This story is back, at least temporarily. Obviously I am not promoting underage drinking but I am seeking to make Bella's experience more realistic. I also want to highlight the value of female friendship and put some emphasis on the fact that not every single girl enrolled in high school is a shallow, mean airhead (in fact, not that many of them are). Reviews are always appreciated – thanks for sticking with this story. I promise it's heading somewhere soon.

I threw my truck into park in front of Jessica's house, suddenly feeling like a complete and total idiot as I looked down at my costume. My father had ensured me multiple times that it did not look stupid, but really, what did he know about Halloween costumes?

Pulling my lip into my mouth, my mind flew through the possible excuses. I could have been called to Florida for a great aunt's funeral, or I could've crashed my truck, or I could've gotten violently ill. As a matter of fact, now that I thought of it, I did rather feel like I was going to see my lunch reappear.

Jessica, of course, chose that moment to open her front door and wave me inside. She was half dressed in what looked like a cat costume, like a normal person. Out of time and excuses, I stepped out of my truck and headed up the front walk with my blue bag bumping against my hip.

"Hey!" said Jess, looking me up and down, "you're dressed as a…"

"Mailman. Or mail-lady, I guess," I finished for her, shuffling my feet and wishing the floor would open up and swallow me.

"That's awesome! Way more creative than mine," she said, tugging at her tight black top and making me feel just a bit more confident.

I followed her up the stairs into a bathroom off the main hall where she sat on the edge of the counter and began swiping on eyeliner like a pro. She paused for a moment, gesturing towards her enormous make-up bag. "You can use whatever, I don't mind."

I had swiped on my mascara in my own bathroom mirror, but that made up the extent of my make-up expertise. I swallowed the lump in my throat, a dozen afternoons spent as Alice's fashion experiment flashing painfully through my mind.

"If you just give me one sec, I'll put a little on you," said Jessica not unkindly, having caught the look on my face and misinterpreted it. I nodded, sitting down on the edge of the tub just to have something to do.

"Do you know who else is coming?" I asked, as Jessica turned and gestured me towards the mirror.

I held still as she propped the side of her hand against my face and slowly smeared the contents of a pencil she had plucked from her bag across my closed lid.

"Well obviously me, you, and Ange," she said, her voice drawn out in concentration. I waited, eyes watering slightly, and she did the same to my other eye.

"There!" she said, leaning back to examine her work. "I don't think you need much more than that." I smiled at her for what seemed like a compliment and turned to face myself in the mirror. Jess had a pretty skillful hand: my eyes looked huge but not like, raccoon huge.

"Lauren is on some big date," she explained, taking a straightener to her hair, "And you know Jason's usual crowd, Brian and them. Eric, Ben, and Tyler are meeting us there, and I'm sure there will be some sophomores and juniors too."

It was a bigger group than I'd expected. I wasn't tremendously disappointed that Lauren couldn't make it; she was always civil but standoffish towards me at our shared yoga classes. While Jess had warmed to (and forgiven) me quickly after I'd reappeared in our friend group, Lauren and I had been on shaky ground ever since I'd come to Forks.

I did, however, notice the not-so-subtle exclusion of Mike.

"Alright," declared Jess, pulling back to examine herself. Apparently pleased at what she saw, she carefully replaced the set of costume cat ears she'd been wearing when she'd waved from the door.

"Okay, so it's a really cool costume idea, but you've gotta loosen up a bit." Before I could question her, she was unbuttoning the top couple of buttons on my shirt and handing me a pair of leggings to replace the baggy pants. I figured it couldn't hurt and obeyed as my mind spun through the ways I could ask where Mike was. I couldn't sound too light or she might think I was hoping he'd come. If I sounded too serious and there was, in fact, something up, I didn't want to remind her and potentially bring on tears while her perfect make-up was about to head to a party.

"So," I began as I hopped precariously on one leg to tug the tights on, "is Mike coming?" I tried to sound nonchalant as I kept my back to her.

"No," she responded instantly, her voice clipped, " we're on a break."

I nodded, feeling like a fish out of water, unsure of what to do or say. I wished desperately that Angela were here, even though I'd talked her out of letting me third wheel with her and Eric in favor of driving to Jason's with Jessica. Angela would know what to say. Angela knew how to be a friend. I wracked my brain for what Ange might say if she was sitting on the side of the tub.

"I'm sorry," I said, hoping I sounded sympathetic, "do you want to talk about it?" That sounded right. That gave Jess the right amount of room. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it, but it was good to offer. Right?

"Not right now, maybe tomorrow. I just don't want to think about it tonight, ya know?" I nodded fervently. I did know.

"Besides," she declared as she made one last adjustment to her cat ears, "who needs boys anyways? Edward and Mike who? Let's just have a good night." She pulled me into her side and into a side hug as I reeled inside. It was the first time anyone had brought him up directly. The sound of his name felt like a punch in the chest.

My chest felt short of air for the length of the ride to Jason's. I bit back tears against the sensation of my lungs aching and tried to join in Jessica's half-singing-half-yelling along with the radio. She parked behind a couple of cars in front of his house and I tried to rally myself to go into a basement full of people.

