Author's Notes: So I thought they weren't quite done talking yet, considering the promo for 7x11. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter!

Chapter 2

The next morning, Jane woke with the sunrise. Lisbon still slept, exhausted from grief and emotional turmoil. She was holding on to his upper arm with both small strong hands, her expression troubled, and he realized she'd had as difficult a night as he had.

His heart went out to her. He'd never meant to hurt her again, but he'd managed to anyway. He could never be the strong partner she needed. He could never even pretend to be; he'd tried, and failed.

Maybe she would be better off without him. But he didn't want to break her heart again. If they were going to end this, it had to be her choice. He had to give her that. He had to give her as much as he could, even if it wasn't enough.

Besides, he didn't think he could walk away from her again. In the rush of grief at the funeral, he'd thought he could. But today, lying beside her listening to her breathe, he knew it would be like ripping his own heart out.

Carefully rolling to his side, he kissed her forehead and whispered her name. She seemed to relax, and he put an arm around her and held her, closing his eyes and thinking hard.

He loved her. All of her, even the parts that made her such a great cop. Maybe especially those parts, he admitted. Which just made it even more unfair for him to ask her to give up the job she was so good at and loved so much. He hated himself for being too weak to do as she asked and ignore the danger.

And yet she was considering changing jobs for him. She loved him that much. He was humbled and terrified by this evidence of the depth of her love, which he could never be worthy of. But since he wasn't strong enough to leave her, he'd have to pour his own heart into making her happy. He had to ensure she never regretted choosing him. He had to offer her a life so joyful and fulfilling that she never missed being an FBI agent.

He had to love her with his whole heart and stop hiding part of himself away. He had to stop clinging to his pain because he was afraid to let go of it, to find out who he was without it.

He just had no idea how to do that. But he suspected the only way to make sure he didn't pick it up again once he'd let go of it was to hang on to something else. Someone else.

Lisbon grumbled a little in her sleep and rolled over, burying her face in the pillow and taking the covers with her. Despite his somber thoughts, Jane smiled. She wasn't the easiest of bedmates. But then, he probably wasn't either.

He took it as his cue to get up, putting the kettle on. It was too early to call Abbott on a day when he wasn't working, so Jane decided to text. I need to meet with you today. Lunch? My treat.

The response came so quickly that Jane knew Abbott had already been awake. Breakfast. I have a flight to DC at 11. Lou's diner at 8.

See you there. Jane realized he was going to need to wake Lisbon, but not yet. He would let her sleep as long as he could.

They were all supposed to be resting, after all. The team was on stand down for a few days, to give them time to recover and regroup—and for the powers that be to assign a new rookie, Jane thought with a pang. Abbott was going to spend time with his wife, of course. Cho was probably going to pound out his regrets at the gym and lose himself in a good book. Wylie would probably find consolation in a video game.

And he and Lisbon needed to get away and think about their future. She didn't want the luxurious trip he'd planned, but she wouldn't object to a simple, no frills road trip.

Some place nice.

mmm

An hour later, Jane pulled the Airstream into the diner parking lot while Lisbon finished drying her hair. He hoped she was coming to see some of the advantages of his home on wheels, though he doubted she'd ever be a fan.

She was ready by the time he turned off the engine, and he held the door while she descended the steps. Then he followed her, locking up and offering her his hand, relieved when she took it. At least if they left the FBI, there would be no more need for secrecy, he thought.

They found Abbott sipping coffee in a corner booth. "Good morning," he greeted them, his expression more grave than usual.

Lisbon sat, her eyes glued to the coffee cup. "How are you doing?" she asked, her voice soft with compassion.

Jane waved the waitress over before sitting down.

Abbott sighed a little. "About as you'd expect. Not really in the mood to go house hunting, but I'll be glad to see Lena. How are you two?"

Lisbon glanced at Jane. "We're okay."

Jane turned to the approaching waitress and ordered a coffee with cream and sugar and a cup of Earl Grey. Then he looked at Abbott. "Funerals have a way of putting things in perspective."

