Ahem.

Yup, I'm still alive. Jeez, sorry doesn't even begin to cut it... I just hope I can update at least once a month because I don't wanna keep you all hanging. I really don't. Life's just so energy-consuming and not so great and I have no idea how to get over everything. I'm not abandoning you guys. Never.

Act Twenty-Seven: the tide has turned

'So, what's the plan?'

Seth got called to Roman's office on Thursday, after he attracted negative attention due to various minor mishaps at work during the past week. It's not his fault – there is just so much on Seth's mind and he can't stop thinking about Dean and what he wants in his life, what his future should hold for him –, so naturally, his work smarts under his inner turmoil.

He definitely loves Dean with every fiber of his heart but he's still not sure if his crush didn't fake a lot of the things they had. Though, by now, he's convinced that Dean said the truth on Saturday when he caught them all off guard with his confession. However, Seth is aware that his friend admitting his feeling doesn't equal an interest in a relationship or a shared future. And since this is Dean, he's learned not to pry too much because he wants to give him time to come to terms with everything before he pushes and pushes and ruins it all before it even started.

Seth takes off his glasses to rub tiredly over his face, asking helplessly, 'What do you mean?' All of his plans kind of went bust and he is left with the broken fragments of what used to be his life. Seth still has that dorm room waiting for him because his Plans A to Y just won't come out of their protective shell to beg him not to leave.

Roman kindly refrains from rolling his eyes, stating the obvious. Not that Seth wants to hear any of it. 'College, wrestling, Cyberfights? What's it gonna be?'

Seth heaves a sigh, putting his glasses back on to play around with the sleeves of his shirt. Even though he left his family behind, he is still hiding that wrist tattoo. Weird how old habits die hard, isn't it? Instead of sitting here in this comfy chair and having to endure a question from Roman, he would much rather love to ask the other what he is intending to do with Dean. No one ever talks about this with him. How is he supposed to come to a decision when he is left in the dark about the most important things?

'You can't keep him hanging forever.' Oh, nice deduction, Sherlock. Just that it's completely wrong. Seth isn't the one with the secrets. Well, not the big ones. Okay, scratch that, but he could still cancel college and give up his scholarship if he hears just one word. Stay. That's all Dean needs to say.

'Who?' he asks even though he already knows the answer. He just wants to draw this moment out a bit longer to see if Roman accidentally lets something slip. But all his friend does is indeed give in to the urge to roll his eyes annoyed at him while groaning, 'Dean.'

'I don't understand,' he replies, seriously at a loss what to do. Hasn't he made it pretty clear that he wants Dean, the whole thing? He's not the one holding back information or stalling for time to scheme against his number one contender. Roman shouldn't ask him all this nonsense. No, he should answer Seth things like why won't you leave Dean alone? Why do you keep dragging him back into your orbit? Why won't you give me a chance to be happy with him? And most importantly, why can't you let him go after you blew your chance?

Rome stares at him unforgiving for a whole eternity before letting him off the hook by inquiring, 'Will ya stay or leave?' Maybe his Samoan friend thinks that this is the one million dollar question but it isn't. There was never any doubt about his resolve to throw everything away if Dean agrees to give them a real chance. There is something else standing in their way and it isn't just Roman.

'That's not the thing I'm worried about.'

'His job,' Rome rightly assumes, rubbing over his bearded chin. They both don't address the other elephant in the room. It's downright pathetic how they dance around this, avoiding to admit to each other that they're bitter rivals and that only one of them can win over Dean. 'Think it'd be easier if ya work here too?'

He shrugs, looking down to no longer see those warm, brown eyes directed at him. Who can really tell what would happen if Seth would accept Hunter's offer? 'I don't aspire to be a porn actor. No offense.'

