Hi guys its tontonte here!

So there's a bit of bad news and a bit of good news GOOD NEW FIRST IM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS STORY!

I figured everyone needed a little notice on why I have not updated in like a year (I think more than that oops) and so first off yeah I'm not abandoning this story :)

So lets get the bad news over with I guess...

I'm officially announcing this story's hiatus... (IM SORRY GUYS!) I know I kept saying I'll update but I really haven't and I've been getting like 5 hours of sleep every day (I'm not even watching any anime or reading manga or anything either... *surprise*) I'd say it might go on until summer, and I can hopefully then catch a break and get back into writing...

I know, I'm sure all of you are thinking "dammit why's another story I'm reading going on hiatus!?" and most likely everything I'll say will just sound like an excuse...

and also I'm posting a bit of a mini rant here as well because I really just need to... THERES MORE IMPORTANT INFO AT THE BOTTOM SO IF YOU DONT CARE FOR THE RANT PLEASE SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM!

***SKIP THIS PART IF YOU DON'T CARE FOR MY DUMB SOB STORY I mean honestly you should probably just skip it its just me ranting to try and get over stress***

So I'm a high school student right now, and studies are killing me (help) for one. Second of all, I've also been having a lot of personal problems. My grandfather recently passed away, and I just hate it when people I really love leave and everything. All my relatives live in Taiwan, and so when my parents got the news, my dad booked the plane ride back as soon as possible. I was out in a school event when this happened, but I just remember getting home and hearing my dad sobbing in his room. Honestly it was one of the scariest things to me because my dad, well, lets just say I've never heard him cry before.

We left to Taiwan soon after my dad left, and it was a very long and traditional funeral. There's not many things in this world that I hate, but one of them is people I care about crying and feeling upset. Honestly, I was trying really hard not to cry the entire time because everyone else was so upset and believe me, I was too, but I wanted them to have some comfort, and I guess that I was trying to comfort them in any way I could, since my aunts, uncles, grandmother, they've all known and loved my grandfather so much longer than me and-

Anyway, other than that, the theatre I was a part of, I also had a show going on, and I was basically the one in charge of all the little kids, as in elementary kids. And it was so much work, I'm not going to even get started on how much they talk and how rude they are. Like once I messed up on my aerial during one performance and this kid asked in a really annoyed voice "why" and I nearly just burst into tears right there but I hate crying in front of others because that just gets people worried like Im sorry I can't be perfect okay? Add on to a ton of school stress with finals and studies and everything...

I guess one thing that really killed me was finding out about some truths? I mean there's this girl, she's part of my friends group, and I thought we became friends last year, but turns out not. Like turns out she still really hates me and- So apparently she went over to one of my best friend's house, and just started badmouthing me there. And my best friend, she didn't know what to do and ended up agreeing with a lot of it, but we were talking over the phone one day, and she just spilled it all to me and she was crying and everything and I knew she felt so awful and I just-

Like half of me hates the girl who hates me right now because she went over and did something my friend didn't want her to, and made her feel so bad and everything, and part of me is actually really upset. Like I thought we had actually became friends, but guess not. I don't want to tell anyone else though because I know some people would be really mad at her or something and I don't want our friend's group to fall apart because of me and-

Yeah I've told two other people this and now I'm telling everyone online thats reading this and I really hope that no one who knows me in real life is gonna find this and read this.

Honestly speaking, I think this year has been pretty much the worst year of my life so far. I literally named like three things and thats not even close to like a fourth of it.

But the other day in one of my classes, my teacher asked us to write down our favorite quote or saying, and the only thing I could think of was "People are like mirrors. If you smile, it will be reflected" from Akatsuki no Yona, if you've read it. Because that's always kind of been me. I guess I've always been the one trying to cheer everyone up, the one who's always smiling and seems really positive, but sometimes, I'm just so tired of being that person.

Honestly, I suffered through depression a while ago, and I never told anyone and no one could tell because I guess I still acted the same. I was so scared that if people knew they would hate me or something dumb like that and I literally kept smiling and told my best friend I would never forgive her if she ever self-harmed while my wrists and thighs were covered in bandages from cuts I inflicted on myself while crying in my bedroom the night before because somehow no matter what anyone said to me it sounded like they were criticizing me and I was so close to just killing myself. (Dont worry Im not depressed anymore I guess so I won't suddenly kill myself and leave this story forever)

Sorry this is getting really dark.

Anyway, I've just been the one who everyone comes to with problems, and 'm really happy about that. Like I'm so glad that people would trust me and talk to me about their problems but I have like two best friends and they always seem so stressed out and I just really want to help them in anyway that I can but sometimes there's something Im so upset about yet I can't bring myself to tell them because I dont want to add anything else for them to be worried about and I know they'd probably want me to tell them about my problems to but how could I possibly do anything other then try to help then as much as I can and try to cheer them up when they're stressing out over so many things?

And sometimes I hate my life more than anything else, and to be honest the one thing I probably hate the most is myself and I know if I really do end up posting this I'm just going to get reviews saying I shouldn't and Im rambling right now and-

And I know there are so many people out there so much more unfortunate than me yet Im probably here wasting this life and I could be so much better than this and

Anyway, I guess I just suddenly wrote all this because I really just needed a break from being the optimistic, happy, cheerful, positive, whatever, person.

***AND THE SUPER LONG RANT IS NOW OVER***

Anyway, I hope that you can all understand and (hopefully) get over your anger and annoyance at this dumb author soon! Ill try to work on it again once summer starts (hopefully it won't be an empty promise).

Thank you all so much for still following, faving, reading this story, and most of all, thank you for the thoughtful reviews :) You guys are seriously so awesome and you won't believe how surprised I am to open my email and find yet another follower or something when i havent posted in this long!

~tontonte