"Yes, they do," Abbott said. "But a smart man like you knows that pain can skew that perspective. It's not a good time to make life-altering decisions."

"Rest assured neither of us will make any hasty decisions," Jane said, trying to keep his tone neutral so Lisbon wouldn't take it as impatience.

"But you're thinking of making changes." Abbott leaned back in his seat. "That's natural. It may even be necessary; obviously this team can't continue as we have been with your...conflict of interest."

"No," Jane agreed. "I've never made it a secret that I worked in law enforcement only for my own ends. It no longer serves my purpose, and in fact works against my peace of mind. I need to find a way out that doesn't make me a fugitive."

Abbott took a sip of his coffee. "Because you're worried someday it will be Lisbon."

"Yes. And I...I can't face that."

Lisbon said, "I'd like to see what other positions might be available with less field work. But I don't want to leave Cho in the lurch."

"Don't worry about Cho. I have a feeling he won't mind putting his own team together, as you did at the CBI," Abbott said. "And to be frank, his job might be easier without Jane. The only concern I've heard about his leadership is that their long association might mean he'd give Jane too much latitude."

He might at that, Jane reflected. Cho had always been up for one of his schemes, since the very beginning. Of course, Abbott had given him plenty of latitude, so he didn't see why that would be a concern.

"I'm starved. Let's eat," Abbott said.

They ordered, and Abbott said, "So, Jane, if Lisbon's safety wasn't an issue, would you consider staying?"

He shook his head. "I'm tired of death. I'm tired of seeing all the terrible things people do to each other for petty reasons. I need to move on, and I can't do that if I'm continually looking at murder victims and dealing with sociopaths. I want to...find some happiness in the world. That means cutting back on the death and misery."

"I hear you," Abbott sighed. "I feel the same way myself, some days."

"I want to be a better person," Jane said. "A more honest and stable person. This job brings out the conman in me. I can't leave that behind if I'm continually being forced to use those traits."

Lisbon was giving him a look of surprise and dawning realization. Well, he couldn't blame her for not realizing what a handicap the job was to his efforts to leave his past behind. He'd never articulated it before, and Lisbon viewed her job in such positive terms that she rarely if ever thought about the downsides.

"Look," Abbott said, "I can't claim to be objective here. I'm giving up a job I enjoy for the sake of my wife's career. But she's made sacrifices for me too. It's a give and take. It has to be. So whatever decisions you two make, just make sure you do it together."

"We're trying," Jane said.

"Take some time," Abbott advised. "Think it through."

"How much time?" Lisbon asked.

"A week. Then we'll talk. Okay?"

"Okay," she said.

"Fine," Jane said. "But I want you to know I don't think I'll be back."

Abbott shook his head. "Don't say I told you this. But get a psychiatrist to declare the job is exacerbating your PTSD. You can go out on disability."

Jane wondered why he hadn't thought of that. Possibly because he despised doctors of all stripes, but especially shrinks, and this plan involved talking to one, probably more than once.

"Lisbon, I'll look around for you. You'd be great at training, and you have administrative experience, so you should have plenty of options. Are you set on staying in Austin?"

"Not set on it, no," she said.

"That should make it even easier. I'll see what I can find."

"Thank you." Lisbon looked uncertain, but she wasn't nervous anymore. Jane knew that Abbott's understanding and tacit approval had gone a long way to reassuring her.

The rest was up to him.

mmm

They didn't go far, settling the Airstream into a camping spot near Lake Travis. They might run down to the coast later, but Jane didn't want to spend a lot of time driving. He wanted Lisbon to relax and get comfortable enough to really talk.

They ate dinner outside and admired the lake at sunset. Jane tried not to be obvious about observing Lisbon, but he got caught up in admiring how the golden light made her eyes even greener until she rolled them at him and said, "Stop staring, Jane."

"Sorry. But you are my favorite thing to look at."

"Flatterer."

"For once I am telling the unvarnished truth."

She smiled. "Good. Keep it up." Then she looked closely at him. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

He had to smile. She was getting very good at reading him. "I'm sitting here admiring my beautiful girlfriend."

"You're trying to get me to relax so we can talk. You think there are things I haven't told you."

