Authors Note: Though this story is rated T there are some adult themes featured but I tried to keep them as vague as possible. Enjoy!
Lily drew a ragged shallow breath as her eyes tried to focus on the clouds above. She removed a protective glove from her hand and gently touched her abdomen. Pain shot through her body has she felt the open wound, her hand now stained crimson.
I would be okay with this, dying on the battlefield. It is more honorable than most. She slowly felt other portions of her body for injuries by touch, not having the strength to sit up and properly assess them. Her leg was broken; she guessed a shattered femur caused by her opponents war hammer. She turned and looked at the Lanister soldier to her left and smiled.
"You may have fatally wounded me, but I saw the light leave you eyes," she whispered to the corpse. The warrior's eyes were blank and his wounded throat seeped large amounts of blood.
There had been no question about joining Rob's army when he had asked for her family's allegiance. Her father, a noble of the north, and raised his only child side by side with the Stark children when his wife had passed. Lily fondly remembered her father's boisterous personality often, especially during these dark days.
"Go on lassie," Ferguson yelled as he watched his young daughter try and mount the stubborn pony. She had been struggling with the animal for over ten minutes and had yet to ask for help. Every time she tried to put her foot in the stirrup the pony scooted sideways causing her frustrations to rise.
"She has your stubborn personality Ferguson," chuckled Lord Eddard Stark. The Starks had happily opened their home to the Lord Ferguson Baird and his young daughter after the destruction of their home near the wall. Ferguson never spoke of what happened the night he lost his wife and lands, leaving terrible assumptions to be whispered.
"Aye but at least she has her mother's looks, don't know if I could marry her off if she looked like me." Ned chuckled at Ferguson's joke. Lily was often told how much she looked like her mother; same eyes, high cheekbones, and hair, except for the streak of white that framed her face.
Ferguson began to grow tired of watching his little girl struggle. "Oy! Jon! Rob! Go help the little lassie, she's in desperate need!"
The two young boys looked at each other forlornly, they had already mounted their ponies. Sighing they both dismounted and went to attempt to help the child.
"But I don't want help!" Lily exclaimed stomping her foot and glaring at the grey pony.
"Oh come on Lily, just let us help you so we can go ride," Rob groaned taking the reins from her hands. He tugged the white streak of hair that resided at the front of her head. Lily crossed her arms in defiance prompting Rob to shoot his half brother a look that screamed for him to assist. She had always favored Jon over Rob since she was a wee babe. Rob was more of a big brother figure, always teasing her and giving her a hard time. Jon became the opposite, playing with her when Rob ignored her and comforting her when she was hurt.
"Everyone needs help sometimes Lily," the dark haired boy quietly murmured to his friend. Lily looked at Jon with defeat written across her small face.
"Alright, fine. But just hold the reins, I can get into the saddle myself," she stated defiantly. Jon grinned at her and helped Rob steady the pony while she climbed on.
"That a girl lassie!" Ferguson exclaimed once she was settled into the saddle. She grinned at her father as though she had completed the task all on her own. Ferguson trotted his large steed over and stroked his daughter's hair. "Now what do you say to Jon and Rob?"
"Thank you," she mumbled to the boys as they remounted their own ponies.
"Any time Little Lily, " teased Rob, Jon offered her a grin. The small party set off into the snowy fields surrounding Winterfell.
"There's not much else we can do for her."
"There must be something," a voice quietly pleaded.
Lily slowly began to regain her consciousness and assess her surroundings. The blue shy that was once above her was now blocked by a fabric ceiling, her abdomen was tightly bandaged, and someone had cleaned and dressed her. She no longer felt the weight of the light armor she had grown accustom to.
"I'm sorry, but there is nothing more I can do." A tent flap opened and closed and the room grew silent. So she would die. If not today then tomorrow or the day after, and she was okay with that. She felt the mattress shift and warm fur cuddle her side. Grey Wind, she was with Rob and she guessed she was being treated in his tent. The direwolf rested his head on her uninjured leg protectively guarding over her. She felt Rob collapse into the chair next to her and take her hand.
"Little Lily," he wept quietly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I dragged you into this."
"Rob," she whispered hoarsely. Rob's head snapped up at the sound of her voice. "Don't call the maester, there is truly nothing he can do for me. My body is broken." Silent tears rolled down Rob's grimy cheeks, he had obviously not bathed since the battle.
"Rob I need you to do something for me, but I need you to be clean and not smell like shit first." Rob gave her a watery smile and assured her that he would do anything for her.
"Grey Wind will stay with you, I won't be gone long," he kissed her hand gently.
"Don't worry I won't die with out you." Rob gave her an angry look before exiting the tent to go bathe.
Lily gently stroked Grey Wind's soft fur wishing that instead it were pure white.
