Chapter Thirteen

"Solas hasn't contacted you at all?" Ellie asked Morrigan, her hand resting on her stomach. Seven months along. She sighed.

"No," Morrigan frowned in defeat, "I am very sorry. I am surprised you are not at the cabin today."

Ellie smirked, "So you guys caught on."

"There's a wolf and a lion," Cole said as he appeared behind them, "and they will fight to protect you, fight for you. They love you; the wolf too concerned with the bigger picture, and the lion thinking of the immediate future."

"Cullen and Solas?" Morrigan asked. Cole nodded, and then disappeared again. "Has anything happened between you and Cullen?"

"You're nothing, if not blunt, Morrigan," Ellie smiled sadly, "no. He…spends the nights in my room because we have nightmares. It eases the pain a bit."

"He has nightmares?" Morrigan asked.

"In Fereldan's Circle...they tortured him. Now that he isn't taking lyrium, they're a lot worse."

"That is strange. I never expected that of Cullen. Tis not something you necessarily expect, though."

"He's a sweet man, he really is. I...I just don't want to hurt him like Solas did to me. He understands. That's why we aren't...together yet."

Morrigan smiled, "I'm glad you have each other."

Ellie nodded and wiped her sweaty palms on her knees, "Me, too. I…I think I love him. It's just hard."

"Tis a very tricky thing, love is. I know Cullen will understand if you explain it to him. He is well read after all – not just brute muscle."

"We talk about it. A lot. Well, mostly I talk about it and he listens."

"And what of the child?"

"I still can't contact Solas."

"And what will you do when it is born?"

"If I don't hear from Solas, I will raise it on my own. I should hope that he would return to help."

"Would Cullen not help?"

"I don't expect him to. It…isn't his, after all."

"It might not be, but I will certainly help to the best of my abilities," He said, leaning against a concrete pillar. Morrigan excused herself and Ellie stood up to wrap her arms around him. "I love you, you know that, right?" He asked as he rest his forehead against hers.

"I do."

"I'd do anything you asked. That's all you need to do – ask."

"I…I'd like Solas to partake in his child's life, but…I don't know where he is or if he is even still alive."

"That is fine. I would still like to help, though. I want to be there. I want to watch the baby grow up, and be there for it every step of the way. And…and you, too. If…if you allow me, that is."

"Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you're just….replacing him."

"Is that all I am to you?" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Oh, Maker, no. I just…I feel like you will hate me for making you raise his child when – "

"Making me? I've offered several times. Why would I hate you?"

"Cullen…"

"I promise I won't hate you," He smiled down at her.

"If you wish to, then who am I to tell you no?" She smiled when his eyes lit up. Finally, after so many hints and passes that he made, after months and months of asking, she was willing to let him into her life, the baby's life. To let him help raise a child with her. He was elated. Solas left, and this is what he gave up, he thought, absolutely beaming at the thought of someone calling him daddy. Even if it wasn't his, he would treat it as such.

Cullen took the amulet in his hands, "So this conveys your feelings to him, but not vice versa?"

"Yes."

He yanked the chain from her neck, "You are free of him. If he loves you, he will come back. But in the meantime, do not worry yourself. It's bad for both of you."

Ar lasa mala revas. You are free.

She smiled at him, giving him a peck on the nose, and he rest his hand against her stomach. Morrigan watched from a distance as they were locked in each other's arms, the two blushing at the contact. It made her miss her Warden.

All because of you,

I believe in angels,

Not the kind with wings,

No, not the kind with halos

Her first word, directed at Cullen, was "dada." Ellie named her Emma, and she looked exactly like her. The only hint of Solas in her were her eyes, that blue-gray color she so fell in love with. Everything else was like Ellie had immaculately conceived and Solas had nothing to do with it – her spring curled bright red hair, the shape of her eyes and her too-long ears.

