I am back! Despite how I completely dropped off the face of the earth, I did not die. I simply got very busy after getting a second job. I eventually quit it because it was too much, but then I had difficulty getting back to writing. I had already resolved to stop High School Maelstrom due to several long standing issues with that story, but I couldn't decide on a new story to focus on. I began and deleted four different ideas before finally settling on this one. I hope it is different enough from the usual fare in this crossover to catch your interest.

So here is the first chapter. It is about 8,500 words. I had planned on writing the next chapter as well before publishing them together, but I wanted some feedback on this chapter first.

P.S. My little brother is very unreliable. While he claims he plans to continue writing, I don't think he will. Sorry for those of you who liked his stories.

"-the reaction is a result of this compound devolving into these simpler compounds. Can anyone tell me just why it does-?" The lecturing voice of the teacher was cut off by the ringing of the end-of-school bell. Immediately thereafter another voice yelled out.

"Hallelujah!"

The teacher raised a hand to their face as they let out a tired sigh. She then looked at the offending student before deadpanning, "No need to hold back your true feelings, Uzumaki-kun."

Naruto Uzumaki wasn't bothered by her tone though. Sending her a wide grin, he declared shamelessly, "Come on, Kushou-sensei. You know I love you, your husband is a very lucky man, but chemistry and I are mortal enemies. You're fighting a losing battle trying to teach it to me. My skull is just too thick. I've accepted that. I think it's about time you did too. Just be thankful I actually show up for this class."

The teacher didn't look the least bit pleased by Naruto's claim. Eventually she just sighed as she admitted, "I guess that is the most I'm going to get. Fine. Just know you are a terrible, terrible student, Uzumaki-kun." Despite the harsh words, there was a slight playfulness in her tone that took away any sting in them.

Which Naruto immediately picked up on. Picking up his bag, he stood and started moving to the door. Right before leaving he gave a wave while replying cheekily, "Love you too, sensei."

With that, Naruto was out. Kids were already streaming into the hall around him. He skillfully navigated his way through the crowd, his destination set. Arriving at a specific corner after several turns, Naruto came to a stop and patiently waited. His timing was so good by this point though that he only waited for half a minute before he sensed the presence he was waiting for.

"Naruto," a female voice calmly spoke up.

"Uzumi."

Naruto smiled as his eyes found his twin sister. Uzumi was clearly their father's daughter. There was very little of their mother in her. The only trait of their mother's Naruto could pick up in her was the shape of her eyes. Otherwise she had the clear blue eyes that she and Naruto had inherited from their father. She had a heart shaped face with a narrow jaw. Her lips were full, her cheekbones high, her large eyes framed by long eyelashes, and her nose was small. Her fair skin was flawless besides three faded lines on each cheek that slightly resembled whisker marks. Her hair was so blonde each one appeared to be a strand of pure gold. Thick and luscious, her hair was long enough to reach her calves. For ease of control her hair was tied back into two low ponytails.

Uzumi was on the tall side, especially compared to the Japanese. Her most recent growth spurt had finally left her at the height of 5 feet and 9 inches. As for her figure…well, Uzumi was blessed with their fraternal grandmother's blessed genes in that regard. Naruto wasn't sure why Tsunade Senju had never raised their father, he suspected it had to do with Danzo (almost every suspicious event in Konoha could be traced back to that man), but both Naruto and Uzumi had indeed discovered that her and Jiraiya were their grandparents on their father's side. Uzumi's figure was simply biological proof. Their mother had been a beautiful woman, but her bust had been rather…modest. A bit below average. So Uzumi sharing the genes of the woman with the largest breasts in the Elemental Nations was the only explanation for how Uzumi had a 101 cm bust at the age of 17. Besides her fantastic breasts, the rest of her figure was hourglass. She was dressed in the Kuoh Academy uniform, which Naruto would swear up and down was designed to emphasize the breasts of females.

Overall, Uzumi was completely stunning. So stunning in fact that Naruto couldn't help himself. Once she got close enough he leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers. Uzumi didn't protest his action, and actually pressed back against him slightly.

The kiss was little more than a peck, but it still sent a jolt down both of their spines. Pulling apart, the two locked eyes. Even in the middle of the crowded hallway the two were able to form an intimate connection in that moment.

At least until the whispers and looks from the surrounding students became too obvious for Naruto to ignore. Looking at them with a strained smile, Naruto announced in a loud voice, "Since none of you seem to understand the meaning of the word subtlety, I'll be blunt. Move on with your business or I might decide to go on another pranking spree tomorrow."

That got them moving. Naruto was the prankster king of Kuoh for a reason. No one wanted to be the one he set his sights on.

Unfortunately, there was someone he couldn't coerce in such a way. Uzumi pulled on his cheek as she told him in disapproval, "What have I told you about threatening people with pranks, Naruto?"

"To not do it," Naruto answered as best he could with his cheek being stretched out. Uzumi let go at his answer. Rubbing his cheek, Naruto grumbled sullenly, "They're annoying though. Not like I was really going to do anything. I do pranks for entertainment. I'm not malicious or anything. Just wanted them to mind their own business. Shouldn't they be used to it by now?"

"Shouldn't you be used to it by now? It isn't like this is anything new," Uzumi pointed out.

"Exactly, it isn't like we haven't kissed in the halls a hundred times before. Yet they still insist on gawking like a bunch of kids seeing adults kiss," Naruto grunted out stiffly.

"Well, you guys are rather unique," a female voice interrupted. Naruto immediately identified the speaker. Kiryuu Aika was a girl from his class. Naruto looked towards the approaching girl. She was a bespectacled girl with light brown hair done up in two French braids. She really had the likeable girl-next-door vibe. She was a friendly acquaintance of Naruto's since he found her rather perverse personality amusing. Coming to a stop before them she crossed her arms as she added, "It isn't often people see an incestuous pair of siblings."

