Crossroads

Chapter One

He stands in the misting rain, his left shoulder soaked through as he holds the large black umbrella squarely over her. She is so small in her grief, all straight lines and shadows. Draped in gray, she blends with the skyline making her wraithlike. Flashes of sunny days, blowing hair and vibrant smiles play in his mind. She is bright colors and vivid days. This is not her place. These are not her people.

He flexes his fingers on her hip just to remind her that he is there for her.

He looks around at the group huddled around the box. All of them smiling sadly at her and nodding knowingly when she wipes her eyes or lets out a shaky sob.

As the townspeople come to pay their last respects to their beloved Chief of Police, they stay to watch the never before seen daughter cry before the casket of a stranger. To them she shows the right amount of respect and grief for their leader.

Only he knows her heart.

He watches her stagger under the sorrow of having been unloved and unwanted her entiredamn life. Feeling the total abandonment from the last of those who never wanted her, she grieves for what she never had and what will never be.

He stands taller and meets their eyes in a way that brokers no discussion. He can't help but find them all guilty by association for enabling the bastard; the deadbeat dad he had always been.

He will be her sentinel in her time of weakness. His arm moves on reflex at her pain and pulls her closer against him, wrapping himself a bit tighter around her.

She gives a watery smile up to him as he kisses her hair and she nudges his shoulder with her head in thanks.

He sighs deeply as his cheek rests against her damp hair and allows his mind to wander.

She hadn't even known what the man looked like until she walked through his house just hours before the viewing. Pictures of a familiar stranger laughing with other strangers made a softly wistful smile grace her lovely face.

"He was happy," she whispered to the empty room as she replaced the framed picture only to pick up the next and gently run her fingers over the face behind the glass.

It made his blood boil to know this man never had any intention of ever knowing his daughter. It made his chest tightened to know she had been conditioned her whole life to accept this so easily as her normal.

Being brought back to her side by a unison 'amen', his eyes follow her glassy stare to the closed box. A deep sigh escapes her and he again runs his hand along her arm to comfort her and tether himself to her.

As the group of mourners filter out of the wooded cemetery, he turns her to him under his umbrella.

Lifting her face with his finger, he waits for her to see him.

"… You holding up all right, Sweets?"

"I'm fine. I'm doing fine. This was the hard part, you know." She smiles weakly up at him.

"We can head back to the motel if you want to be done with the day." He frowns down at her.

"No, Moondoggie, this is a once in a lifetime moment. We shouldn't scrimp on it," she gently admonishes him.

Pulling her into him, he buries his face in her silky damp hair.

"I want to chuck you over my shoulder and run, hide you in a cave somewhere," he growls.

She laughs as she runs her hands up and down his back enjoying the tickle of his breath on her neck.

"Well now, wouldn't that get the town talking," she pulls back smiling, "not much longer now, okay?"

He nods and wraps his arm around her leading her back to the truck, this time feeling his right shoulder becoming soaked through.

~o0o~

Across Sue Clearwater's living room, he admires how she stands with a cup of punch in one hand and a tissue in the other receiving well-meant words and awkward hugs with grace. Phrases like, "Thank you for being a friend to him," or "Thank you for coming today and showing your love for him," and, "It's so wonderful to meet the people who made his life so rich," slip easily from her lips. He watches her comfort each well-wisher with a gentle grace that confounds him. No one looking at this scene would know that she is astranger to the deceased.

Finally, unable to be this disconnected he returns to her side. She smiles up at him and he relishes how her shoulders relax. He takes the warm punch cup from her hand and places it on an end table before taking her hand, kissing the back of it and entwining their fingers.

When Sue Clearwater comes to stand with her toward the end of the day, she lets go of him long enough to wrap both arms around the older woman. There are muffled whispers of condolences passed between the two women.