There was very little warmth that could be found outside the interior walls of Winterfell but that never stopped Lily. The cold ground she sat upon was slightly muffled by the large fur she had stolen from one of the extra bedchambers. She had tightly wrapped her heavy cloak around her womanly frame and settled her back against a large tree. A thick volume lay in her lap, her gloved hands keeping the pages from turning with the wind. It was a common occurrence for her to sneak into the godswood and spend her afternoons reading or praying by the heart tree. Today she had chosen a secluded area where she hoped to go unnoticed to anyone adventuring into the sacred garden.
At the sound of a twig snapping she whipped her head around in search of an intruder. If it were Lady Stark or a septa she was sure to be in trouble for lifting the extra fur.
"Oh it's just you Jon," she sighed with relief. "How did you find me here?"
Jon Snow smiled at the young woman sitting cross-legged on the lavish fur. She had changed so much since they were children, growing into a beautiful lady. He knew suitors would soon be calling for her hand and this angered him, though he did not know why.
"It wasn't easy," he said sitting next to her. "But you're not too hard to figure out." Lily rolled her eyes at his comment and bumped his shoulder.
"You're lucky I didn't stab you," she commented nonchalantly.
"With what blade? That tooth pick you carry around?" He was referring to the small knife her father had given her for her twelfth birthday.
"Yes, and it works quite well thank you. Just ask Theon." Jon prickled at the mention of Lord Eddard's ward. Theon Greyjoy had been getting a little too friendly with Lily for Jon's liking.
"What did Greyjoy do? Do I need to have….a talk with him?" Lily snorted a laugh.
"Who are you? My father? And don't worry about it; I got the message across quite clear. The little bugger should be happy I only hit his thigh." Jon smiled at her comment and looked over her shoulder at the dusty book in her lap. It was one she had read many times and he never understood why she continued to reread it. Yawning the young man reclined on the warm fur and placed his head on the joint where her hip and thigh met.
"Comfortable?" she asked with raised eyebrows.
"Quite," he answered with a grin. Lily shifted the volume in her lap to allow him more room and placed hand in his soft curls. She watched as his eyes slipped closed his breaths slowed. For a long time she often wondered if he knew of her feelings for him or if he was just as naïve has he seemed. She knew her emotions weren't obvious but their relationship was closer than others and he should have figured it out by now. She continued to lightly play with his hair as she turned her attention back to the book.
After only ten minutes she felt a tug on her hair and its strands slip free of the long braid. She raised her eyebrows at the boy she presumed to be sleeping.
"What? If you play with my hair than I get to play with your hair." He fingered the dark blonde hair immersed in the fact that the many hues made one. But it was the white streak in the front that always grabbed his attention. When she wore her hair free she always braided the white to minimize its existence.
"The septa always tells tell me that my future husband will not like it," Lily said noticing Jon's fascination with her white hair. "She's tried to convince me to let her dye it with tea multiple times. But I like it too much, it reminds me of –"
"Snow," he finished for her.
Jon studied her face that was masked with an expression that he could not read. Before he could move or say another word she lowered her head and pressed her lips to his. His whole body felt like it was on fire, every nerve tingling with electricity. When she pulled away Jon felt his jaw unhinge.
"Yes it reminds me of snow," she whispered her hands still in his hair. Lily searched his eyes for some sort response and she waited for what seemed like an eternity.
"Do you know how long I have wanted that to happen?" A smile three miles wide spread across Lily's face when his words reached her ears.
"Well then next time I suggest you take what you want." Jon returned her grin before grasping her neck and kissing her.
Rob returned to his tent his body clean but his spirit still remained dirty. The two forms lying on his bed were exactly as he left them. Lily was still stroking Grey Winds fur her eyes closed and chest slowly rising and falling. He returned to his seat and once again grasped her hand. He watched as she slowly opened her eyes and focused the green orbs on his face.
"Do you remember how angry you used to make me when we were children?" He gave her a sad smile silently wishing he had been kinder to her. "You used to tease me constantly, but I always knew if I ever needed you; you would be there in a heart beat." She weakly squeezed his hand.
"I remember the first day you disarmed me in the training yard, you ran around all of Winterfell singing that ridiculous song. What was it called?" Rob asked her.
"Rob is a pile of poo. Not my best work really. But the revised version I sang a few years later was more impressive." He chuckled remembering the awful victory tune.
"And if I remember correctly it involved a lot more colorful language." He looked over her broken body, all traces of laughter gone. "Oh Little Lily, how did you get here? You used to be able to disarm me in my sleep."
"You give me too much credit Rob, you were by far the better swordsmen. It's just like when we were children; we were always hurting each other. This time it was just with live steal and a more dangerous opponent."
