Disclaimer: Jeg eier ikke Hetalia!

Chapter 11

"No guilt is forgotten so long as the conscience still knows of it."

~Stefan Zweig

Germany never got around to speaking with Italy because by the time the meeting was over the Italian sped out of the meeting room in hopes of avoiding any questions.

He sighed as nations filed out of the room. Some were trying to question Lilli about her visit to America but, were being chased off by a rather protective Switzerland. Others were having whispered conversations on their way out.

He, however, staid in him chair for a moment reflecting on the event of the past week. Nothing had gone as planned. Everything had gone so terrible wrong, so, so fast.

He hadn't that America would be…and that they would all jump so quickly to conclusions and blame him. The whole week had been nothing but a tidal wave of shame…and guilt.

The moment he had realized that none of what happened was America's fault, he had felt a crushing weight of shame and guilt. Even though America could be annoying some of the time, he had helped him out before. And blaming it all on America had felt like disregarding all the good things he had done for him.

What was worse was the fact that, he couldn't even muster the courage to face and visit America. Every time America was mentioned it was like a piece of his guilty had come back to haunt him. If that was when America was mentioned, what would it be like actually facing him?

But Feliciano and Lilli had face America and they were…

'Nein, they were more innocent,' he chided himself. 'They didn't do anything wrong…well extremely wrong.'

He got up and began to pack his things. And as he did, he made a promise to himself. He would make it up to America. He would earn forgiveness, even if he couldn't forgive himself.

He quickly whipped out his phone and checked his schedule. America had emailed his boss, instead of texting him, that he would be coming back soon to finish up the meetings. He was booked for the next day. He had a good hour long gap in the day after's schedule, though.

He typed in an appointment at the University Hospital of Geneva. He was going to visit America and make amends for his sins if it was the last thing he would do.

Italy, who was now peeking in from the side of door, was waving him down, smiling brightly and callin his name.

But one thing was certain, Italy could wait.

XXXoooXXX

England was alone. He had to accept that now. He would be and always will be alone.

He had grown up with brother, who even though they loved him deep down, never showed they cared. Even his friends on the continent weren't the loving type other. It was America who showed him love and opened him to it.

But he had ruined it and there was no way he could earn forgiveness, redemption, or love.

He lay on his bed facing the ceiling; his stare was hollow and empty. He had stayed there all day not getting up for food and ignoring his numerous phone calls from France begging him to come to the world meeting.

If he hadn't known better, he might have thought that Francis cared.

He took a shaky breath and squeezed his eye tight. He wished it would all end. He didn't want to be there…not if America wouldn't be there with him.

But, he saw the way Alfred looked at him and the way that young nurse looked at Alfred. Ms. Ammon's gaze on Alfred was full of love and compassion. And even if Alfred didn't notice her, he knew that she would do anything in her power for him.

He felt something wet roll down his cheek and he raised a hand to wipe the liquid away. At this point tears were weakness. Tears were a form of remorse, something that was beyond a loveless monster like him.

On the nearby nightstand, his phone buzzed. He turned his head to read the caller idea. It was Francis calling again to bother him about getting back to the grips of the harsh reality. He reached for his phone and chose to ignore the call, with list silencing his phone.

Normally, he would have visited Alfred again. But he had given up. If he had tried to visit, he would have been turned away by that fiery ginger nurse. He couldn't face another angry look from Charlotte again.

But, he deserved her angry look each time.

He reluctantly got up from his relaxed position and sat up. He ran his fingers through his hair, which was messy and sticking up at odd angles.

He looked at a clock hanging on his hotel room wall. It read two thirty-one p.m. meaning that the meeting was over and that Francis was probably going to pay him an unwanted visit soon. And once the Frenchman came, there was no guarantee that he would be able to conceal his emotional distress any longer. For if anyone could reach under his skin and pull out his deeply hidden emotions it was France. It was something he both loved and hated about the man.

But the thing was no how much everyone told him that he had to earn forgiveness from Alfred and that things would turn out alright in the end they were wrong. He wasn't going to earn forgiveness and even if he could it wouldn't matter.

It never matter when you can't forgive yourself.

