Color of Distress

Disclaimer – LOTR characters are not mine, but belong to Tolkien. I write only for entertainment purposes, not to make money. Don't sue me. I don't deserve it. Thank you, have a nice day.

A/N - *bows with head to ground* Forgive my utter insolence for disappearing once again!! The last year of high school and university application and scholarship getting does unfortunately take precedence over my writings, authority figures informed me. But I've applied already, I saw Return of the King literally twice in a row (that's 7 hours straight), and the first semester is almost over, so I decided to conclude this once and for all. This is an epilogue of sorts, leaving with Gimli, Aragorn, and Gandalf's thought. I cut Legolas' final role because it was leading into something of a sequel…I'll save that for a sequel, should there ever be one. ^_^ And now….with out further ado…..

Epilogue….

Gandalf

The steps of Shadowfax fall light, and yet I feel weighted down to the earth. I have lied to Legolas and Aragorn, and indirectly to Gimli. There is no curse of Fëanor, and somehow, I do not believe it is Saruman, though it is what I have told Aragorn. I do not know what it is. This is all the more ironic for all the faith and trust they place in my knowledge.

I have lied to lessen their worry. If Aragorn thinks it is Saruman, and realizes by fighting for Rohan he is trying to defeat Saruman, it would keep his mind on the battle. That is what he should focus on the most right now. And I know this is what Legolas wants. He has learned to keep this voice at bay for a while, and he does not want Aragorn and Gimli fussing over him when they must fight.

I do have my suspicions of what it is. It is possibly an enchantment placed on Legolas in Moria or shortly after Moria. When the Balrog first appeared, Legolas obviously was afraid, an emotion quite rare for him. Whether the Balrog had the skill to place enchantments on elves I do not know, nor do I have the time to find out. War is being waged in Rohan, and I must find Eomer and his men to fight for their country.

Something more nags at my mind, yet I am hesitant to say this because I do not know what Legolas thinks of this. This voice may not be more than his own mind speaking to him. A combination of grief, guilt, and perhaps fear may have triggered it to surface. He doubted himself in Moria, and let it eat away at his mind. I wish I had certain answers for Legolas.

I have known him since he was a child, and he has come to trust me as much as his own father. It causes me great pain to know that I cannot ease his worries, and I've come to view this as a responsibility of mine. Thranduil once told me about a small rabbit Legolas accidentally killed once, and I went to visit Legolas after he held a funeral for it.

I taught Legolas about life and living things, and how things must die. Legolas had never encountered death before, and as Thranduil said, he didn't know what it meant to die. I was surprised that Legolas knew so little about the world. I had always meant to take Legolas on a journey as a child, but dark things began stirring in Mirkwood, and Thranduil could not let Legolas go. Besides, Legolas would grow to be warrior instead of company to an old man like myself. Fate had more glorious things waiting for Legolas.

I do not think Legolas was made to be a fighter, yet his battle skills tell otherwise. He learned his lessons dutifully and discovered that he was quite proficient in it, but his heart and mind was more on exploring the forests and song.

Speaking of the nature of his heart, I would say it is too open and tender. The nastier things in the world like to take advantage of gentle souls like him. If Legolas were indeed possessed by some demon, this would be reason why. Now that I'm thinking about it, things would be much easier if he gave some of his kind essence to Aragorn, who had hardened his heart a long time ago.

Legolas did try to soften Aragorn, and tried his best. I do believe he succeeded a bit. Legolas had a good effect on Gimli as well. That was quite a surprise, even for me, and I was actually quite amused to find out how close they actually were. Staunch companions they are now, and I think they will remain so for the rest of their days. I predict now the reconciling of the elves and the dwarves, or at least a move in that direction. 

            When I return to Helm's Deep with Eomer and his men, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli will be there to meet me. I'm sure of it. They will not fail each other, and Legolas will not fail them.

Aragorn

            I worry for Legolas. The battle has begun. Gimli is with him at the wall now, but I cannot see them. I admire Gimli in his steadfast loyalty, and I can only pray that I live up to that. There are many times I have failed Legolas, though he was not aware of it.

            What he said that night we fought was almost true. I have sometimes wished that I were elven like him. So many problems would have been solved if I were, yet I cannot imagine lingering on for all eternity.  Death is the gift of mankind, I was once taught, and I as a Dunedain is exceptionally gifted.

            I have known Legolas my entire life. Strange now that I feel older than him.  He was always the same, of course, except he looks strained and tired now. But he has seen me grow up and become a man. And now I feel that I am getting old. Not old, but older. I feel weary. I want this war to end. I do not want to be noble or valiant, or any of those things the legends sing of. I want to go to a small and cozy cottage, and live my days out, as any other man.

            Once, when I was still a child, Legolas came to Rivendell. I do not remember why, but I saw him in awe. He was different from any elf I ever say before. His dress was simpler, and he seemed less interested in all the politics. I respected him greatly for that. Legolas had no care for politics, and loved the simpler things of nature. I now wish to be like that. He was open and kind, and had no arrogant airs about him. I asked him if he was Sindarin. He explained to me that although he technically was, his family adopted the Silvan ways when his grandfather went to Mirkwood. He showed me his bow and arrows, and taught me how to use one.

            Gandalf spoke to me again about this 'voice' before he left to find Eomer. He said he thought it was Saruman, for the night he came back to us, the voice returned. Gimli and I were asleep, and Gandalf spoke to it. So it was not the curse of Fëanor after all, but being possessed by Saruman is hardly comforting news. I would never doubt Gandalf, but why would Saruman try to take over Legolas? I do not think he has anything to gain from it. Frodo or myself would have been wiser a choice, not that I would wish that on him or myself. I fail to see the logic behind this. I do not know if Legolas should fight in this battle, but I know he would not have it otherwise.

