A/N: So, I wrote this the two days before Christmas and I let ghostgirl19 read it, but I didn't post it because I didn't want my sister to read it (she's 13). XD Buuut I still really wanted to post it so I am. To delightisadream: don't read this!
Some things are just not supposed to happen.
Your mother is not supposed to die giving birth to you. You're not supposed to move halfway across the country all for your dad's job during your first year of high school. You're not supposed to find out you're a witch called the Chosen One who has a huge amount of responsibility on her shoulders which she has no say in.
You're not supposed to wake up in your ex-boyfriend's bed while you're dating someone else.
And if you do, you're certainly not supposed to feel at ease about it.
Emma Alonso carefully untangled herself from the toned arms that were holding her and sat up. She looked around the red and black room, wondering if she was somehow imagining this, if it was all a dream. But when she did, the comforter which has been wrapped around her shoulders fell down, exposing her bare upper half. Emma frantically grabbed the blanket and re-covered herself, having all the evidence she needed.
She slowly turned to her left and saw Jax Novoa was still sleeping. Without his shirt on.
He's so cute.
No! No no no, Emma! That is the LAST thing you should be thinking right now! You should be thinking about what a terrible person you are and how you're going to get out of here without waking him up and what insane lapse of judgment lead you here to begin with and how on Earth you're going to tell—
Daniel.
No.
Emma reached one shaky hand to Jax's bedroom floor, where her jeans lay in a rumpled mess. She ignored the burning sensation on her face and felt around until she found her phone in one of her back pockets.
10 new text messages.
No.
Emma unlocked her phone and ran a hand through her hair while her texting app loaded.
Five texts were from Daniel, four from Andi, and one from her dad.
She decided to start with her dad.
Emma, where are you?
That had been sent at 10:10 PM.
Her heart desperately tried to claw its way out of her throat as she switched to the second safest set of texts.
Andi's messages had been sent from 10:15 to 11:40 PM.
Next time you want to spend the night with Dawniel, Alonso, give me a head's up. Your dad just called me freaking out because you weren't in your room. I lied and said you were with me. You're welcome.
Um I checked with Daniel and he swears you're not with him. He's worried.
He wanted to call the cops so I came up with a bs excuse. The fact that I'm covering your ass when I don't even know where you are…
Emma, I'm scared. Where are you?
Emma squeezed her eyes shut tight and took a slow deep breath. She pressed her thumb down on the last set of messages.
Hey, Andi just asked if you were with me. She said you're not at home… Where are you?
Emma are you alright? Should I call the cops?
Emma, please. You're scaring me.
Okay, Andi found out you got in trouble with the Council so you're at a meeting. I hope everything's okay. You can tell me all about it tomorrow. I promise I won't get awkward about the whole magic thing. :) Sorry for freaking out, it just terrifies me to think of something bad happening to you. I'm going to bed now. Goodnight.
And… I love you.
Emma physically felt a wave of guilt consume her entire body. At any moment the water works would start.
She needed to get out of here immediately.
The witch set her phone on the nightstand. Then she felt around under the covers until she found her panties. She slipped them on then began searching for her bra. Once she found it, she turned away from Jax, carefully let the covers fall off of her body, hung her legs off the side of the bed, and slipped her arms through the straps. Now she just needed to get the clasp and throw on her clothes and she'd tele-transport to her room, hopefully. She'd gotten better at tele-transporting, but every now and then she still ended up in the pool.
It didn't matter. Anything was better than this. Anything.
But you enjoy being here with him.
Emma shook her head as hard as she could, desperate to wipe away the stupid, stupid thought. It's not true, she told herself. It's not true it's not trueitsnottrue.
And what was with this damn clasp?! It would not hook no matter how hard she tried to steady her hands, and—
"Need some help?"
All the air was sucked out of Emma's lungs. An ice cold frost materialized in its place.
"Um." Make your voice work, woman! "N-No, I've got it."
