A/N: So after watching S10 E10 Amelia Porter, and after having a mini heart attack while watching Aaron with that chick in the jazz club at the end I just had to write something to explain it all away and make one of my fav ships make sense again.
No clue if that made sense to anyone but me but this is my attempt at doing just that so here goes nothing. No major spoilers just the slightest of references regarding Maeve (The real Beth), Beth, and Haley.
How The Web was Woven
It was late and he should have long since gone home but this last outing with Rossi had stirred up plenty to think about; more than he wished to take home with him.
With an exhausted sigh he stood from his chair, ignoring the urge to rub his brow.
If he was being truly honest with himself he had other motives still for being here and the main one was currently sitting right outside his window.
They hadn't spoken properly in weeks now and he couldn't take another day of it. Not when it was clearly affecting the both of them. Spencer never worked into the night; in fact he was usually first done yet lately his desk work was simply passable and infrequently handed in. As for himself, his priorities were off-kilter and his mind often wandered leaving him extremely under rested as he cut sleep in order to make up for lost hours.
He couldn't help the yawn that thought caused as his mind screamed, 'You can't keep doing this' and he couldn't.
This couldn't continue, yet there really wasn't anything he could do about it. Well at least nothing obvious.
That was unless you counted the obvious.
With a shake of his head he began collecting things from his desk, soon grabbing for his briefcase. He was going home.
He wasn't sure what exactly he'd been thinking but it was safe to say thoughts were becoming dangerous. At least in his current mind set. He lifted his coat from the chair and turned just in time to see Spencer doing the same which put a little speed in his step as he exited the office. And no... He didn't take the stairs two at a time to keep up with, yet stay a step behind, the other man. Just like he didn't wait for the elevator doors to nearly close before stepping inside.
He didn't like confrontation and he didn't want to spring one on the other man but when Spencer didn't look at him or even acknowledge his presence he knew he had no other choice. It was time for the obvious. "We can't keep doing this." The 'I don't know what you're talking about' as Spencer examined his shoes told him just the opposite and he voiced it. "You know exactly what I mean." It took him a minute to catch some nerve that was desperately trying to pry open the elevator doors and jump to its death but once he had it he went for broke. "You're quiet, you're distant, and it isn't right."
"It may not be right," Spencer barely voiced what sounded like an agreement as he nervously gripped the strap of his bag. "But it's correct."
"Spencer" He couldn't help the hesitance he felt as he placed his hand on a wool covered arm. "That isn't true."
"I was in the way, now I'm not simple as that." Aaron heard as much as he felt the bitterness as Spencer pulled his arm away.
"No Spencer," He couldn't help but stare in disbelief; was Spencer really thinking such things? "I was wrong before." The elevator's ding echoed that statement and he was soon following Spencer out of the door as he continued, "The only thing that was ever in the way was my fear and I'm sorry for that."
Spencer couldn't help the falter in his step as he turned around, tilting his head to the night's sky as he took a deep breath. "Don't apologize"
"Even if I need to?" He couldn't help himself as he gripped Spencer's arm, once more trying to catch a gaze that was everywhere but on him. "Spencer," Try as he might the other wouldn't look at him and it had him rethinking things as he offered instead, "Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Aaron, I don't want to talk about it." He was seriously starting to consider blowing his superior off.
"It'll just be a ride." Aaron reluctantly pulled his hand away as he swore, "I promise"
"Alright" He found himself agreeing although it was against his better judgment. "I guess"
"Thank you" Though he was already thinking about how an enclosed space was a perfect place to make Spencer listen and no sooner than they were in the car and moving did he begin. "Spencer"
"You promised" Spencer reminded as he turned his gaze to the window with a sigh.
"About that" He couldn't help tapping a nervous finger on the steering wheel. "I may have fibbed a little."
"Aaron" He sighed once more but this time all that could be heard was exhaustion. "What do you want from me?"
"Spencer I-" With all the emotion he heard in those words he wasn't exactly sure how to answer.
"I gave you friendship when you felt alone, companionship when no one else understood" Spencer couldn't help but look at the man that was suddenly not looking at him. "I held you, gave you something to hold onto when nothing felt solid and I-" He ignored the catch in his voice with that word. "I stepped aside when you finally found someone to start rebuilding your life with."
"Spencer" He didn't know what to say.
"I gave you as much as I could," It hurt him to admit. "But I can't give you anymore."
"Spencer I'm sorry" He pulled to the side of the road in exasperation; it annoyed him that things had gotten so out of hand. "When Haley died I was mess. Everything about it was horrible and after awhile I just wanted to forget anyway I could manage. I wasn't thinking straight and with how complicated everything seemed to be I made more than a few bad choices, but when Beth came along things started looking up. She was good to Jack and to me and suddenly things were easier and for a long while I thought she was the answer. Or at least it was nice to believe she was, but I guess deep down I knew that wasn't really the case. We never spent any real time on us bonding and eventually it seemed like Jack was the only thing we really did have in common."