It was true. Naruto and Uzumi were dating. Not to mention doing the activities that go along with a pair of dating teenagers.

Naruto just shrugged as he claimed, "I don't get why the fact that Uzumi and I are dating is so interesting to everyone."

"Only you could act so casual about this, Naruto-kun."

"I'm not acting. I just really don't get why everyone else is so shocked about it," Naruto claimed matter-of-factly.

Kiryuu just looked at him with a raised eyebrow before asking, "Doesn't the word incest mean anything to you?"

"Not particularly."

Naruto was actually completely serious about that. In Konoha, incest was no big deal. While certainly not widespread, it had been an established practice in the ninja sect. Almost all clans did it to some degree, and it carried almost no stigma among the regular ninjas either. Here, it was actually a crime. It had been rather mystifying when they first arrived, but hadn't truly mattered until Uzumi and he actually started practicing it. Then it became downright annoying.

"Well a lot of people would say it is morally wrong for two siblings to do…what you two do," Kiryuu pointed out.

"Well the moral beliefs of others aren't a factor for us. Only our own beliefs are," Uzumi claimed immediately before continuing, "Naruto and I love each other, and we are both old enough to decide just who we want to be with. Despite how other people would label it, ours is a genuine relationship. We go on dates. We hold hands, kiss. In fact, we have a more serious and committed relationship than most people our age. We have every intention of not only getting married in the future, but having children. The circumstances of our births don't change those facts."

"What she said," Naruto added as he slipped an arm around her waist. He then looked at Kiryuu before telling her accusingly, "And I really don't think you should have any moral objection, Kiryuu, considering the numbers of doujins and porn in Japan that have to do with incest or other 'forbidden loves'."

Kiryuu raised her hands disarmingly as she claimed, "I never said I had a problem with it. I was just pointing out how a lot of people perceive your guys' relationship. I just enjoy sticking my nose into other people's business."

"Well thanks for making us have another iteration of a conversation we've had several dozen times before. Now unless you want to bring up another annoying conversation topic, we'll be going."

"Man, you are so rude when annoyed," Kiryuu muttered in response.

"Sorry. I just don't like having this conversation," Naruto said in a slightly apologetic tone.

Looking interested, Kiryuu questioned, "Why? Sounds like there's a story behind it."

"Barely," Naruto grunted out before informing her succinctly, "Just an annoying social worker that appeared after Uzumi and I started dating. For weeks the annoying bastard insisted in trying to explain that our relationship was 'morally repugnant' and kept telling us we were simply 'confused'."

"I always wondered why there was no official response to you guys," Kiryuu commented thoughtfully. "So what happened to the guy?"

"He just gave up after a while. Naruto and I were emancipated at 16 and we were receiving no financial support from the government. We were independent adults so there was nothing he could do," Uzumi answered instead of Naruto, being the better liar.

The situation hadn't actually worked out so well. They had only been 15 when the social worker started harassing them, so they had still been under the control of the government. After he failed to convince them to believe what he was telling them, he had told them that he was going to recommend the government split them up and send them to separate foster homes. Oh hell no! If Danzo and Konoha weren't capable of tearing their family apart than some slimy bureaucrat certainly wasn't going to. A bit of ninja investigation easily turned up some evidence that the social worker had been…taking advantage of his position concerning some children he was in charge of. Something Naruto had already suspected based on some of his more shifty actions concerning Naruto's sisters. After he was arrested but before they had hired a replacement to take over his workload, Naruto had snuck into his office and altered their case file. Situation done.

Naturally they couldn't tell people that though, so they came up with this lie.

"Huh? Kind of a boring resolution, but I guess everything about you guys can't be the stuff of manga," Kiryuu muttered in slight disappointment.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Naruto asked in confusion.

"You are right in that people have gotten used to seeing you two together. You guys don't attract attention because of the incest thing, but because you guys are so…unusual," Kiryuu claimed awkwardly, trying to find the right words. "You are right that incest is a common theme in porn for Japan, but it is still a thing of fantasy for most people. It isn't like porn is ever realistic. So you guys are almost considered…out-of-this-world. It isn't just about the incest either. Just look at you guys. You practically belong in a manga."

She did not know how right she was.

"That…would actually be really cool," Naruto exclaimed after a moment's pause. "A manga based on my life, dedicated to my awesomeness. It would be called…Naruto."

"…No way. That would never work out," Uzumi deadpanned.

"Totally agree. Forget I said anything," Kiryuu said as she looked away from him.

"You guys suck," Naruto grumbled out.

"Yeah, whatever. I better get going. See you tomorrow, Naruto-kun. Take care of him, Uzumi-chan," Kiryuu called out as she started walking away, sending a wave over her shoulder at them.

Uzumi watched her leave before asking, "You two are friendly. Does she, you know, like you?"

"Naw. I'm not her type," Naruto answered calmly. He then explained, "She just likes sticking her nose into other people's love lives. We just happen to be the juiciest one around."

"Okay. Just making sure. Let's get going," Uzumi said as she started walking.

Naruto quickly moved and started walking by her side. The two slipped through the crowds with an ease only ninjas could achieve. They soon arrived at the entrance area.

"We should go on a date," Naruto suddenly declared.

Uzumi just looked at him before asking, "What?"

"The talk with Kiryuu about our relationship made me think of it. We haven't gone on a date in a while. We should correct that. The rest of our day is free," Naruto clarified with a shrug.

"Okay. Karaoke?"

"No. I'm talking about an actual date. Not just hanging out together," Naruto said.