The bed shifted as Jax moved toward her. "You sure about that?" And then his hand was on top of hers on top of her bra's clasp. Every nerve ending in Emma's body froze and burned at the same time. "Because it doesn't look like it."
Don't think it. You are not thinking it. Don't you dare—
His just-woke-up voice is so sexy.
STOP!
"Jax, really—"
He moved more and now both of his hands were making contact with her skin. His hands…
Suddenly, a wave of memories crashed over her. His hands, on her face as she deepened the kiss. Her hands on the back of his neck. His hands lifting her up and carrying her to his bedroom. His hands taking off her shirt. His hands, lips, on her body. Her eyes closed, her mouth open in silent moans because it felt so good—
"Done," Jax said, but he didn't move his hands. He kept them on her back, tracing the outline of her bra with his index finger. "You know, as nice as this looked off of you…" He brought his lips to her bare neck and kissed her softly. "It looks nice on, as well."
Emma's insides were ablaze. She realized if she was going to be able to do anything, she was going to need to stop rejecting her thoughts. So she was honest with herself.
She wanted this.
She wanted him.
But it was wrong.
"Jax, I have to go." Emma stood and was amazed her shaky legs didn't collapse underneath her. She found her shirt, picked it up, and threw it on. She accidentally caught his eye while she was wriggling into her pants.
And then she couldn't look away.
The way he was looking at her told her he was trying to figure out what was going through her head.
She let out a huge breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. "Andi's looking for me. She covered for me to my dad and D—"
She caught herself, eyes widening before she could actually say it. It was weird: she felt like it was disrespectful to Jax to say Daniel's name in Jax's bedroom in this situation. Disrespectful to Jax, the one who wasn't her current boyfriend.
Jax's expression hardened ever so slightly. "Daniel?"
Emma pressed her lips together and nodded.
The Australian nodded, too, and looked around the room.
"What are you thinking?" the witch blurted.
"I'm thinking you're not good at playing it cool." The wizard looked her dead-on once more and raised his eyebrows. "But I'm also thinking you don't plan to tell anyone about this, ever."
"I—" Emma sighed again, so frustrated she couldn't get a handle on her own thoughts. But she needed to. She needed to explain to Jax what was going on in her mind. "What we did… We shouldn't have. It was wrong and—"
"No it wasn't," he interrupted, climbing out of the bed and standing in front of her. Thank God he was wearing boxers. Had he not been, Emma actually would have died. "You feel guilty for cheating on your boyfriend, but you and I?" He shook his head, gently took her hands in his. "You and I are not wrong, Emma. Acting on our feelings for each other is not wrong."
"It's wrong when I'm dating someone else!"
"You didn't deny you have feelings for me."
"Well obviously I have feelings for you, Jax!" Emma exploded. "Do you really need me to say it? I mean, I know… what we did… but I'm not a completely terrible person! I wouldn't just give my first time away to someone who meant nothing to me!"
It wasn't until Jax got this Look on his face that Emma realized what she'd just said.
"No," she whispered.
"That was your first time?" Jax was smiling so sincerely, awfully, making this all so much worse.
"No no no no no!" Emma pulled at her hair, grasped her skull.
"So, instead of giving your V-card to your on-and-off boyfriend of two years—"
"JAX!" Emma was sure her face was ten shades of red.
"You gave it to me."
The brunette blinked up at the ceiling, desperately trying to prevent the tears in her eyes from falling.
"Hey." Jax's voice was gentle, terrible.
"No—"
"Emma, look at me—"
"NO!"
His hands, gently on her face. "Emma."
She swallowed hard then slowly forced herself to look at him, the first tear escaping.
"I'm touched," he whispered.
Emma made a quiet whimpering sound, wishing she could disappear.
"Hey." Jax wiped her tears away and ran his thumb across her cheek. "I'm touched you'd trust me with something like that."
