A/N. Hi there :) I wrote this because I wanted to try and take Tony's claims of a 'cold' and 'calculating' father and see if I could make people hate Howard less. This is a character study on him. I hope I did him justice. I may add more chapters doing character studies from the Agent Carter series and/or various drabbles I imagined happened between scenes or episodes or perhaps just an event that is mentioned in the show but never elaborated on. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please feel free to leave a review :)

Disclaimer - I don't own Agent Carter or the MCU or anything you recognize.

"Mr. Stark Is Also An Innocent Man"

Howard Stark's greatest fear was that he'd be a father. Tony Stark's greatest fear was that he'd be a terrible father. Both fears were warranted.

Howard's father, Jasper, had been an abusive drunk. Howard didn't like to linger on the topic. That was what alcohol was for. Jasper had died shortly after Howard turned eighteen. The family business was left to the next in line. Howard didn't want it. So he made his own business. He was better at inventing and engineering than running a bar anyway. He was born for much greater things. That's what his mother always told him, anyway.

Howard made a name for himself (in more ways than one). He sold his father's company for a large sum of cash and made a huge sum of his own. He started getting cocky, confident, a little selfish. Now that his father wasn't around to tie him down or tell him "don't do this" and "don't do that", Howard was a free man – and he was going to enjoy it.

He lost touch with his mother over the years until their relationship was reduced to letters every so often (or not often at all). He slept with girls. He got drunk. He gambled. Not necessarily in that order.

He lived his life. He had fun.

He made weapons.

Sure, it wasn't the most ethical of jobs, but it made him a butt-load of money so why the hell not? It's not like he ever used them (on people). The second war came along and Stark Industries was booming better than ever. He was getting richer by the second.

He was even starting to make friends.

Sort of.

After trying to resolve an issue with a particularly prejudiced military general in Budapest, Howard discovered that an acquaintance was in a predicament with the same man – with higher stakes. Howard quite liked this man (for an acquaintance). The man was British, posh, extremely polite, and seemed to know exactly where he stood on the moral spectrum.

Years later, Howard would come to the conclusion that his decisions back then spawned from the fact that this man, Edwin Jarvis, was the exact opposite of Jasper.

Mr. Jarvis was trying to get General Stick-Up-His-Ass to sign papers in order to let a Jewish girl immigrate to America. General Jerk said no.

Unlike him, Howard was not so prejudiced. He slept with any girl, no matter her race or religion. They were all equal in his eyes.

In any case, Howard knew there were people out there better than him. Even in the lower classes. People like Mr. Jarvis. So Howard decided to help. Why not? He had the money and the power and besides... he hadn't helped someone directly in a very long time.

Using his 'influence', as Mr. Jarvis had called it, Howard managed to immigrate both the Brit and his Jewish lady friend to America legally. Mostly.

Mr. Jarvis insisted on repaying him for his good deed. No matter how many times Howard tried to brush it off, the man would not let the matter go. So Howard came up with a deal: Mr. Jarvis could work off the debt until he felt it was repaid. Howard left it completely up to Mr. Jarvis to decide when that would be.

From that point onward, Mr. Jarvis had a job in America as Howard Stark's butler. But times were tough. Since Jarvis was working to pay off a debt, he didn't ask for money, which meant that he had to find a second job - and a third.

Howard took pity on the poor guy and started paying him.

At first, Jarvis refused, saying it was too much.

Howard lied and said that the amount was what he would pay a regular old butler.

Jarvis remained sceptical but he foresaw only desperation in his and his girlfriend's future and accepted the money. As a result, he worked extra hard to be the best butler he could be. Howard had to admit, Jarvis was a pretty damn good one.

"An ideal butler provides service without being asked," Jarvis always said.

Howard had to admit (only to himself) that now... he was just a little bit less lonely.

Jarvis and his girlfriend, Anna, lived in one of the many properties Howard owned but never used. They were positively humbled by his generosity but to him it was nothing. He threw around money every day. This was no different.

Jarvis and Anna got married and invited Howard to the wedding. He regretfully missed it to attend an expo he was previously booked for. But he made it a point to congratulate them once later. It was rather awkward and he preferred not to think about it.

