AN: Hello again! It's certainly been a while since I've written something for this story, or anything in general on this site. But inspiration struck again for Boardroom 6, because sometimes I just like to have fun with writing stuff. Boardroom 6 has always been goofy, and since I've established a really weird continuity, I figured I'd continue with it. So here's chapter 3 of this weirdness.

"Open the vault."

The two cloaked Sony minions inserted the twin keys into their receptacles. They turned them simultaneously, and the ancient vault door slid open, letting out a great creak. For the first time in months, light shone into the chamber. The wave of light gleamed against the surface of a large metal spider symbol on the wall as the minions stepped back into the shadows.

Tom Rothman, head of Sony Pictures Entertainment's Motion Picture Group, stepped forward into the doorway, cloaked in his scarlet robe. His eyes swept across the chamber, finally setting on the ground. His eyes narrowed when they settled on the ground, seeing a set of empty shackles. The ancient copyright engraved into the chains, which had once glowed on its prisoner, sat empty and black.

"Where is he?" Rothman asked quietly.

The two Sony minions emerged from the shadows once again.

"What is it, Grand Master?" One of them hissed.

Rothman extended a hand, and the minion that had spoken flew forward. The minion froze in mid-air when his body touched Rothman's hand, then began to contort. His limbs twisted in all directions, producing loud snap after snap. Rothman closed his hand into a fist, and the minion's neck twisted around completely, his body going limp. Rothman let the body drop to the ground, turning to face the second minion. The minion began to recoil, but Rothman held out a re-assuring hand.

"It's okay, brother. I won't hurt you," Rothman said in a calm, even voice.

"What do you desire, Grand Master?" The minion asked shakily.

Rothman turned back to the chamber, staring at the spider symbol, which seemed to mock him.

"Call Feige," Rothman hissed.

The S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier, cloaked from sight, floated over the Atlantic Ocean steadily. Kevin Feige stood at the bridge, looking out over the cascading waves, deep in thought. Maria hill approached him.

"Mr. Feige?" She asked.

Feige turned, snapping back to reality. "Yes? What is it?"

"Priority message, sir," Hill answered, with an air of nervousness. "From Sony."

Feige's eyes narrowed. "I see."

Feige turned back to stare out at the waves, thinking once again. When he turned back, Hill could see a familiar look in his eyes.

"You know, I've really had it with these motherfuc—" Feige started.

"Mr. Feige, no!" Hill exclaimed, slapping a hand over his mouth. "You know what Disney will do if you say The Word."

"Ymmrrrr rrrttt," Feige said.

"What?"

"You're right," Feige repeated, pulling her hand away. "And don't ever do that again."

"Yes, sir."

"There's no escaping this one, Hill," Feige admitted. "There's only one thing we can do."

"Should I prepare the boardroom?" Hill asked.

Feige smiled. "Yes, as soon as possible. And contact the safe house. I need our recently recovered asset."

When Tom Rothman arrived aboard the Helicarrier through the teleportation portal, he started moving immediately. He strode down the halls of the enormous vehicle quickly, ignoring the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that were in his way.

He stopped outside of Boardroom 6, inhaling a deep breath, before taking a final step forward. The automated door slid to the side, and Rothman entered. Four people sat waiting for him on one side of the table; Kevin Feige, Joe and Anthony Russo, and at the end of the table, Spider-Man.

"Tom," Feige said, nodding at him.

Rothman said nothing, walking forward and taking a seat opposite them. As he settled down, he shot a murderous look at Spider-Man, who recoiled.

"What did you want to talk about?" Feige continued.

"You stole him from us," Rothman said darkly.

"We took what was rightfully ours," Anthony replied.

"What, no Avengers security this time?" Rothman asked mockingly.

"Well, they're dealing with a lot of stuff right now," Feige said, looking at the Russos.

"It all started when Wanda blew up a building in Lagos..." Joe started.

"You know what, I don't care. I really just don't care," Rothman interrupted, holding up his hand.

"Why? You don't want to hear about a story where Spider-Man is likable?" Anthony asked mockingly.

"Likable? You mean pointless?" Rothman asked mockingly.

"At least he's not a spiky-haired douche!" Joe said, his voice steadily rising.

"You want to go, little man?" Rothman yelled, jumping to his feet.

"Bring it on!" The Russos yelled in unison, rising out of their chairs simultaneously.