Roman smiles mirthlessly, waving it off. 'None taken, kid.' It's painfully quiet after that. His co-worker is staring out the window at something that isn't there while Seth tries to listen to his inner voices to determine if he has it in him to be a part of the Cyberfights family, to be together with Dean, knowing that he will never be truly only his. How do other people do it? Seriously, he needs to know how to keep that jealousy, that hopelessness at bay. He wants to be grown up enough to simply shrug it off whenever he sees Dean having sex with someone else but he isn't. For Christ's sake, he is only eighteen and all this is way too much for him to handle.

The downsides of loving a porn actor, especially one whose best friend loves him too.

'Are you working on dealing with it?' Yes; it's all he thinks about when he walks through the glass doors of the company, when he helps adding the finishing touches to a video, when he eats in the canteen with everyone, listening to Dean and Roman making jokes while he is barely able to swallow his food.

Dean needs time to decide who he is going to let in; just like Seth needs time to wrap his mind around his crush's peculiar sex life. He may have started with lusting after Jon Moxley, the porn guy, but he completely fell for Dean, the one behind the mask. Seth can't quite explain why that is such a difference and what it means but this is his reality now.

'I'm trying,' he admits honestly, because he really does give his best. It's just not as easy as people might think. Roman shakes his head immediately; it's also not good enough for him. Well, sorry, that is all Seth has to offer.

'I told you not to hurt him.' Okay, big dog, back off. Rome should know that that was never his intention and at the moment Seth is the one feeling like crap. 'I'm not,' he defends himself, almost pointing his finger at the real culprit in the room.

His friend makes a face that clearly expresses not yet and it pains Seth more than anything else because it means Roman has zero faith in him and is a hundred percent sure that Seth will screw up and leave Dean heartbroken. But how could he if he doesn't even know for sure what exactly it is they're having?

And excuse him, but isn't Mr Righteous here the one hurting everyone? Seth with his inability to set his ex lover free and Dean with keeping him from making his own decisions by clinging to him like a second skin.

'You up to referee again?'

What an odd, unexpected change of topics. And the intense gaze directed at him should warn Seth that there's something cooking, something he can't grasp yet. But he's young, foolishly in love and desperate to prove he's mature enough to deal with Dean's job.

'Now?' he breathes, standing up to show he is ready day and night. It's just unfortunate that he still sounds as if Roman is sentencing him to death with that offer, proving to the other exactly what he was predicting this whole time.

His on and off brother shakes his head, hesitating only for a second before announcing, 'Tomorrow.' It's a trap of some kind, he can feel it, but he won't let anyone take Dean away from him. They should have their long overdue serious talk tonight and this time he won't let anything come between them. No more excuses. No more secrets and lies.

'Dean?' he wants to know, just to be sure Roman doesn't think it's safer to assign him to another wrestler.

'Of course.' The way he says it makes Seth stop at the door and look back at his friend but the other is already on the phone and waves him impatiently out of his office, so he can go back to work. As long as Dean hasn't made a decision there will always be this seething rage keeping them from being as close as they should be. Seth loves Roman like the brother he never had, he really does, but–

He sighs, toddling through the floor without any real aim. Rome and Seth could be such a great team, if they wouldn't both love the same man. He's been nagging Dean for weeks now but it's time to give the man a real ultimatum. No one in their little brotherhood is fair to the other two and this needs to stop. Hopefully he can live with Dean's decision – whatever it will be.

Later that evening they are sitting on the couch, finally catching up on How To Get Away With Murder, eating a surprisingly delicious vegetarian Lasagna Dean picked up from the store. The framed picture of Roman and Dean on the sideboard is mocking him, upsetting Seth more and more with each passing second. At one point he presses the pause button because he can't keep quiet anymore. He's been on pins and needles ever since he agreed to step in the ring once more. 'I'm going to referee again.' Here's to him not having another meltdown in front of the camera.

Dean looks up from his plate, cocking his head – definitely remembering how this ended the least time. And ta-da, there's the guilt in the blue eyes again. 'Really?' Yes, don't sound so astonished. Jeez. 'You hoping for more action, now that we can legally show you?'

