Scooby Doo and all related elements and characters belong to Time Warner/Cartoon Network/Hanna Barbera-whatever.

No profit is to be had from this story.

Boys' Talk.

"Okay, gang," Fred smiled. "Let's split."

Like clockwork, they stood before him in a neatly straight formation, waiting for the predictable followup. I'll go with Daphne and Velma upstairs, Scooby and Shaggy, you'll take this floor...

"Daphne, Velma, Scooby, you'll go upstairs," Fred said. "Shaggy and I will take this floor..."

The four of them stared at him, aghast, convinced all across the globe, airplanes had started flying upside down and cats had begun chasing dogs around.

"What?" Fred asked, when he failed to get any articulate answer.

"Um, Fred," Velma said. "Surely you just got tongue-twisted, right? You meant I'll go with you and Daphne, orrrrrr maybe I'll go with Scooby and Shaggy, right...?"

"Ahhhh... no, I said I'll go with Shaggy, and the two of you will go with Scooby," the blond young man said. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"Rhuh..." a concerned-sounding Scooby said.

"What Scoob means is, like, Freddy, isn't that a bit, I dunno... unusual?" asked Shaggy.

"Yeah, maybe," Fred shrugged, "But unusual can be good too, can't it? Shuffling things around every once in a while won't hurt anyone, right?"

"But, but...!" Daphne grew agitated, "It's not like I mind, of course...! Bu-!"

"That's great! I knew it!" Fred smiled, swiftly turning around on his heels, turning his lantern on and heading down the closest corridor. "Let's step lively, gang! This mystery won't solve itself!"

"But..." Shaggy clumsily rushed after him, "Fred, are you feeling okay? I don't know, this just feels wrong, somehow...!"

Daphne drooped her shoulders, making a deeply annoyed sound.

"Um," Velma temporized, "maybe we should get on the move too?"

"Rhut, rhut, Shaggy...!" Scooby sputtered, pointing the way his master has just taken.

Velma, who already had taken the first steps of the stairs, held the box up, pulling a biscuit out of it. "Would you do it for a Scooby Snack...?"

"Rhould I!" the Great Dane perked up, zooming up to her side.

As he chomped the Snack down, a miserable looking Daphne stomped her own way up to Velma's side, yanked the box off her hands, and began digging in and eating with a glum expression as she walked up.

Scooby and Velma looked at each other, shrugged, and went after her.

"You must be wondering why I chose coming with you tonight, am I right?" asked Fred as he led the march through the narrow and dusty passages of the haunted manor.

Shaggy chuckled nervously while sticking to his heels. "Eh heh heh, well, yeah. No wonder you're the detective..."

"No, Velma's the detective," Fred said, not looking back. "I'm just the..." and her he trailed away, as if he was unsure of the word to use himself.

"Leader," Shaggy supplied.

"Leader?" Fred curiously echoed.

The strangeness of having Fred Jones, who always told others what to do and how and when, only added to Shaggy's discomfort and yes, dread. "W-Well, yeah, you're the leader, aren't you? You're like, the man with the plan, always..."

"Planner! That's it!" Fred snapped his fingers as if struck by inspiration. "That's what I am." And then he finally looked back at Shaggy. "Do you really think of me as the leader?"

Shaggy began seriously wonder if Fred wasn't just mocking him. It wasn't that Shaggy was a stranger to being mocked by others, far from it, and he had come to not give a crap about it, but getting that treatment from Fred did feel downright insulting, almost enough to make him briefly forget they were in a haunted house with horrible death lurking around the halls. Then again, with Fred it was always hard to know what he was thinking. He certainly wasn't the prankster type, despite looking the part at first glance, so that only made the current situation all that much harder to figure out. Which was doubly bad, because Shaggy hated things that were hard to figure out. Those he left for Velma and Fred, but it was not like that was an option now.

"Well, yeah, man," the skinny youngster groaned, "you drive the van around!"

"Wouldn't that just make me your chauffeur? Most of the time, I don't even decide where are we going. Also, keep your voice low. We're on dangerous ground, remember."

Shaggy eeped, blocking his own mouth with both hands. Then he warily whispered from between the fingers, "And you give the orders around. Like you're just doing now."

"I guess," Fred conceded, stopping to test a suit of armor on display by knocking his knuckles on it. "But I don't think of those things as orders, just... suggestions that are just plain common sense. If I'm always saying them, it's because someone has to say them."

"And that someone always happens to be you?"

Fred shrugged. "Come on, not always. Everyone is always giving their own suggestions, at one point or another. Velma is the one who suggests whom to finger, you and Scooby are the ones always suggesting leaving, and Daph... uhh, well, her suggestions on what to buy ourselves and where to vacation are always great, aren't they?"

Shaggy half-pouted like a child who is aware he's being led on. "Yeah. Difference between us being, when you suggest something, we all follow you, even if we're dead afraid."

"And I appreciate that."

"Uh-huh. Thanks. But when Scoob and I suggest leaving, does anyone ever think of doing that?"

"Well," Fred easily said, "if the voting ever fell three to two against staying, I'd gladly do it. It'd be a shame, letting those who could use our help down, of course..."

Shaggy blinked. "Uh, Fred, don't make it sound like that, that's like unfair, it's just..."

"... and moreso, it'd be a real shame not getting to know..." Fred mused aloud. "But yeah, if it ever came to that, I'd gladly do it anyway."