It was like her brain split in two. Half of Emma wanted to fall into Jax's arms and let him hold her for hours. Thank him for being so wonderful. Tell him she didn't regret trusting him with this, with baring her everything to him. Tell him she knew they weren't wrong, too.
But the other half of her brain told her more physical contact with Jax was the last thing she needed. She was already going to hate herself forever for what she'd done; she didn't need to make it worse. She needed to leave now and figure out the best way to deal with this because one way or another she was going to have to deal with it.
"I need to go." Her voice was a strangled whisper.
Jax removed his hands from her face and looked at her. "So… what happens now?"
She shook her head. "I have no idea. All I know is I need to go, now. I just really need to…" And then a flash of memories played through her mind: all the fights Jax and Daniel had had over her, all the times they'd tried to one-up each other…
Pure terror filled her eyes as she met his. "Hey. You won't… I mean… I know you and Daniel compete a lot—"
"I would never use what we did to prove a point to him, Emma." The wizard's face lacked any of its usual mischief. "What we did is between you and me. Do what you like, but I'm not going to tell anyone. I know you don't want to think about it right now, but… There's a reason you trusted this with me and not him."
"Jax," she begged.
"You don't have to think about it right now," he said quickly, holding up his hands. "But eventually you will, and you'll realize I'm right. And there's nothing wrong with that."
"Thank you… for… not using this against me."
"Of course."
Emma slipped on her flats and managed a quiet, "Goodbye" before tele-transporting out of there. She ended up in her own bedroom. Her own girly, glittery, purple bedroom. Suddenly everything felt different. She felt different. Her bedroom seemed too childish for a… non-virgin.
The witch pushed the word and her blush away. Out of sight; out of mind.
Yeah, right. She couldn't see Jax's hands on her thighs or his lips on her neck but she could still feel them.
She tried to block the feelings out and walked over to her mirror to examine herself. Her makeup was surprisingly only slightly messed up. Then again, she didn't wear much makeup so that should have been expected. Her brown eye shadow was creased and a few mascara flakes were smudged on her cheeks. Her hair was an unkempt mess but it didn't necessarily look bad.
I guess this is what people mean when they say "sex hair"…
"I want to whoop your ass and you're checking yourself out in the mirror?"
Emma was sure she jumped out of her skin. She whirled around to find her best friend entering through the window. The second she laid eyes on Andi's… Andi-style outfit and purple-streaked hair, the floodgates burst.
"Andi!" The witch ran to her best friend, scooped her up in a hug, and swung her around. The short girl protested until finally Emma set her on her feet.
"What is going on?" she demanded.
"Andi…" Emma didn't loosen her grip; she kept her tear-soaked face buried in Andi's neck and sobbed.
"Whoa, hey, are you okay? Emma…" Andi struggled to lead her best friend to the bed. "Here, Em, sit down." She eased herself onto the mattress, bringing Emma along with her. She rubbed her back and asked, "Emma, what happened? Where were you last night? Did someone hurt you?"
Emma shook her head and latched on tighter. She could never say it out loud. Maybe one day to herself, but to Andi? Never. She'd never speak to her again if she knew.
"Emma, what happened?" she asked again. "Huh?"
A few moments passed where Emma sniffled in silence and Andi kept rubbing her back.
When she finally had a decently-constructed lie put together in her brain, she pulled away from the embrace and said, "Maddie humiliated me."
Andi's forehead creased. "Wait: you were with Maddie last night?"
"She wanted to call a truce. Or at least that's what she told me. She wanted me to come over for a sleepover with her and the Panthers so we could settle things and start fresh. I didn't tell you because I was afraid you'd think I was ditching you for them, but that wasn't it. I just wanted to finally have a clean slate."
A clean slate. Emma would've killed for one of those right now.
"So what happened?" Andi asked, so concerned she didn't even show a hint of anger over Emma's "confession."
