A/N: So, I'm sure most people have feelings about 3.08. I definitely do. Almost as soon as I saw it, I pretty much knew I'd be writing fic, if only to sort through my own thoughts. This was not an easy fic. And it is a multi-chapter. I would like to say that while I am not unbiased when it comes to the ending of 3.08, but I have tried to at least be balanced. I hope you enjoy the fic. It picks up right where the most recent episode ends.

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Definition: antinomy - a contradiction between two statements that seem equally reasonable

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He watched her out of the corner of his eye as they waited for the FBI elevator in silence.

The silence was not a good sign; in fact, it was almost unbearable.

So he broke it.

"Teresa..."

But he didn't get far.

"If you're about to apologize, I'd reconsider," Lisbon said quietly.

"I wasn't about to apologize."

"Not much point if you don't think you did anything wrong," Lisbon continued, as if he hadn't spoken.

"I was trying to protect you," Jane insisted. "I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you."

Lisbon let out a quiet sigh. "And I understand that, I really do"

Jane couldn't tear his eyes from the woman next to him, trying not to let himself get overwhelmed by the stark sadness radiating off of her. "I know."

"I'm not saying you don't have the right to be concerned, or to..." Lisbon shook her head slightly. She'd known some kind of confrontation about this was inevitable. It always was when you worked the type of job she did. She'd just... she'd never expected him to try and circumvent the issue by simply taking her job away from her.

Jane touched his hand to hers to prompt her.

The brief touch only served to draw attention to the distance between them.

Lisbon closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't want to talk about it right now." She was avoiding the issue, she knew, and it couldn't be avoided forever. But she didn't have any of the right words. Not beyond, "You honestly think this is okay?" and "How could you? Don't you understand?" And anyway, forget the words, what was the solution? She didn't have one. Didn't know if she could live with any of the obvious options. She couldn't listen to Jane issue a condition she wasn't sure she could meet, (couldn't hear any kind of confirmation that they couldn't work).

She definitely couldn't cry at the FBI.

Lisbon took a deep breath and opened her eyes. "I can't talk about it right now."

Jane nodded. To be honest, he wasn't sure he could talk about it either, other than to repeat over and over again that he would do anything, sacrifice anything, to keep her safe. Instead, he said, "Let's get out of here."

Lisbon nodded, leaning tiredly against the elevator wall.

Jane watched her anxiously, and tried to ignore the pain in his chest.

The silence was oppressive as they walked to the car. In the parking lot, Lisbon fished through her bag and handed him her keys. Keeping her eyes open almost felt like too much effort on top of everything else. "Here, you can drive."

Jane stared at the keys in his hand. The offer was unexpected, given that he knew Lisbon still generally preferred to drive her own vehicle for all that she often let him drive without complaint. "Is this some kind of a test, or something?"

Lisbon's eyes snapped open. "What?"

Jane winced. "I don't know... Sorry..."

He tried not to think about how the simmering anger burning in Lisbon's eyes was actually an improvement over the abject misery of thirty seconds ago.

"When have I ever done that?" she hissed. "When have I ever..."

"I'm sorry," Jane said again, taking the keys.

Lisbon put a hand to her forehead. "I've tried to be honest with you. I've tried to... since we started this. I don't want to play games, I don't want..." God if he thought that she'd be that petty... If they were that broken...

"I know," Jane said, trying to distract her from whatever was running through her head (the thoughts running through his own brain probably weren't much better).

Lisbon met his eyes; Jane could see tears pricking in the corners now. "I'm just exhausted. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep," she pleaded.

"I can drive you home," he promised, suddenly frantic to do something, anything to make it better.

Lisbon took a deep breath, her hands fluttering at her sides, as she resisted the sudden urge to wrap her arms around him, and then maybe thank him, and then shake him, and maybe scream at him for good measure. "Good."

Wordlessly, Jane opened the door for her, letting his hand brush against her back as she slid past him to climb in.

Lisbon lay back against the seat and waited for him to get in and start the car.

A second later, she flicked on the radio to drown out the expanding silence.

xxx

Jane pulled into the driveway, unsurprised when, after retrieving her keys, Lisbon was out of the SUV before him.

He followed her up the walkway, a few steps behind, telling himself he wasn't dragging his feet.

As Lisbon opened the front door Jane realized that he didn't think he could step through it with her. Didn't think he could subject himself to the confines of her house and the crushing quiet bouncing off the walls between them.

Besides, he doubted he'd be sleeping anyway.

"You alright here?" he asked.

Lisbon whipped around, surprised. It hadn't even occurred to her that he might leave. "You're not staying?"

Jane shook his head slowly. "I'm going to take a walk. Clear my head. It's a lovely night for a walk, calm and clear. I'd just keep you up anyway."

"I don't mind," Lisbon whispered. She didn't mind being staying awake with him. Especially not if the alternative was watching him walk away.

"I don't think a lullaby's going to help tonight," Jane told her. He couldn't bear to hear her try and convince him everything would be fine.

Not that that was what she'd been doing. Not tonight.

Lisbon took a step back, trying to ignore the fresh pain in her chest. "Right, well, are you gonna..." She shook her head, changing her mind; she wasn't going to ask that, not after his reaction when she'd asked him to drive them home... well, to her house. "I guess I'll..."

