This is a new one-shot I came up with because of the chapter name of a fic that was updated a month or so ago. I don't remember the name of the fic, but the chapter name was 'Child Birth', I believe. All I remember about the chapter is that Jade is giving birth to Tori's son, and Tori passes out when she looks at the child being born.

If the author of the fic is reading this, I apologize for not remembering your name or your fic.

I hope this is humorous. It's AU. Tori and Jade are in their early twenties, Cat is Jade's doctor, Trina is still Tori's sister, and the guys are just friends. I thought it'd be fun to have Cat be the doctor.

Tori was born a futa, which going off of some fics SK Rowling wrote a couple years ago, is a woman who can grow male genetalia and impregnate another woman, while having a vagina and being able to get pregnant if with a guy. If I was misinformed in any way, no offence SK Rowling if you're reading this, I apologize. I mention this for something that comes up later in the one-shot.

Originally, this was only going to be the part in Jade's point of view. I added the Tori point of view part at the beginning to show her reaction to going into labor.

Disclaimer: I don't own 'VicTORious', the characters, or the inspiration for this.

Tori POV

"Babe?" I hear Jade yell from our bedroom in our house, the same house I grew up in, which my dad gave to us as a wedding present.

"Yeah?" I call from the kitchen, working on our dinner.

"It's time." Jade calls out, her voice getting closer to me.

"What do you mean? We don't have anything planned tonight." I ask as I put the spaghetti noodles in the pot and start pouring in the water.

"Not time for anything planned." Jade says, sounding behind me. "Remember nine months ago? When something else unplanned happened?" She asks.

"No." I say, confused as I put the pot on the stove.

"When we fucked during our anniversary? You knocked me up?" Jade asks, getting closer.

"Oh. Yeah." I say with a slight blush when I remember that night. "What about it?" I ask, about to turn on the stove.

"It. Is. Time." Jade says slowly.

"Wait, seriously?" I ask, turning around. "You're going into labor." I say, running around.

"Yes, I'm going into labor." Jade says, stopping. "Where's the bag?" She asks, leaning against the doorway.

"The bag?" I ask, looking around. "The bag!" I yell, running through the house. "I am not ready for this!" I call in a panic, freaking out as I run around the house.

"For the love of hell." Jade says, pushing off the wall with a groan. "I'm the one with a bun in the oven, yet she's the one freaking out." I hear her mumble.

"Found it!" I yell triumphantly, picking up Jade's old Gears of War bag and running out.

"Forgetting something?" Jade yells as I go to close the door.

"What am I forgetting?" I ask, looking around.

"Oh, I don't know." Jade says sarcastically, walking towards me with a slight groan. "Maybe your pregnant wife?" She asks, stopping in front of me.

"Oh!" I say, grabbing her hand and guiding her to the car.

"How am I the calm one here?" I hear Jade mumble as we go to my car.

Jade POV

"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" I yell, my hand squeezing the hell out of Tori's hand as I try to push our child out of me. "I'M GONNA CUT YOUR TINY FUCKING DICK OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!" I yell as I push.

"One more push, Jade." Dr. Valentine, my doctor, says as she watches the baby being born.

"Push, baby." Tori tells me, wincing in pain as I try to push our kid out of me. "And it's not tiny. It's almost eight inches long and you love riding it." She says smugly.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME YOU FUCKING BITCH!" I yell, glaring at her. "AND DO NOT TELL ME TO PUSH! YOU WEREN'T THE ONE TO GET KNOCKED UP AND CARRY THIS FUCKING THING FOR NINE MONTHS!" I yell, squeezing her hand harder. "AND IT IS TINY YOU BITCH! ANDRE'S IS BIGGER!" I yell, using the name of her best friend, an African-American guy she's known since she was in grade school.

"Hey!" Tori calls out, offended. "How do you know how big he is?" She asks, sounding jealous.

"Because I fucked him a month after you knocked me up." I say, in too much pain to care at the moment.

"No, you didn't. You're not a cheater and Andre's afraid of you." Tori says, glaring at me.

"Almost there." Dr. Valentine says. "One more big push." She says, glancing up at me over the glasses she has on.

