Chapter 10

Chapter Song

*Too Good At Goodbyes by Sam Smith*

Jace watched the tired smile drip slowly down Clary's face. Like melting snow on a window in a newly sunny day. He didn't fully understand why but it made his heart crack, deep gashes that stretched along the beating organ. He watched the fear and panic creep into her previously happy eyes. Her breathing was labored and her hands shook.

He couldn't explain the sudden change. It was as if the warm in her was drained out.

"Clary?" She didn't seem to hear him, it was as if she was underwater. No sound would faze her, his calls falling on deaf ears.

She swayed on her feet, body stiff as a board. Her beautiful face stone cold. Jace took a step forward, to touch her or pull her away but before he could reach Clary her body jerked, eyes rolling to the back of her head. She crumpled to the floor like a puppet whose strings were cut.

Quickly stepping forward Jace caught her before she could hit her head on the cruel cement ground. Shaking her he watched her eyes move quickly beneath her lids.

"What are you looking at? Move along!" Jace didn't pay any attention to Sebastian. Why did this keep happening? Clary was a strong woman. He couldn't count the number of times she'd made a suspect confess or calmed down a witness.

Those were her good days, their good days, when they would joke and tease each other over the rim of their coffee cups. Then there were the bad days, the days when one of them would almost die. Like during the hospital bombing, or the casino shooting. Clary always seemed to take the brunt of whatever was happening.

She'd been blown up, hospitalized, and Christ knows everything else she'd gone through before moving to New York this past year. Jace wondered exactly who she had wronged up above to cause such spite, off the top of his head he couldn't think of a single thing.

Clary was sweet, she was strong and, Jace thought, she was blatantly brilliant.

Sometimes when she'd come out of the bathroom wrapped in only a towel he would see it. The markings along her leg, the twisted ribbons of flesh where remodeling had occurred from the burn. He would watch her ignore it when she walked around in shorts or a skirt, something he noticed she only wore at home or if she was wearing high boots.

She was embarrassed of the healed skin and he wanted to tell her that she was beautiful. He wanted to kiss every scar she owned, to show her that he loved each and every one of them, until she felt how beautiful they were. On occasion Jace had to physically restrain himself before he did just that. But he couldn't, not yet. Not until Kealie was gone.

"What the hell just happened?" He heard Alec's voice in the distance, but he was busy. Occupied with tracing the delicate lines on her face. Making sure nothing was out of place.

"I have no idea, Lightwood. Ask Loverboy when he's done with whatever the hell he's doing to her." Jace would normally be embarrassed or angry but he was more concerned for her wellbeing than with what Sebastian thought about him.

In times like these, when he had her in his arms, it made it so hard to keep things from her, but he had to. For her sake he had to keep lying to her, no matter how much he wished he didn't have to. One day, he thought, one day I'll tell her everything and she'll understand.

He just hoped that day wasn't as far away. He didn't think he could keep it up forever but if it kept her away from all the insanity in his life then he would try. Until the deal was over and Jace could do everything right, the way he wanted to that night so many months ago surrounded by pounding lights and drunk dancers.

"I don't know, she was fine and then it was like something just hit her and…" The three of them exchanged a look, Alec and Sebastian kneeling down to her level.

"Jace, take her home." Alec dug a pair of shiny car keys out of his pocket and handed them to his best friend's slack hand. "Before anyone starts questioning what's wrong with her." Alec glanced around suspiciously at the few people whose attention they had drawn. "Anymore than they already are."

Jace slipped an arm under her legs and picked her up quickly, pressing her against his chest. It felt familiar, like their Saturday tradition, it was affectionate and felt right. She felt right. She was warm and smelled like cinnamon. Clary reminded him of a cold winter day, wrapped in a thick blanket with a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

Jace had never been a fan of driving, especially in the crowded and busy streets of New York, but when he looked down at Clary he didn't care about phobias. Gently placing her in the passenger seat he tucked the wayward strands of hair away from her face before clicking the seatbelt and closing the door. He walked around the car and quickly started the ignition. Clary began to stir a street away from their apartment.