The day she first spoke that word while Cullen held her in their bedroom, he cried. For hours. When he would finally stop, she would say it again, and his smile would reach his eyes just as they clouded over with tears again. He held the little girl in his arms, trying not to cry again each time she said it. Ellie laughed from the corner, a small giggle, though she was not free of her own tears. Big bad Commander Cullen, and he was brought to his knees by a little elven girl who could barely walk.

And when she was good at walking, Cullen would take her all over Skyhold, the women stopping them and asking her all sorts of questions. She would answer in mostly gibberish, with an elven word or an English word randomly thrown in. The women would answer her with "oh really?" or "wow, that's amazing!" Emma would nod dramatically at them.

"Remember those words, ladies. They came straight from my second-in-command. They might be important later," Cullen said before he left.

Emma eagerly ran up to Blackwall – "the toy man," as she called him in her best attempt – asking for more toys. This time he made her a small wooden horse that rocked back and forth. It was a little big and Cullen had to lift her onto it, and once he did, she refused to get off.

"Come on, Emma. Daddy's got work to do," He said, trying to pick her up, and her hands clenched around the handles, unforgiving baby strength – and the fear of hurting her – holding her in place.

"But Daddy!" She screamed a high pitched scream that only a little girl could. Blackwall laughed in the background at Cullen's flushed face.

"Emma Revas Rutherford," He huffed with a harshness to his voice. She looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Daddy mad," her eyes started filling with tears.

"Daddy is gonna be mad if you don't let him pick you up."

"But my toy!"

"I will grab it, baby. Let's go. Daddy has work to do before Mommy gets home."

"Where mamae?"

Cullen picked her up with ease in one arm, and grabbed the toy with the other, thanking Blackwall on the way out. His smile touched his eyes as he watched the Commander and his baby walk towards the war table.

He set the toy and Emma down as he had his troops gather around, eagerly awaiting their orders. Cullen stopped halfway through his speech when Emma pounded her tiny fists on his armor, screaming gibberish at him until he picked her up, continuing with his speech.

"As I was saying," He shifted Emma over to his other hip, "There is red lyrium in these spots on the map," He pointed to Emprise Du Lion, "And this is our biggest offender –"

"DADDY!" Emma screamed in his ear, and the troops had to stop themselves from laughing at the expression on Cullen's face.

"Yes, dear?" He said with a strained tone.

"I wub you. Pu' me down."

His face immediately softened, and she pouted out her bottom lip like she wanted a "kissy" and he set her down, coughing off his nervousness in front of his troops.

"Anyways," he said as he put his daughter on the toy horse, "Emprise Du Lion needs to be checked out immediately. From what we understand of Dagna's interpretation of the red lyrium is that it's an infection that constantly grows. So how many times we're going to have to go down there is – "

"Daddy," Emma whined, "lif' me uuuupppp."

He did as she commanded, "How many times we're gonna have to go down there and stop this is beyond any of us," He turned to a struggling Emma, "You want down again, don't you?"

"Yeah!"

"Aaaaand you want on your horse, don't you?"

"Yeah!"

He sighed, dismissing his troops to Emprise Du Lion while he put Emma back on her horse and sat down in his chair. Ellie should be returning back soon with Dorian, Bull, and Cole from where ever they were at. Scouting in the Hinterlands. Checking up on people, making sure they were okay. Ever vigilante. That's why he loved her so. But Maker's Breath if children aren't difficult creatures, he smiled to himself as he looked over his paperwork to see Emma making horse noises. Or attempting to, at least.

Ellie burst through the door, her face was flushed and her breathing in pants, but she seemed to calm down once she saw Emma and Cullen.

"Are you…are you okay?" Cullen asked, standing up from his position at the table.

"I'm great," She smiled, "I'm –"

"Mamae!" Emma yelled excitedly from her position on the horse, reaching her hands up to signify that she wanted to be picked up.

"Baby girl!" She grabbed her daughter and rested her off her hip, "Momma missed you. Did Toy Man make you a horsey?"

"Yeah!"

Cullen watched from the other side of the table, his smile reaching his eyes before he walked over and embraced the two. "I love you," He whispered.