Funnily, he hasn't even thought about that yet, but Dean is right. Seth could now push his friend's opponent out of the way – once the match is finished – and finally claim what he has been wanting for years. No one could get sued or in trouble anymore. Oh, the possibilities that present themself. It's the first time today he can smile honestly and wiggles his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. 'Well, if you put it like that.'

Dean snorts and takes another bite, calling him a cutie patootie before querying with a full mouth, ''N who's the unlucky passenger in Jealous Gixx Air?' Huh, he didn't even ask Roman who would touch his crush while he is reduced to stand next to them and let it happen. That's why it felt like a trap.

'No idea,' he admits, putting his empty plate on the table, the tv completely forgotten. 'Does it matter?' Is there maybe someone Dean prefers to shoot with? Someone who could be a competition for Seth too? God, he's turning into someone he never wanted to be. Envy doesn't suit him. And he really doesn't want Dean to call him Jealous Gixx from now on.

Dean just smiles all of his worries away, waving his full fork around and dropping some sauce on Seth's pants, exclaiming teasingly, 'Nah, ya only got eyes for me anyway.'

He wishes that wouldn't be so true. Just remembering that last time Dean never tore his gaze away from him, not even during intercourse, lets the heat shoot to his cheeks again. 'You're one to talk,' he retorts, glad to see he can still joke about all of this. Though he has to admit that his chest is getting tighter the longer his dread has time to grow.

'Any special wishes?' Marry me. Okay, okay, something less creepy and more doable would be pretty nice. No need to scare Dean off just yet. He still wants that talk. 'Forget the other guy and–'

His crush starts laughing out loud, squeezing Seth's knee. 'You'd like that, huh?' Yes. Yes, he would. 'I hate to repeat myself but no virgins, hot stuff.'

If that is the only thing standing in their way, they could change that minor detail right now, like Seth has fantasized about so often already. And tomorrow he would be mentally prepared to share this intimate moment with the world.

Wow, look at him. Lying to himself just to be close to Dean. As if he would suddenly be fine with starring in adult movies just because he likes the company. He said it to Roman a few hours earlier and he means it, Seth wasn't born to work in the porn business. Not as an actor at least. Best not to think about it though.

It's scary what he would be willing to do to keep Dean in his life. Love really makes blind and stupid. But wanting to do it all and actually ending up doing it are two different things and at the moment Seth is stuck between those two options.

Time to try a different approach. He has to tread cautiously here or else Dean will bolt once more. 'Hey, remember that kissing lesson I wanted to have?' 'How could I ever forget,' Dean counters, muttering in his boots, 'with you constantly nagging me bout it.' Sorry for trying to advertise myself, goofball.

'I could really use that now,' he demands, feeling a wave of bravery run through him, making him bold enough to say the next words. 'So I will know what to do on camera tomorrow.' It's not asking for the highest form of intimacy and they have kissed before. Seth thinks this is an appropriate suggestion to ensure he and Dean share some quality time. You know, to remind him that he can have fun with him too, not just with Rome.

His friend though snickers and grins at him, his tone half-proud and half-mocking. 'Why don't you surprise me for a change?' Smart. Leaving it to Seth to make the first move instead of relying on the boost of confidence portraying Jon Moxley gives him. If only being Gixx would have the same effect on Seth, but sadly, he's the same clueless dork in the ring than he is right now.

Dean won't play his game, he's realized that and for now, Seth gives up. There are more important things anyway and losing his virginity in a rush because of a porn shooting isn't exactly what he envisioned, so he shrugs, using the sudden comfortable silence to regroup.

'Hey Dean?' he mutters after a while, readjusting his sitting position to be able to directly look at his friend. Dean can tell this is serious and sets his plate down, though he is not yet finished with his meal. 'Hm?'

'I think we should talk.' There, he said it. No stopping him now, no matter what tricks his friend will pull out of his sleeve to distract him. They have both said the l-word and promised to never leave the other alone, so they should finally discuss Roman's role in their complicated relationship.

