Chapter 8

It had not escaped Thorin's notice that Tharkun had somehow managed to fade into the background once the elder hobbits started negotiating with himself and Balin. One minute, he had been up front and centre, being berated by each of the elder hobbits in turn, and the next, he had somehow vanished from notice.

Thorin cornered the wizard in the kitchen about it before the two of them went to sleep.

"Hobbits really are amazing creatures," mused Tharkun, shaking his head when Thorin demanded to know what in Mandos' Halls had the wizard been thinking. "You can learn all that there is to know about their ways in a month and yet, after a hundred years, they can still surprise you."

Thorin snorted. "Indeed. Is that why you very helpfully disappeared just when the negotiations started? Because you were 'surprised'?" Thorin's tone made it clear that he was thoroughly unimpressed.

"It seemed that you and they had things well in hand," Gandalf started rather blithely, but then he saw the Thorin's expression at that and sighed. "In all honesty, I did not think my input would be appreciated, and worse, it might have caused the negotiation to break down. Upset hobbits can be rather unreasonable. Even worse than upset dwarves."

"How so?" asked Dori, who happened to overhear as he wandered through with a cup of tea.

Tharkun winced. "Upset dwarves get violent. Upset hobbits get creative."

Thorin and Dori paused at that.

"Creative… how?" asked Dori cautiously, with a tone that suggested he was unsure if he really wanted to know.

The wizard sighed. "Hobbits value comfort above all else. So when they're upset, they do their best to disrupt the comfort of those that did the upsetting as best they can, with petty little vengeances that seem like nothing when considered in theory, but end with one feeling hungry, tired, damp, bruised, and quite possibly ill. It starts with bootlaces," Tharkun said a little darkly, "and then by the time it's reached the point of the only food left being something you're allergic to, and you realise that there has been a reason for all the little inconveniences piling up, it's too late to apologise, because now the hobbit is in a snit from you not realising that they were in a proper snit with you, and that the oddly polite behaviour was not them getting over it, it was passive aggression waiting for you to lower your guard."

Thorin considered this. "It sounds as though this is something you have first-hand experience with," he noted.

The wizard grimaced. "When buttons from your coats start disappearing, and the food starts to mysteriously taste worse within a day of you saying something offensive to one of the hobbits, don't say that I didn't warn you."

Dori scowled. "At least this way we get a warning. If I understand the situation right, you never would have given us any such thing if Mister Baggins had not thrown water on your forge."

Gandalf muttered something about needing to get some sleep, because they would have an exhausting day of travelling tomorrow, and left the kitchen.

Thorin and Dori exchanged glances.

"Whilst I am finding that the wizard does, in fact appear to have made a good decision when he picked out our hypothetical burglar, (considering that he was not afraid to stand up to him, after all,) personal commitments aside, I am thinking that Mrs. Laura Baggins may have had a point when she spoke of him losing sight of the smaller details," Thorin stated.

Dori grimaced. "Indeed. Even so, right now he has a point, and so I will be getting some sleep in the last bed I am likely to see for some time now."

Thorin decided that the silver-haired dwarf had a point, and so made for the bedroom that the hobbit had kindly made up for him with fresh sheets. Especially kindly, Thorin noted a little glumly, since it appeared that this was the master bedroom, and thus usually Baggins' room. The hobbit had insisted that he would be absolutely fine to sleep in young Frodo's room in the chair, stating that he slept there often enough anyway because the little hobbit sometimes had nightmares about his parents.

Not stated aloud, but not missed by Thorin, who remembered his own nephews when they had been that age, was that there was a fair chance that the upset today might bring those nightmares back in such a small child.

Ah well. There was little that Thorin could do about it, though he would make an effort to ensure that Baggins' cousin and his friend came back alive. The hobbits had done the company a favour in more ways than one, despite the wizard trying to have a bit of "harmless" fun. It bothered Thorin that Tharkun did not seem to be taking the outset of this quest entirely seriously, but on the other hand, this was ameliorated by the long-term investment in a solid candidate for their burgling.

It was something to ponder.

It would be a long journey, and Thorin would have time to add observations before he came to a conclusion.

The next day, Bilbo cooked all who were present at his house breakfast, "because it might be the last decent meal you lot get for a month of Sundays."

The dwarves were more than happy to take advantage of his kindness, but made sure to thank the hobbit profusely. Before the dwarves left, the small figurine that Bofur had given Frodo the night before of the dwarf riding a goat gained a few compatriots (much to the young hobbit's delight), the house was sparkling clean, and some silver spoons that Bilbo knew for certain had been "borrowed" by his cousin Lobelia Sackville-Baggins mysteriously found their way back into his cutlery drawer.

In response to this, Bilbo stated categorically that the dwarves were the very best kind of houseguests, and that they could come back whenever they wished.

"Tea is at four, and Frodo and I could always do with the company," he said. "So if you ever feel like visiting once you've finished your business with the dragon, then you know where to find us."

The dwarves felt this to be uncommonly generous, and none of them missed the fact that Bilbo seemed sure that they would succeed. Such a vote of confidence, even from a soft hobbit who no doubt knew little enough of the world was rather touching.

Soon afterwards however, they had to leave.

Bilbo and Frodo walked with them down to meet the rest of their company at the Green Dragon Inn (Oin wondered aloud if that was a portent of some kind).

As they rode away from the Shire, Adalgrim and Dinodas shared a grin.

"So, you ready for an adventure?" Adalgrim asked his brother-in-arms.

"Ready?" Dinodas scoffed. "It's not whether we are ready for the adventure. It is whether the adventure is ready for us!"

Neither of them seemed to note the incredulous looks they were getting from the rest of the company.

"A Took and a Brandybuck," they heard Gandalf mutter, either forgetting about hobbit hearing or not bothered about being heard. "This is going to be interesting."

The dwarves who overheard him were not entirely sure how to interpret the wizard's tone, but did not let this bother them. They had a long journey ahead of them.

There would be time enough to worry about such things when they happened.

Having embraced his cousin and his cousin-by marriage farewell, Bilbo watched with his ward until the dwarves and the wizard had left with them, and were out of sight.

Bilbo sighed.

"Do you wish you could have gone with them?" Frodo asked him, looking up at him, his eyes wide with frank fauntling concern.

Bilbo smiled. "I think bringing you up is more than enough adventure for me."

Then he swung his nephew onto his shoulder, and they went home.

...

A/N: That's all folks. Hope you enjoyed.