General Disclaimer of Everything: I own nothing.

Respectable Hobbits. Or: When Bilbo has had enough of Gandalf's meddling.

"And That's why we need a burglar." Ori finished explaining.

"And a good one, too. An expert, I'd imagine." Bilbo said.

"And are you?" Gloin asked.

"Am I what?" Bilbo replied, baffled.

"He said he's an expert!" Oin cheered, "Hey, hey!"

"Me? No, no, no." Bilbo protested. "I'm not a burglar. I've never stolen a thing in my life."

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins. He's hardly burglar material." Balin said.

Bilbo nodded furiously.

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." Dwalin pointed out, and the dwarves all break out into a furious argument.

"Enough!" Gandalf thunders. The dwarves subside in fear and awe, "If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is."

"Now, I say, Gandalf!" Bilbo protested, "You can call a stone an apple, but that doesn't make it any easier t eat! Now the truth of it is that I am a Baggins, and Baggins are respectable hobbits. They don't steal, and they aren't late for dinner, and they never, ever, run off on adventures! And the say so of some pompous- of some over egotistical - of some wizard!- is not going to change that!"

There was a ringing silence in the kitchen as the dwarves starred at the little hobbit in wonder. Bilbo turned very red in the face.

"I do beg your pardon," he said, "That was terribly rude. But I think you've pushed me quite past my limits tonight, Gandalf. Please allow me to show you all the door. Good evening."