Chapter nine: The Biggest Nope Ever

He hadn't know what it was. The front door had slammed open and Shawn and Gus had raced out from inside, and the small little blond woman had been screaming at them and then suddenly something was flying through the air and it had been small looking and Ned hadn't even had to reach for it. It just flew right towards his hands and he had caught it without even thinking. Gus and Shawn skidded to a halt in front of him, but the only thing that Ned saw was the way that Gus's eyebrows drew downward and his mouth opened slightly as the dead bird fell to the ground and twitched back to life. The bird didn't do anything, just blinked and took in its surroundings. Gus, similarly just blinked and stared at the bird. Ned tore his eyes away from the dove and looked over at Shawn, who was watching his friend with apprehension. Ned looked back at Gus, he was pale and it didn't look like he was breathing. Ned bent down quickly and with a sharp glance up at Gus, then back down, the pie maker tapped the bird's head. The dove returned to its dead state and when Ned straightened up to start the long conversation about life, death and magic with Gus he was startled to see that Gus wasn't there. Ned looked around the yard,

Gus was nowhere to be seen.

He looked at Shawn and noticed the fake psychic was staring over Ned's shoulder. There was suddenly the sound of something slamming and Ned turned to see Gus sitting behind the wheel of his echo.

"What's he-" Before Ned could get his question out, Gus slammed on the gas, and sped down the gravel road they had driven on earlier.

"I'm Sorry." Ned apologize, he felt ashamed. Very little people knew about him, but Gus's reaction was what he expected from people. Fear and rejection. He looked over at Shawn. The fake psychic just shrugged.

"He took that pretty well. And the only reason we came here was because I was trying to think of a way to distract him for a while while you and I went and talked to dead Mr. Fields. Couldn't really invite him along for that." Shawn explained, glancing back at the house he and Gus had just run from.

"Still..."Ned looked down at the taxidermy bird that had started the whole mess.

"Let's worry about getting off this lady's lawn before she comes out her and tosses some raccoons at us." Shawn glared straight ahead. "Raccoons. We don't need any of those coming back to life." The fake psychic hissed, stepping forward at the same time as Ned, and nearly walking into him. The two recoiled from one another. Both men paused and stared at one another, their eyes wide at the near collision.

"You know, me and my girlfriend, whenever one of us is about to walk somewhere or move or something we say it before we do it, then we wait for the other to acknowledge it before we carry out the action." Ned explained. Shawn looked up at him with a small frown.

"That sounds exhausting." The fake psychic said. Ned just shrugged.

"We live together. It's better than accidentally killing her." Shawn sighed and nodded.

"All right. Let's get off Wooderson's lawn and I'll call someone to give us a ride." The two of them walked side by side cautiously, leaning away from one another. Once they put some distance between themselves and the old mobile home Shawn dug into his pocket and stared at his phone. Ned watched him search through his contacts.

"Who are you calling?" He asked, noting the unhappy expression on Shawn's face. The fake psychic sighed, his shoulders rising and falling dramatically.

"Gus won't answer right now. Lassie would laugh me off the phone, and Jules is probably with Lassie." Shawn explained staring at his phone like it was something rotten. "That just leaves..." Shawn trailed off and stared at his phone, his expression becoming more and more distraught.

"Who?" Ned asked. Shawn shook his head.

"It won't work. If I call him, he'll pry. He'll wanna know why Gus left me alone. And his truck is too small for us to both sit in at the same time." Shawn gave a helpless shrug.

"Who?" Ned asked again, getting curious. Shawn looked up at Ned's face.

"My dad." He stated, dropping his arm to his side. Ned made a little ohhing noise.

"Your dad." He repeated the word quietly, remembering the horrid relationship Shawn had had with his father. Shawn shrugged.

"Well, it's not like it was back then. We get along better now. I suppose. I just don't want him prying." Shawn explained. Ned nodded silently.

"Can we call a cab?" Ned asked, the road they were on was a gravel one, and it was out in the woods, but it wasn't too far out of the way of the city. Shawns fingers flew to his head.