'We are,' Dean replies hesitantly. He already knows where this is going – Seth can see it – but they both need to hear someone put it into words. 'No. About us.'

His heart beats in his throat and he's sure Dean can see it pumping blood through his veins at full speed, the palms of his hands getting sweaty. His crush doesn't look like he is fond of the idea but he also doesn't seem eager to postpone this any longer. Still, he won't move his lips to answer which irritates Seth more than anything.

'I know you are nowhere near ready for it but I need answers. I can't go on like this,' he tries to explain his wish for clarity, feeling so much better, now that that is out in the open. Whatever happens from here on, Dean is aware of his problem and together they can work it out. He doesn't believe it can get any better than this, but when his crush whispers a defeated okay he can't stop the smile from splitting his face in half.

'Really?' Because he doesn't want to press Dean hard or force him to act with precipitation. Nothing good can come out of that. And it is kind of suspicious how easy it was to get his desired conversation after all the previous failed attempts.

Dean gets up and puts the rest of his food in the trash, suddenly looking very pale – downright sick, to be honest – brows furrowed, hands hidden in his jeans pockets. 'Yeah,' he mutters distractedly, sounding everything but certain. 'Just– I really hate to ask, but would you give me one more day? I promise, cross my heart and hope to die, tomorrow you'll get whatever you ask for. I, uh, I need to talk to someone first.'

If that isn't a mood killer, Seth doesn't know what else could be. As if Roman will tell Dean yeah, follow your heart 'n have a relationship with a boy who's not only a virgin but has been a fan of you for years, broke down while you were on the job and can't come to terms with the fact that you're a porn actor. Sure, go 'n get your heart broken another time cause he'll leave you sooner or later. It's written in the stars, man. I'm the better choice but Imma let him ruin ya cause I'll be there to pick up the pieces.

What if that person isn't Dean's best friend though? Does that even make sense? Who else would Dean wish to talk to in a situation like this? Please tell him there is not another guy involved. 'Rome?' he wants to know, just to hear the confirmation that there's only the Samoan who will do everything in his power to convince Dean to choose him for the second time.

His friend blinks, fury and disbelief flashing through his eyes and Seth knows he not only said the absolutely wrong thing, but he also used to entirely wrong tone. 'No,' is all Dean replies gruffly, changing into boxer shorts and wifebeater to get ready for bed. Seth slips into the bathroom with him, brushing his teeth before spitting into the sink and murmuring timidly, 'Tomorrow night then.'

Dean simply hums, already on his way out of the small room when he stops to turn around and remark in a gravelly voice, 'You have my word.'

His crush won't break this vow, won't just stay out all night to avoid him. In twenty-four hours Seth will get his talk. Now he has one day to decide if he can deal with Dean's job. Maybe Roman was doing him a favor when he assigned him another shooting, so Seth could find a solution to this problem at the only place he can get one.

Only if he is able to make it through the shoot without going on a killing spree, if he can watch Dean together with other guys, seeking solace in the knowledge that he is in a committed relationship with Seth outside of work, only then is he in any position to demand an answer from his crush.

'Hey, Dean?' he repeats while they climb into bed, getting another enervated hum in response. As soon as the lights are out, Seth can feel Dean's exhaustion almost wearing him down too. But as long as he hasn't turned his back on him, his friend is still willing to have a conversation. Theoretically. It takes all his willpower to ask timidly, heart hammering in his chest, 'Would you mind pretending to be my boyfriend for one more night?' If it all ends here, then Seth wants Dean to always remember what it was like to be with him.

The lightness is back in Dean's tone as he looks over to him in the bright neon light shining in through the window, snickering, 'Whaddya have in mind?'

It's now or never, Seth, so grab the bull by the horns, don't force yourself too much on him and just enjoy the moment. After all, it might be his last chance. 'This,' he blurts out before his body jerks into motion and he launches himself at Dean, stealing a rather clumsy kiss from the love of his life.