Jace watched her cautiously, mentally checking over her groggy face. "Are you okay?" Her head snapped towards him, her fingers knotted into her curly red hair. She nodded, but Jace could see how uncertain she was. "What happened back there? Everything was fine one minute and the next you're on the ground."

"Nothing happened." She rolled her eyes but he could tell that it was in an effort to stay in character and act unaffected. "I hadn't eaten and I guess my blood sugar was too low." She smiled but Jace didn't believe her. He pulled into the parking structure. On the way to the elevator Jace mulled over what to say. "I can hear those gears turning in your head. What is it?"

Jace watched her hopeful face. She wanted him to let it go, to forget about his doubts and tell her he believed her horrible excuse. He didn't know why he hadn't brought up his suspicions before but there was something about today that wouldn't let him. He supposed he wanted her to feel safe with him and not guarded.

Jace unlocked the door with his keys and slipped inside. Clary watched his silent form apprehensively before following and shutting the door. "Clary, I know something bad must have happened to you in the past."

Clary's eyes widened almost comically before her face scrunched up in anger. Her gaze remained pleading. "Don't go there! You don't know what you're talking about."

Jace rubbed his face with his hands before shouting back. "Maybe not, but I know you have nightmares and I've seen the scars on your stomach that can't be explained away by the last year because they're old, they've healed, Clary."

Her hand protectively hovered on her abdomen. "You're a hypocrite! You lecture me on keeping secrets but you're the one scared of being honest with me!" Clary shot back, still clutching the fabric of her shirt. He could see her blink back tears and he wanted to hit himself for causing her any pain but this was something that they couldn't avoid forever.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Jace bit back, shaking his head trying to deny that she knew. He was an idiot trying to pretend like she couldn't figure it out,

"I'm a detective, do you think I can't tell when people are keeping things from me?"

Jace sunk into the couch cushion. "You're changing the topic."

"So are you." Clary sat next to him. Then it was quiet. A moment when they realized they both couldn't tell each other the truth about what kept them up at night. That they couldn't be completely honest but maybe Jace could tell her the most important part of his story.

She had become such an integral part of his life- Clary Fairchild was everywhere.

In the apartment they were only meant to share for a short amount of time but it had become theirs without realizing. It wasn't her home, or his home, it was their home. His diploma was on the wall next to hers, pictures of their friends along the shelves lined with their books, a mixture of their movies next to their television set. Jace's favorite mugs were in the sink next to their dirty dishes. Everything he owned, beside most of his furniture, was in this two bedroom.

They went to work together, had lunch at the same half a dozen restaurants, and took the same taxi back to their apartment. Sometimes Clary would cook dinner, sometimes Jace would, rarely would they order out. Everything about his life was shared with her.

Jace extended an olive branch. "Kaelie and I aren't together anymore."

"What?" Clary asked him, trying to mask her hopeful tone.

"Kaelie and I aren't together." Jace repeated. "I broke up with her. Two months ago."

Green eyes met his golden ones and the fighting seemed like a lifetime ago. She blinked up at him confused and Jace could tell that she was genuinely hurt because he hadn't said anything. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I don't know." He shrugged lightly. "I guess I didn't want you to feel like a rebound."

"Why would I feel like-" Building up all the courage he could, Jace leaned over and cut her off with his lips. They were feather soft and he felt the flutter of her eyelashes against his cheeks as she shut her eyes. Clary's fingers dug into the nape of his neck and pulled herself closer. It was slow, indulgent. There was no hurry in the movement of their lips, but the heat was there. Engulfing them.

Jace wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned backwards on the couch. She was warm and Jace couldn't help but hold her closer. Pulling away from her felt like shoving an iron hot poker through his chest. Although it was an innocent enough kiss, it felt like the realest thing that had happened to him.

He had promised himself to wait until it was the right time to tell her about breaking up with Kaelie, to keep it a secret a little longer, but he couldn't. He felt like he had lied to himself but looking down at her he couldn't give a damn about letting it slip. She mattered to him, Clary had wormed her way into his very being and he wasn't about to let her go.