My reach for the door handle was interrupted by Jessica's demand that I "wait!" and her dive into the back seat. She returned with two little amber bottles that clinked together in her hand. In a rush of shame and the not-so-inexplicable thought of what my father would say, I realized what they were. I stared at the one that had appeared in my hand while Jessica twisted the top off of hers.

"Let's just let loose tonight," prompted Jessica. With an even bigger rush of desperation, of excitement, I spun the top, feeling the metal scrape against the glass. I just needed to not feel. I just needed one night.

We clinked them together and I tipped it back down my throat, trying not to sputter as it burned and warmed its way down.

"I didn't take you for a whiskey kind of girl," laughed Jessica as she hopped from the car. My mind spun circles before I decided firmly against considering what I was doing or what kind of girl I was and stepped out of the car.

OXO

Our entrance to the basement was met with a loud greeting from Jason, who hugged us both with more exuberance than I expected. I felt a little warm and a little relaxed, though I couldn't be sure if I was imagining it.

I stood next to Jess as she scanned the room while I looked for Angela. She spotted me from across the room and made her way towards me, shuffling past people with Eric in tow and looking a little uncomfortable. For a split second I was afraid of what Angela might think if she had been in the car with us just before this, but I pushed the feeling away. She tossed her arms around me and I had the passing thought that she must be feeling whatever vibe Jason was on.

"You totally win most original costume! Mailwoman! How cool!"

I laughed at the statement and her sincerity and how ridiculously high school I felt. I rode this feeling right through nodding to Jessica's question of whether I wanted her to make me a drink.

With a red solo cup – god, what a stereotype – in hand, I trailed behind Angela and Eric as they chatted their way around the room. I was reminded of how much everyone in the room liked Angela, which she most definitely deserved in my mind. I sipped slowly on whatever Jess had handed me, reveling in the warm, loose feeling but making it last. There was the nudging thought in the back of my brain that I had no intention of going to the Black's the next day with a hangover. Jacob and I had plans to go hunting for some particular part for the Rabbit he was rebuilding.

The night began to blur by as I kept close to Angela and then sat out of some kind of card drinking game on the basis of my claim of not knowing how to play (which was certainly not a lie). I found myself listening to a girl from yearbook—Elyse—as she spoke happily about the upcoming swim season, where she expected to become team captain. She was fun to listen to: animated, unabashedly passionate about swimming and hoping for a college scholarship.

A loud shriek of laughter from across the room drew my attention over her shoulder. For the longest second, I made eye contact with Edward from where he stood on the far side of the basement, flawless and intense. I blinked once, the shock of it taking my breath away, and when I opened my eyes, he was gone. I scanned the room again, but he wasn't there. He never had been.

"Excuse me—" I gasped, sliding by Elyse and into the bathroom behind her. I shut the door and turned on the cold-water tap in the same motion. My heart was racing almost as fast as the air in and out of my lungs. Clamping my eyes shut, I let the freezing water run over my upturned wrists and tried to breathe slower.

A moment passed, and then another. I let my mind grind out a dial tone as my heart rate returned to baseline. Slowly, I turned my eyes to the girl in the mirror.

Reflected back at me felt like a strange version of myself against the backdrop of the barely finished basement bathroom. My cheeks were flushed, my pupils dilated within red-rimmed eyes. My hair hung around my shoulders and I could see my hands shake underneath the water.

Was I losing my mind?

Before I really had a chance to consider this question—and the consequences that the answer might actually be yes—the door opened and Angela poked her head through. She must've seen my hasty exit from the room, or perhaps Elyse had retrieved her.

"Hey," she said, giving me a concerned once-over. She slid herself in through the cracked door, followed closely by Jessica.

"Do you think you're going to be sick?" asked Jess at once, sympathy strong in her voice as she closed the door behind her.

"No," I sighed. I was suddenly, unexpectedly, grateful that they had come. Their presence seemed to normalize the situation, to normalize me.

"I just had a momentaboutEdward," I said, the words tumbling out all together. I couldn't possibly tell the truth - that I was what, hallucinating? Surprisingly, it was Jess that was quickest to react, her eyebrows pulling together sympathetically as she nodded in earnest.

"Girl, I feel. You're just going about your business, not thinking about him at all, and then, bam."

I nodded back. It was something like that – bam. But it's not the same! The thought came from a small, angry voice in the back of my head. Maybe it was true. My heartbreak and Jess's break with Mike might be on different planes (or in different universes), but did the scale of the emotion really matter that much?

"But you've got to get back out there! That's the point with anything, right? You just have to keep going on." I wished I wasn't as surprised as I was at Jess's wise words.

"Was I too obvious?" I asked, thinking of my bolt from the room, and then of that pitiful look on Jacob's face on that first night and cringing.

"No! You're so fine. C'mere," pitched in Angela, throwing an arm around my waist, "take a deep breath, and we'll all go back out there."

I gave myself one, long steadying breath as I tried to force myself into normal. Could I ever be normal again? What happened to the girl who stepped onto the plane in Phoenix? There was no going back from where I stood, of that much I was certain.

And then, with Jess in front of me and Angela behind, I headed back out into the room and towards a life that did not feel like mine.

Reviews are appreciated. Hopefully less time between chapters next time.