"Alright. What are you thinking?" Uzumi questioned, not at all opposed to such a thing.

"How about we go to a nice restaurant? We'll get all dressed up, eat by candlelight, share a desert. The full dinner experience," Naruto suggested.

"Wow, been a long time since we've done that. I'd love to, Naruto," Uzumi replied happily. Hugging onto his arm with a giggle, she whispered in his ear, "You are so getting lucky tonight."

Naruto could barely prevent himself from breaking out into a victory dance at that. So instead he put on a shit-eating grin as he commented, "Sweet, but I think it is only fair we warn Yuzu then. So she can make other arrangements."

"Alright. She should be changing with the rest of the softball club," Uzumi replied.

With that the two changed their course. Instead of heading out of school they started towards the school sport's fields. It was easier now that the students who didn't have clubs had already left.

As they approached the fields they started hearing screams though. Uzumi immediately sighed and groaned out, "Those three again. You'd think they'd learn after all the beatings they've received."

Naruto just chuckled as he pointed out, "Well it's never been in doubt that they think with their wrong heads."

"Wonder who they were peeking on this time?" Uzumi wondered aloud.

"I'm betting on the kendo club. They're the most frequent victims of those three," Naruto claimed.

The screams became clearer as they got closer though, and soon they started hearing a female voice joining that of the three males. A female voice that was quite familiar to the two. Uzumi immediately paled as she whispered in horror, "They wouldn't…Do they want to die?"

Naruto by contrast was smirking as he replied, "I told you. They think with their lower heads."

"Issei must know better though. He's known Yuzu ever since we came here. He must know how she'd react," Uzumi insisted.

"Are you really surprised Issei loses his sense and survival instincts when boobs enter the picture?" Naruto asked dryly. He was already moving forward as he remarked, "Well we're about to see the answer to that ourselves."

Uzumi could do nothing but follow. Just as they were approaching the rise that the track circle was on when the screams became clear enough to understand.

"OH GOD! SOMEBODY, ANYBODY. HELP US!"

"FUCK THAT! WE NEED AN EXORCIST! SHE'S A DEMON!"

Those two scared screams were followed up by the appearance of the two speakers. They were easy to identify. Matsuda and Motohama. Both in the same year as Naruto. Matsuda was a former sports star with narrow eyes and a shaved head. Motohama was a nerdy looking boy with large glasses. They made up two-thirds of the 'Perverted Trio'.

The two were desperately trying to run from whatever terrible monster was pursuing them, but they were clearly so terrified they were repeatedly stumbling and trying to climb over the other. Obviously friendship was thrown out the window when their lives, and manhood's, were at risk.

"Hehe, as if an exorcist could help you now. Even god himself can't save you from me," a sinister voice announced.

Ah, the demon itself appears.

Naruto looked up at his other sibling. Yuzu was four years younger than Naruto and Uzumi, who were both 17. Despite that she was a first year at Kuoh. Of all his traits, Yuzu had inherited their father's raw intelligence. Uzumi was the sensible and observant one, Naruto was the creative and unpredictable one, and Yuzu was the genius regardless of her hair-trigger temper. She had thus skipped two years of schooling.

No one would guess Uzumi and Yuzu were sisters based on their appearances. Uzumi was their father's daughter, with some of their grandmother present. Yuzu by contrast was their mother's daughter. The only feature they shared was the shape of their eyes. Otherwise the two were almost complete opposites. Where Uzumi was tall, Yuzu was something of a shrimp at just 4 feet and 9 inches. Where Uzumi was curvy, Yuzu was flat. She was still just 13, but she was noticeably less developed than Uzumi had been at that age. Yuzu only had the slightest bit of development in that department to show that she had already hit puberty. It appeared she had been interrupted while changing since she was only wearing a baggy t-shirt and shorts, clothes easily thrown on in a hurry.

Yuzu had the same round face their mother had as a child. Her skin was naturally tanner than Naruto or Uzumi. She had also inherited their mother's coloring. She had purple-gray eyes, and vibrant red hair. Her hair was purposefully cut shorter than how their mother had worn hers, being just shoulder length. She also had whisker marks. While they all had them, as a consequence of being born to a jinchuriki, Yuzu's were far more prominent. Naruto and Uzumi's had gradually faded as they got older, and were only really noticeable when a person looked for them. Yuzu's by contrast were a defining trait on her face, one of the things that struck most people about her appearance.

Overall Yuzu wasn't what most people would call intimidating. She was short and childish looking, but damn if she didn't manage to pull it off. Her eyes seemed to glow red, her mouth had curved into a slasher smile, and she seemed to be radiating a dark aura that lifted her hair up.

She gripped a softball as she called out in a hiss, "Where are you going? We haven't even gotten to the fun part!"

She punctuated her statement by throwing the softball. It expertly hit the back of Matsuda's calf. The hit caused him to yelp and fall to the ground. This caused the trailing Motohama to trip over him as well, thus the two found themselves in a pile.

"Any last words?" Yuzu demanded, having closed the distance in an instant.

The two perverts jumped to their feet, trembling in fear of the tiny girl. Motohama burst out, "We weren't peeking at you."

Wrong thing to say.

With speed normal people couldn't follow Yuzu decked him. She then started stomping on him as she yelled in outrage, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?! Am I not pretty enough to want to see naked?! How could you say that?! I didn't ask to be flat! DIE!"

Matsuda then jumped toward Yuzu with his arms spread wide to hug her while declaring, "I was peeking at you! I'm a lolicon!"

Also the wrong thing to say.