"I showed up and they ambushed me—Katie and Sophie. Maddie took my phone. They…" What would the Panthers do as torture? "They poured smoothies on me and Maddie cast some really mean spells and I…" She shrugged. This felt more and more wrong the further along she went; Maddie had actually been pretty nice lately (for Maddie, anyway). But she couldn't stop now. "I was so embarrassed."
"Oh, hell no!" Andi pulled a Mr. Duvall and got to her feet, angrier than ever. "Those bitches are going down! When I get my hands on Maddie, she's gonna be sorry she ever laid a spell on my best friend!" The short girl was so riled up, she needed a weapon. She didn't have her backpack on her which meant no chainsaw. So she settled for the next best thing in the room of Emma Alonso: a scrapbook. "I'll be back in ten minutes."
"Wait!" Emma jumped up and grabbed her best friend's arm to stop her from opening the door. "D-Don't do that."
"Why the hell not?!" Andi was pure rage. "Emma, the bitch just tortured my best friend! She needs to pay! She's just lucky I don't—"
Suddenly, a cloud of blue and black dust appeared a few feet behind them, toward the middle of the room. Jax materialized, still wearing nothing but his boxers. "Hey, Em, you left your phone at m—" His eyes widened when he realized Andi was in the room and Emma was rapidly shaking her head no. "M… M…"
"Maddie's house!" Emma scrambled over to Jax and took her phone out of his hand. "I left it at Maddie's house!"
"Yeah!" he hyper-nodded. "Yeah, you left it at... Maddie's house…"
"Because she was torturing me and I forgot it when I ran away this morning but you could tell from our—er—wizard-witch connection that it was missing so you got it for me!" Emma's words were a frantic, desperate jumble.
Thankfully, Jax was smart enough to go with it. "Yep! Exactly. Well, I've gotta go. See you on Monday, Emma." He awkwardly glanced at the door and added "Andi" then tele-transported away.
The thickest, most tense silence Emma had ever experience consumed the room. Everything from her body to the atmosphere was heavy and awkward. She kept her eyes trained on the electronic device in her hands, tapping the case with her fingernails, not daring to look up; she could feel Andi's stare. She knew she looked suspicious as hell, but she was physically incapable of doing anything else.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Andi finally look away from her. She slowly released her grip on the doorknob and turned around. Walked forward. Tossed the scrapbook back onto the desk.
Say something.
Say anything.
But she couldn't and Andi talked first.
"You gonna state the truth or should I?"
The pain and disappointment in her voice was too much. Emma's face crumpled and she threw herself on her bed, stomach first. She buried her face in a pillow and let sob after sob wrack her body.
A few minutes passed, and Emma wondered if Andi had left without her noticing. But then the bed shifted a bit under Andi's weight. She perched herself on the edge and returned to rubbing Emma's back.
Emma didn't know how long this new, much less horrible silence went on for, but eventually she was all cried out. She sat up on her bed, still refusing to meet Andi's eyes, and hugged her knees to her chest.
"Do you hate me?" she squeaked.
Andi shook her head. "Of course not."
"But you hate him." Emma grounded the words out through her teeth, afraid she wasn't all cried out after all. "And I ch—" She flinched, cutting herself off.
"Was it consensual?"
"Completely."
"Then I don't hate him."
Neither girl said anything for a moment. And then:
"Sooo…" Andi dragged out the word. "You… wanted to do it."
Emma bit her tongue so hard she tasted blood. She nodded.
"With Jax?"
"Yes."
Emma had no idea where the powerful answer had come from; it just happened. Which probably meant it came from the heart.
"I see." Her best friend nodded, slowly processing it all. "And… did it occur to you that… maybe… you should break up with Daniel first?"
The witch groaned and rested her head on her knees. "See, that's the thing, Andi: nothing occurred to me. When you're in that moment… you're not thinking."
About anything besides ripping each other's clothes off.
