Story: Raking Over The Coals
Chapter: Choking On The Ashes
Author: Liam the lemming
Rating: T (for the few uses of expletives)
Warnings: a few mild expletives. No slash, sorry. Um. I hope you like plot? :)
Word count: 3130
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or anything related to it.
Chapter summary: Kurt looks for Dave at Scandals to see if he's okay after losing Blaine.

A/N: no, it's not the Perfect Symmetry AU for a change. But once this story took root, it wouldn't go away. It demanded a telling, and hopefully I'm up to the job. :) It's only canon up to the episode where Blaine and Dave broke up, so I had to write it quick before canon took a giant crap all over it.

A/N 2: slight post-publish tweak to correct the name of one of Dave's exes - the show actually names him as Nelson, and it bugged me that I got that wrong. Doh!

Chapter 1: Choking On The Ashes

He was here. Kurt somehow expected that. Much better dressed than when he'd first crossed paths with him, but here, all the same. At the bar, nursing a beer.

And, no doubt, a snack bowl of heartache by the side.

"Hi Dave."

Dave turned to face the voice greeting him. "Hey, Kurt," he smiled amiably.

Kurt smiled back, although his expression was pained. "I heard about Blaine," he ventured. "How are you bearing up?"

Dave's face fell a little. "I'm coping, I guess," he shrugged. "I kinda expected us to run out of time once you turned up anyway, so I've been bracing myself for this. The moment he kissed you, our fate was sealed."

Kurt's face fell. "I'm sorry, Dave," he commiserated. "I wish things had turned out better for you." He truly did; he'd always hoped for better things where Dave was concerned.

"You don't have to torture yourself over this."

"I'm not saying you have to come out tomorrow, but maybe soon the moment will arise when you can."

"You're gonna get through this. 'Cause I'm gonna help you. And so is everyone who loves you and accepts you for who you are. And if they can't accept that, then... screw 'em, right?"

Kurt had always tried to assure Dave that it gets better, and for the most part, he'd seemed to have succeeded. Dave was out and comfortable in his own skin, and he'd seemed happy with Blaine. Happy with guys.

Except now he was here. Like this. Nothing about it seemed fair, and he hated it. It was the reason he'd sought out Dave to make sure he was coping.

"I won't lie, it kinda sucked to lose him to you," shrugged Dave. "But if you two belong together, then..."

"Wait, stop!" interrupted Kurt. "Dave, I'm... I'm not with him. I'm kinda seeing someone else. The kiss was... it was stupid," he grunted. "I'm kicking myself for allowing an attack of nostalgia to blind me like that."

Dave was blindsided. "Hold on," he spluttered. "Blaine left me for you, and you... said no?!"

Kurt suddenly realised he'd made a calamitous misstep. Dave had lost Blaine for no good reason. "Oh god," he groaned. "Maybe it'd be better for the world at large if I just didn't say anything ever again."

As the shock subsided, it occurred to Dave that Kurt's availability was never the point - Blaine loved Kurt regardless, and the relationship would have ended either way. "No, it's... it's fine," he assured Kurt. "It was pretty much over whether he got you or not. You're not making things worse here, Kurt." Dave paused. "Well, not for me, at least," he shrugged, suddenly hit with a pang over Blaine's likely longing for Kurt. At that moment, he knew all too well how Blaine would be feeling, as he was familiar with not being able to be with the one you love.

Especially when he was standing here talking to Kurt. Those feelings, too, had never gone away.

"Well, I can't do much for Blaine," sighed Kurt, "he'll just have to get over me in his own time." He looked Dave up and down. "Sucks that he couldn't find it in him to appreciate you more," he lamented. "You two seemed good together."

"Well, it was good while it lasted, y'know?" sighed Dave. "And it's not like I'm gonna be alone for long," he added by way of reassurance. "There's a whole fuckin' crowdready to step up to the plate."

Kurt's jaw dropped at the revelation. "I had no idea you were so sought after," he drawled in amazement.

"Oh, you bet," confirmed Dave. "It's almost getting to the point where people are putting 'knock boots with Dave Karofsky' on their bucket list," he added with a slight chuckle.

Kurt's eyes almost popped out of their sockets at this assertion. Dave Karofsky? Hot? Wait, why would that come as such a shock?