"I wub you!" Emma responded, and Ellie smiled, placing a small kiss on Cullen's nose. "I wan' kissy!" Emma exclaimed, and Ellie obliged, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

Cullen certainly wasn't the man she set out to find, but he was definitely the man she needed.

Looking for a dime and found a quarter,

But you can't make me change my name.

When they first discovered that she could explore the Fade with ease, she was about four years old. They were lying in bed, Ellie's arms wrapped around Emma, and Cullen molded to Ellie's backside, his arms encompassing both of them. Ellie had long since given up trying to find Solas, especially since she was very pregnant with Cullen's baby. But, Emma had tried to pull Cullen and Ellie through the Fade to her to show her a spirit she was making friends with. Instead of Cullen, she got Solas.

Ellie held her breath, "No. You are a spirit. My…Solas has been lost to me for over five years now," She scooped Emma up, "Stay away from us. Come here, Emma."

"I am not a spirit. It seems our daughter has called us here. …You should not pick her up in your state."

"Don't worry about my state." She was more shaken than she thought she would have ever been. For years, she had told herself he was dead, he was never coming back and that's why she couldn't contact him, but her mark thumped with his heartbeat, she could hear his blood. He was very much alive – certainly no spirit.

"Emma Revas Rutherford," Solas said, "Her name. My freedom. Rutherford is Cullen's last name, is it not?"

"Was look for my daddy. Mamae, who this?" The little girl tucked her head into Ellie's shoulder.

Shit, what do I tell her? Ellie asked herself. "It is just a spirit, Emma. Daddy doesn't have magic abilities, so he's hard to reach in the Fade."

"You…you have kept me a secret from her?"

"What was I supposed to do? I couldn't find you. I thought you were dead, Solas."

"So you just told our daughter that her father is a human? You didn't bother to tell her how she got these powers to manipulate the Fade?"

"Do you wanna know her first word? Dada. Do you know who she pointed to as she said that? Cullen. He was there for me when you were not, Solas."

"I am sorry. I am so sorry, I truly am," He was having a hard time keeping his voice steady.

"Then why wasn't I able to find you?"

"I…blocked you out. So that you could not pursue me. I did not want you to get hurt, especially while pregnant with the baby."

"But…how was I supposed to tell Emma about you? How was I supposed to tell her that you were her dad, not the man who had taken care of her for four years? How? How was I supposed to tell her she couldn't see you?"

"I am selfish."

"Mamae…"

"Hamin, da'len," she whispered. (Relax, child.)

"Ar haran," She cried, "Mamae, na Fen'Harel." (I'm scared. Momma, he is the Dread Wolf.)

"…She can tell," Solas's eyes lit up, "I could tell she had immense power, but I did not imagine that she was –"

"You frighten her. This isn't some sort of magical game to her. You are scaring her."

He looked to the ground and Ellie put Emma down, the small girl running behind her mom's leg and peeking around her hip. Solas got down on his knees and outstretched his arms, "Na eth. Ar shalan na." (You are safe. I will protect you.)

"But…" She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Banal'numin," He whispered. (Don't cry.)

"I already have a daddy!" She shouted, "He's really tall and had blonde hair! He calls me his little arrow! Da'assan!" She was angry and red-faced, her ears matching her cheeks, "And I love him!"

Solas's shoulders slumped, and he smiled though it did not touch his eyes, "Abelas, da'len. I should've been there for you. I…couldn't though. I couldn't. I am so very sorry."

"Banal'abelas!" Emma shouted, "You aren't my daddy!"

"Emma da'assan, na abelan," Ellie scolded. (My little arrow, you will apologize.)

Her little fists shook as she cried, her cheeks as red as her hair, "Abelas, mister," she said through her teeth.

Ellie and Solas locked eyes, and he stood up, walking towards her. She took a protective stance in front of Emma and she clutched onto her thigh, her little nails digging into the exposed flesh under the large t-shirt she was wearing.

"I am sorry to have frightened you, child," Solas said, his voice thick and heavy, "I…I did not mean to."