"DIE, PERVERT!" Yuzu shrieked, her leg rising to hit the self-proclaimed lolicon right where it hurt. His eyes immediately rolled back in his head and he crumpled to the ground in the fetal position. Yuzu wasn't satisfied though. Grabbing his legs, she showed strength someone of her size shouldn't have by lifting the helpless boy into the air. Yuzu used him as a club to beat the still grounded Motohama as she continued, "HOW DARE YOU PEEK AT ME?! I'M JUST 13, YOU SICK BASTARD!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO SAY?!"(x2)

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO SAY ANYTHING! I JUST WANT YOU TO DIE!" Yuzu shrieked as she continued to mercilessly beat the two perverts who were suicidal enough to peek on her.

Naruto watched all this in amusement. It was the benefit of having a sadistic side. You could watch a scene like this, aka a murder scene, and just be amused.

"Thank heaven, I thought it was you two."

Ah, if it wasn't the final member of the perverted trio. Naruto had been wondering where he was. Naruto looked down towards Hyoudou Issei.

Issei was a rather typical looking kid. He had brown hair and light brown eyes. He stood at an average height of 5 foot 7. He had the body type that, while lacking in fat, also was bereft of much muscle. It was the body of many kids their age, whose only source of exercise was physical education class and walking to and from school.

Right now he looked ruffled. Likely from being chased by Yuzu. Yuzu seemed to have forgotten about him since she was focused on the other two. That wouldn't last long though. Yuzu might let her temper get the better of her, but she was still a genius. She wouldn't overlook Issei's involvement once she calmed down. Issei obviously knew that, having known her for years. While sneaking around, he must have seen Naruto and Uzumi and had decided that they were his best chance of escaping with his hide intact.

Issei was currently on his knees, hugging Naruto's leg rather pathetically. He then begged, "Hey, Naruto. Old buddy. Think you can help a guy out. See, I might have forgotten just why the softball club was off limits. It was an honest mistake. I didn't mean to peep on Yuzu…Please help me. I don't want to die."

As was obvious from Issei's words, he was also something of a childhood friend for the Uzumaki's. When Naruto and Uzumi came to this world when they were 10 years old, he and Shidou Irina were the first two kids in their age group they had befriended. Irina had moved away only a year later, but Issei had remained their friend since then. They had grown apart in recent years due to Issei's rising perversion, but they had always had a soft spot for him.

Unfortunately for Issei, a soft spot only goes so far in regards to a guy like Naruto. Smirking mischievously, Naruto kneeled down to look Issei in the eyes. He then questioned, "You know how I caught you trying to peep on Uzumi a few weeks ago, and I told you I'd punish you for it someday.

Issei paled as he realized what Naruto was alluding to. Shaking his head, he whispered pleadingly, "No."

"Yes," Naruto told him as his smirk widened. Naruto grabbed the back of Issei's collar and stood up. He then bodily threw Issei at Yuzu as he called out to her, "Yuzu, Issei says he peeped on you, but he prefers the 'Onee-sama with large breasts' type so he was disappointed."

"DIE!" Yuzu growled out demonically before brutally clotheslining Issei in midair. The poor boy spun before slamming into the ground harshly. He let out a weak groan, and what appeared to be his soul was slipping out of his mouth. Yuzu meanwhile was stomping while exclaiming in outrage, "It's not my fault I'm flat! Not everyone can have cow tits like Onee-chan!"

"Okay, ow. That was hurtful," Uzumi deadpanned, clearly not really affected by the crude description of her breasts. She then looked at the amused Naruto and continued, "You are enjoying this entirely too much."

Naruto shrugged as he stated without shame, "They peeped, they deserved to be punished. It was going to happen one way or another. At least someone should get enjoyment out of it."

Uzumi could only sigh and shake her head. There was really nothing she could do about it, so she instead suggested, "Let's just go talk to Yuzu already."

Naruto quietly acquiesced. He focused more on the carnage of Yuzu's rampage. Issei was out like a light, and it didn't appear that would be changing anytime soon. Apparently Yuzu still retained a soft spot for Issei though as Matsuda and Motohama had clearly gotten the worse end of the stick. Yuzu had somehow maneuvered them into a rather compromising position where each one had their heads stuck inside the underwear of the other…It was a 69 position.

Naruto only had one response to the sight.

"That's going on the school website," Naruto muttered with a grin as he took a picture with his phone.

"Yuzu," Uzumi uttered softly towards the still fuming Yuzu. It was never a smart idea for someone to approach a worked up Yuzu, but being her siblings allowed some leeway.

"Onee-chan," Yuzu said as she tilted her head in confusion at her appearance. She then looked at Naruto and added, "Onii-chan. What are you two doing here?"

"Besides watching the show, you mean," Naruto commented with a grin. "We were coming to talk to you actually. Uzumi and I decided to go on a date. Thought we'd warn you so you could find somewhere else to be when we get home."

"Why? I've seen you two do perverted stuff enough to have grown used to it. You two are far from secretive about it. The number of times I've come down to find onee-chan cooking breakfast in a naked apron is beyond counting. Not to mention sometimes she'll slip under the table to have her own special brand of sausage and milk when I'm sitting right there. She also walked around for hours wearing only strategically ribbons on your guys' birthday. Not to mention sometimes I walk into a room and you guys are just plain fucki-"

"Okay, we get it. You are used to it," Uzumi cut in, a blush appearing on her face.

Naruto wasn't nearly as embarrassed. He really couldn't find it in him. Home was the one place they could be completely at ease. They didn't need to watch their words, make sure to keep any ninja tricks hidden, etc. This had manifested as a rather open atmosphere in regards to…anything really. So when he and Uzumi became…involved, they didn't try to hide it. If that had caused Yuzu to become desensitized to such things, then he had long since accepted that. Even Uzumi was only embarrassed because they were outside. At home they'd have much more frank conversations without problems.

