She hadn't wanted to die.

But she did it for her kingdom, for her people, for her brother. She stopped her own breath, traded her life for theirs. Drowned in the sea she used to try to play in, drowned to revive a literal fucking goddess to save their butts, and yet it wasn't her own fault. Everything was Don Thousand's fault. Killing herself was his idea, swallowing salt like Hamlet's queen gulped down poison, was thanks to him. Giving the greatest sacrifice she could give had been somebody else's decision. Forget her life, not even her death was her choice. Nothing was hers.

Merag heard her name. "Rio." That actually wasn't hers either, was it. It was that poor little girl's name once, and now because of Merag the name isn't anybody's anymore.

But she still wants to thank that girl. Her life became Merag's with her death, and Merag was able to live her delusion that life would give her anything she wanted if she tried to get it. "I want an omelet with onions in it Ryoga, quit being such a baby." "I'm making an ice-themed deck, it'll fuck your shark-infested deck over in a second." "I can duel if I want to, and I won't lose!"

Ryoga left their apartment earlier than her for once, so she had to chop the onions and cook breakfast by herself. Seemed like he was only eager to go to school if he was avoiding her.

Ryoga pointed out that ice wasn't an attribute, which she knew already, thanks for nothing, attributes were not what she was talking about. She went with a water deck like her brother, since his cards had already passed into both of their hands at one point or another. She had ended up with too many of his water-attribute cards.

She never won? She couldn't remember winning. There were some draws, there had to have been. Right now, she doesn't feel like there was anything besides a loss for her. She feels like this is what she's felt at the end of every single duel she's had since she started. A wish for more. More time? More talking? More sunlight, wind, rain, playing in the ocean? More flowers rooted in the dirt. A chance to expand, seize the world, smile from the bottom of her heart because she believes in something. Believing she has potential, to triumph, take her brother's hand in her right and grab a hand that isn't Ryoga's with her left. Laugh some more. She wishes she could have.

She remembers smiling. She feels like she should laugh, she's starting to disappear after all, she should take this last chance to do something she's able to do. She only manages a smile through her tears.

She had wanted to live.