Then the war really happened and Howard was stuck building weapons and reverse engineering Hydra technology, so on and so forth. It sucked up all of his time and he stopped seeing Jarvis every day. It started being once a week. Then a few times a month. Then Howard stopped counting.

In the next few years, Howard met and befriended Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers. They met in the most unconventional of ways. He was a Stark and a Stark's life is never boring.

If only he could get Jasper's smoky voice to stop repeating that stupid phrase.

He met Peggy by trying to woo her. She flat out refused him. She wasn't the first. He tried again. And again. And again. Every time, she refused him. He could find no trace of anger, resentment, or signs of retaliation. All he saw was annoyance, flattery, and amusement. So he kept at it. Somewhere along the way, they became friends. He never did sleep with her.

He met Steve by getting him hopped up on drugs and pumping him full of blue stuff. He saw him again later, when Steve was Captain America, and soon they were working together to bring down those Hydra bastards.

Howard took great pride in fighting in this war. Maybe too much pride.

He helped build the biggest bombs the world had ever seen and at the time, it seemed like a good idea. Now, it haunts him.

Before his ghosts came back to bite him, Howard tried to get Steve drunk. It was a challenging endeavour in which he never succeeded. He was proud to say that over the course of his many attempts, he became friends with Captain America.

Steve was the best man he ever knew. Once again, so opposite to his father.

Steve was courageous, brave, selfless, kind, loyal, honest, caring, and so damn patriotic it was crazy. He was a character that anyone and everyone came to admire. Steve was brilliant with military strategy and willing to put his life on the line time and time again for the good of his country. For the good of anyone.

Howard was jealous. But he could never hate Steve.

Howard wanted to be that guy. He wanted to be liked by everyone and he wanted to make others proud. But he knew he would never be that guy. Steve was that guy. But Steve always gave him hope that one day... he could be better.

And then Steve died.

Howard wasn't stupid. Wars meant men died. Hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of men died. But he had never lost anyone he cared about. Not like this.

It had been a good couple years where Steve went in and came back out with ease. There was a close call that one time but otherwise the serum made him practically invincible. Howard had almost believed it to be true.

Until V.E. Day.

While everyone was celebrating, he mourned the loss of a great man who sacrificed himself to save the people in New York. Steve was a great man, to the last second. His body was lost forever.

Well. Howard had something to say about that - after drowning himself with alcohol a few nights in a row. And then doing it all over again with Peggy on a Saturday night at the Stork Club because they both made plans with a man who was always late but not this time, even though they both prayed he would be.

He searched. Every day, Howard searched.

Steve Rogers was his hope that he could be a better man. Without Steve, without Captain America, Howard was just another rich sleaze ball. So he searched.

He found the cube. His rational side made him hand it over to the S.S.R. but his irrational side was screaming at him to take it for himself and experiment on it – maybe he could use it to find Steve. He restrained himself. He knew this was a useless task. But it was a task, nonetheless.

He kept at it for another several weeks. Peggy tried to talk him out of it but he refused. They had a big fight about it until she knocked him on his ass and dragged him out of there. He woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom two days later.

Peggy came in and eyed him with that look that asked him if he'd been sleeping.

He smiled sheepishly.

She rolled her eyes.

A few days after that, Howard went home for the first time in what felt like forever. He worked up the nerve to call Jarvis and let him know he was okay. Jarvis and Anna came to visit that very day and they all had tea and it was all very... normal. Howard didn't do normal. Normal was weird.

He made sure to keep them at a distance. He wouldn't lose himself like he did with Steve. He would make sure to stay detached. Or try to, anyway.

He kept searching for Steve for a whole year. Then he was forced to run.

His secret vault of volatile inventions was robbed. That meant the world was screwed. He was slightly relieved when they started turning up on the black market. At least no one was using them yet. Maybe he could buy them back under an alias.

Then the Strategic Scientific Reserve, the very organization he'd worked so hard to help (alongside Steve), accused him of putting them out there on purpose. The nerve of some people.

He denied it. They wouldn't listen.

Idiots.

He needed someone on the inside. Someone he trusted. Someone capable. Peggy Carter came to mind. She was perfect. And no one would suspect her because she was a dame.