"Yeah, I think I saw a number for a cab company on the cover of a phonebook not too long ago." Shawn closed his eyes and fell silent. Ned wondered what he was doing, but after a few seconds, Shawn's eyes opened and he started typing in a number on his phone. Someone answered after a couple rings. Ned watched Shawn talk patiently, looking around the road they were on. There had only been a few cars that had passed. He supposed they could hitch-hike if they had to. Or he could call Chuck or Olive. Ned frowned, he could even of called Emerson. Shawn hung up his phone, drawing Ned's attention.

"What was this?" Ned asked, bringing his fingers up to his forehead and copying the gesture that Shawn had just made. Shawn copied him so that both of them were standing on the side of the road, their fingers pointing at their temples. Shawn just smiled.

"Well, since I know your deepest darkest secret I suppose I can tell you mine." Shawn started. His voice dropped to a whisper,

"I'm not really a psychic." He laughed once and looked out at the road. "It's been a long time since ive told that to someone. I mean, I know you probably already knew, but still. I haven't admitted it outloud in a long time." Shawn explained, stuffing his hands, and his phone back into his pants pockets. Ned watched silently.

"Yeah, I was wondering about that." Ned admitted. He had kept his mind open about the whole psychic thing, considering his own powers.

"Well, this-" He lifted his hand and pointed at his head, "Is kinda a habit. Dad taught me to do it when I was little. To help me focus. It became one of my psychic poses, but its really me just trying to remember something." Shawn said.

"Like the number of some random cabbie company you saw on a phonebook a while ago?" Ned asked. Shawn nodded.

"So what do we do now?" Ned asked as they waited for their cab.

"Well, we have to wait for my informant to text us and tell me when Lassie and Jules leave the station. Until then, we can just head to the psych office." Shawn offered.

"Then we just go ask Fields who killed him?" Ned asked.

"Yeah, only problem is, we don't have any way to get to the station. Unless you wanna try and ride on my motorcycle with me." Shawn laughed.

"That, probably wouldn't work well." Ned amended, the two falling into silence.

"That means that we should probably track down Gus. We need the blueberry." Shawn reasoned. Ned didn't like the idea of tracking down Gus. There hadn't been many people that had found out about his secret, but Gus had had the worst reaction of anyone who had ever known. That reaction was not something he wanted to face.

"You don't think Gus'll..." Ned trailed off, he didn't know Gus well, and was worried about what the man might do with his newly discovered information. Shawn took a moment to work out what Ned was implying. His head tilted back and his eyebrows raised,

"Ah, Tell? No. If I know Gus, And I know Gus, He probably went straight home, hopped on the internet, looked up a bunch of weird superstitious stuff and is now trying to make items that ward off evil. Once he gets that done, he'll probably just stress eat." Shawn hypothesized. Shawn seemed so certain that Ned allowed himself to not worry about it.

"Well, do you think that Mrs. Wooderson killed Mr. Fields?" Ned asked changing the subject. Shawn pursed his lips.

"She was definitely angry enough to kill someone. I don't know though. When we get to the station, I'll try and see if Lassie gathered any more information on her, because me and Gus got absolutely nothing." He frowned and rubbed his forehead. "Except assaulted by dead animals."

Shawn and Ned sat crammed against the far sides of the taxi they were riding in, doing their best to avoid each other, even when the taxi driver sped around corners.

"Do you think-" Shawn's sentence was cut short as the taxi driver took a hard right, which would of sent Shawn flying to the other side of the taxi, had the fake psychic not grabbed ahold of the handle on the ceiling of the car. The taxi straightened out and Shawn continued his sentence.

"Do you think that you can get Fields to tell us what happened?" He asked, they took another hard turn and Shawn braced himself. He was beginning to suspect that the grumpy taxi driver that had picked them up was purposefully trying to get him to fall into Ned. Shawn thought about it, if he was a taxi driver and two people looked like they were trying to stay as far away from one another as possible, he might be tempted to try and get them to crush one another by taking corners especially fast. It would be kind of funny, if it wasn't for the fact that Shawn would die if he let himself slip. Ned looked at Shawn, his worried eyebrows back with avengence.