"So I really don't get why I…" Yuzu began before realization hit her. Recoiling slightly, she asked hesitantly, "Wait! You guys are going to be doing the real hardcore stuff, aren't you?"

"Hit it right on the head," Naruto blatantly admitted.

That caused Yuzu to let out a groan. She then burst out in a whine, "By the sage, the house is going to smell even more like sex than usual. Are you guys going to use all the whip cream? Are we going to have to clean the carpets again? Will I come home to find onee-chan on all fours and wearing a collar…again? Will you be needing a new bed tomorrow? Do I need to wear earplugs to bed? Do I need to be careful of semen dripping from the ceiling? Last time it got in my hair, and that shit is hard to wash out. I don't know how you do it all the time, onee-chan. I mean, onii-chan really loves doing that to-"

Uzumi stepped forward and covered Yuzu's flapping mouth with her hand. She then stated with a blush, "Can we not do this with people around?"

True to Uzumi's words, several clubs were around them. They had also heard most of what Yuzu had just said, so the group was receiving a lot of looks. Most of the girls were blushing while the guys were glaring at Naruto in clear envy.

Naruto wasn't bothered in the least though. He just threw his head back and laughed. He then stepped forward and ruffled Yuzu's hair as he explained wickedly, "Of course the house will smell like sex. As for your questions, in order. I don't think so, I'm not in the mood for whip cream. Probably. Matters what time you come home. If we do it right. Definitely. Not unless we break out the champagne. P.S. Uzumi complains about cleaning her hair too, but don't listen to her. She loves it! Turns her-geh!"

Naruto was cut off when Uzumi pinched his cheek…Hard. She also pulled down, forcing Naruto to bend down. A now furiously blushing Uzumi hissed out, "By the sage, Naruto. Have some shame."

Even with his stretched cheek Naruto smirked naughtily as he claimed, "Shame? Nope, don't have any of that."

Uzumi could only massage the bridge of her nose in exasperation with her other hand. There was no way to curb Naruto's behavior when he got like this. Naruto usually had a laid-back, teasing personality that was complimented by his love of pranks, but sometimes his cocky and shameless side came out.

Yuzu seemed to decide to conclude this rather awkward public conversation and informed them, "Alright, I got it. Avoid the house for a while. I'm sure I can hang out with some of the girls after club practice. I'll eat out. I'll probably be back and in bed at 9 o'clock, earplugs and all."

"Got it. Since I'll probably be sleeping like a baby tomorrow morning, I'll talk to you tomorrow night," Naruto replied back.

"Maybe we should take these three to the infirmary before leaving though," Uzumi commented from where she was crouching down beside the still unresponsive Issei. She punctuated her statement by poking him several times with not even a twitch in response.

Yuzu just scoffed. Turning to walk away, she called back without any concern, "They're lucky I didn't castrate them. The sprinklers should wake them up later…Maybe."

Naruto nodded in agreement as he walked away. He also added, "Come one, Uzumi. They won't die…Maybe."

"The fact that both of you felt it necessary to add the maybes says a lot," Uzumi muttered with a sweat drop. Finally she just gave the unconscious Issei's head a few pats and added, "Poor, poor perverts." She then stood up and walked away.

With the interesting conversation over, the watchers also started leaving. No one spared another glance at the three unconscious bodies.

Poor, poor perverts indeed.

"You're so beautiful," Naruto whispered in complete contentment.

And he had a reason to be. The previous night had been perfect. The date went fantastic, and the activities afterwards had been even more fantastic. Having hot, passionate sex with your stunningly beautiful lover was, unsurprisingly, a great stress reliever. Possibly even more important was the sense of intimacy such a night gave them though. Neither begrudged the more casual relationship they had. They honestly felt more like a married couple than anything. While other kids their age simply focused on dates, they lived together. It gave them a deeper connection than other couples their age, besides being twins who had always been together. Having special nights like they just had were great to 'spice-up' their day-to-day living though. It left both of them feeling closer than ever.

Which was shown by their current position. It was lunch break the day after their date. Uzumi was sitting with her back to a tree and her legs extended. Naruto was on his back, his head resting on her lap. She was running her fingers through his hair in the way he loved, and Naruto was just admiring Uzumi.

Uzumi just giggled at his words before commenting, "You've already said that over a dozen times today."

Naruto's mouth just curved into a tranquil smile as he claimed, "I know, but I'm not good with words. Finding words to describe your beauty is beyond me, so I have to go for the quantity over quality approach by giving you a hundred inadequate compliments in hope that all together they come close to describing your beauty."

"You're better at it than you think," Uzumi told him with her own smile. She then leaned down to give Naruto a tender kiss. People were watching the loving couple, but even Naruto was too content at the moment to care. Leaning back, Uzumi continued playfully, "You aren't half-bad either."

No one could guess Uzumi and Yuzu were siblings based on their looks. They were on completely opposite sides of the spectrum. Naruto was the missing link though. He was the only one to be a mix of their parents, although his Uzumaki genes had the advantage. With him present an observant person could see how both resembled him, although several people had mistakenly thought they were his half siblings by different parents.

Naruto shared the eye shape all three of them had inherited from their mother, the one common trait between all three siblings. His eyes were the same clear blue as Uzumi's. Naruto had been born with the round face of his mother and Yuzu, but he had thankfully lost most of the baby fat on his face in the last few years. His face was far from chiseled, but at least there was some definition now. He had a broad face with a strong jaw. Naruto had seen more than a few pictures of Uzumaki he had a noticeable resemblance to. He had the same faded whisker marks as Uzumi. Otherwise he had the same high cheekbones and long eyelashes as Uzumi, rather feminine traits if Naruto was honest.