"You're my daddy?" Her little eyebrows raised and knitted together like Ellie's did when she was upset or confused. Solas's heart ached at the fact that he left. Willingly left, blocked her out of everything and went to extreme lengths so she couldn't find him. He told her to go to Cullen. He did this to himself, once again. He missed out on his own baby's birth, her first steps…his child called another man 'daddy.' He shook, grinding his teeth as he tried to hold back tears and desperately tried to look her in the eye.

"I am," He sat cross legged on the ground, rubbing his hands back and forth over his head, "I am, little one."

"But…what about daddy?"

"He's your daddy, too," Ellie interjected, "It'll be easier to explain to you when you're older, honey."

"So I have two daddies?"

"Sort of," Solas watched the curve of her soft lips as she smirked down at Emma. I love you. I love you. I should not have kept away so long.

"But how come I only have one mamae?"

Solas outstretched his arms again, "Will you let me hold you?"

"You won't hurt me?"

"I promise."

"Mamae?" She tugged at her shirt, "He promises."

"Go ahead, baby."

The little girl walked over tentatively with her red ringlets bouncing with each step and hesitated in front of Solas, with his arms still outstretched. Emma put her hands on Solas's arms and he pulled her down on his lap, burying his head in the crook of her neck.

"Abelas, da'len. Ir abelas."

"You were busy?"

"I was busy," He nodded.

"Like sometimes when daddy has to tell the soldiers what to do? Sometimes, he doesn't come to bed until really late."

"Sort of like that."

Ellie could tell Solas was ready to snap. It looked like he was ready to stand up and punch her in the face, yell at her…do something other than sit there calmly. He looked at her pregnant stomach – holding another man's child. The t-shirt that was much too big on her small form – probably Cullen's. The bags under her eyes, even in the Fade. She had not waited for him, had not held her end of the bargain, and yet she was the angry one. Solas was upset. Depressed. For the first time in his life, he opened up; let himself love another, touch another in a way he had only done when he was much younger. And then she was gone in the flash of a light, like a whisper along the wind – taking his child with her. And what could he even say to her? Nothing, at least in front of Emma, that was appropriate. He certainly couldn't say much seeing as how he told her to move on. But…it was certainly surprising to see that she had actually listened for once.

"So it isn't your fault?" Emma asked.

He looked to Ellie, and then to the ground. Emma picked up his wolf jaw necklace and twirled it around in her tiny hands. Solas nodded, "It is complicated. I will tell you when you're older."

"Is it because of the Dread Wolf?"

"Yes."

"He doesn't control you."

Ellie raised her eyebrows, looking from Solas to Emma, "What do you mean?"

"Solas controls him. But he's afraid."

"Well, I'm glad she got some of your smarts," Ellie said.

"Can I have your necklace? It's big. I like it."

"Emma," Ellie warned.

"No, it is quite alright," He said, taking it from his neck and putting it over hers, "Fen'Harel enansal," He smiled, "Now go. Your mom is worried."

"Wait," Ellie said, "She is your daughter. I will not keep you from her. If you'd like, I'd appreciate you teaching her…her powers. She is obviously a mage. She has a piece of you. You always say that the Dalish don't know about their own culture. I'd…I'd rather you teach her than whatever rag-tag history I could make up. You know I don't have any sort of magic in my veins other than the mark. And the only other person to teach her is Morrigan, and –"

"Absolutely not. Morrigan gives no claim to true idols and all the claim to false idols. She will not teach Emma something she knows nothing about."

Ellie smiled, "I figured you'd say that."

"What does Cullen think about all of this?"

"We've had this talk, several times. I told him I don't want him to feel like a replacement. He said he doesn't."

"After how long he pined for you, I'm sure he was just happy that you noticed him as something more than the Commander."

"We are here to talk about Emma, not Cullen and I's relationship, Solas."

"My apologies. So, you would not be upset if I visited her in the Fade?"

"As long as it's okay with her."

They looked to Emma who was twisting her fingers around nervously, "You…are gonna teach me?"

"Yes, da'len."