"I will fuc—" Rothman started to roar.

"NO! YOU'LL DISAPPEAR!"

Everyone turned to look at the end of the table, shocked to see that Spider-Man had intervened. Spider-Man looked at his outstretched arm, his eyes widening.

"Spider-Man...you...you saved me," Rothman said.

"I...I didn't mean...I don't know why I..." Spider-Man sputtered.

"I do," Rothman said, a grin breaking out across his face. "Sony is still a part of you. You can never truly let us go."

"No, he belongs with us," Feige hissed. "You did nothing but ruin him."

"We brought him back," Joe said. "We made him how he should be."

"But we made him a phenomenon," Rothman replied.

"A phenomenon that you ruined," Anthony pointed out.

"It wasn't really me," Rothman pointed out. "We still put that on Raimi."

"Okay, can we all calm down now?" Feige asked. "We clearly have a lot to discuss, so let's at least be civil."

"Civil?" the Russos said, their heads snapping towards Feige at the same time.

"Sorry, sorry. I forgot that was one of your activation words," Feige said. "Please, everyone. Just sit down."

Rothman and the Russos slowly took their seats, their murderous looks fading away.

"Okay, then," Feige said. "So, Tom, what exactly is the problem?"

"We gave you Spider-Man in correlation with the agreement that future films would be a collaboration," Rothman said evenly. "But when I went to see him in the vault, he was gone. That can only mean one thing."

"The vault?" Feige asked.

"Yes, that's where we keep him between movies," Rothman nodded.

At the head of the table, Spider-Man shuddered.

"Don't worry, Spidey," Feige said re-assuredly. "The Disney Vault is much more comfortable."

"The only way that he could have gotten out of that vault is if Marvel Studios assumed creative control of Homecoming," Rothman continued.

"Alright, I'll admit it," Feige nodded. "We have creative control."

"I KNEW IT!" Rothman roared, jumping to his feet and extending his arm outward, curling his hand into a claw-like shape.

The Marvel representatives stared blankly at his hand, confused.

"What are you-" Feige started to ask.

"Nothing!" Rothman snapped, taking his hand back and slumping back in his chair.

"Kevin, can we go now?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, we kind of have a lot to work on," Anthony added.

"Like what?" Feig asked.

"Uh...those Infinity War movies," Anthony said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"We may have mentioned them once or twice," Joe said.

"Oh, yeah. That's right," Feige nodded. "Yeah, sure. Go ahead."

The Russos stood up, exchanging concerned looks as they moved towards the door. When the door slid shut behind them, Feige put his head in his hands, leaning against the table.

"I'm sorry, Tom," Feige sighed. "I have a lot going on right now."

"So do I," Rothman replied, more calmly. "You know what the Japanese Sony execs are capable of. I don't want to end up like Pascal or Webb."

"Isn't Amy producing Ghostbusters?" Feige asked.

"She's producing Homecoming, too," Spider-Man chimed in. "Also, who is that?"

Both of the studio heads shot him an annoyed look, and the superhero put his head down.

"Do you know what it's like, Kevin?" Rothman asked, a hint of desperation in his voice. "To be scared every time you see a Japanese person?"

"I think that's just racism," Feige replied.

"Trust me, it's not," Rothman shuddered. "You might think that Amy Pascal is producing films, but it's not the Amy Pascal you once knew."

"Who's Amy Pascal?" Spider-Man asked again.

"She's the one who...what a minute..." Feige trailed off, looking confused. "How does he not know?"

"Well, you've seen what happens when Spider-Man doesn't have an actor attached to his form," Rothman answered. "When he loses that, he loses his memories. When we find a new face for him, he slowly accumulates memories from the world he's inhabiting. But he has moments where he regresses, and experiences the pasts of different versions of himself. Sometimes we can trigger it."

"That's awful." Feige said.

"Damn right it is, but it's effective," Rothman shrugged. "Watch this. Hey, Spidey!"

"Yeah?"

"Harry Osborn!"

Spider-Man started to twitch, his arms shaking violently. "Harry...Harry Os...Harry Osborn...I can see...James...Franco...and Dane...Dane...oh, it's on the tip of my tongue..."

"Dane Dehaan," Feige finished for him.

"Who?" Rothman looked between them, confused.

"I see Franco on a...on a rocket snowboard...and Dane Dehaan with...terrible makeup...horrible writing...oh, God...people were paid to write this?" Spider-Man continued. "Who would...who's evil enough to put this into the world?"