            That is another thing I admire in Legolas. He is always valiant and steadfast. He is what legends should sing of, not people in situations like my one. A simple companion, one that is kind and loyal, and very willing to be a friend. I should have been like Gimli. I should have been a better friend to Legolas.

            And I admit I was selfish. I could not see that Legolas was under the grip of some evil, because I was too caught up in my own worries. I wish I had told him this, because the odds are very much against us in this battle.  I hope that Gandalf returns as he promised, or all hope is lost.

            It is all a matter of faith. Gimli has much faith in Legolas, and Legolas has faith in all of us. And I? I am ashamed. I have lost faith in almost everything. Even the thought of Frodo reaching Mordor is faint and distant to me now. Here I fight in the midst hopeless battle, and I cannot believe in anything anymore.

            I see Legolas fighting now. The orcs have no chance against him, but there are thousands of orcs and only so many arrows. He fights so nimbly, while Gimli hacks away at his side, a striking difference. Something has changed in Legolas. His face shines again, and Gimli is no longer downcast. They call numbers to each other. That is clever of Gimli, distracting Legolas with a game.

            I wish to be as light hearted as they are now. To be able to live only for the moment, and not to worry about the future. Perhaps I am looking to the future too much, and not living for now.

            Legolas meets my eyes for a moment and offers a smile as he stows away his bow, taking out his knives in the same swift movement. This is one motion I have known forever, and I suddenly feel much better regardless of the battle.

Perhaps I do have faith, after all, just like Legolas.

Gimli

Legolas puzzles me. Well, the truth is, all elves still puzzle me. Yes, even the Lady herself makes me wonder.

I will never say this to Legolas, but I think he feels too much, and far too deeply. I do not doubt that he suffered from that 'voice', but I wonder if it were because he's so trusting that it became so bad.  And though he is ages older than I, he is so much younger than me in every way.

I never found out what Gandalf said to Aragorn on that day he returned to us in Fangorn, but I knew from their faces it had to do with Legolas. I meant to ask, but there was never the chance to. Perhaps after tonight, there will never be. Argh, stop it Gimli, you shouldn't think like this, not before a battle!

My family would laugh when they discover how devoted I am to Legolas, and he to I. Absurd, they would call it. I would have thought so too. But now, it seems like the most natural thing in the world. I'm told that elves and dwarves lived in friendship a long time ago, teaching each other their own crafts. Perhaps now that can happen again. Gimli, the elf-friend. Gimli, the friend to elves. I like that.

When the fellowship first began, and that feels like decades ago, I was rather irritated that Legolas had joined. Gloin told me to watch him carefully, because the elves, particularly Elrond, were greedy and wanted that ring. My father was wrong, in any case. Our time together at Lothlorien changed everything. I will never forget that place, for so many reasons. That was where I met Galadriel, where we found solace from danger, and where I first befriended Legolas. Now when I think back to it, it seems like we became friends because of the voice. Legolas took me to see the woods there, and I remember him climbing into the trees. After I climbed in after him, I saw him sitting on the edge of a branch, crying and rocking.

I realized how young he truly was then. Vulnerable and a bit naïve, too. I figured he had too sheltered of a childhood. I should have asked him about that. It would make a good story. But anyway, as he began to fall right off the branch, I knew I had to act, so I jumped and had him land on me. You'd never know how heavy Legolas really is until he falls right on you from a height. It's that damned gracefulness of his that makes him seem so light, and that is in direct contrast to me, tramping around in my armor and boots.

Ironically, when Legolas went all wrong and fought Aragorn that night on the Anduin, some of what he said about Aragorn and Arwen where true. I don't mean that in the literal sense. I'm talking about our friendship.

I may not be a man, but I'm not immortal either. And at some point, Legolas and I will have to part because of my death. I don't think there should ever be any other reason. And I already hurt from thinking about be separated from him. Legolas and I have been friends now for mere months, but I do not think I ever had a better friend. And that is why it hurts so much.

It is not like me to be so morbid and think about deaths and partings. But one can't help but think like this when you have a massive orc army marching towards you, when the side you're on will barely be able to fight, let alone defend this fortress of the Rohirrim.

I do not like to admit this, but I am afraid. More afraid for Legolas than death or injury. More afraid of what would happen to Legolas if I do not come out of this battle alive. And terribly afraid that this battle might end our friendship. It is a precious thing to me, more so than any amount of mithril. Oh, my family would wet themselves if they heard that one.

My thoughts wander, when I should be readying myself for battle. Enough of these depressing thoughts! I will fight alongside Legolas, and we shall prevail. A competition of orc lives will lighten the mood here, for he looks unutterably sad, with those huge, tragic eyes.

I cannot see over this wall in the fortress. But I can hear drums. It is beginning, I can feel it. And when it ends, no matter how it ends, Legolas and I shall be there.

The End…….

It's taken me just over a year to finish this fic. I've gotten over 400 reviews. That's like, over one a day. ^_^ I never thought it would rise to such a proportion….21 chapters. 100 pages.  My original plan was to end it at 10 chapters…I think I continued it just because of all the encouragement I received from everyone who has read this. I'd like to thank everyone one hundred times, and ten thousand and one times over.

Okay, now that I'm done with the sappiness, my absence was not completely spent on university application and a huge 45-minute seminar of Napoleon. I have begun a new fic to do with the childhood of Legolas and how things began to go slightly wrong in Mirkwood. It's called….well, I've never been wonderful at titles…Dawn, and it's going up the same time as this epilogue. So if your interested, go check it out!

And for the final time…thank you!