"Aaron what did you do?" If the stern face wasn't enough to get the picture across the serious tone would certainly do it.
"I encouraged her to follow her career... to Hong Kong." He didn't understand why Spencer seemed so angry.
"How could you? You were supposed to work things out with her, get married, and have your 2.5 children!"
"Do you really think I want the trophy life?" He couldn't believe Spencer would think that was something he'd be after.
"I stepped aside so you could have that life!" His anger was quickly getting the best of him. "I... how..." He irately shrugged the thoughts aside, "It was in vain."
"Spencer I..." There was so much to say that he wasn't sure where to start.
"Just take me home." He was hoping for strict but mostly it sounded vulnerable.
"But Spe-" The 'please' that interrupted him had him forgetting what he was about to say as he gave in to the request and switched gears. Spencer sounded hurt and he wasn't sure he wanted to worsen that by pressing on. Instead he simply drove, thinking about all the things he had meant to say and how he hadn't really said any of them. In fact, it seemed like he had only caused things to become more difficult, if not awkward, between them.
That he couldn't, he wouldn't accept and it had him breaking the silence cautiously. "I... I was afraid. So much had changed so quickly that I didn't think I could handle anymore. I wanted something familiar and constant but I didn't want to test the waters after that storm. I didn't want strangers judging my family and I didn't want my friends wondering about my sanity, but mostly I didn't want to look back and question my motives." He turned his gaze to Spencer who was looking right back at him. It wasn't the ideal way to tell him but about now it was as good as any. "Spencer I regret not opening my eyes and actually looking at what I had when I had it, but since then I've had plenty of time to think about our actions and I've come to know that they were pure on both our parts."
"You thought I was using you?" Spencer was shocked.
"I actually thought the exact opposite." Aaron clarified. "I was afraid you were letting yourself be used."
"I'd never do that!" He couldn't believe his ears. "Not to either of us!"
"Which I know, but I didn't want to believe it because that would mean you actually wanted me which I couldn't understand. How could you want somebody that had been dragging you with him through the mud for nearly two years?"
"That's what you needed from me." Spencer shrugged modestly if not with the least bit of embarrassment.
"You've always been there when I've truly needed you, I only wish I could say the same. I wasn't there for Emily and I couldn't bring myself to face you with Maeve; not when I was so full of guilt."
"Why would you feel guilty?" They were within blocks of his home but his thoughts were far from going inside.
"You were scared to death of losing her and no matter how I tried I couldn't think of anything but how worried I was of losing you to her. That should have been the last thing on my mind yet I couldn't seem to shake the thought and after you lost her I desperately wanted to return the favor and help you the way you had helped me but I was scared of being selfish. So instead I kept my distance hoping you'd know it was because I cared."
"That was time I needed alone," He wasn't ashamed to admit it either. "And I appreciate it being given." The last thing he would have wanted was to disrespect her by having his mind occupied with anything other than her memory.
"Well, it also gave me more time to think and when Beth told me about this latest job opportunity I just knew."
"How's that?" He watched diligently as Aaron parked in front of his building; his focus trying to stay on the bigger picture being painted and not on the little memories that were oh so full of heartbreak.
"All I had to do was say the word and she wouldn't go, this she told me herself, but it wasn't something I could manage. Instead I convinced her that it was an opportunity worth chasing and the best way to do that was if she didn't have us to worry about."
"You chased her away." He just wasn't comprehending.
"She deserves to be happy."
"And so do you."
"And I want to be happy..." He placed a hand on Spencer's thigh as he turned in his seat. "With you"
"You don't mean that." Spencer was quick to deny.
"I've only been thinking about it for about three years now."
"I don't believe it." He couldn't afford to.
"Why?" Aaron took a chance at being bold as he leaned a little closer into Spencer's space while placing a hand along his jaw. "Because you don't want to..." He leaned impossibly closer, it was a chance he had to take. "Or because you do?"
"Aaron" With the warmth of his breath came a familiarity that Spencer couldn't resist. He pressed his lips to Aaron's, past rushing to meet present as he gripped the back of Aaron's neck. He couldn't deny that it felt right right as Aaron slid a hand past his coat and up his side but still he pulled away. "Aaron"
"I've missed you" Aaron breathed as he kept as close as Spencer would allow.
"We can't" Spencer shook his head as he leaned a little further back in his chair.
"Why?" He moved back to give the other the space he'd clearly asked for.
"We've already been here." Spencer couldn't help but stare.
"We should have stayed here." Aaron reasoned. "Spencer this was the best place for us and we both know it."
"A lot has changed since then." He wanted to be sure that Aaron was paying attention to more than the moment and what he wanted in it.
"Nothing that matters enough to change the fact that this is where you and I want to be." He'd come too far not to make Spencer see. "That is unless you don't wan't to be here."