Possibly Naruto's oddest trait was his hair. Naruto had multiple hair colors. His hair started out the same bright golden color as Uzumi. After about two inches though his hair started gaining a reddish tint. So for the next inch or so Naruto's hair was a strawberry blonde. Finally his hair darkened to the characteristic Uzumaki red. Naruto had once grown his hair out to see if it would change even more, but it had stayed red after that. Whatever made his hair red just seemed to need time to age and become more prominent. Naruto finally decided on keeping it a certain length, cutting it just a few centimeters after it turned red. This made it so that most of his hair was a golden blonde, a bit was a strawberry blonde, and the tips a vibrant red. This also had the benefit of making it straighter. Naruto had inherited his father's spiky hair to a certain degree, but Naruto didn't much fancy having a hedgehog on his head. So he allowed the weight of his own hair to drag it down. So it wasn't spiky, but neither was it perfectly straight.

The unique coloring of his hair had left most of his classmates convinced he did an elaborate dyeing job though, which just pissed Naruto off. He did not have the patience or care to work that much on his hair. Washing it and regular haircuts by Uzumi was the best he could do.

Like Yuzu, Naruto had been a shrimp as a kid. His growth spurts had also been rather late. It wasn't until he was 14 that he had started growing, but he then shot up like a tree. At 14 Naruto had stood 4 foot 10. Now at 17 he stood 5 foot 11, and he was still hopeful that he would grow a few more inches before he reached his full height. This rapid growth had of course left Naruto slightly lanky, but he was thankfully able to avoid the awkwardness most people had to go through during puberty.

Ninjas don't do awkward. They just don't. Fluidity and grace were practically part of the job description.

So the lankiness didn't bother Naruto. He just had to wait to properly fill out his frame. His shoulders were broad enough to make it clear he'd gain the proper muscles eventually. He just hadn't bothered to do the sort of training necessary yet. When he did he'd gain the strong and solid frame of an Uzumaki, and maybe his fraternal grandfather.

Overall Naruto wasn't what most people would consider handsome. He was more unique than anything. He had attractive traits. His eyes, his height, his grace, etc. However he had several other traits that offset those things. His unique hair colors, the several feminine features on his otherwise strong face, his lanky body. He was eye-catching, but hadn't quite matured to the point where it all fit together. Maybe in a few years when he had properly filled out his frame and his face had lost the rest of his baby fat he could have a distinctive charm, but for now he was just striking. Someone people couldn't help but see and remember.

Naruto rolled his eyes in humor as he retorted jokingly, "Well sorry if all of us can't be avatars of beauty. We ordinary folk have to make do with our personalities."

"If that's the case it's a good thing I'm here or you'd never continue the Uzumaki line. Not with that personality," Uzumi declared teasingly.

"Haha, you're hilarious," Naruto deadpanned, although there was an amused glint in his eyes. Poking her stomach, he added, "Clearly I'm not the only one with a bad personality."

Uzumi lifted her nose into the air as she claimed snootily, "As you said, I don't need a good personality. I have my looks. I just have to give someone the look."

"And what is this look?" Naruto asked sarcastically.

"You know the look, Naruto."

"…Dammit, I do," Naruto admitted in defeat.

After a moment the two burst out laughing. Leaning down to kiss him again, Uzumi declared, "I guess we're just perfect for each other than. I have the look, and you recognize the look. Plus neither of us have the personality for anything else."

"Woe am I, stuck with such a beautiful creature for all eternity. Might as well just strike me down now," Naruto exclaimed melodramatically.

"Don't give me any ideas. There are plenty of other guys around. I wouldn't even need to use the look. Considering the guys at this school, I'd just have to make a come hither motion with my finger and they'd come running. You, my dear brother, are replaceable."

"Nonsense. I might lack looks and a good personality, but my pure awesomeness cannot be replicated."

"And there's your fabulous personality again. Such humility! Truly never seen anything like it."

"I try."

The two joked around a few more minutes, launching teasing barbs at each other. Eventually they fell back into the comfortable silence. Uzumi started running her fingers through his hair again, and Naruto closed his eyes at the soothing action.

"Yuzu got asked out yesterday. She'll be going on a date after school," Uzumi informed him suddenly. She was the only one that had spoken to Uzumi that morning. As predicted, Naruto had been sleeping like a baby.

"Really?" Naruto replied as he opened his eyes again. "Isn't she kind of young for that?"

Uzumi just shrugged before pointing out, "Not really. We started kissing when we were 10, and had our first time when we were 13. Don't see why Yuzu can't go on a date at 13."

"We were raised as ninjas, and were forced to grow up faster," Naruto countered.

"And Yuzu has lived most of her life in a house where her brother and sister have sex in front of her," Uzumi replied.

"…Okay, you got a point there," Naruto grudgingly agreed. Giving a far too innocent smile, he asked, "So who's the lucky guy she'll be going out with?"

Uzumi's response was to lightly slap his cheek as she reprimanded sternly, "Bad, Naruto! No pranking Yuzu's date."

"What?! I wasn't going to do anything," Naruto claimed with another entirely too innocent face. Uzumi just stared at him blankly. Finally he cracked and admitted, "Fine. I was going to prank them, but can you blame me. Our closest male friend is Issei. Do you really I'm going to let any guy near Yuzu after that example?"

"…Okay, you got a point there," Uzumi admitted, repeating his earlier words. "That doesn't apply here though as Yuzu was asked out by a girl."

"Really?" Naruto said as he cocked his head to the side in thought. Finally he continued, "I guess that's okay then."