Kurt's reaction brought to mind an entirely different implication for Dave. An altogether more unsavory one. "...aaaaand now I sound like a massive whore," he cringed, mortified.

Kurt wouldn't hear of it, and leapt to Dave's defense. "Bullshit! It's not like you give yourself over to just anyone that asks, right?" he challenged. "I mean, if you're that sought after, that probably means you're pretty choosy," he pointed out.

The notion certainly wasn't lost on Dave, although he was surprised he hadn't considered it himself. "Well... oh, yeah, I guess that's true," he nodded eventually, smiling.

"It also implies you're one hell of a lay," noted Kurt impishly, cheerfully piling on the plaudits.

Plaudits regarding Dave's sexual prowess were one thing. Such plaudits coming from Kurt Hummel, however, were a shock he was completely unprepared for. "Wh... what? I... uh..." he spluttered, visibly flustered.

"Um. That was shockingly blunt of me, I'm sorry!" giggled Kurt, abashed at delivering such a naked compliment regarding - well, nakedness, in all probability.

Dave was still all over the place. "W-w-w... well... uh..." he stammered, suddenly incredibly shy about anything sexual in Kurt's presence.

Kurt's reverie diminished somewhat in the face of Dave's shy demeanor. "Really, the last thing I wanted to do was make you uncomfortable," he confessed, still smiling but no longer quite as amused - and even that gave way to concern. "Are you, uh... okay?" he asked timidly.

Dave's alarm faded at Kurt's concern, and he managed to calm down a little. "I... I guess, because it's you pointing it out..." he explained.

Kurt couldn't suppress the burst of amusement at the idea. "Why, because I'm so pure and untouched?" he chuckled. "Hah! Trust me, I'm not the chaste, virginal little boy I was at McKinley," he grinned.

Another concept Dave struggled with. Kurt had always seemed far less sexual to Dave in his behavior - if not, perhaps, in his appearance. "Oh. Right. Um... right," mumbled Dave, unsure how to respond.

Kurt's suspicions flared up at once. "Okay, what part of this are you struggling to get your head round?" he demanded, his hilarity abating in the face of whatever struggle Dave was encountering.

"Um... the part that's you knowing I'm a good lay, I guess," shrugged Dave awkwardly. "I wasn't ever, like ever, ready for you to find that out."

"Oh. Okay," nodded Kurt, feeling quite deflated. A stunningly relevant memory came to him, however, that demanded an explanation. "Wait, does that mean I was right about your feelings for me, back in the day?" he asked eagerly.

Dave paused, wistfully recalling the fateful Valentine's Day he'd declared his love to Kurt. "No, you were dead wrong," he sighed. "It took me a while to move on, but... well, you never really forget your first love," he added, his face falling.

Kurt's expression mirrored Dave's. The last thing he wanted to do was make Dave feel miserable again. "Oh, Dave, I'm sorry," he groaned. "Looking back, that was pretty mean of me. How dare I have the temerity to tell you how you feel?" The point gained traction in Kurt's psyche, and he found himself struck by the cruelty of his behavior. "How fucking dare I?" he spat, becoming agitated.

Dave immediately moved to calm Kurt's upset. "Kurt, it's okay!" he urged. "You were with Blaine, you didn't want me to have those feelings, of course you were gonna try to explain it all away."

Kurt remained unmollified. "That hardly makes it right, Dave," he grunted. "I'm really sorry I ever said that to you." He caught Dave's eye. "I just wish you hadn't had to go through the pain of rejection - I still remember how torn up you looked when I turned you down," he recalled sadly. It was a memory fresh in his mind, having played out a very similar scene recently with Walter.

"Yeah, that hurt," agreed Dave. "I should have known you were still with Blaine, though, it was my own stupid fault," he insisted, reluctant to let Kurt blame himself for the way things had unfolded.

Kurt, however, was eager enough to share the blame. "I still think I could have handled it better," he sighed. "I've not been able to go near butterscotch anything ever since," he revealed reproachfully.

Dave was stunned. He'd made some parting comment about hoping Kurt enjoyed the chocolates he'd bought him, and how he favoured the butterscotch ones, but he'd never have guessed the comment would have left such an indelible imprint. "You remember that?" he gasped.