Silence overtook the two as Lily tried to catch her breath, talking was becoming more and more difficult. She watched as silent tears began to roll down Rob's cheeks. Lifting a bandaged hand she wiped away the salty liquid and shook her head silently telling him that this was not the time for tears.
Guilt began to push through Rob's sea of emotions. It should have been Jon here holding her hand; Jon would have kept her safe on the battlefield. What would Jon think of him when he received the raven? More guilt rushed to the surface. He should have convinced his half brother to stay in Winterfell instead of taking the black. He should have, he should have, he should have; they came and went like snowflakes in a snowstorm.
"I miss him too," Lily whispered catching Rob's attention. "Everyday, every time I breathe."
Jon gently caressed Lily's hair as she slept. The white streak easily blended within the blonde as he pushed the many strands behind her ear. This anniversary of her father's death had been especially hard. She spent most of the day locked in her bedchamber sobbing, refusing food and anyone who wanted entrance. Jon was the only one permitted and not until after sundown. For the past three years they kept their relationship a safeguarded secret only showing intimate affection when they were alone. Nightly visits only began after the first year and remained mostly innocent.
After her father's death, something changed within Lily. She no longer fantasized about her future with Jon. Her love never wavered but her want for marriage and children died with her father. Jon noticed this subtly at first but pushed it under the rug until she brought up his old wish of joining the Night's Watch. It had been the only serious fight they had ever had, and she pushed him to make a decision he could not run from. But somehow this looming expiration date did not deter them from being together.
Lily shifted in her sleep, causing Ghost to pick his head up from his place on the floor. Jon could never figure out why the albino wolf became so attached the beauty lying next to him. He always assumed it was because he himself was so attached to her, but he always wondered if her white hair was a contributing factor.
"You're thinking very loudly," Lily mumbled as she turned to face her beloved.
"I just don't want this to be our last night together," he stated. "The King is coming tomorrow."
Lily snuggled into his chest letting his arms encircle her frame. "It won't be."
Jon paced back and forth across his bedchamber while Ghost watched him lazily from his place by the fire. A soft knock sounded at the door and at this hour of night that only meant one person. He opened the door just wide enough for Lily to slip in and Ghost to slip out and begin his guard duty.
"Were you seen?" This question was received with an eye roll.
"Really Jon? Do you think if I was seen I would be standing here?" Jon had been reluctant to say yes to her request for a night meeting, but his departure was too soon for him to say no. He lightly touched her white hair trying to commit it to memory along with the rest of her. Lily slipped her hands around his neck and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss that quickly turned into more. Innocent experimentation had made falling into bed a regular occurrence. Though his hunger for her had always been there Jon never had the intention of corrupting her innocence before their wedding night. A wedding night that would now only be a dream.
"Jon," Lily quietly moaned as his hand disappeared beneath her nightgown. His shirt had been discarded long ago and his pants were becoming increasingly too small. He felt her become slick on his hand as he felt her reach for his pants and begin untying the laces. She had touched him before but never like this, something seemed different to him. His eyes bore into hers searching for some hidden answer. Suddenly she did something he never expected, she removed her nightgown, completely exposing her body to him.
"I…I…" he stammered. "I can't take your innocence Lily. What will you give to your future husband?"
Lily laughed lightly and kissed him. "Jon Snow there will be no future husband for me. I could never love another man. Not the way I love you. This is my gift to give you and only you." Jon stared blankly at her for a moment before kissing her deeply.
It had been more than anything they had expected, two people loving each other as much as their bodies would allow. It was the memory Lily thought of most often and it would be the last memory that would pass through her mind. As darkness began to cloud her vision she saw his face and felt his warmth within her own heart. For most of her time spent without him regret had filled her soul. Now she felt no regret, no sadness, and no pain. She only felt her love for Jon.
Rob felt her hand go limp and its warmth begin to recede. He wiped the last of his tears from his face and stood. Before making any plans to move her body he sat at his desk and began writing the letter to Jon the she had requested. It was nightfall before he had finished and tied the small envelope to the raven's leg.
Later he watched has her body burn encircled by the men who had respected her.
Jon reread the letter over and over again making sure its contents had not changed. By the sixth time his resolve had broken and his despair and grief bubbled to the surface. Ghost sat in the corner as he watched his master destroy every piece of furniture in the room. He only moved when Jon crumpled into a heap on the bed, his head in his hands. Memories began flooding his mind; their first kiss, first fight, the first true night they spent together; and he began to weep.
Ghost whined looking at the open envelope as if its contents still remained. Jon grabbed the folded paper and began to tear it until he felt something solid. Shoving a hand into the torn parcel he felt something soft and familiar.
Clasped in Jon's hand was a rope of white twisted into a complicated braid, one Lily knew he could never he stared at the last remaining piece of her the white direwolf began to howl mournfully.