"M-most of the time I can get them to talk." He answered, keeping the statements vague, just in case the cabbie was listening.

"What do you mean most of the time?" Shawn asked, the cabbie took a hard left this time and Shawn cringed away as Ned leaned towards him, though the pie maker was bracing himself using the little handle on the ceiling, Shawn still felt slightly uneasy. If that thing broke...

"I mean, that at first they are pretty willing to just answer whatever I ask. The longer they're...awake...though, the more they begin to realize what's going on and then they usually have their own questions." Ned explained. Shawn nodded, he remembered when he first woke up after Ned's touch, he had felt like nothing had been real. Hell, he hadn't even been concerned with the blood he'd been soaking in. It wasn't until after the minute had been up that the gravity of the situation had hit him.

"You don't think that Gus will attack me on sight do you? Because I'd really appreciate not being stabbed, bludgeoned or shot." Ned asked, relaxing slightly now that road in front of them was evening out. Shawn laughed, Gus was an odd one when it came to his superstitions, and honestly there was no telling if he would react by fainting, screaming and running away, or by swinging his Nimbus 2000 replica at Ned's head.

"We're almost there." Shawn decided it was best not to worry the pie maker.

Gus set the iron skillet down on his couch, taking in his arsonal. He was ready for anything that might come at him. He had salt, garlic, multiple crosses, hand drawn egyptian, buddhist, japanese, chinese, protection symbols, silver forks and knives, some sage and cilantro he'd found in his pantry. He wasn't sure if cilantro would do anything, but he'd grabbed it just because it had been there. He also had Mirrors and some little white rock he'd found in one of his house plants that looked like it could of maybe of been a magical crystal. He also had windchimes a picture he'd printed of jesus, and an old bible. Gus stared down at his collection, feeling slightly safer. He didn't know what he had seen Ned do, he didn't like the way Shawn wasn't surprised by it, but he was having no part of it. No sir. There was no way he was going to get involved with something supernatural and weird that would probably leave him cursed for all eternity. Satisfied with his pile, Gus turned his attention to the kitchen.

He wandered around, looking through his pantries for something to eat. There was nothing that he felt like making. He opened his freezer, hoping for icecream, but instead found a frozen pie. Which would have been appetizing, had the pie not reminded him of Ned. Ned who was probably a demon and made pies for a living. pies of evil. Gus glared at the once delicious delicacy and slammed the freezer door shut. He was about to rummage around for something else when he heard a loud banging. He shrieked in fear, slipping on his tiled floor and catching himself on his fridges handle.

"Burton Gustor! We have come to collect your soul!" Shawns voice boomed from behind Gus's front door. Gus straightened and scowled at the door. He was about to yell at Shawn to go away when he heard another, much quieter voice.

"Shawn. Please, you're going to make him think I'm a monster and then he probably will attack me." Gus identified the voice as Ned the pie maker. before the demonic pie maker had finished his sentence, Gus had scrambled over to his collection of weapons. There were too many choices and as Gus was trying to choose the best option he heard Shawn call out to him again.

"Dude. We're coming in now. Don't throw anything at us." Gus heard a key sliding into his doorknob and cursed Shawn's uncanny ability to always locate his hide-a-key rock. Practically hopping from foot to foot in anxiety, Gus grabbed the first thing he saw and whipped around with it just as he heard the front door swing open. With a yell Gus swung his Harry Potter Nimbus 2000 replica at the evil entering his domain. Unfortunately the first person through his door hadn't been the evil pie maker it had been Shawn. Shawns yell synchronized with Gus's and was cut short when the bristly end of the broom hit him in the face. Shawn let out a disgruntled, oomph and stumbled backwards. Gus watched as the pie maker scrambled away from Shawn's flailing arms. Regaining his balance, Shawn blinked a few times then shook his head. He reached up and felt his nose, examined his chin, his jaw and then turned angry eyes towards his best friend.