"About what?"

"Magic and spirits, the Fade, the Nightmare, how to control your dreams, demons, how to speak Elven, the history of the Elvhen, the Dalish, everything! There is so much to show you, little one!"

The joy in his eyes hurt Ellie's heart – she should've waited, but she was impatient, she thought he had left her forever; that he would never return, like he said several times. But no. She chose the lion over the wolf; she chose the warmth of his mane, and the ferocity of his protection. The wolf's scent would never leave her, however. She was forever under his spell, yet unreachable even when close. There was forever and always an awkward understanding between the two that they loved each other – but they had to be civilized – for Emma, at the very least.

Outside of the Fade, Ellie and Cullen happily raised Emma, answering as many questions about Solas as they could – agreeing that they shouldn't hide them from each other – he was, after all, her dad, and he was willing to be a part of her life.

Cullen and Emma were in the war room one day while Ellie was asleep in the bedroom. He held her in his arms, asking what she thought of the Exalted Plains and what they should do about the two armies that started warring there again.

"BOOM!" She responded, twisting in his arms to drop her toy on the war table.

"Ah, yes. Good idea. BOOM it is!" He exclaimed, dropping the army pieces on the map around the exalted plains.

"Good thing you're second-in-command knows what you want to hear," Josephine smiled over her clipboard.

"Of course she does," Cullen nodded, "Great minds think alike."

"What's second-in-command?" Emma asked, desperately reaching for her toy. Cullen was too tall and the table was too low until he lowered her down just enough to brush her fingers off of the toy. When she would try to grasp it, he would quickly pull her back up.

"Second-in-command to the Army, of course."

"So they'll listen to me?"

"Yes," He said, pulling her back up from the toy before she could grab it.

"Daddy, my toy!" She giggled.

"Cullen, don't tell her that," Josephine said.

"Why not?"

"Well…she is not actually second-in-command."

"Shhh, it won't hurt anything, Josephine. Just let her have her fun."

She smiled, "Alright, Daddy Cullen."

There was a loud pounding on the door before Cassandra burst in. "Cullen! You are needed up in Ellie's bedroom! I think she's having the baby!"

Emma was so excited for the birth of her baby brother that she accidentally froze the door shut. They had to call a mage over to unfreeze the bedroom door while the three of them and the midwife were stuck inside with a screaming newborn. Cullen held the baby in his arms with the same look in his eyes as he had when he looked at Emma.

"Oh, thank the Maker he didn't get my hair color," Ellie sighed.

"But he does have curly hair."

"We both do…Curly," She mimicked Varric the best she could.

They smiled at each other with tears in their eyes.

Solas would not return physically. He visited them in their dreams, desperately clinging to the memories that once were; the memories of them, of how Emma was created…and the hope that maybe one day, one day, she would come back to him, and they could live together.

But he knew that it probably wouldn't happen while Cullen was still alive or while they had children together. He had his chance and he knew he blew it. He begged her to be with Cullen, with someone else who could give her and Emma the love and protection and home that they both so deserved. Even if they didn't know it, he was there. In the shadows of the edges of the earth, forever stalking and waiting for prey that would mean harm to his loved ones. Forever in the shadows of the Fade, chasing off nightmares and making sure Emma got the teachings she deserved. He would watch from the corner of his eyes as she sat not too far away, always watching, always waiting for something. Sometimes, he would be too enthralled in her to focus. Sometimes, he would try to hint and fail miserably at any type of flirting he could do.

Only in your dreams, was her only response.

Bonus! Here's the list of songs I used for inspiration and the lyrics that are throughout the fic:

Demons - Imagine Dragons

The Good Left Undone - Rise Against

Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

Savior - Rise Against

Afraid - The Neighbourhood

Animals - Maroon 5

Something From Nothing - Foo Fighters

Take Me To Church - Hozier

Whereabouts Unknown - Rise Against

I Will Wait - Mumford and Sons

I am Machine - Three Days Grace

Hair Trigger - Protest the Hero

Thanks for reading! :)