Strangely, it's as if Seth hit a very raw nerve and Dean's whole self-control flies out of the window the moment he reciprocates his needy feelings. Seth can already tell that this is not going to end in sex – Dean will come to his senses before anything can happen – but, this time, the make-out session isn't just a fragment of his dreams. It is finally real.

So is the embarrassing fact that he comes in his pants rather prematurely, after Dean simply rocked his hips against Seth's a couple of times while gently biting into his earlobe. Before he can jump out of bed mortified, Dean holds him at his wrist, tugging at it until he reluctantly lies back down.

He doesn't know why his friend won't let him get rid of the shameful evidence that screams I'm a horny, inexperienced teenager that needs to get laid and to make it all worse – or better, Seth can't quite decide – Dean runs a finger over the stains in his underwear, licking it clean right in front of his eyes. Which try to fall out of their sockets because Dean is sucking some of his semen off his own skin and that just breaks Seth's brain completely. That his crush is grinning amused makes everything even more authentic, even though Seth wishes now he would be dreaming. Not in his wildest fantasies did he imagine Dean to do that. Moxley, yes, but Dean?

How ironic that they both get a taste of something in this very moment. Dean gets to know Seth's unique flavor while he catches a glimpse of what he could have if they ever take the next step in their rocky friendship.

This is what he could come home to at night, after a long, hard day at work for the rest of all eternity. And God, Seth wants that more than anything else in the entire world. There is only one very awful obstacle lying in their way. Sharing Dean with dozens of other men because job or not, it is real sex and Dean has had a relationship with one of his co-workers already.

At least Roman doesn't shoot with his crush anymore.

His fatal mistake was not checking who Dean's opponent would be. Probably because he was still high and delirious from last night's events, too stoked to prove the world that he was ready to fight for his love. He should have looked at the scripts for today or at the schedule but Seth only had eyes for Dean and, in the end, that was their downfall.

Of all the people working here, all the guys Seth would have maybe tolerated to help him overcome his jealousy, it had to be Roman walking through the door. The one person who is a threat to Seth's whole existence and who can easily replace him. All this time, Seth thought he was safe from Roman in the ring, thanks to a woman he never met, but now everything seems to have changed. The wife's menace seems to no longer be effective. So that was the reason for the bad feeling he couldn't shake off.

The Samoan could have told him yesterday in his office that he is Dean's partner, that someone decided to give Leakee and Jon Moxley another chance. Perhaps because Seth refused to do more than just referee, maybe because people lost interest in him. Or Roman thought that as long as Seth won't do it, it's his chance to make a move.

He can't even blame him for that attitude. It's just that tonight was supposed to be his big celebration night. Dean wanted to finally justify himself and he felt good enough to show his friend – and everybody else – that Dean's job would one day be only that for him; a way to pay the bills and nothing more.

But with Roman back in the picture, the whole game has changed and Seth is losing big-time.

He feels nauseous and has to swallow down the bile every time he has to touch the inked, darker toned skin because that's what Gixx is supposed to do. Dean stays in his role a bit too easily, giving both of them the same amount of his attention, though Seth likes to believe that the pleading gazes he throws at him whenever the camera's angle doesn't catch their faces are supposed to say that he is sorry about this.

Too bad that it doesn't help Seth. He is already falling into a dark hole, no way out in sight. And the worst part about this is that he is all alone in there, the light Dean shone upon his life gone.

The match only lasts a few minutes but to him it feels like an aeon, like he is once again bound to these ropes by chains and every time Dean – or Moxley – tries to get close to him, Seth involuntarily breaks character and steps aside. So what if he's acting like Dean cheated on him? Even if he should ruin the shooting with this performance, he doesn't care anymore.

Roman knew very well that seeing Dean with him, Seth could only come to one possible conclusion. That he can't do this. Especially not with the Samoan forcing himself on them.

That he manages to stay in the ring for the whole seven minutes and forty-eight seconds is a small miracle but as soon as Miz calls referee out of the ring, he's gone, running around the building without a destination. Surprisingly, he ends up in Roman's office, half expecting the man to be there so he can scream and cry and ask him why he had to hurt Seth like this.