"Bella, we're so glad you could make it. Would you introduce me?" Sue smiles in his direction, wiping her eyes as she pulls back from the hug.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sue, this is my very dear friend, Edward Cullen." Sweets smiles up at her Moondoggie as he extends his hand to shake Sue's.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am," Moondoggie says.

"Oh, the pleasure's all mine and thank you for helping Bella get here on time. When I tracked her down, I didn't know what to expect."

"How did you track her down?" he asked.

"Well, when I was looking through Charlie's papers I found financial aid paperwork for Isabella Swan from a year ago. I contacted the Gateway Community College to find her. I never knew Charlie had a daughter." Sue sighs.

"Isn't that a wonderful name for a college?" Sweets interjects, deflecting, he suspects.

Moondoggie smiles at her and wraps his arm around her shoulder.

"So you were his girlfriend?" Sweets asks the widow Clearwater.

"Yes, we were together for fifteen years," Sue sighs wistfully.

"I'm so glad he had you, that he had so much love in his life. Thank you for that," she hugs Sue again.

"Will you be here long?" Sue asks quietly.

"No ma'am, tomorrow I'll be on my way."

"You couldn't stay through Christmas? It's so close." Sue looked at Moondoggie for help in her plea.

"No, I should head out after tomorrow. But thank you for the kind offer," Sweets smiled stiffly.

He fades out of the conversation as his heart registers that there is no 'we' in her comments to Sue. He realizes with a jolt that for all they've been through, perhaps she still considers him just a friendly ride. He pulls her gently into himself as he rejoins the conversation.

"Will you be back this way, do 'ya think?" Sue asks wiping the corner of her eye.

"I'm not sure, perhaps I'll be back to visit his grave someday," she hesitates.

"Of course, but please don't leave without my number and address," Sue adds sadly.

He rubs his hand along her arm to soothe her and sighs as she melts back into him for comfort. Caging her in, he rocks them slightly from side to side.

As Sue retreats towards the kitchen, he turns her in his arms. "Very dear friend, little one?" he smiles down on her. He grins as she blushes.

"You are my friend, Moondoggie," she says softly into his collar.

"No love, I'm your very dear friend," he teases.

Gathering her gumption, she looks up into his handsomeness, "Yes, you are, but so much more. You're my friend on an unfriendly road, my umbrella in the storm. You're my strong arm to lean on. You are MY Moondoggie." Her voice quivers with that and she slumps into him, burying her face in his shirt.

He smiles softly, hoping he hasn't pushed her too far with his teasing. She is understandably tender today. He sways them slowly as his hand smooths lazily down her silky brown hair. After a moment, he speaks.

"Yes, I'm your Moondoggie and you're my Sweets. I've been so proud of you today. You were so kind and strong, so brave all day. I'm very proud to be your Moondoggie tonight," he whispers into her hair. Are you ready to say your goodbyes?" he asks, trying and failing to keep the hope out of his voice.

"I should help Sue clean up. I can't imagine how hard this day must have been for her." She reluctantly pulls back to look up at him for understanding.

He shakes his head at her gentle ways and looks around the room noting the picked over buffet and the self-conscience Christmas tree in the corner. He smiles down at her as he brushes her hair back from her face.

"Well, send a flare up when you're ready," he kisses her forehead and begrudgingly releases her.

~o0o~

As she helps the women in the kitchen, he helps the men take the tables down and load them into pick- up trucks to be returned to the Reservation's rec center. Each time he walks down the entrance hall his steps slow and his eyes search for her in the kitchen.

"She your girlfriend?" Jake Black asks walking backward as they carry two tables out the front door.

Moondoggie studies him with his teasing smile bright against his dark skin. It doesn't go unnoticed that she is closer to young Black's age than his. Unsure how to answer the lanky teenager he sets it all aside and decides to respond on a more primal level.

"She's mine, yes." He meets the boy's eyes to drive home the message.

"That's cool. She's a real looker. I wish she had come around when Charlie was alive." The boy's easy grin slips slightly.