"I never said that." Spencer spoke with an urgent assurance.
"Then?" He placed his hand on Spencer's knee; he was desperately trying to understand the hesitance he was being met with.
"What would we tell people?" He wanted to know if Aaron was ready, truly ready for the struggles that would come for them as a couple.
"Nothing, Everything, Anything... Spencer it doesn't matter to me how much or how little people know. That's a choice we'll make when the time comes." He couldn't help but push a stray piece of hair away from a furrowed brow.
"And what about when the questions come?" A hand still lingering at his hairline had his attention split.
"Like?" Aaron couldn't fight the urge to ghost his knuckles over Spencer's cheek.
"Like why you would choose me over a gorgeous woman like Beth? People are going to think your mental." The street lamp across the way was offering just enough glow to give Aaron an innocently tempting glint, like the sweets in a display case that you knew you shouldn't have but oh so desperately wanted.
"Well first off, I think sanity is just a little too far out of my reach to even worry about anymore and secondly, anyone asking that question isn't exactly sane themselves if they can't see how attractive you are."
Inevitable was the name of the kiss he surprised Aaron with.
He couldn't help it really, he'd been looking for answers and Aaron was giving him all the right ones.
Aaron held in a moan as Spencer bit his lower lip but it quickly turned into a groan as the younger man pulled away. "Spencer" He almost panted as he dropped his forehead against another.
The look in Aaron's eyes was desperate yet behind the want he could see reserve. If he wanted Aaron would still pull away and tuck things aside; he'd stop if told and that just assured Spencer all the more. "How about," Something about the warmth of their mingled breath sent a shiver up his spine. "You come upstairs with me."
"God" He found himself with a hand tangled in unruly hair. "I was hoping you'd say that."
"Well then" He turned to grab his things, ignoring the displeasure of a certain someone to his left.
There was nothing alluring about a barely heated car and frankly, his back hurt. "I'll show you up."
"Lead the way" Aaron couldn't help but smirk at the pun he was certain Spencer had unintentionally made. "So" He grabbed Spencer's satchel in an attempt to help as the younger struggled with the front doors' lock. "I haven't been here in awhile."
"It hasn't changed much," Spencer announced as he turned the handle victoriously. "Except for maybe a chair and an instrument or two."
"I should be able to handle that." Aaron found himself saying as he followed Spencer up a flight of stairs. It was probably safe to say he was nervous.
"I would hope so." Spencer offered as he stopped outside his apartment door, fiddling with his keys once more.
Once he got this lock undone though he didn't turn the handle. Instead he turned back to Aaron.
"Spencer?" There was something sitting heavy in his gaze and though Aaron hoped it wasn't second thoughts he still offered, "I don't have to come in if you don't want me to. I'm okay with going your pace, but you've got to let me know what that is." The other was simply staring at him and it was beyond frustrating, "Spencer where do we stand?"
"I don't know yet." And he honestly didn't.
"Then how am I supposed to know?" The last thing he wanted was to seem rude but it felt like they had just done a complete 360.
"Will you do me a favor?"
It seemed like an odd request for a moment like this but he found himself resigning to it anyway. "You name it."
Spencer scratched his head in contemplation as he leaned back against his door frame. "Answer one more question for me."
"What is it?" Clearly it was something Spencer felt he needed to know.
"What would you tell Jack?" He knew Jack was Aaron's whole world and that was exactly why he didn't want to do anything to put it on it's axis.
"I'd tell him that things change Spencer." Suddenly he understood all the questioning and the doubt and how important it was that he made sure Spencer understood. "I'd let him know that no matter what he's first on my list and that'll never change, but I'll also explain to him that families do change. That they come in all different shapes, sizes, colors, and varieties and that that's something to be proud of. He'll know that he's surrounded by people that care, but most importantly I'll tell him that I'm happy. He's always happy when I'm happy, so I'll tell him that and he'll be happy too, and do you know why Spencer?" He was now toe to toe with the other man watching as his words were processed. "Because," He took the liberty of turning the door handle himself, leaving them nearly crammed into what suddenly seemed like such a tiny doorway. "I love you."
Before Aaron knew it he was being pushed inside and pressed against the wall, bombarded with a sensuality that was distinctive to this man and oh how he'd craved it. "Spencer" He found himself unwilling, hell unable, to move as his lover desperately tried to map out places he had once visited so long ago. "Spencer I..." Breath was hard to catch as a wet tongue ran up his neck and a warm hand down his chest but he mostly managed. "I really do love you."
"Aaron" He didn't know whether it was the way his name was whispered or the way his ear was nipped but it sent a shiver racing down his back his heart running right behind with the passion of an unexpected confession. "I really do love you too."
E/N: Did ya like? Let me know... also I've been thinking about doing a multi-chapter based on these two so if you got any ideas throw those in as well. Thanks for reading, I appreciate each and everyone of you!