He entrusted the mission of recovering the stolen items that were still in America to her, leaving Jarvis in her care. Jarvis was also someone he trusted immensely and this was no one person job.

So the search for dear Steve was put on hold while Howard fled to Europe to track down some of his inventions that had already been sold.

He spent the next several years of his life trying to make up for lost time.

He just kept thinking, If I find Steve, everything will be okay.

Steve was dead by now. It was a sure thing. There was no way anyone could survive being out there for more than a year. But Howard couldn't stop. If I find Steve, everything will be okay.

Steve's corpse would no doubt curse him to eternal nightmares but Howard realized it wasn't really the body he wanted. It was proof. If I find Steve, everything will be okay.

It took him nearly twenty years to settle down. Maria was another dame he slept with. He took her dancing first, which wasn't unusual for him. He liked to treat a lady to a good time. But there was something different about her. He took her back to his place and kissed her passionately.

Then she pulled away and wished him goodnight. "I'll be by tomorrow for breakfast." She waved and was gone.

Howard was stumped. Do I smell or something?

The next morning, he spent a little bit longer in front of the mirror and almost made it to the door before Jarvis did (he wanted to impress her by showing her he had a butler). Maria was greeted with the utmost politeness and led inside.

They had a lovely breakfast together after which Howard suggested they go upstairs. She rejected the proposal and said she'd be back again the next day. Before he could ask her why she kept coming back, she was gone.

Was it the food? He wondered.

They developed a routine. Every morning before work, Howard and Maria ate together. Eventually, Jarvis stopped dropping by and Howard stopped needing other people to cook for him.

Howard and Maria became friends.

A year later, Howard asked to court her officially.

The next morning, she accepted.

They were attached at the hip ever since.

His business boomed and started to attract more and more of his attention. Maria started getting involved and Howard decided to leave the search for Steve to some of his more trusted employees. He was a very busy man, after all. But he never forgot.

It took him nearly three years, but he finally convinced Maria to marry him. He thought he was in the clear. No kids meant that he had time to do other, more important things.

It meant he'd never abuse a child.

But then it happened.

Maria was much younger than he was, so when he was forty-eight, she was thirty-seven. They grew overconfident. They neglected protection one night. BAM. She was pregnant.

They'd had this talk ages ago. Neither of them wanted kids. Ever. They were perfectly fine living their lives to the fullest. They were too busy to raise a child. What kind of environment would this be, anyway? What was the point? Captain America wasn't even alive to be a role model for the kid.

They also decided that if they had one by accident, they would not give him up. Not at first. They'd give it a shot, see if they could raise him without too much trouble. If he demanded too much attention, they'd find someone to give it to him.

But on Friday March 29th, 1970, Howard and Maria grew attached to their new baby boy.

And it scared them.

They knew now that they could never give him up. They were too selfish for that. But they also couldn't give up their lives just for the baby. They were too selfish for that. They had work to do. Important work.

Howard still hadn't found Steve.

Anthony Edward Stark just so happened to want more attention than his parents could give him. Howard and Maria travelled a lot and couldn't afford to stop working. To stop working meant less money and less money meant less happiness for everyone. They were too selfish for that. Whenever they left, they entrusted Jarvis and Anna with little Tony.

Howard wasn't the father-type. The most caring he had ever been was when he cried over Steve's death. Howard talked to Steve sometimes. He'd look up at the sky and wonder if he was listening. If he was saying something that Howard couldn't hear. Stark feared that he would be like his own father and kept his distance. He didn't talk much to Tony when he was a baby. What was the point, really, when the baby couldn't talk back? It wasn't like Tony understood him.

The press went crazy when they heard. Howard and Maria Stark, famous C.E.O.s of Stark Industries, finally had an heir. Neither parent wanted their son anywhere near those cameras. So they kept him at home with Mr. Jarvis and 'Nanny Anna' to shield him from the wrath of the media.

The years passed and suddenly Tony could talk. He sounded pretty British, which irked Maria to no end. She claimed that Tony was American through and through and should sound like it. Howard berated Tony for upsetting his mother. What else was he supposed to do? Encourage him to act British?

Whenever Howard was home, he would sit Tony on his lap and tell stories of Captain America. He would relay the brave tales of Steve Rogers and the Howling Commandos in a fashion not unlike that dumb radio program that used to play all those years ago (the one Peggy absolutely loathed). Tony always sat with rapt attention, enjoying their time together.

