information."

"As expected of Sadaharu!"

"As expected of Renji!"

Oishi put his present under the Christmas tree to open together with all his family.

It had to be said that he had a rather hard time explaining the box of diapers along with set of baby clothes...

Inui, on the other hand, felt proud to help out Oishi with his child that he had in his secret affair.

A/N: To everyone reading this in the Western Hemisphere, MERRY CHRISTMAS

oh, the unfairness of timezones sometimes...