"FUCKING HELL!" I yell, pushing.

"Here she is. A beautiful baby girl." Dr. Valentine says as I release Tori's hand, not able to enjoy her gasping in pain as she massages her hand. "Let me wash her up, and she's yours." She says, heading over to the small bath near where I'm laying.

"I think you broke my fingers." Tori says, gasping in pain.

"You took my virginity and knocked me up. Payback's a bitch." I say, breathing heavily. "You want another kid? You're carrying it." I tell her, wiping sweat off my forehead. "Ugh, you made me sweat too. I didn't even do that when you fucked me in the sauna a few months after I got pregnant." I say with a grimace.

"You'll live, Jade." Dr. Valentine, or Cat as I've known her since she's been my best friend since kindergarten, says as she comes over with my and Tori's now cleaned baby girl over to us. "Do you have a name for her yet?" She asks as she hands me our daughter.

"Tawni." I say, cutting off whatever name Tori thought of. "I carried her and pushed her out of my vagina, I'm naming her after my favorite horror movie character." I tell Tori with a glare.

"Then I get to pick her middle name." Tori says, staring at me smugly.

"Technically you already picked her last name, since you are her father." I say just as smugly. "God, I can't believe I'm soft now." I say quietly as I look at the resting newborn on my arms.

"I think we should name her Tawni Katrina Vega." Tori says, looking at our daughter, her index finger of her non-broken hand gently brushes against the baby's jawline.

"We are not naming her after your sister." I say, glancing up at her, my voice still soft. "Tawni Victoria Vega sounds nice though." I say, smiling at our slumbering daughter.

"How about Tawni Elitoria Vega?" Cat chimes in, grabbing some gauze and tape, walking over to Tori. "After your mom's middle name and Tori's full name? Since Tori's mom never accepted you two and your mother doted over you while you were pregnant and helped Tori prepare to be a daddy?" She asks me, wrapping Tori's hand in the gauze.

"I like it." Tori says, staring at our daughter.

"I love it." I say with a small smile, gazing at the newly christened Tawni Elitoria.

"You weren't serious about cutting off my dick, were you?" Tori asks quietly, staring at Tawni.

"Get me knocked up again and you'll have to get a sex change." I say, smirking at her.

"You're the one that wanted to have sex without a condom when you weren't on the pill. It's not my fault. I told you I was about to cum and you just kept riding me." Tori says, glaring.

"She's right though, Tori." Cat says as she wraps my wife's hand up. "Andre is bigger than you. He's almost eleven inches." She says knowingly.

"And you know this how?" I ask, creeped out at the information.

"We've been dating for a few months now." Cat says with a blush as she finishes Tori's hand. "I'll get you a prescription for Ibuprofen." She tells Tori.

"Why did you use Andre while screaming at me? Why not Beck?" Tori asks, staring at me as she gently massages her wrapped hand.

"He's a black guy. Not being racist, but black guys are known for being hung." I say, shrugging my shoulders.

"And the fact that he's my best friend has nothing to do with it?" Tori asks, grabbing a chair and setting it beside my bed to watch Tawni.

"It helped." I admit. "I'm exhausted. I'm taking a nap." I say, shifting slightly so I don't wake up Tawni as I lean back, shifting Tawni a bit as I close my eyes.

"Love you." Tori tells me as I start to drift off.

"Love you." I tell her, close to sleeping already.

Hope everyone liked the 'Elitoria' name I chose. I was originally gonna go with 'Jori' for her middle name, but 'Elitoria' sounded better with 'Tawni'. And I can see Jade name her daughter after the killer in 'The Scissoring'. Especially after carrying her and giving birth.

Thank you for reading, and please review. And please, no flames.

Staying a one-shot. Might be the first in a series of one-shots showing Tori and Jade growing up and living with their daughter. Idea for a series of one-shots based off of LushColtrane's 'After' series of one-shots. Not stealing his idea, to let that be known. It's just the inspiration. If you're reading this, LushColtrane, thank you for the idea, and I hope it's okay if I go through with it in the future.

Blessed Be.