Suddenly, Jane felt like the worst human being on the face of the planet. With three giant strides he was right in front of her, his hands on her elbows. "I'll see you tomorrow morning," he promised.

Lisbon nodded once, her eyes on the ground between them. Maybe it was best if he left. Maybe they both needed some space to think. "Sure."

Jane squeezed her forearms in reassurance, trying to get her to look back up at him. "I will."

She just nodded, finally looking up to glance at the sky. "It does look like a nice night."

Jane watched her for a second, momentarily fascinated by the contrast of her hair and her skin in the semi-darkness. "Try and get some sleep."

"See you later," Lisbon murmured, still not quite meeting his eyes, as she slipped inside.

Jane stared at her door for a moment, and tried not to feel utterly helpless.

xxx

Hours later, he was striding back up to the same door.

He'd walked and he'd walked, and in the end he'd just gone in circles.

Moving from, "He had to take care of her. That was all there was to it," to, "No one could fault him for wanting to keep the woman he loved safe, for wanting to protect her," to, "He hadn't done anything wrong. He would protect her with his life."

Circling around to, "He was sorry she was angry, but she'd have to get over that. She'd have to accept that he cared about her."

And then to "He'd do the same thing again. He absolutely would. This time, he'd be sure to protect the women he cared about. This time, that would be his primary concern. He had to protect her."

To "He couldn't bear the thought of living without her".

To "He couldn't bear the thought of being without her."

Finally ending with, "He needed to be with her right now."

So here he was. Outside her door. Jane fished through his pockets for his keys, flipping through the ring until he found one brand-new, still-shiny key with a small metal sock attached to it.

He slid it into the lock, and prayed he'd be welcome.

The house was quiet. Maybe Lisbon had gone to bed. He hoped so. Maybe she, at least, had gotten some sleep.

He couldn't help hoping things.

Locking the door behind him, Jane crept across the living room in the dark.

Maybe things would look better in the morning.

"Jane?"

"Yeah," he replied, moving towards her voice. Reaching the doorway of the bedroom, he could see her sitting up in bed, her silhouette illuminated by the window behind her. "It's me. Go back to sleep."

"Hmm," Lisbon hummed, sleepily. "Y're lucky I remembered that key I gave you when I heard the door open, or I'd have gone for my gun."

All things considered, Jane supposed it was a good sign that she hadn't. "Which one?" he asked lightly.

"The closest one to hand, of course," she murmured, still watching him. She hadn't expected to see him again so soon, but even with the confusion in her brain, she wasn't upset that he'd returned. "What're you doing?"

Jane made his way around the bed, unbuttoning his vest as he went. "Getting changed," he whispered, grabbing the pair of pyjamas he kept at her place from the bottom drawer of the dresser, and giving a silent thanks that she didn't appear to have any intention of tossing him out on his ear, or starting (maybe re-starting) an argument. "Lay down, I'll be there in a minute."

After a moment, he heard her settle. "Good walk?" she asked, her voice still slightly slurred and sleepy.

Jane paused. "It's a lovely night," he said eventually. "I'm just going to brush my teeth."

When he made his way back to the bedroom, Lisbon was quiet. Jane doubted she was actually asleep, thought it was possible. Either way, he was willing to go along with the fiction for a little while.

He slid into the bed beside her, shifting closer and closer until he could feel the movement of her breathing.

Definitely not asleep.

He let his eyes adjust to the darkness, and examined the back of the women next to him. She was curled in on herself, her breathing slightly too sharp to indicate true rest.

Tentatively, he wrapped an arm around her waist.

Lisbon tensed. Then, to Jane's shock, she whipped around and pressed herself against him, throwing a leg over his thigh.

He tightened the arm still wrapped around her, drawing her closer, and feeling her exhale in relief against his chest.

Jane shut his eyes and stroked her back to soothe, counting the breaths until she fell back asleep.

And then spent the next few hours appreciating the feel of her against him.

Until he finally managed to join her in dreamland.

All the while, clinging to the faint hope that things would be clearer in the morning.

xxx

Things weren't clearer in the morning.

How could they be? Nothing had been resolved.

And they were almost avoiding each other. As much as two people could avoid each other when they spent the majority of the day in each other's company.

Luckily, the bureaucracy of the FBI was practically the perfect place to pretend.

They grabbed coffee for each other, discussed potential cases, and joked with their colleagues. But their smiles never reached their eyes.

And at the end of the day, Jane had bid goodbye to a Lisbon determined to work late, and headed for the relative safety of the airstream.

Where his bed felt far too big for the first time ever, because he was climbing into it alone.

As he ordered his body to sleep, Jane vowed to be better tomorrow.

He realized he'd actually fallen asleep when he felt the hands on his chest. He'd had this dream before. Strong, but delicate hands running along his chest and caressing his cheek. Jane moved towards the touch. Then he realized the fingers unbuttoning his pyjama shirt were surprisingly cool, and he could feel her hair tickling his chin, both details dreamland seldom provided.

He opened his eyes to find her face inches from his.

She closed the distance, her lips demanding against his own, as her hand slid through now open buttons.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, Jane tugged her onto the bed.

Which, with her beneath him, suddenly felt exactly the right size.

xxx

TBC

So, this is going to be three chapters (this one is the shortest, but this felt like the best place to break the fic). Next chapter is mostly done. I'm hoping to have all three posted before the next episode, when I'm sure they'll all be contradicted by canon. Because it is this show.