4:33am. My eyelids felt like they were pinned open as the sound of the typewriter reverberated in my head, each tick was another second I hadn't slept. I could smell the coffee and cigarettes from all the way across the apartment, and I could hear the exhausted sighs that Ezra gave off every three seconds, he'd been doing this for the last two hours. Slowly I wandered over towards him, the apartment floor was like ice under my feet, "Ezra?" I asked softly, his hair was like a bush had sprouted on his head and huge bags hung under his eyes, you could see the tiredness on her face.

"I can't do it," he sighed, not turning away from the typewriter, "I can't write it, I thought I could but I can't! I've put four years into this story and it took over my life and there is no point to it anymore", he looked viciously at the typewriter, like he blamed the typewriter for his inability to write, his eyes were filling with tears and his voice croaked with every syllable,

"Come to bed! You'll feel better in the morning, I promise" I turned and started to lead the way back to bed but Ezra didn't stop staring at the typewriter, like he was trying to use telekinetics to write his book "Ezra, you've been writing that one chapter for three hours, and so far you've gotten seven words, and 50 crumpled up pieces of paper in the trash can, I love you and that is why you need to sleep" I was almost in tears too, I wiped a line of snot from my nose as Ezra sniffed, then nodded and then trudged his way towards the bed. He pulled his shirt cautiously over his head while he was walking revealing his gunshot wound in his left abdomen, then he just threw himself into the pile of covers.

"Sorry" he said, his eyes were closed and he looked peaceful,

"What for?"

"For lying to you" he had a sympathetic tone to his voice, which I appreciated considering the fact that he was half asleep while he was talking

"Its okay" I smiled goofily at him

"I love you" he yawned, and the most unattractive facial expression danced across his face, with his eyes and mouth completely out of proportion and his nostrils flared. When his mouth opened the smell of coffee and cigarettes hit me one last time. I kissed his forehead gently and then all I could hear was the deep breathing of him sleeping. I put my hand on his face and cautiously traced each detail of his face while he slept, each crease and dot of stubble and each line and each facial feature, and all I could think was how much I wanted to draw him, or how much i wanted to draw in general. I glanced at the electric clock on Ezra's bedside table 5:00am, I have an hour before the alarm will go off. Another hour where my eyes are heavy yet it feels impossible to close them, because every time I closed my eyes all I saw was Shana's body. I couldn't get it out of my head and it just kept becoming worse and worse. I was worried I would never get over this, or A would find out and make my life a living hell.. not like it wasn't already.