"Aren't there?"

"Yeah. But there are things you haven't told me, too."

"I'll admit that. But I want to tell you everything. Maybe you'll trust me a little more if I answer all your questions."

"Maybe I'll trust you a little more if you stop talking about leaving me," she muttered, looking out over the water.

"I'm here," he pointed out.

"Only because I gave in to your demand that I change jobs."

"It wasn't a demand."

"Ultimatum, then." She seemed annoyed, yes, but also resigned. He didn't think she was changing her mind, but she was trying to make a point.

"Heartfelt request," he offered as a better description. "If you were a smoker and I developed asthma and asked you to quit or I'd have to move out, would you call that an ultimatum?"

"It's not the same thing."

"It seems an apt analogy to me."

"Of course it does."

He didn't care for her tone. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're never wrong, are you?"

"I am occasionally wrong, as you are perfectly aware." Jane took a deep breath to get himself firmly under control. "Teresa, I want us both to feel safe here. To know we can say anything to each other because beneath the hurt and frustration and anger, we both want this relationship to succeed. At least, I do."

"You think I don't? I'm not the one who's threatening to leave!"

She was already mad, he thought. He might as well say what he'd been wanting to. "No, you're the one using your job to keep this relationship from getting to the point where it might break your heart."

"Screw you, Jane," she spat. "We got there a long time ago. A long time ago."

"You've been using your job to sabotage relationships ever since you ran from Greg so you wouldn't end up like your father. So you wouldn't end up broken."

"When did you become a shrink?" Her mocking tone cut at him, but he'd expected that kind of reaction.

"I'm not saying this to hurt you."

"No, just to distract me from telling you how selfish you're being."

"If it makes you feel better, I'll stipulate to being a selfish bastard."

"How generous of you."

Jane was quiet for a moment. This wasn't the conversation he'd hoped to have. Maybe he should wait for a better opportunity. "What do you need me to say, Teresa?"

"Don't you know?"

"If I did, I'd already have said it." He sighed. "I'm guessing it's something along the lines of 'I'll never leave you again.'"

"Except you tried to just yesterday, so there's no way I'd believe you."

"I'm sorry for that. I was...overwhelmed. Not thinking clearly. I realized this morning there was no way I could leave you again. Not for long, anyway. It wouldn't hurt less if you died when I wasn't there. I'd probably drive myself crazy with guilt for not having been there to protect you."

She frowned curiously at him. "So if I decided to keep my job, you'd stay?"

Jane sighed. "Yes, Teresa. I would let you drive me slowly, permanently insane if you demanded it."

She looked at him for a long time, then reached out her hand to him. He took it immediately.

"I'd never ask that, Jane. I just...I guess I needed to hear that I'm not the only one prepared to make sacrifices for this relationship."

"You're not. This, us, is my priority, Teresa." He looked her in the eye so she could see his sincerity.

"Mine too," she said, swallowing hard. "You...you might have had a point, before. I don't know. Maybe I did use my job to avoid having serious relationships and getting hurt." She shrugged, then added, "If that's true, though, the joke's on me, right? Since my job brought us together."

"True." He had to smile at that.

They sat for a few minutes in the darkness, the sun having set unnoticed while they talked. Then Lisbon said, "Let's go in. I'm getting a little chilly."

Jane got up, pulling her into a hug. "I bet I can warm you up."

"No bet," she replied, leaning against him.

mmm

After they made love, Jane tucked her into his arms and held her, grateful beyond words that she was still with him. "I love you," he whispered.

"Mm. Love you too," she said, dropping a little kiss on his neck.

"I won't ask you to live here, you know."

"Good. This bed is crap, Jane," she yawned.

"I don't really like yours either," he admitted.

"You want a harder mattress? Maybe we should get one that lets us set our side the way we want."

"Not a bad idea," he said. "I'd like something a little bigger, too."

"A king size won't fit in that room."

"I wouldn't mind a bigger room, too."

Lisbon stopped breathing. "You want to get a place together?"

"Yes. I'd like us to buy a nice house and make a home together. Is that something you want?"