"I remember it all, Dave," he confirmed, his voice thickening slightly. "The cards, the gifts, the gorillagrams... god, you tried so hard," he groaned morosely.

"Too hard," refuted Dave. "I must have looked stupid."

"Never!" rebuked Kurt. "You nailed it, Dave. It was one of the most romantic things anyone's ever done for me."

This was the kind of unexpected plaudit Dave could hear every day from Kurt, and he basked in the compliment. "Really?" he smiled. "Thanks, Kurt!"

Dave's improved mood caused a corresponding upswing in Kurt's tune. "You're very welcome," he smiled. "In retrospect, it was adorable." He paused in reflection, remembering the week leading up to the day in which Dave had showered him with symbols of affection. "You were adorable," he added.

It was almost too much for Dave. Admiring his behavior was one thing, but such a direct word of affection aimed at him directly tore his defenses down. "Thanks, Kurt," he gulped, struggling to maintain his composure. "That... that means a lot."

In Kurt's eyes, however, this was yet another misstep, and he criticized himself harshly. "Jesus, what's wrong with me?!" he growled, angry at his seemingly clodhopping behavior. "Why am I telling you this, now, when you're still raw from a break-up? Dammit, I always do this to you!" he lamented bitterly.

Dave had no idea what Kurt meant. "Do what to me? Kurt, what d'you mean?" he asked, his emotions steadying beneath his confusion.

"This!" explained Kurt remorsefully. "This, hurting you by accident, all the time!"

Dave was fine with it. There are worse things a guy could do, he thought. "Better that than hurting you deliberately," he replied pointedly.

Kurt wasn't about to let Dave start torturing himself again. "No, Dave," he demanded. "You apologized for everything you did, and I've forgiven you. I've never apologized for any of the things I did to you," he explained, drawing a comparison.

It was lost on Dave. "Wh...? What things, exactly?" he spluttered in combined incredulity and amusement. He couldn't recall anything Kurt had done that would merit an apology.

Kurt had plenty. "Oh, lets start with 'chubby sweaty guy who'll go bald in his thirties', shall we?" he huffed, annoyed with himself for attacking Dave with such a bitchy putdown in the first place. He paused. "That is what I said in the locker room that time, right?" he asked, uncertain if he'd recalled correctly.

"I think it was 'I don't dig on chubby boys who sweat too much, and are gonna be bald by the time they're thirty'," clarified Dave.

Kurt was crushed. "Oh god, you remember the exact words," he whimpered, crestfallen.

Dave moved quickly to quell Kurt's inflamed conscience. "I won't deny it hurt, Kurt, but it's not like it destroyed me or anything," he assured him.

"And what if it'd toppled you into an eating disorder?" challenged Kurt.

A guffaw escaped Dave before he could even hold it back. "C'mon, you're being melodramatic!" he grinned.

"I'm not, Dave!" insisted Kurt. "Words have power, you know that! Words almost killed you after that Valentine's Day, remember?" he recalled.

Dave couldn't deny Kurt's point. "Well... yeah, but you never did anything that hateful," he replied, comparing his own conduct.

"I did a whole bunch of things that dangerous," retaliated Kurt. "I blurted out 'you kissed me' on an open stairwell around other students. I hectored you to come out at prom. I blackmailed you in that meeting with our dads and the principal."

"Kurt, it's past histo..." replied Dave, before a particular memory caught him off guard. "Wait. Wait, there's one thing that actually really stung at the time," he noted.

Kurt was immediately worried for the damage he'd done to Dave. "What?" he asked, troubled.

Dave revisited the moment carefully, determined not to be misunderstood. "After the Bully Whips spent all that time keeping an eye on you, you turned around that time outside French class and proclaimed that the reason you weren't getting picked on was because nobody cared," he contended.

Kurt was horrified at such a naive point of view. He'd been younger, and much less worldly wise, but it must have hurt Dave so much to hear it at the time. "Jesus Christ," he moaned, facepalming at his own youthful idiocy.

"That really did hurt at the time," continued Dave. "I actually felt really proud of the fact that I was making up for all the crap I'd put you through, and I'd fooled myself into believing that you appreciated it and had forgiven me my past because of it," he concluded, inwardly kicking himself at his own naivete.

