WARNING: This chapter contains material that may act as a trigger to individuals who suffer from depression or who have engaged in self harm.

Chapter 3 – Screw Up

The next morning, Hiccup began his usual routine of getting ready for school while ignoring the pain from last night's cuts. It was harder than usual, considering the fact that the last few cuts had been deeper than any Hiccup had ever done before. Despite the pain, he still had to get to school. There would be questions from his father if he didn't go. He wanted to avoid his father at all costs, talking to him would not be easy. Ever since his mother disappeared, dragged off by wolves during a camping trip, his father had become closed off. Speaking to him was like speaking to a brick wall. When he did answer, it would be one or two syllables, unless he was angry, then he could go on forever. Hiccup often said that a part of his father had died the night that his mother did.

Around thirty minutes later, Hiccup was out the front door and in his car. It was only about a five minute drive to the school, slightly longer or shorter depending on the weather.

When he arrived at the school, he parked and limped inside to his locker. The pain in his leg was increasing, causing him to limp. He really hoped nobody noticed, he didn't need the questions that they would surely have. Not only would he not be able to come up with a believable lie, they would call his father. That wouldn't go over very well.

He could already hear his father's voice, You're stronger than this Hiccup, stop acting so weak. You're not hurt, suck it up. Haddock men don't show weakness. What would your mother think?

He grimaced as he opened his locker, the pain in his leg agonizing. Dumping his books, he turned and hurried as fast as he could to class without raising suspicion.

A shaky sigh left his mouth when he dropped to his seat. The pain in his leg slowly started to ebb away, but it still hurt like hell. He laid his head on his desk, the day had barely even begun and he was already wishing it was over.

He kept his head down when the other students started arriving. He only lifted it when the teacher began speaking, "Today will be a day for all of you to work on your projects. It will also be the only day I give you for this; I expect the rest of the work to be done on your own time."

Hiccup had suspected this, but that didn't mean that he was looking forward to spending more time with Astrid. The blonde had proven himself to be an ass, and attractive ass, but an ass none the less.

Needless to say, he wasn't looking forward to it.

When the teacher dismissed them, the class hurried to move to their partners. All except Hiccup, Astrid was going to have to come to him if he wanted to work on the project.

The sound of a binder hitting a desk alerted Hiccup of the other boy's presence.

"Did you do your notes?" Astrid asked, he seemed to be avoiding talking about what happened last night.

"Yes," Hiccup replied, reaching into his binder to pull them out. He saw Astrid do the same out of the corner of his eye; Hiccup noticed that he had written two pages as opposed to one.

"Let's trade notes to see what each other found," Astrid suggested.

Hiccup handed his paper to the blonde without a word, the boy took it handing Hiccup his.

Just as Hiccup had thought, Astrid's notes were better than his by a long shot. He had included details that Hiccup didn't bother with, mainly due to the fact that he was exhausted from blood loss.

After a few minutes, Hiccup looked up, "Yours are good."

"Okay, yours are too. Which do you want to use on the project?" Astrid asked.

"Yours," Hiccup kept his replies as short as possible; he didn't want to talk to the other.

"I was going to suggest that we use yours," Astrid said, turning to look at Hiccup.

Hiccup shook his head, handing the notes back to Astrid, who returned Hccups, "Yours are good."

Astrid nodded; they sat in silence for the next few minutes.

It wasn't long before Astrid broke the silence, "Look, I'm sorry if I said anything to offend you or if I did something that you didn't like. Was it the magazine?"

Hiccup turned to the blonde and sneered, "You think it was the magazine! I could care less about that crap! You practically called me stupid and you think the magazine was the reason I left! If anyone's stupid it's you."

Thankfully, he had said it quiet enough that nobody else heard. But that didn't make him feel any less shitty when he saw the boy's face.

Astrid turned away from him, controlling his breathing. He was clearly struggling to contain his emotions. If Hiccup knew any better, then he would say that it looked like he was trying not to cry. This is why you have no friends, he told himself, You make everybody hate you.

Hiccup thanked God when the bell rang; he needed to get out of there, away from Astrid, away from everybody. He shoved all of his things into his binder and half ran half limped to his locker. He didn't usually ditch, but he didn't think that he could make it through the rest of the day, what with Astrid and his leg.

He didn't see Astrid watch him leave with a curious stare.

Hiccup was nearly hyperventilating when he pulled into his driveway. His father was thankfully still away at the court house dong whatever his job as the mayor entailed, he didn't want to have to explain why he was home and not at school. He didn't thin that he would even be able to get any words out any way. Hiccup likely wouldn't have to explain at all, the school would call his home, not his father's cell phone; he'd just answer the automatic call before his father could.

Running inside, Hiccup sprinted upstairs to his bathroom ignoring the excruciating pain in his legs. When he reached the bathroom, he slammed the door, locked it and slid down the wall. His breathing haggard and fast, Hiccup knew that he was having a panic attack.

He desperately opened the top drawer, his hand shaking violently. Grasping the razor, he pulled it out and dragged it harshly across his forearm.

The resulting cut was jagged and deeper in some spots than others, but the sight of the blood calmed him down and allowed him to think. How could he have said that to Astrid! That was proof right there, he was stupid. He was Hiccup the Useless, he should just kill himself right now. There was no point in him staying; he was just a waste of oxygen. The human race would be off better without him.

He tried to cut, but his hand was shaking too badly, there was no way he was going to be able to do it in his current state.

Hours later, when he had finally calmed down, Hiccup had bandaged himself and cleaned all the blood. There was a reason that he used red bathmats, they helped hide any blood that fell on them.

He staggered to his bed and dropped onto it, he didn't even have the energy to crawl under the blankets or undress.

All he wanted was for somebody to actually love him, and to care about him. But he seemed to have a phenomenal ability to chase everyone away. Even his own mother had left, and his father was distant enough to be considered gone as well.

Hiccup cried himself to sleep.

When Astrid didn't see Hiccup for the rest of the day, he grew worried. It wasn't like him to ditch school like that.

The blonde momentarily wondered why he had even cared, with what Hiccup had said to him just before he left. But the boy seemed to regret it afterward, and he supposed he did deserve it for saying what he did the previous day. He had implied that Hiccup was stupid; he wasn't stupid, not by a long shot. His father had called him stupid once, that and many other names, which was part of the reason that he had reacted the way he did when Hiccup had snapped at him.

He briefly considered leaving to try and find Hiccup, but he quickly squashed that idea. Astrid might be a lot of things, but he was not a stalker.

I'm sorry that this update took so long! I was grounded and my mom took away my computer. I'll try to make it up to you all with the next few updates.

I put a not-so-little hint about what Toothless will be in this chapter as well, did any of you catch it?