"So it's okay when it's a girl, but not a guy?" Uzumi asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, and don't give me that look. I'm a guy. I know how we think. We're disgusting," Naruto declared without shame. Deciding to change the subject, Naruto remarked in amusement, "No surprise Yuzu accepted. She is your sister."

"Shut up. Bisexuality is the most progressive orientation. Love shouldn't be based on things like gender. You are the only one that refuses to accept that in this family. It isn't fair," Uzumi immediate replied.

"There's a reason females are referred to as the fairer gender. Guys are disgusting," Naruto replied casually, this being an old argument. A joke argument among the family. "So who is the girl that asked Yuzu out? Do I know her?"

"Probably not. She goes to another school. I think her name was Yuuma," Uzumi answered.

Naruto just hummed thoughtfully before telling her, "Kind of funny. Issei was asked out yesterday too."

"Issei got a date?!" Uzumi questioned in shock. She liked Issei, but she hadn't thought he would ever get a girlfriend till he toned down his perversion. Perversion was fine. Many would consider both her and Naruto perverts, both for the incest and the sort of kinks they did. Issei just took it too far though. Perversion was supposed to be a trait, not the core aspect of your personality. "Can't help but wonder what kind of girl would ask him out?"

"A female version of Issei," Naruto muttered. His face immediately scrunched up as he added, "I'm going to be having nightmares about that now."

"She is probably aiming to have a reverse harem," Uzumi stated jokingly.

"The battle of the harem lovers," Naruto played along.

The two laughed at the thought.

Before they could continue with that train of thought though they both noticed a change in the atmosphere around them. Both of them were naturally sensitive to that kind of thing. The two immediate looked around, although they did it so casually most people wouldn't even notice.

It was easy to find the source. Rias Gremory and Himejima Akeno. Together with Uzumi they formed the 'Three Great Ladies of Kuoh Academy'. The three most beautiful and admired females at Kuoh.

Rias Gremory was best distinguished by her long, crimson colored hair. Slightly darker than the more vibrant Uzumaki red, it was closer to the color of blood. Her eyes were blue with a hint of green, aquamarine really. Her face was almost inhumanly perfect, with balanced and aristocratic features. Just a slight bit shorter than Uzumi, Rias had a similarly buxom and curvy figure.

Funnily enough, Naruto was always more intrigued by her walk than her beauty. Smooth and elegant, it was similar to the way ninjas walked but Naruto picked up the difference. Ninjas had a grace only achieved through mastery of their body. She walked in a way only a noble could. It was like the world was laid out before her. It was the kind of confidence only someone born with greatness in their veins and a childhood meant to draw that greatness out could achieve. The confidence that came from the knowledge that her life would impact and change the world around her regardless of how she chose to act.

It was commonly thought by the regular students that her family was aristocracy in northern Europe. Naruto knew the truth, but he could understand why they all thought that. Rias Gremory just screamed 'noble' to anyone paying attention.

Himejima Akeno interested Naruto less. Not that her beauty was any less. Akeno was the ideal Japanese beauty. A 'Yamato Nadeshiko'. Her eyes were violet, and her black hair was pulled back into a ponytail so long only a constant waviness to it prevented it from dragging on the floor behind her.

While on that note, the ponytail was tied back by an orange ribbon. Bravo! Naruto approved!

Back to her appearance, her face was similarly beautiful. She stood several inches shorter than both Uzumi and Rias, but her bust was noticeably larger. A shocker considering Uzumi and Rias' luck in that regard, but it was undeniable. Akeno was stacked. None of that particularly mattered to Naruto though. While he wasn't going to lie and say Akeno wasn't beautiful, Naruto wasn't taken in by that beauty. He had Uzumi, who was just as beautiful. Plus, their relationship went far deeper than mere appearances.

Once again it came down to her walk. While she moved with a grace that fit her profession as a miko, her walk was noticeably less confident than Rias'. It was a submissive walk. Most people wouldn't even notice, but Naruto wasn't just anyone. He knew how to read body language. Knew what to look for. The way she was a step behind Rias, subtly following her lead, protecting her blind spot. It all clearly stated her being the beta to Rias. So for a ninja identifying a threat, Rias was far more important. Akeno was merely a factor towards Rias' total threat level.

Someone didn't agree with Naruto's thoughts though. Uzumi seemed far more focused on Akeno than Rias. The glare she was sending the Yamato Nadeshiko clearly pointed to the issue being personal.

The two quietly watched the two walk past. Beside Akeno returning Uzumi's glare with a tense smile, they walked past without acknowledging the couple. Once they left the area, the ordinary people around them started whispering to each other.

Naruto listened as Uzumi grumbled out quietly, "Stupid smiling fake with her oversized airbags."

Naruto just grinned in amusement. He poked one of her breasts with his index finger as he commented, "I really don't think you should be insulting anyone else for having large breasts, Uzumi."

Sending him a sharp look, she straightened and claimed, "My breasts fit my frame."

Naruto pat her head patronizing as he told her mischievously, "I love your breasts, Uzumi. You know I do. I'm a breast man, and there's more to love with big breasts, but your breasts don't fit your frame. A 101 cm bust would only fit a 6 foot 3 frame, not a 5 foot 9 one."

"And her breasts aren't oversized?! She's half a head shorter than me with a 102 cm bust size!" Uzumi demanded indignantly.

"I never said that," Naruto quickly replied. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he continued happily, "You both have oversized breasts."

Uzumi's response was to elbow him in the ribs. As Naruto recoiled with a pained cough, Uzumi remarked bluntly, "Really? Well don't expect to wake up anymore with my 'oversized breasts' wrapped around your-"

"Wow, wow, wow! Back up!" Naruto immediately exclaimed, not liking the turn this conversation had taken. "You have no reason to be angry. I was saying oversized compared to ordinary standards. Your breasts are obviously in the 'extra-ordinary' category. That is what I meant. Oversized in regard to the ordinary girl, but just right in regards to an extraordinary girl like yourself."