One day, Howard found out that his search team had given up looking for Steve ages ago and hadn't told him. Howard was furious. After firing each and every employee involved and even some that just walked by him in his anger, he stormed home. Tony immediately tried to get his attention but Howard was too pissed off to care.

Tony held up a toy and Howard smacked it away. "Not now, kid. I'm not in the mood to play your stupid games!" He slammed the door behind him.

Later, when he calmed down, Maria urged him to apologize. Howard found Tony cuddled up on Jarvis' lap and sleeping as the butler read him a story. Howard didn't want to disturb the peaceful image and let them be.

He never did apologize.

When Tony was taller, he claimed to have built a prototype engine.

Howard scoffed. He himself couldn't even build an engine until he was well into his teens. Obviously Tony was lying. He scolded Tony for making stuff up and refused to see any 'proof'. He didn't have time to look at a toy. He had to get these papers together for S.H.I.E.L.D. The organization was coming along nicely (had been for more than a decade) and Howard was not going to mess that up. S.H.I.E.L.D. Represented Captain America. It was a way to shape the world into something Steve would be proud of. Howard was dedicated to this project (maybe even obsessed). Every day of the year, he worked to make the world a better place. Every day except one.

Every year for Halloween, Tony would emerge from his bedroom dressed as Captain America with a big, toothy grin on his face. Maria could never stop taking pictures. Howard would smile wistfully and grab his son's hand so they could go trick-or-treating.

Halloween was always Tony's favourite holiday.

Howard thought it was because he could dress up as Captain America.

They spent the evening together, collecting candy and remembering old times. This happened every year. And every year, Howard wished Steve was there to see it.

Tony grew older and Howard began to see that his little boy was actually really smart. Almost as smart as his old man. He tried to get Tony interested in work at S.H.I.E.L.D. But the kid was just starting a rebellious phase that Howard never saw coming. Tony stopped caring about 'those same old stupid Captain America junk' and Howard stopped caring to tell them.

How could Tony think like that? After everything Howard told him? It hurt to think of someone resenting Steve for no reason. Steve was a good man who didn't deserve Tony's random hatred.

He complained about it to Peggy once or twice but she kept looking at him with what he thought was pity. That can't be right. He stopped bringing it up.

Tony had always liked 'Aunt Peggy'. But he still didn't want anything to do with Captain Rogers. He even had the nerve to burn his old Halloween costume. Howard had been devastated and grounded Tony for a month.

When Tony was old enough to go to high school, he was smart enough to go to college. So Howard sent him off to M.I.T. Now he could finally focus on his work without the distraction of a kid in his way.

He based a lot of his inventions and ideas on his son. He couldn't help it. Tony was always in the back of his mind.

No one ever knew where his inspiration came from.

Howard wrote letters and called occasionally while Tony was away but Tony never replied. On the off chance he picked up his phone, the two of them would have an awkward conversation and then hang up five minutes later.

He's so old, Howard would think. I'M so old.

It never occurred to him that Tony had grown so fast because Howard only saw him every so often.

At seventeen years old, Tony graduated M.I.T. At the top of his class and had made friends with some guy named James. Howard did a background check and approved.

As S.H.I.E.L.D grew, so did Stark Industries. Howard and his long-time partner/kind-of-friend Obadiah Stane, with the help of Maria, rose to the top. In his will, Howard entrusted the business to Obadiah until (if ever) Tony decided to take over as C.E.O. Howard wouldn't force it on him like Jasper tried to do with Howard.

Tony and Obadiah were companionable and Howard couldn't help but be a little jealous. His own relationship with Tony was strained at best and that was never what he wanted. He just wanted to Tony to be like Steve. Was that really such an unreasonable request? Steve was someone everyone should strive to be like. So why couldn't Tony?

A few years later, Howard and Maria decided to take their son by surprise and visit him in his house. They denied Jarvis' offer of acting as chauffeur and drove there themselves.

Or tried to.

They never made it all the way there.

Howard lasted maybe ten seconds after seeing Maria's mangled body. He grabbed her hand.

I love you, son. Good-bye.