A/N

I cried multiple times trying to write this. I don't know if the words give justice to the way I was imagining it in my head but I did my best. I'm so sorry for this story

"Castiel! No!" Dean shouted over the crackling of lightning. Castiel stood a few feet away from dean. He was distracted with saving Dean by striking down a demon sneaking up on him, when one was right behind Castiel. The no name demon pierced the angel sword though Castiel's chest and his heart. He faintly whispered Dean's name before a light shone bright from with in his body and exploded outwards. Dean ran to him in the full light and singed his skin catching Castiel mid fall.

Castiel's body was limp. Dean held him up but his head tilted backwards with no life to hold it up, no strength, no more angel to control the vessel.

"Cas!" Dean shouted. There was no response from the vessel. "Damn it Cas," Dean whispered. "Come on! You've lived through worse. You've died through worse." He stared down at the body. It was just as flat as before. The once curious eyes looked dead. The light blue faded into a dark deathly blue. His mouth was parted open. No words would be spoken from it again. No inquires, no understandings, no declarations. There was no more light. There was nothing.

"Cas?!" Dean whimperd. "You're my family! I need you! Please, don't leave!" He shook the body but, just as before, nothing. Think Dean! What can you say to bring him back? Tell him! Tell him what you've always wanted to say! Tell him! "Cas, I….I love you." He looked down pleading for the angel to come back. He buried his head in his neck and cried. "I love you. Don't leave." He can't hear you. He's dead. You waited too long.

"No! No, no, no, no, no!" Dean shouted at the voice in his head. "You can't be dead Cas. You just can't" Dean cried into Castiel's neck. His entire body shook with grief and despare. This pain…..It was worse than being tortured in hell. It was agony. Dean felt his heart shatter and shatter and shatter over again, somebody stepping on the pieces left behind. He felt his soul cringe and scratch at the walls. It was trying to escape the pain.

"Dean." Sam said tenderly. He walked slowly towards him. He put a hand on his shoulder and kneeled down next to him, tears brimming his eyes. "I….." There were no word Sam could say to his brother. The angel was dead and that hit dean like a truck. Sam not only mourned Castiel's death but also felt bad for dean. He had noticed some time ago the feelings he held for Castiel. He never thought he would die before Dean was able to share them. Castiel is….was an angel for crying out loud. Nobody thought he would die before the reckless Winchesters.

Somewhere in the grief dean found rage. Rage that God would not bring Cas back. Rage that his death was crap. Rage that…Just full blown Rage! It gulfed up his grief and filled his mind, body, and soul. Dean shot up quickly and turned the open starry night.

"You bring him back you sons of bitches! After all he has done for the greater good you're just going to let him die like this?" Dean yelled to the sky. The stars twinkled but gave no response. "Hey! I said bring my angel back!" Dean screeched. His voice cracked on 'my angel'. "Please." He pleaded softer this time. Dean fell to his knees still looking upward.

"I am on my knees begging you to bring him back. He doesn't deserve this." Dean clasped his hands together and raised them high. He was begging. Dean never begs but for Cas, he will. The silence burned his ears and as quickly as it had come, his rage disappeared, leaving him nothing but a shredded heart and a dead soul.

Dean looked back at Castiel and saw Sam lean over and close his eyes. Now it seemed as if Castiel was asleep and for a moment Dean wanted to believe that he was. That his angel wasn't dead, he was just asleep, but the ugly truth tore up his delusion and smacked him across the face. He's dead. He really is dead.

Dean closed his eyes and lowered his head. Tears still flowed freely. He got up slowly and Sam followed, bracing for whatever his brother might do next. Dean walked over to Castiel and bent down scooping him up in his arms, leaving nothing behind but the imprint of Castiel's wings.

They walked silently to the impala. Dean struggled carrying the body but every time Sam tried to help, Dean repeated, "I got it. I got it. I got it." Sam backed off and opened the door for Dean when they reached the car. Dean slid Castiel inside the back seat feet first. Then Dean climbed into the back seat straddling the body's head in his lap. Sam closed the door and knew they needed to go to Bobby's. They had to burn the body.

Dean walked around the cars and reached the pre made bed of wood. They always kept one up just in case. Dean, as gently as he could, laid the body down. Then he grabbed the salt and gasoline, sprinkling both over the body. Dean pulled out a small match box and lit one up. He stared at the flame. This was it. After he burns the body Cas would truly be dead. Dean wouldn't see the wonder light up his eyes or the faint smile he sometimes let him see. Dean would never hear his small chuckle or receive his much needed help. There would be no more experiencing the human world for Castiel, and there would be no more awkward goodbyes for this would be the last.

Dean threw the match to the body and watched it burn. The flames flickered along side Castiel's body lighting up his features. The glow of the fire reflected off of Dean's tears and as Castiel burned so did Dean's soul. Something nobody, not even Sam, could repair.