Having promised his Sweets to behave, he chooses not to inform the boy that an invitation was never extended. Choosing instead to pick up his pace and send the awkward teen scrambling to keep up.

Later, as he walks into the kitchen to claim his girl he watches her smile and joke with Sue and two older women. She moves gracefully around the small kitchen cleaning and putting things away. When he catches her eye, her face lights up, and reaching for her, he smiles brightly back and breathes out "their loss, my gain."

~o0o~

"Moondoggie, I don't think I can take much more of this day."

He looks over to see his Sweets rocking on the passenger side of the darkened truck cab. He pulls over to the shoulder and puts it in park.

Unbuckling and sliding on the bench towards her, he pulls her in.

"Are you sick?" he feels her forehead as he speaks.

"No, I just … I just don't think I can take much more." She begins to fidget in his arms as though her skin is crawling.

"Is your stomach sick?"

"No, I just need … ugh … I don't know." She barks out in frustration and tearstrack down her cheeks as she grabs fists of her hair and begins rocking again.

"Hey, hey," he says in alarm as he gently pulls her hands from her hair and shakes them. She has been so brave all day. He's amazed it took her this long to implode. He finds himself slightly relieved to see her finally let the bottled up tension, out.

"Okay, enough," he says firmly, watching her still, "This is what we are going to do." He feels her rest her head on his shoulder. "We're going to stop at the Chinese restaurant near the motel and get you some Wonton soup."

"Hot and Sour," she whispers into his collar as he wraps his arm around her.

He smiles into her hair, "Hot and Sour soup, then we are taking it back to the room. I'm running you a bath and you are soaking and eating your soup until you're pruney and the bowl is empty, then your bows and cats jammies and into bed."

She's so quiet for a minute his breath begins to shallow in anticipation.

"Your Harley Davison," she whispers.

"My T-shirt?" He moves his shoulder to try to get her to look up.

She just burrows in a bit deeper and nods her head.

He squeezes her, "okay Baby, My Harley Davison T-shirt and into bed."

"K," she sighs.

"Okay," he smiles.

Releasing her, they both return to their side of the cab, buckling the seat reaches her hand across the empty space as she looks out the windshield. He lifts it to his lips and entwines their fingers as he pulls back onto the logging road.

~o0o~

She crawls cat-like across the bedspread and he watches her sweet little ass shift from side to side.

He swallows thickly.

What this woman does to him.

He moves to the side of her bed to holdsthe blanket up while she slides under and burrows against her pillow. She has a flowered pillowcase that she puts on each new pillow she meets in each new motel they encounter.

Once she has made her nest just so, he leans down and kisses her forehead as he reaches over to turn off the bedside light.

"Goodnight, Sweets," he whispers against her hair.

"Aren't you coming to bed?" she yawns.

"No, I'm gonna step out for a smoke and get a shower before I hit the sack," he says brushing his calloused hand over her forehead. He then runs his knuckle along her cheek and grins as she smiles sleepily and turns her head to kiss his fingers.

"Don't be long," she mumbles into the sheets.

He grabs his jacket, feeling for his smokes in the pocket, but he is pulled up short as he reaches for the door knob.

"Moondoggie," she whispers, "why didn't he want me?"

With that, his jacket hits the floor and he is climbing across the bed, pulling her up to him as he leans against the headboard.

"Aww, baby girl, that question has looped in my head all day." He shakes his head. "I don't have an answer. If he were alive, I'd flatten him out and gladly do the time," he growls.

"He loved so many people, had such a good life, I just don't understand why I couldn't have fit into that." He feels her tears soak through his T-shirt as her head makes a pillow of his stomach.

He forces himself to unclench his hands and concentrate on gently running his hand down her waterfall of brown locks. "Baby, all I've come up with is the old saying 'outta sight, outta mind.' I know it's not right to take that approach when a sweet little girl is involved but…" he shrugs. He feels as if his words fall limply onto to the bed around them and wonders if she is even still awake.