"Have you thought about how you're gonna tell him?"
Emma unfolded herself and sprawled out on her bed. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and said, "No. Every time I even try to go there, my brain just… can't. I feel horrible for… the C-H word. Daniel's never going to forgive me."
"You don't know that!" Andi offered up the most encouraging smile she could. "Maybe he'll be in an extremely forgiving mood."
Emma wanted to thank her best friend for trying, but her mouth seemed to be stuck in a permanent frown. "He texted me 'I love you' last night," she whispered.
Andi sucked in a sharp breath. "Damn."
"He's going to break up with me for good this time, Andi."
"You should tell him soon, Em." These words were said quietly, gently. "The sooner you get it out of the way, the sooner you can stop torturing yourself."
Emma didn't know if she'd ever stop torturing herself, but confessing would at least relieve her guilt a bit. "I know…"
Another silence. This one didn't carry a negative emotion, only quiet contemplation by both parties.
And then Andi decided to handle things the best way she knew how, given the circumstances.
"So. Birdman took your V-card, huh?"
Emma's jaw dropped. "ANDI!" She grabbed a pillow and whacked her bestie over the head.
"Was it good?"
"OH MY GOSH!" Emma couldn't help it: she laughed. She was horrified and her face was on fire, but she burst into uncontrollable laughter. "You did not just ask me that!"
"Sure I did!" Andi repositioned herself on the bed so she was sitting toward the middle of the foot, cross-legged. "We're best friends; we tell each other everything, right?"
"I didn't know that was included in everything!"
"Well now you know. So: Good? Bad? Please say bad. I'd love to tell Gigi the oh so sought-after Jax Novoa is bad in bed."
Emma was laughing so hard her sides hurt. "Well then you're going to be highly disappointed!" she giggled.
Andi tried as hard as she could to keep the disgust off her face. This was working; Emma was talking and laughing instead of crying. It was worth getting nauseous over. "You don't say?"
The ghost of a smile crossed Emma's lips as she traced the pattern of her comforter with her index finger. She closed her eyes for a brief moment and imagined Jax tracing the outline of her bra on her back with his index finger not an hour ago.
"I do say. It was…" The blush still happened, but this time it was out of happiness. "It was amazing." She opened her eyes and gave her best friend a teasing smile. "Have I grossed you out enough or did you want details?"
"I'm good!" Andi held up her hands. "About… details, at least. But I am curious about how you two started… how you got into that situation to begin with."
Emma shook her head. "We were just hanging out, talking in his living room, and then it just… happened. We kissed and it felt really good and then it escalated from there. Afterward, I fell asleep with my head on his chest and his arms around me. I felt so… safe and peaceful and happy. I felt complete." She finally turned to look her best friend in the eye. "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have feelings for him, Andi." Before she could interject, Emma added, "He said he'd never tell anyone or use what we did to one-up Daniel."
"Well that's good." Andi thought for a moment then said, "Em?" When her best friend blinked at her, she said very carefully, "I know he's not my favorite person, but… if you feel that way about him and he's treating you right… I'm not against you two being together."
Being together. She said it as though Emma and Jax were dating again. So… what happens now? Emma hadn't known the answer to that question when Jax asked because her brain had been waging a war against itself. But now that she could think again, now that Andi knew and hadn't ended their friendship, now that she'd told Andi how she'd felt when she was with Jax… she was pretty sure she knew.
Emma bit her lip and said, "Thanks, Andi."
"As long as you end things with Daniel first!" the feisty girl added quickly. "He doesn't deserve for you to be sneaking around behind his back."
"Don't worry; he'll end things with me the second I mention Jax's name... But I know."
"Listen to me." Andi took her hands and said, "We're gonna get you through this, me and Jax. I promise. Okay? Things happen. You're still a wonderful person, Em. Honest."
Emma threw her arms around her best friend once more. "Thank you, Andi. So much. You're the best."
"I know."