XXXoooXXX

Charlotte sat at an outdoor table near a trendy café that was bustling with life and surrounded with chatting people and nearby traffic. Her friend, Helene, sat across from her chatting away about her boyfriend. She talked about him a lot these days.

She was happy for her friend, of course, but was a bit bitter. She had been in Switzerland longer that Helene, who was from Canada, and had known a handful of guys, none of whom had been interested in her. Why couldn't she find someone who cared for her as much Helene's boyfriend cared for Helene?

"Chuck, are you okay?" Helene asked noticing her friend's depressed attitude. Helene, being a counselor, was perceptive of her friend's change in mood, something Charlotte cursed at times.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Just a bit tired. It's a new patient at the hospital."

Helene's face lit up. "That UN ambassador? Yeah, everyone's heard all about him. The American government has being going nuts about that. I still don't know how a sex offender was allowed near him anyways."

She nodded, taking a sip of her tea. It tasted bitter and cold, somehow loosing its alluring promise it had in the beginning.

"He's making a good recovery," she offered weakly. "But other than that, I can't say. Patient confidentiality."

"Is he cute?" Helene asked nonchalantly.

Charlotte choked on her tea in surprise. "What?" Helene gave her a look. "No, I mean yes, I mean. I'm not allowed to think of a patient that way."

Helene laughed, "So he is cute. And by the way you so beautifully spluttered, you strongly believe in that statement, no?"

Charlotte chose not to respond and glared down at her cold cup of tea.

"I came to Switzerland to study, to become a doctor. I have a good job, I have a flat in town, and I have a cat," Charlotte began.

"First of many," Helene cut in.

"I don't need a boyfriend. But it would be nice."

Helene gave a knowing smile. She was so pretty, with blonde hair, emerald green eyes, and perfect smile. She could have been a model if she wanted to. But, you couldn't count out the fact that she was very intelligent and was more than a pretty face.

"Is he single?" Helene asked a plan formulating in her mind.

"Maybe?" she offered. "Last I checked, he was dating the UN ambassador from the UK, Arthur Kirkland."

She knew her chances at love were crushed when Helene pursed her lips. Helene was a love expert and knew how to deal with men.

"Is he gay or bi?" the Canadian questioned cautiously.

She shrugged her shoulders and took another sip of tea. "Gay or bi?" the daunting question that faced most every girl that liked a guy who dated another guy.

"Well, all I can say is follow your heart," Helene stated with finality. "And no matter what you do, I'll support you."

The Canadian reached over the table and took her hand, squeezing it tightly.

"Thanks, Helene," she whispered smiling. Maybe there was still hope for love after all.

XXXoooXXX

Alfred sat in his hospital bed playing on his I-phone. He was in an intense Trivia Crack challenge against Mattie.

"Damn it," he swore to himself as he finished the challenge and the screen flashed the words YOU'VE LOST.

He had been in the hospital way too long and was bored out of his mind. Mattie couldn't visit him every day anymore and other nations, he suspected, were still too scared to visit him after Feli and Lilli's little chat.

In addition to all that, Charlotte began visiting him less and less. There had been a different nurse ever since Charlotte's little outburst.

He missed the ginger haired nurse. For starts, she understood him being a fellow American and she had a polite way of sassing him.

But he suspected, he was being deprived all thing familiar because he needed a change. And as much as he loved Mattie and Charlotte, he couldn't see them now and not be reminded of the past. If he wanted to move on from what happened, he had to be willing to let go of those reminder…for now.

Moving on wasn't about forgetting. It was about being able to live with what happened and learn from it. It was about accepting what was and acknowledging what could be.

And, he was ready for that.

XXXoooXXX

AN: Big shout out to Jacquelyn Frost, Shy, and CalciumGirl for all the story ideas!

This chapter had that quote in the beginning because I thought it fit nicely with the theme of guilt for this chapter. And England's scene was a bit a persoanl to me especially because of the fact that he thought that you can be forgiven but, that doesn't matter if you can't forgive yourself. THAT IS VERY TRUE! I've had a hard time moving past mistakes because I could not forgive myself. But for all of you who feel the same way, remember FROGIVENESS STARTS WITH FORGIVING YOURSELF!

Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed and please review!

Bye!