The train lurched forward, and the sleeping blunette ended up slamming his head on what seemed to be a really pretty blue butterfly.

He sat up straight again, and fixed his unnecessarily long fringe. And finally, his name was Minato Arisato.

"..." Minato stared lifelessly at the crushed remains of the poor bug. "I am a danger to everything around me..." He bit back the tears and ended up curling against the seat. "Woe is me..."

"Iwatodai. We have reached Iwatodai," The PA system let the still curled up teeanger know.

"Iwatodai," Minato repeated. "I lost my parents here... my life, my soul and my heart... everything ended in Iwatodai for me." He shut his eyes and held onto his seat.

"Get off the freaking train kid, next up is the Red Light district," The PA system blared once again.

"I went to a red light district once... and I am still dying a virgin," Minato said sadly.

He finally got up from his seat and painfully staggered out of the train. The station was bustling with people, everyone of them were gossiping or doing something important, unlike our protagonist.

"Ah people," Minato sighed. "Such a busy place..." His shoulders slumped. More than usual. "Life's thread is so thin... it could break under the most insignificant of pressures..." Just as Minato said that, the world around him shifted. His mp3 player shut off, the moon took a sickly yellow color, his surroundings went green and lastly the people turned into coffins.

Minato was taken by surprise. "HOLY SHIT! THEY ACTUALLY DIED!" He cried. He took a step back and placed his hand on his chest.

"Oh... please, don't abandon me like all those I cared about..." He was talking to his heart.

"Wait," Minato blinked. "This has happened before for sure..."

"Isn't it uberly stupid that I'm suddenly taking it seriously now?" He sighed. "Well... dead people and blood, this hour suits me. Looks like the perfects depiction of the scenery within my twisted heart..."

He pulled out a pamphlet which had several pictures drawn on it.

"So, I go from the little bleeding knife to cracked heart..." Minato noted and began making his towards the dorm that he was temporary staying in.

He purposely stepped on every puddle of blood and gave a sad sigh every time for some strange reason.

Finally, he stopped right in front of the dorm. It was fairly tall and well built, about 4 stories long.

"No chance of survival if someone drops from there... a sad demise..." Minato pointed out. He pushed the door open and took a step into what seemed to be the lounge. The lights were off and the only thing that was illuminating the place was the moonlight.

"Over here, you cyclops! Oh no, wait, that's just your fringe," Minato turned his head ever so slowly towards the source of the voice. It was a kid who radiated smartass-ness, he had large blue eyes and was sporting a prison uniform. His lips were stretched into an all knowing smirk.

Minato stared at the kid for more than a minute before declaring. "It's okay to be jailbird nowadays kid."

"I am your warden," The kid giggled.

"I am a prisoner," Minato nodded. "My body is my holding ce-" He was cut off by the enigmatic child once again.

"Anyway, can you write? Sign the damn contract," He said flatly, thrusting the contract he was holding into Minato's hand.

Minato sighed. "Sure, anything to make you happy, jailbird," He opened it up and wrote his name cleanly, along with a broken heart at the end. He handed it back to the blue eyed kid who end up sniggering.

"Dumbass," The kid vanished away with a trace.

"Yes, leave me alone why don't you... I'll just be here, hoping," Minato said sadly.

"Rapists! Show yourselves!" Minato turned around to face another voice, and this time it was feminine.

"Rapist?" Minato looked at his shoes. "Despicable people they are... though I deserve to go to Hell more than they do... actually, my life is already a Hell..." Several footsteps later, Minato ended face to face with a rather cute brunette. She had pink sweater on, and a skirt which was shorter than her hair.

Oh, and she was pointing a gun at Minato.

"Have you come to put me out of the misery I call life?" Minato asked.

"I knew you came for me, you won't be able to touch me, pervert!" The brunette yelled.

"..." Minato sized her up from head to toe.

"What, weirdo?" The girl questioned.

"You're not even that hot," Minato said bluntly.

A tense silence prevailed in the room.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" The girl actually charged at Minato who gasped and took a step back.

"Takeba, I command that you stop," Yet another voice welcomed Minato's ears.

"See? Just that voice alone was hotter than you," Minato mumbled.

Just as he said that, the lights came back on. His mp3 player began blasting music once again and the he could finally see the two girls clearly.

The other girl was a really hot redhead who seemed to be an year older than him. Not that Minato cared, nobody would want an emo like him anyway. At least that was what he thought.

"I'm still gonna fucking kill him!" Takeba growled at Mitsuru.

"Welcome to my dorm. My name is Mitsuru Kirijo. Did you hear that? Ki-ri-jo," The redhead spoke, ignoring Takeba and putting extra emphasis on the Kirijo. "My family is one of the richest in the world, and we own this island."

Minato blinked.

"Room ple-" Minato tried to speak but Mitsuru interrupted him.

"Oh, and we own you too, technically," She shrugged.

"Right. Anyway my roo-"

"That uniform is ours too," Mitsuru barged in once again.

Minato deadpanned at his senior this time.

"Okay. Can I visit my room that YOU own?"

Mitsuru seemed pleased. "Yes, since you realized your place in this world, I shall give you the room for free. Anyway, this is Yukari "less important than me" Takeba," She pointed at the brunette who was still fuming. "She's not as rich as me, well not even close but she's the same year as you. Oh, and nobody in the second year has more money than me."

"Hi." Minato waved at Takeba.

"I hate you," Yukari snarled at the new transfer student.

"I get that a lot," Minato said sadly as he lowered his hand. "Anyway, why do you have a gun?" Actually, who let Yukari near a gun?

The two panicked this time. Yukari hid her gun behind her back and Mitsuru began. "Oh, it's not real. The Kirijo group made it just to scare burglars away. Oh and it is made up of diamonds, like this." Mitsuru said, flashing the diamond ring in her finger for all to see.

Minato thought for a while. Wouldn't it work better if the gun wasn't made of something burglars actually wanted to steal? And wouldn't it work even better if the gun actually worked?

He shrugged the thought aside. She had probably paid the burglars to abide by her logic.

"Okay, cool. Now room, please," Minato deadpanned again.

"Takeba, please take him to his room which I own," Mitsuru looked at Yukari who nodded and grabbed Minato by his collar.

"Sure, senpai," She dragged the protagonist away, and both of them went up the stairs.

"I'll let you know that I'm really popular in school. Men want me, and bitches want to be like," Yukari continued ranting about how hot and popular she was.

Not that Minato was paying it any attention.

The two ended up stopping on the last room on the 2nd floor. Yukari let go of his collar and spoke stiffly. "Anyway, this is your room. I don't like you or anything nor do I have any concern for you... I still wanna kill you. But did you see anything weird when coming over here?"

"Oh yeah, like the blood, the coffins, the yellow moon, the smartass jailbird kid and the crazy bitch who held a diamond fake gun to my head? Yeah, surely saw something weird." He said.

"... seemed like Iwatodai itself had a period," Minato nodded sagely as he mused aloud.

"... Idiot," Yukari spat at the blue haired protagonist and walked away.

Minato sighed and opened the door to his room. Nobody liked him.

Not taking off his uniform which he had donned for absolutely no reason at all, Minato staggered towards the comfortable bed and collapsed onto it.

"First day back, and everybody already hates me..." He sniffed.

Test fic. Inspired by TFS. Tell us what you think. Everyone has a hilarious gimmick going on and there will be recurring gags in the story, which will be very different from the original. You'll see what I mean in the next chapter. Like always, review and tell us what you think.