"Seriously," Shaggy said, incredulous.

"Yep, seriously," Fred said, oblivious.

"Why? You love this stuff, man. You live for it, so why would you just drop it because we said so?"

"Because you said so."

"Yes, that's like what I said, but that doesn't answer-"

"Because you said it, and because you are my friends," he expanded. "And just like, when you guys are outvoted and yet keep coming with us despite being scared because we're friends, so I'd do the same if the tables were turned. Be careful, the floor around here seems somewhat weaker..."

Shaggy cringed, walking in comically long and measured steps behind Fred. "Zoinks."

"Anyway," Fred continued, "now we've established I'm not your leader, because we're a democracy where we all are just as important, let's talk about what you were asking; about why the changed game plan tonight..."

"Actually, you were the one who asked."

"I guess I did, didn't I? Sorry. But you were wondering all the same, weren't you?"

"P-Please continue. B-But not that loud!"

"Sorry again. To be honest, I proposed... not ordered, anyone could have protested against it and I'd have listened..."

"Like, we were about to protest, it was you just-"

"... changing the lineups tonight, in part because I wanted some time alone with you..."

"See, you're doing it aga-You did? Why?"

"Well, mostly, to have this conversation."

"Couldn't we have this conversation somewhere else? Somewhere without murderous specters throwing the locals out of town?"

"I tried. You just kept cutting me off to go eat or play with Scooby."

"I don't-" then he stopped himself, humming. "Oh, oh, I see now. That's why you've been cutting me off tonight, right? So I could see how it feels like..."

"I have no idea what are you talking about," Fred piously said. And then, "Shaggy, be sincere with me here. Do you resent being sent with Scooby all the time?"

"I resent-" always being dragged into the haunted places in the first place, that's what! "- I mean, I'd never resent being with Scooby Doo, but-!"

"Exactly!" Fred nodded vivaciously. "See, that's why I keep suggesting, not commanding it. I bet you feel far worse and less relaxed tonight than when you go with Scooby, am I right?"

Now that was a question with an easy answer. "Yes, you are, Fred. As usual..."

He nodded, completely missing the drops of sarcasm in the last two words. "Thank you. Shaggy, just think of everything you've gone through with Scooby, even when we aren't around. Out of all of us, you two are the strongest ones... but only when you are together."

"Good thing, then, we're always together..."

"Precisely. Remember all those adventures you had while raising Scrappy? And the whole affair with the thirteen ghosts? I'm sure we couldn't have done that by ourselves like you did! And then there's what happened when you inherited that fortune from your uncle-"

"I'd prefer not being reminded of that, Fred," Shaggy facepalmed.

"Oh. Right. My bad. My point is, the two of you are just as good at this as the other three of us, and please never tell the girls this..."

"I don't think I'd ever want to," Shaggy deadpanned as best as you can while your teeth are chattering and your senses are mostly focused on reading your hideous surroundings.

"That's my pal. So, I wanted to tell you that. That, when I suggest- not order- that, it's because I know you and Scooby are much better together than you'd be with us. You guys have a link none of us can match. We are all friends, but you two... are brothers. That's a link I can't say I have with anyone," he added, sounding just a tad tired and jaded for a moment.

Shaggy blinked. "Oh, you're right, on the two of us, that is, but it's not like you-"

Fred raised his head back and flashed another of those perfect, essayed-looking smiles. "So that's just so you know! I mean, in the event you have ever wondered if I do it just to sneak away with the girls in private, or something..."

"Oh, no, the thought never has crossed my mind, Fred," Shaggy lied.

"And of course, it'd be in bad form from me ever going with you and leaving the girls to fend off alone, in their own..."

"That's kinda like sexist, Fred. Wait, you like said talking with me was one of the reasons why you came with me tonight, didn't you? What was the other reason?"

"Oh, yes, that. You have noticed, whenever we split, you and Scooby are always, no matter what or when or when, no matter the kind of monster we are looking for, the first ones to run into it, haven't you?"

"Yeah, Fred. I have," Shaggy's right eyebrow jumped a few times. "I mean, like, how couldn't I have noticed, it only has happened like eighty hundred times already."

"Ah-hah. That's what I was talking about," a satisfied and just as oblivious again Fred nodded. "So, Velma and I haven't figured out yet, but there's no doubt there's something about you that just attracts the monsters, and problems in general. Your adventures while you were away from us would seem to further prove that. So I figured out we might as well just determine if it's you or Scooby who lures the supernatural and the fake supernatural, and since we can't do this as long as you're together..."

Shaggy came to a halt. "Oh, you. Oh, why you...! FREEEDD!"

His friend turned back and gave him a puzzled glare. "Did I say something wrong?"

"FREEEEEEEDDDDD!" Shaggy wailed, pointing behind him. "LOOK AT THAT...!"

Fred turned his lantern towards the cadaveric, rotting figure coming out of the darkness and smiled widely. "Ah, we've learned it at last! It's you, not Scooby! Boy, I'm glad for the girls..."

"FREEEEEEDDDDD! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU IF THAT THING DOESN'T KILL UUUUUUUSSSS!" Shaggy yelled, running in the opposite direction.

"No, seriously, what did I say? What?" Fred asked, running after him, and being chased by the undead phantom of Morganville in turn.

And to think, other boys had their male bonding over pizza and beer...

The End!

And a happy 2015!