He can't even say what kills him more. That Roman was aware he would be Dean's partner, asking for Seth to be their referee nonetheless or that he found out he can't watch his Dean f– fuck other guys. He never will be able to do it. Not even if he reminds himself over and over that it's just Jon Moxley, a character and not his boyfriend.

Luckily, the very man he wants to tear apart enters his office at that moment, looking not in the least ashamed. And he's even still walking around half-naked, as if Seth needs another reminder of what he has just done with the love of Seth's life. He can even see the sweat glistening on the dark skin and his brain roars in pain, telling him that there is also Dean's mixed in it. At least he's infinitely grateful that Roman put on some pants, so he doesn't have to see the semen stains that would surely cause another mental breakdown.

There are so many questions tightening his throat, so many accusations swirling around in his head and Seth has to furiously rub over his temples to get them in some kind of order. As soon as he's made it through his murderous phase, he stares hard at his friend and bellows, 'I thought your wife forbid you to ever shoot with Dean again.'

How can Roman double-cross her and Seth alike, dragging his best friend – hopefully against his will – into his mess? Why can't he just let go?

The Samoan seems to be genuinely taken aback by his question, running a hand through his wet hair. 'She left me. Dean didn't mention?'

It's Seth turn to gape at the man, blinking multiple times to clear the thick fog in his head. So that is why Roman refused to back off. Because he is free once more and willing to fight for Dean's affections, no matter the consequences. But why did Dean hide this from him? It's the single most important thing that has ever happened in their weird love triangle and everybody deliberately kept the truth from him.

'No,' he admits in a hushed whisper, sagging down on the chair, all hatred towards his friend gone. Now he can see why Roman and Dean also shoot together again; it's something he would never be able to accomplish. But he can't lose Dean to Rome. Not after everything they went through together.

There's a sympathetic sigh and Seth grimaces, disgusted by Roman's reaction. His whole world is falling apart due to him realizing that he can't be together with Dean as long as he still works as a porn actor and that Roman is back in the game, leading with a million points already and that man has the audacity to pity him?

'Creative wants to see if we still have chemistry,' comes the stupid explanation Seth doesn't even want to hear. 'And if the people out there are still into us.' To know that it's because he has been too hesitant to accept the job or return Mox' sexual advances is one thing. Hearing that it's partly his own fault that the dream team is back together now, is so much worse.

'Of course they are,' he whines, hiding his face in his hands. He can't look at Roman anymore. Seth probably won't even be able to meet Dean's gaze head-on any longer. His whole life turned into a nightmare and he just wants to wake up. But no matter how hard he pinches himself, it won't work. He is trapped in his own personal hell. 'You two have great chemistry. It's one of a kind.'

'I'm not the only one with that connection to Dean,' Rome reminds him with raised eyebrows, giving Seth the impression he too doesn't really know if he should get rid of his competitor or simply embrace him as the brother he has become.

'I could never do that.' Seth has all the respect in the world for everyone who works here at Cyberfights or any other porn agency and he might not know what the future holds for him but there is one thing he never wants to do and that is shooting adult movies himself. Being referee is all fun – well, definitely not lately – yet he enjoys just wrestling way more.

He is not quite sure if Roman has a reply for him or if he's as speechless as Seth but his silence is upsetting him because he should tell Seth now that he is stupid for thinking like this. He simply has to try it out more often and things will get easier. But there is nothing because secretly, Rome doesn't mind him staying away.

Seth stares at the pants covering his friend's pelvis for an inappropriate amount of time before deciding to get some clarity before he has the serious talk with Dean tonight. 'You once said he would stay here for me.' 'Which he did,' Roman grunts, still sounding pretty miffed about it. Hey, Dean is old enough to make his own decisions. He blew those tryouts because he wanted to, not because Seth begged him to.