She whispered, "Yes."

"I'd still like to travel on vacations, but I want to make a stable, secure life with you," Jane said.

"Me too," she said.

"Would it make you more sure of my commitment if I gave you a ring?" His heart pounded as he waited for her answer.

Lisbon froze. "Is...that what you want?"

"Ultimately, yes. I assumed all along we would get married when we're ready."

"Is that...are you asking me now?" Her voice shook a little.

"No. Not right now. I'll do it properly," he assured her. "But, ah, if you plan on saying no, you could let me know ahead of time so I don't make a fool of myself. I'd really appreciate it."

"And deprive you of the fun of changing my mind?" she murmured.

"It's hard to have fun with a broken heart," he said.

"Yes, I'm aware."

He kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry."

"Just don't do it again," she yawned.

mmm

Three days later, Jane woke to sunlight streaming in and Lisbon huddled under the covers, only a few strands of hair showing. He smiled, tugging on a corner of the sheet to tease her. The growl that emerged made him grin, but he decided to get out of bed before he really woke her. She'd had enough of the Airstream by now, and he intended to walk to the little diner just outside the campground and get her a cup of fancy coffee before suggesting they relocate to a lovely hotel by the ocean.

He quickly dressed, wrote her a note sealed with a kiss, and stepped outside, stretching as he soaked up the sunshine and crisp morning air. It was a beautiful day, one he got to spend with Lisbon talking about their future. It reminded him a bit of the days he'd spent with Angela planning their escape from the carnival, only he was older and wiser this time.

He enjoyed his walk, returning with his offering in a paper cup with a spring in his step. As he neared the Airstream, though, he heard the familiar sounds of Lisbon's cell ringing.

The dread that settled over him refused to be lifted by his desperate theorizing that it was one of her brothers calling, or even Grace. He stopped at the door, listening.

"Yes, sir. Okay," he heard her say in her all-business voice, strong and clear. "It's going to take me an hour or so. Jane? I...I don't know. I'll ask, but..."

The uncertainty in her voice pained him.

He stood there, thinking furiously, until he heard the shower come on. Then he went inside, set her coffee on the table, and went back out, leaning against a nearby tree.

When Lisbon emerged, fully dressed and coffee in hand, he looked up and tried to smile.

She looked like she was bracing herself for disappointment. "Abbott called. We have a case."

"We're supposed to be off work," he pointed out.

"I know. But apparently this case involves a psychic."

Jane's heart sank. That sounded like a legitimate reason to call them in. "No such thing," he said, to buy himself time.

"A fake," she amended. "Of course. Abbott wants your input. But if he can't have that, he at least needs mine. I have some insight into the tricks of the trade."

"Yes, you do." He smiled fondly at her.

"So, uh...will you come?" She bit her lip.

Jane sighed. "Lisbon, a case involving a fake psychic isn't going to help me become a better, more honest man."

She nodded, not looking at him. "Okay. Should I call a cab?"

"No. I'll take you." He wasn't ready to watch her leave him.

"Thanks." She hesitated, then hugged him. "I'm sorry."

He hugged her back. "Be safe, Teresa."

"Can I call you? If I have questions or need some advice?"

"You can always call me for anything," he told her.

Her voice was muffled against his shoulder as she said, "I'll miss you."

He would miss her terribly, he knew. And who would look after her, make sure she ate decently and didn't overdose on coffee? Make sure she didn't break down the door of someone who would be all too likely to shoot at her?

She was safer when he was with her, he thought. How could he not do everything in his power to keep her safe? He would go crazy sitting around wondering what she was doing and if it was too dangerous.

"I'll go with you," he sighed.

Lisbon pulled back to look at him. "Really?"

"Yes. If you're going to be in the field, I'm going to be there too, looking for any oncoming trains."

"I'll try to stay off the tracks," she promised, her smile bright with relief. "Thank you."

He ushered her back to the Airstream. "When you're rolling your eyes at my brilliant plan, I'm going to remind you you said that."

"Fair enough." She turned around on the steps to give him a kiss.

Then they went inside together.