They were wrapped in each other on the couch. It didn't feel awkward or strange to be close enough to feel each other's breath or count the freckles on the bridge of Clary's nose. "I'm sorry I tried to push you to tell me something you aren't ready to talk about."

Clary nodded into his chest. "It's not that I don't trust you, I do." She explained wholeheartedly. "I just don't know how to talk about it, yet, but I will."

"I know you will." Jace kissed her temple

"What does this make us?" She worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I would really, really," He stressed. "Love it if you would go out on a date with me."

Clary beamed up at him. "And I would really, really, love to go out with you."

~o.O.o~

Alec stared at the whiteboard. Different colors connected scene photographs and evidence files. They had found two bodies at a construction site miles away from Manhattan, a few worn out cops had passed the case to the NYPD homicide department after finding a key card to the Hotel Dumort. With the two bodies they found there had been an old video recorder. The tape was being digitized and would soon be in his hand. The equipment didn't match the age of their clothing but Alec hoped it would offer up a clue or two nonetheless.

There was still something that bothered him. The hard haired detective checked his phone for the third time- still no message from Jace or Clare.

Clare's fainting.

Alec wasn't the closest person to her but he would definitely consider them friends. Alec could see how Jace looked at her and there was a part of him that wanted to pull the redhead aside and tell her about Jace's stubborn attitude. Jace's excuse of not wanting Clary to be a rebound was ridiculous, the girl couldn't be his rebound because Jace had been wanting to be with her since he walked her to Maia's apartment from Pandemonium months ago.

"Hey, what do we have?" Jace hopped gracefully on the desk next to Alec.

"Waiting for video evidence to be delivered from Tech." Alec replied, still distracted from the appearance of his best friend. "Is Clare okay?"

Lightwood glanced around trying to spot her, but she was nowhere to be found.

"Clary isn't here, but she's good. She's staying home." Alec suppressed his smile when Jace used the word 'home', it had started after the first month. Jace would casually refer to the apartment they shared as their home and Alec was reaching his limit. He couldn't watch them dance around each other anymore.

"When are you going to pull that prettyboy head out of your ass and ask her out?" Jace grinned widely and flipped through the casefile.

"How would Oz feel if he knew you were hitting on me?" Alec glared at the nickname before noticing the continued happiness radiating off of his best friend. "I asked her out."

"Congratulations on the date, Herondale. Can we get back to the investigation?" Sebastian grasped Jace's shoulder tightly while pulling the file from his fingers. He handed over a yellow pack. Alec's blue eyes lit up when he opened it to reveal the DVD.

"It's like his face on Christmas."

"Or one of Magnus' drunk nights," They laughed and Jace elaborated with his hands gesturing to his own clothes. "When he loses most of his clothes." Jace and Sebastian nodded at each other while Alec was so engrossed in opening the file that he didn't bother to retort.

"Ali! Don't go so fast!" The camera panned out to follow the slow jog of the light haired girl on the Central Park pavement. Laughter sounded from behind the camera and the frame tilted to reveal another girl, this one with long black hair.

"Try to keep up then!" Ali shouted back in giggles.

The accents didn't register to the three detectives until the dark haired girl wrestled the camera away from her friend and flipped it towards her.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to our captain and valedictorian, Miss Clarissa Morgenstern! Take a bow my love." The girl on the screen had braided red hair, she rolled her bright green eyes and took a sarcastic bow.

And there she was, in all her fiery haired glory. Detective Clarissa Fairchild.

~o.O.o~

Clare rose from the couch slowly, Jace had just spun out of the room with the recommendation for her to stay home and rest. She was happy, their relationship didn't feel sudden or rushed. It had been building for months, slowly, excruciatingly slowly in her opinion. Light touches around their home and sweet smiles in the homicide department.

The feeling of coddled safety she felt dripped away from her.