'But he won't give up his job for me too, will he? Dean will never be exclusively mine.' That is the real issue here. He could somehow deal with Roman and his infatuation, he would even fight twice as hard as the Samoan to win Dean over, but he can't do that if Dean continues to sleep with myriads of people, and particularly Roman, right before he slips into bed with Seth. Any other job here at Cyberfights would be fine, but it had to be an actor he fell for.

'I'm sorry.' It is not the answer to his question, yet everything Seth needs to hear. Tears shoot to his eyes but he aggressively bites them back. Roman shouldn't see him cry – he would understand immediately. This is the end. He knew it would come to this but he still had hoped so badly that fate would be kind to him. It's better to make a painful cut than draw out the agony.

His body goes numb when he mutters, voice completely void of any emotions, 'I think I should go to college.'

Roman's stubborn silence turns into a furious one; Seth can feel the heat his friend emanates suffocating him. 'You should stay and continue to wrestle. Dean's really taking a liking to that wrestling school thing. It was your dream too, ain't that right?'

God, it was just a desperate and dumb attempt to bind Dean to him. Doesn't matter now, if Roman gets to sleep with his crush again – the foreplay happening right with Seth standing next to them – his chances of winning this tug of war increase tenfold. No wonder Dean was only ever up to some innocent making out. It's clear now. He saved himself for Roman.

Seth has made his choice, he is done with Cyberfights and this pissing contest. So, now he has lost not only his biological family but also everyone else. Awesome. 'No, I should go.'

'Don't make a mistake and live to regret it.' That Roman tries to talk him out of this is so absurd that he wants to laugh but the sound gets stuck in his throat. This is, by far, the worst day of his life and he has been through so much horrible things in the past week.

Hopelessness and despair cloud his judgment, yet he is able to have one last coherent thought. 'Does he love me? Really love me? Like, more than anything else in the world?' Seth wants a straight response; only the knowledge that he has a tiny chance with Dean could change his mind now. Should he be fighting a lost battle, he can save himself the heartbreak.

Roman wipes a strand of hair out of his face and sits down on the edge of his desk, sucking on his bottom lip for a second before shaking his head. 'Seth, that ain't my confession to make.' After everything he has said and done, this is where he draws the line? What kind of screwed up principles are those?

He is confused, insecure, disappointed and exhausted all at once. This whole situation is making him feel dizzy and knocks the wind out of him. The walls of the room seem to come closer; he has to get out of here, away from Roman and Dean. 'I– I need some air.'

Seth is already at the door – and predictably, Roman didn't immediately try to hold him back, what a shocker – when his co-worker reminds him casually, 'There's air everywhere.'

No, there isn't. There is no place for him here; there probably never was. His crush for Dean was never more than that. Puppy love. A pretend friendly turn. What Seth needs now is a fresh start far away from here. Roman knew from the get-go that this whole situation would end in tears and broken dreams but Seth never imagined it would be his world shattering into a million pieces, that he would be the weak one.

He rushes back home, no, back to the apartment he only recently got the keys for and packs his stuff in a hurry – before his friend will return and try to reason him out of it, promising him things he will never be able to fulfill anyway. Seth has wasted four years to something he could never have, so the only logical thing to do is go, make plan Z into the only one he has. Leaving is easier than being left behind.

With tears streaming down his face, he puts the key on the table before walking towards the door. He would love nothing more than to stay and forget what happened but he can't do this anymore. He can't hope for Dean to give up his beloved job just for him. Can't watch Dean do this day in, day out. Can't ignore anymore how badly he's aching whenever Dean isn't with him. And he sure as hell can't stand the sight of Dean and Roman together. To think he once practically devoured the videos of Leakee and Jon Moxley makes him want to vomit on the picture of the three of them.

With a last glimpse at the calendar hanging next to the entrance he closes the door on all that could have been but never was, on Dean and the happy, fuzz-free life he had here. Seth sure won't ever forget the day his heart got ripped out of his chest, forcing him to run away from his true home – from Dean. June second is his new arch enemy.