The revelation wounded Kurt: Dave had been right, even though Kurt had seemingly not said so. "I did appreciate it, Dave!" he insisted emotionally. "You made me feel safe, and I'd convinced myself that having you around had caused this big change in everyone's opinions about people like me." He cast his mind back to the days spent being shadowed by Dave as a Bully Whip. "It actually felt good, having you there, watching over me," he admitted.

The admission caught Dave completely by surprise. "It did?" he asked, stunned.

"I should have said so at the time," sighed Kurt wistfully. A realization struck him out of the blue. "Oh god, I didn't even thank you for that," he wailed, crestfallen.

"It's okay, Kurt!" exclaimed Dave, eager to assuage Kurt's evident guilt. "Knowing it mattered to you... that's enough," he explained gently, still relishing the glow he felt over the revelation that Kurt had felt so safe under his watch - that it had felt so good.

Kurt, however, remained perturbed. "It's not enough," he insisted bitterly. "I was horrible to you. You deserved so much better, Dave."

Dave felt he was losing the battle for Kurt's calm, and redoubled his efforts. "Don't beat yourself up over it all, Kurt," he urged, shaking his head. "I've turned out just fine." It seemed to make little difference; Kurt stood before him, blinking back tears, clearly wracked with regret. Dave tried to get to the root of Kurt's self-condemnation; there had to be a cause for all this.

However, he had no ideas at all. It just didn't make any sense. Yes, feel bad about your perceived wrongdoings, but to this degree? And even when you didn't realise you were doing them at the time?

Something didn't add up. As much as he didn't want to, Dave felt he had to ask Kurt outright. "Why does it matter so much to you, anyway?" he asked, as gently as he could.

Kurt's emotions briefly stabilized at the question. He paused. "I..." he began, then fell silent. He, too, found himself suddenly confused about exactly why he was so torn up about what he considered his wrongdoings against Dave.

In the absence of an explanation, and eager to put Kurt's mind at rest, Dave offered him all the assurances he had. "Hey, if it helps, you should know I bear you no ill will over it," he insisted. "It is okay, Kurt," he added, soothingly.

Kurt was still wracking his brains to understand why Dave's wellbeing was so important. All the while, he edged closer to unraveling, threatening to come apart before he'd even worked out what was doing it to him. Why was he buckling like this? Dave was better now. He was happy. So happy.

He was centered. At ease. He was... he was whole.

Dave placed a hand on Kurt's shoulder, and looked him directly in the eye. "And I forgive you," he assured him.

It was as if it took away the one thing left to hold Kurt's stability in place. Something within Kurt broke: to his own alarm, he found himself bursting into tears.

Dave was horrified. How had he done this to Kurt? What the fuck had he done so wrong that he was in this state? He thought he was giving Kurt the assurances he needed that Dave was okay now, but it had backfired in shocking form. "Kurt? What did...? Oh god..." he babbled, almost panic-stricken.

In the absence of any better ideas, he threw his arms around Kurt in a bracing hug. Kurt, in return, clung to Dave like he was drowning, sobbing openly. Why was he bawling his head off? Why couldn't he even fucking stop?

The resultant spectacle drew the attention of, as luck would have it, one of Dave's exes - in this case, Nelson, the first one to spot him at the restaurant recently. "Dave, what's up?" he asked, concerned for him and the slender stranger in floods of tears in his arms.

Dave gathered his wits. "Uh... long story," he replied. "We've, uh... kinda got a lot of history and we're working through it." His focus was Kurt right now, but he wasn't about to simply blank everyone.

Nelson nodded in understanding. He regarded Kurt briefly, and recalled Dave's description of him from a conversation a long while back. "Is that...?" he began, before mouthing Kurt's name silently.

"Yeah," mouthed Dave in response.

A look of understanding, mingled with hope, crept over Nelson's face. "I'll, uh, leave you to it," he said, eager to leave Dave and Kurt to whatever situation they were in. "Good luck," he mouthed to Dave, offering him a thumbs-up.

Dave nodded, still somewhat shellshocked by it all. Man, I could really use some right now, thought Dave, his arms still wrapped around Kurt, who was still sobbing into Dave's shoulder. He had no idea how to solve this.

He barely even had any idea why it was happening in the first place.