"Dude!" Shawn started throwing his arms out. "You could've broken my nose! Or my jaw! What the heck!" Shawn snapped. Gus raised his broom like it was a bat, getting ready to take another swing.

"I don't care Shawn. You deserve it! I don't know what you're into but I will not be dealing with wizards, ghosts, demons, mummies or vampires or time travelers." Gus snapped, taking another swing at Shawn with his broom. Though he mostly swung it to add emphasis to his defiance, more than to try and hit Shawn again.

"Vampires? What? Ned's not a Vampire Gus." Shawn scoffed and watched as Gus swung the broom harmlessly through the air again. Gus didn't care what Ned was. Gus didn't want to have anything to do with the supernatural. Ned choose that moment to speak up from his place behind Shawn.

"I-I can explain Gus-" Gus swung the broom again.

"Nope! No way. You think I'll let you just talk me into whatever scheme your hatching?" Gus shook his head, "Vampires can compel people to forget things and do their bidding. It's probably too late for Shawn, but I won't let you mind control me." Gus snapped, taking a step back. Shawn let out an exasperated sigh.

"Would you stop it! Ned's not a vampire. That's ridiculous." Shawn started.

"Ridiculous? I hardly think that anything is ridiculous anymore. And how long have you known about him?" Gus asked. Shawn shrugged,

"I figured it out after meeting him."

"And you never told me?" Gus looked like he had just been grievously wounded.

"Buddy, I can't just tell anyone about it. It's not my secret." Shawn tried to placate his irate friend.

"You told me there were no such things as mummies curses! That Ghosts aren't real!" Gus suddenly remembered all those cases that Shawn had dragged him too. All those supernatural cases that Gus had only agreed to accompany Shawn on because Shawn had insisted that there was no such thing as the supernatural.

"Well they aren't." Shawn said. Gus gaped at him.

"You can't say that for certain! Not after-after-Well, I don't know what he did exactly but..." Gus trailed off and frowned. He had always believed in ghosts and the supernatural, and he had always done his best to stay away from that sort of stuff, better to be out of the way of a gruesome curse then to go meddling with things that should be left alone, and yet, here Shawn had gone and bought a possible demon/vampire/wizard straight to his doorstep. Gus and Shawn stared at one another, at an impasse until Shawn finally spoke, raising his hands slowly.

"Listen, this isn't as bad as you think it is all right? I know how you feel. When I learned the truth I felt like everything I had ever known was wrong." Shawn raised his eyebrows and nodded his head slowly. Gus felt himself lower the broom just a fraction, and mirror Shawn's nodding. Something was tickling in the back of Gus's brain, a voice trying to make him aware of something, but before he could dwell on it Shawn continued to speak.

"When Ned showed me what he could do, it was scary. I didn't know what I was seeing, I wondered if that meant that things I was sure weren't real, were real. I had to question everything. It was horrible." Shawn took another step forward and reached for the broom slowly. Gus agreed, he felt horrible, he had always been scared of the supernatural but the supernatural had always just been a thorey. A ghost story he could tell himself wasn't real...now though...Gus lowered the broom further, allowing Shawn to take it from him.

"There. See, just have a seat and we can talk this all through." Shawn pulled the broom close to himself and gestured towards the couch. Gus started and stared at Shawn with wide eyes. The thought that had been knocking quietly in the back of his brain came back. Made him aware of the tone of voice that Shawn was using. The tone that he only used on irrational criminals when he was trying to talk them out of doing something crazy. Gus huffed and crossed his arms over his chest indignantly. Flopping down onto his couch he glared at Shawn.

"I'm not crazy Shawn." Gus snapped. Shawn just smiled at him and sat in the couch opposite of Gus.

"Never said you were buddy." Shawn grabbed one of Guss pillows and placed it in his lap.

"Now, where to begin."