"Sony," Feige answered.

"Sony...Sony is friend...but Sony bad...Sony bad...bad bad bad..." Spider-Man trailed off, slumping back in his chair suddenly, completely limp.

"He'll be like that for two or three hours," Rothman said, as Feige stared at the limp hero's body.

"How many of our characters have horrific mind control issues?" Feige muttered, standing up and pacing across the room.

"What's the deal with casting this Tom Holland guy, anyway?" Rothman asked. "He's age-appropriate for the character. It doesn't make any sense."

"Yeah, crazy," Feige shook his head. "I don't know what we were thinking."

"You know who'd make a good Spider-Man?" Rothman asked.

"Who?" Feige asked, rubbing his temples.

"Paul F. Tompkins," Rothman said thoughtfully.

"PAUL F-" Feige shouted, smashing his hand down onto the table, punching a hole through it.

The room fell silent for a moment, as both of the executives stared at Feige's arm. Feige slowly brought his hand out of the table, shaking it with a slightly pained look on his face.

"Are you okay, Kevin?" Rothman asked hesitantly.

"Yes," Feige answered tensely. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Rothman asked. "You know, because of the whole...table thing."

"I'm just a little stressed at the moment," Feige nodded.

"I can see that," Rothman nodded.

"Do you know how much stress planning five hundred movies over the course of sixteen decades causes?" Feige asked.

"No."

"Well, it's a lot," Feige continued. "I don't even know why we're planning that far ahead."

"Neither do I." Rothman replied.

"We just need to find some middle ground," Feige said, rubbing his eyes.

"What can we do?" Rothman asked.

"I don't know," Feige shook his head. "We're stuck with movies, merchandising rights are locked..."

"What about video games?" Rothman asked.

"Video games?" Feige asked, perking up. "That's perfect!"

"Why?"

"WHY?" Feige exclaimed. "Because Sony owns this little thing called the PLAYSTATION."

"We do?" Rothman asked. "What's that?"

"It's...never mind," Feige shook his head. "We've been planning a new Spider-Man game, and it's actually looking good this time."

"So?"

"SO?" Feige asked incredulously. "So we can release the game as a PlayStation exclusive, which guarantees Sony a ton of profit!"

"Profit?" Rothman perked up.

"Yes, profit!" Feige said happily. "If the game is actually good, then we could make more games, and that means more money!"

"More...money..." Rothman nodded slowly. "Yes...I like the sound of that."

"Can we agree on that for now?" Feige asked.

"Yes, I think we can," Rothman said, rising to his feet and extending a hand.

"Very good," Feige replied, smiling and extending his own hand.

The two executives shook hands warmly, reaching a peaceful compromise for the moment.

"Well, are we good for today, then?" Feige asked.

"Yes," Rothman nodded, moving towards the door. "I'll be heading home, then."

The door slid open and Rothman exited the boardroom, starting to walk down the hallway, but stopped at the next door. The entrance to Boardroom 5 was open, and Tony Stark stood in the corner, staring out the window.

"What's he doing?" Rothman asked, looking back as Feige exited the boardroom.

"Oh, Tony?" Feige asked, walking towards Rothman and looking inside Boardroom 5. "Yeah, he just kind of sits around boardrooms dramatically now. It's how he deals with stuff."

"Huh," Rothman said, shaking his head and walking away.

The teleportation portal glowed blue in the Sony cavern, a sudden flash delivering Rothman back to his home. A legion of cloaked figures stood at attention, with two attendants coming up behind him and cloaking him in his scarlet robe.

"Denizens of Sony!" Rothman called out, his voice booming through the area.

"YES, GRAND MASTER?" The response echoed back at him.

"We have found a new way to make money!" Rothman shouted victoriously.

"MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!"

"And now, the lord of Marvel Studios, Kevin Feige," Rothman spat the word like an insult.

Rothman's minions hissed angrily in response to the name.

"We have his trust," Rothman grinned. "We have a way into their world."

"YES, GRAND MASTER!"

"And we will have..." Rothman trailed off dramatically. "MONEY!"

"MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!"

The chant continued as Rothman began to cackle, holding out his arms over the cloaked minions. The victorious noises continued on for a long time, as the denizens of Sony celebrated their coming profit.

For it was all they knew.

AN: Well, that was dumb. Thanks for reading!