"…And you claim to be bad with words," Uzumi remarked.

"Remember what I said right before you elbowed me. If that isn't stupid thing to say, I don't know what is," Naruto pointed out.

"Good point," Uzumi stated with a nod of agreement. Naruto let out a sigh of relief as he seemed to drag himself out of that hole. That relief was short-lived though as Uzumi quickly added on, "Call my breasts oversized again though and I'll turn that threat into reality!"

"Hehe, understood," Naruto answered back nervously. He never wanted that threat to materialize. That was the best wake-up call.

Naruto let out a relieved sigh to have escaped that minefield. Naruto had never understood the rivalry between Uzumi and Akeno. Maybe it was because Naruto really didn't know Akeno. Naruto was a second year, but Uzumi was a third year despite being his twin. Naruto had always been the less academically inclined of the two, and such had started school a year lower than Uzumi. So Uzumi had a much better avenue to knowing her.

Considering that, Naruto couldn't help but ask, "So why don't you like her again? It can't just because her bust is 1 cm larger."

"Of course not," Uzumi scoffed. "That is just really infuriating."

"Then why?"

"Haven't I explained this to you a number of times before?" Uzumi asked in annoyance.

"Refresh my memory," Naruto requested with a shrug.

Uzumi clearly wasn't happy about it but still informed him, "I don't like her because she simply buries all her problems deep inside of her. Instead of dealing with them, she smiles and acts like nothing is wrong. The polite and proper front gets annoying after a while. She doesn't like me because she has family issues, and resents that I have a happy family life. Especially my intimacy with you."

"And you two have a rivalry concerning your breasts," Naruto added on knowingly.

"Don't push your luck, Naruto," Uzumi ordered him bluntly.

"Alright, alright," Naruto replied while holding his hands up defensively. Better avoid that topic, regardless of the fact that Naruto knew it was true. Uzumi and Akeno had the two largest busts in school, and a rivalry had sprung up around that. Naruto still remembered the temper tantrum Uzumi threw when the school did measurements and her bust ended up a cm smaller than Akeno's. It was a very unique event after all. Uzumi was usually the calm and sensible one of their family. The number of topics that could force her to lose were temper were few.

Losing in a battle of breasts to her rival was clearly one of them.

Deciding to distract her with a different, less volatile, topic. Sending her a grin, he asked, "So Yuzu won't be home right after school…Want to watch a movie and cuddle?"

There was nothing wrong with a guy liking to cuddle…especially when that guy's hips are still numb from the previous night.

"While eating chocolate covered strawberries?" Uzumi asked with a tilt of her head.

"Of course."

"Sounds fantastic."

Just like that the two fell back into a loving atmosphere. Things couldn't be better for the two…Upcoming events would soon change that, but for now they were content.

There it is. This entire story idea sprung up from when I read a quick incest story. It actually started out as a funny fantasy I had. I just imagined Naruto and a 'Naruko' making out in front of Yui from To Love-Ru to mess with her. I decided to write an incest story from that scene. After fleshing it out more, I decided that it would work better in this crossover than as a Naruto/To Love-Ru crossover. This is the result.

The next chapter will properly explain their background and situation. It will also be the end of the 'introduction' part of the story. I was going to publish it at the same time, but I decided I wanted some feedback from this chapter first. It was surprisingly difficult to write. If I have to rethink some things and make changes, I'd prefer to do it now. Not like High School Maelstrom where I let certain issues build till they destroyed the story in my mind.

Uzumaki Family: I did my best at properly fleshing out the characters in this idea. Uzumi came about from me trying to properly develop a female Naruto. I didn't even plan for Yuzu at first, but came to love the idea of having a little Kushina. Although I am hoping I managed to give her some unique traits, like a genius level intellect. Naruto's personality is also somewhat different than canon. Since he grew up with a family, he lacks the intense desire for acceptance his canon self has. So he's less needy and socially awkward. Tell me what you think of their personalities? I was aiming for each to be unique, but at the same time for them to have several similar characteristics as siblings tend to. Were they believable? Too boring? The hardest thing about this chapter was trying to get their dynamic down. How they interact. I was aiming for a somewhat rough and uncouth, but ultimately trusting and open dynamic? Kind of like how I imagine Naruto would have interacted with Kushina.

Jiraiya and Tsunade: I know this isn't canon, but I've always liked the idea. It won't really be explained in the story, so I'll just paint a quick picture for you. They were drunk, had a one night stand. Tsunade got pregnant. This was after Dan's death, when she was really in her bad years. She was convinced that she was in no condition to raise a child, and Jiraiya was convinced his spy network was too important to Konoha to give up to raise a child. So Minato was placed in an orphanage. Jiraiya frequently checked in on him, and had him placed on his team when he became a genin. While it won't be a huge part in the story, it will be mentioned a few times. Mainly in how it means they have Senju blood as well as Uzumaki.

Pairings: Because everyone will ask, I'll just note a few things. As you can see, Naruto is already in a deeply invested relationship with Uzumi. I hope starting the story in such a way will give the romance a new flavor compared to most of the stories in this crossover. As for Yuzu, I haven't decided her pairing. I am not currently planning on pairing her with Naruto, but it is possible. I was more thinking a number of different options like Issei, Vali, or even Asia. Tell me what you guys think.

Lemons: I don't think I'll be writing any. While a story in this crossover has to have a certain perverse element, I don't feel it necessary to write a full lemon. There will be many references to dirty subjects, as this chapter showed, but I won't go all the way…Probably.