The best thing about this is I can just make this and leave it here.

A figure was standing on the crest of the hill on which Thalia's Pine stood. The sun was rising behind it, silhouetting the figure in a totally-awesome way that should be used in a picture.

The figure was Phil, Percy Jackson's mother's brother's nephew's step-step-sister-in-law's dog's former owner's father's co-worker's pet goldfish's minion's family's butler's third-point-fourteenth cousin removed negative six times. He was also, y'know, Percy's half-brother by Poseidon, but that obviously didn't mean much compared to the other thing.

Phil flipped his hair dramatically, as he strode down the hill. His totally-rad sword was glistening with the blood of a monster that didn't bleed. It was a gift from Poseidon, made from the hardest metal in the universe, forged by harder hammers made out of rubber ducks.

Annabeth took one look at Phil and yelled out loud, "I'm going to leave my boyfriend whose fatal flaw is loyalty, and who had jumped into Tartarus for me, who I have known for several years now, and have spent several years building a relationship with for this random scrawny stranger that any of us could beat, even if we were blind and tied up!"

Percy's friends all gathered around Phil, who was completely scrawny and had a bad hair-do and had a mild case of acne, who Percy could totally beat in a fight with his eyes tied behind his back and his hands closed.

Phil immediately challenged Percy for Counselor of the Poseidon Cabin, without any experience what-so-ever (the sword came with the cool bloodstain). Percy promptly beat him down, but Poseidon and the rest of the Gods came down from Olympus.

Poseidon proclaimed, "Phil is going to be the new Counselor for the Poseidon Cabin, because Percy is a cheater! Also, Percy is not my son! The Maury Show is a lie!"

Zeus also proclaimed, "Phil is also a Hero of Olympus, and we're taking Percy's title away for being a dirty cheater even though he did nothing of the sort!"

Everyone at Camp Half Blood began treating Percy like trash, which quite literally involved some of the Ares kids throwing him into the trash bins.

Eventually, fed up with Phil, Percy began packing his stuff up. He left behind nothing but a note, explaining why he left. The note read, I hate you all. I'm going to leave. Hate, Percy.

Percy, with one last dramatic look at Camp, left for good, vowing never to come back, unless he was the second-most powerful being in the universe, when a more powerful being than the most powerful being in the universe which didn't count, and for some reason, only Percy could fight, dramatically, while alone.

After a brief stint with living with his mom, he decided that he was going to roam the country looking for a new purpose. He briefly became a street musician, but gave up after people started throwing rocks at him for trying to play the mayonnaise on top of the Statue of Liberty.

He also became roommates with a badger, but left that after the badger stole all of his money and lost it while gambling in Las Vegas.

Percy was eventually down on his luck, in a cabin somehow in the middle of nowhere, and was about to die from like, fifty-bajillion monsters that were left after he killed the 100-bajillion they came with, when a powerful being came down.

It was Chaos, the creator of the universe! Chaos spoke, "I am looking for an assassin who doesn't actually assassinate people, but you know, the title sounds cool. My chosen one will get an awesome pair of wings and stuff."

Percy knelt and looked up at Chaos. "I accept. Also, I will bring Silena Beauregard, Beckendorf, Zöe Nightshade, and Bianca Di'Angelo back to life, even though I hardly knew any of them except for Beckendorf, and even then I'm grasping at straws with that dude. I may have forgotten his name along the way."

Chaos spoke again, "Rise then, and I will name you some cool name like, Void, or maybe a letter in either the Greek or English alphabet." Chaos then looked down at Percy.

"Oh my gods, I am so sorry. This is awkward now. I was looking for your mother's brother's nephew's step-step-sister-in-law's dog's former owner's father's co-worker's pet goldfish's minion's family's butler's third-point-fourteenth cousin removed negative six times. Phil," he/she/it/they said.