After a few moments, she begins to shake. Sitting, she grabs the remote from the bedside table and throws it against the wall.

"Why couldn't he even try? He left me in hell, Moondoggie. What's wrong with me? Why has no one ever cared? My mom was a coke whore. My father never acknowledged I existed. I am nothing. I am nobody. I have nothing. I … I'm so tired, so damn tired, tired of being lost, tired of being alone, tired of being scared. All the time, Moondoggie, I'm scared all the damn time." As she runs out of steam, she looks pitifully at him with glassy eyes and slumps into the middle of the bed in eerie silence.

He doesn't try to touch her, but he volleys back in a soft voice, "because he was a coward, a self-centered, self-absorbed prick that didn't deserve your tears, your love. He didn't deserve you, Bella."

He leans forward to drive home his point, "Sweets, you are kind, sweet and beautiful and that sonofabitch didn't deserve to breathe the same air you breathe. Down to the marrow, I mean that." He swallows thickly as his eyes sting.

"Come here, Baby," he holds out his arms and waits for her to move into them. When she lifts her face, the broken anguish reflected back breaks him in two. Knowing there are no words to heal this, he chooses to gently rock her.

She focuses on his breathing, his hand running lightly over her hair, as the rhythmic rocking soothes the devastation that is her parentage.

Her father is dead.

Her mother is dead to her.

Death would be so easy she thinks as he rocks her—simply to stop being, to rest. She sighs heavily into his chest and listens to his heartbeat.

Moondoggie, her Moondoggie, she could never be the one to make him cry at her graveside. Her heart clenchesat the thought. She likes to make him smile; it always washes across his face as though he is as surprised by the facial movement as she is. She smiles against his shirt and runs her hand over his chest, up to his shoulder.

"Thanks, Moondoggie," she whispers.

"Do you think you can sleep now?" he whispers back.

"Mmhmm," she nods.

"Good, let's get you snuggled back in."

He gets off the bed and once again holds up the blankets as she snuggles back down onto her flowery pillow. Folding them over and tucking them under her chin, he then kisses her forehead and cheek as she quietly smiles with her eyes closed.

"Sleep, Sweets. I'll be here," he says quietly as he grabs his jacket off the floor and heads out the door.

~o0o~

Wanting to hear her if she needs him, he paces the parking lot near their room trying to untangle his thoughts. He feels responsible for Sweets that's a given. He's helped her get through these tough few days but now the big question that weighs on his mind this misty night is what is he going to do with her now.

He can't abandon her.

He can't take her on the road with him.

Does she even want to stay with him?

What kind of life does she have back in Phoenix?

He needs to talk with her, but he's not sure he can bear the answers she might give.

Three cigarettes in and he hasn't unknotted a damn thing. But he finds himself freezing in the cold, damp air. A shiver runs down his back and he pulls the collar of his jacket up higher. How anyone survives in this dark wet corner of the world is beyond him. He can't wait to get on the road tomorrow and shake the dust off this godforsaken town.

He creeps quietly into the darkened room, lit only by a sliver of light from the bathroom. Leaning over the bed, he sees the dried tear tracks on her cheek but that she is sleeping peacefully now. He brushes the hair back from her face then moves to gather clean sweats and a T-shirt and heads for the shower.

Still warm from the shower, he sits in the armchair in the corner and eats the rest of his fried rice while watching her sleep. As he finishes, he throws away the carton and then goes to brush his teeth. With sleep being elusive, he returns to the chair and continues his vigil.

As he sits there in the dark, his mind runs a slide show of memories of the past few days featuring hues of gray, black and wet green. But the pictures in his mind move slowly to light and sun, varying shades of yellow and sky blue. He smiles in the dark and closes his eyes letting the sun behind his eyelids take him back to happier times with his Sweets.