Clare balanced her elbows on her knees and buried her spinning head in her hands. It had all looked the same. The ceiling high windows filtering sunlight in golden streams to the double staircase between pillars of marble and wrapped carved vines. The ornate front desk with dozens of old fashioned keys hanging off of rusted hooks. Dust gathering on the guest ledger and the dented bell. It was as if five years hadn't gone by.

It had been like Clare reverted back to an eighteen year old. She had seen the ghosts laughing and pulling suitcases along the main hall floor. Heard their voices and felt the spinning of her head and the sharp sting of tears building. It had been so real, as if time was unwinding slowly in front of her.

Clare dug the heavy shoe box from beneath a winter blanket. Spilling it on the floor she methodically organized the pictures, cut outs and printed reports. She wasn't mentioned in any of the police reports, her father had paid off every person who she had come into contact with to avoid 'sullying' her future.

She felt the smooth picture between her fingertips, it had been taken on the first day of ninth grade. Allison and Lily stood on either side of her since they were both taller and it made Clare look younger than them. Clare's face was covered in a thick sheen of dark freckles and her brilliantly bright hair was in a high ponytail, she looked young. Young and full of life.

Younger than she'd felt since the last time she stepped foot inside the Hotel Dumort. Everything had happened so fast. Clare could remember every detail of their trip, every conversation and joke they had shared, until Clare had made a mistake and then there was nothing left to remember.

She leaned back against the wall and squeezed her eyes tightly. One last time she would replay the memories before it was time to do what she should have done five years ago. Confess.

Five Years Ago

Manhattan, New York

It was crowded and half a dozen people had stepped on her toes in the time it took to get from their gate to baggage claim. The conveyor spun around several times before Clary realized their suitcases weren't going to come out of the end, unless their plane came from Dubai.

"Do you think New York is going to be a lot different than back home?" Ali swept her dark hair off her shoulders and smoothed it down into a low pony tail.

Lily bounded on the balls of her feet as they walked to the next conveyor and read the sign. "I hope so! Otherwise this is going to be a very boring trip."

"Not to mention a waste of a perfectly good month." Clary sighed in thought as her green eyes searched for her luggage.

"Lord knows we need a break before college."

"I still can't believe you're going to be a stuck up lawyer." Lily groaned loudly into Ali's shoulder making her friend giggle.

Clary rolled her eyes heavenward. "Like father like daughter."

"Don't forget your brother!" Ali jumped to supply. "The only normal one is your mom. Poor woman, can you imagine?"

"Like either of you are saner than me." Lily looked ready to object before Clary gave her a knowing look. "Hush now, miss nutritionist."

"It's a valid career!" Lily stomped to where their cases were rounding about. Pulling off one after the other they headed towards the exit of the airport. "Ali's the one who wants to waste away doing the evening news." Clary groaned when she saw the downpour, upturning her collar she left her friends next to the exit and ran out into the street.

"Nothing boring about being a broadcast journalist, Lil."

"Call yourself a rocket scientist if you want, babe, doesn't make me want to set my DVR." Clary hailed a cab and rushed back under the dry sanctity to grab her bag and friends.

Clary checked her watch, "Come on, we don't want to miss our reservations."

When the three of them were safely piled into the backseat of the car Clary read the address to the driver. "Hotel Dumort, yeah I know the place."

To be continued...

Edited on: October 26th

Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments or the songs used in my story. But I do own the shit detective story idea so fight me.

Plus 1 Romance for Jace. Amiright? I owed you guys some Clace! You know, before shit hits the fan.

I'm sorry its so short! Please tell me if you like the reveal for the big mystery of Clary's past- well, the beginning of the reveal- and Jace broke up with Kaelie! And they kissed? What?!

Also, if you are a fan of Game of Thrones, you should go check out my new story 'The Coming Storm' because clearly I have the capacity to keep up with another story. Oh and I wrote one for Merlin, too, it's called 'In Lost Blood' which shockingly didn't reduce my stress. And a Divergent story called 'We Move Forward'. I'm in hell. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to continue my downwards spiral into alcoholism thanks to my idiocy and lack of self control.

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