Born from thinking about state taxes and federal taxes and ways to get around them. lol. I'm the sort of person who tries to find loopholes in things as a form of mental exercise. :P

Naruto and its characters do not belong to me.

The Cheap Way Out in Life

Part 1

i.

"This can't be a good idea," Ino says for the hundredth time as they stand in line at the county registrar's office. "Getting married just to save some money?"

The walls are painted white, decorated with some plastic flowers, some plaques, and some announcements. To a side, there are double wooden doors, that open into a small room, complete with a mahogany pedestal, an iron-wrought gazebo, and a few garden benches for guests invited to attend a ceremony.

"It's a lot of money, Ino," Tenten whispers next to her, even as other couples in line look over at them disapprovingly, eyebrows drawn low on their foreheads. "I've done the math already - it's worth it."

"I'm not saying that Lee's going to be a bad husband or anything," Ino whispers back, sliding a look at the bushy-browed man standing next to them, who is dressed in an impossibly-green shirt that burns her eyes. "But this isn't what marriage is supposed to be about!"

"I'll protect Tenten with whatever it takes!" Lee interjects, clearly listening in. "It'll be just like before, Ino. Tenten and I are still best friends."

"I know you don't have bad intentions, Lee," Ino sighs. "But surely there's some other way out of this that doesn't put you both in a binding commitment for the rest of your lives!"

"I've taken that into account, too," Tenten informs her long-time friend. "An uncontested divorce is cheaper than having to pay singles' taxes for both of us. Look at it this way - Lee and I have been single for, what, five years? With our income disparity, getting married would actually help move me into a lower tax bracket.

"Ten percent of forty thousand is four grand. Yearly," Tenten continues. "In comparison, an uncontested divorce would be three grand or so. Supposing neither Lee nor I gets married in the first year or so, we'd be breaking even after that."

Ino turns to Lee incredulously. "You're agreeing with this?"

He blinks his large, inky eyes at her, and nods. "It sounds like a good idea to me. Tenten and I are living in the same place already - this will help save more money."

The blond looks between her two friends and shakes her head exasperatedly. "Fine. I'll be your witness. But this isn't going to work out, trust me."

"Oh come on, Ino, what happened to your optimism?" Tenten grins, bumping her shoulder against the other woman's.

"What if you fall in love with someone next year? Next month? Next week?" Ino frowns. "What're you going to tell them then? 'I'm single and available'?"

Tenten purses her lips. "Well, we'd be in an open marriage that is subject to divorce, but only if either of us proposes to, or is proposed to, by another person. Besides, it's only a marriage on paper."

"Yeah," Lee agrees. "We don't even have a ring and stuff. We'll save that for the youthful other-halves we'll meet in the future!"

Tenten nods in agreement. "Yup."

Ino sighs, and cringes at the rest of the happily-engaged couples in the registrar's office, who are still sending them dirty looks. "Well, I hope someday you'll know how important marriage is to some people."

"Maybe." Tenten shrugs, and brightens when their number flashes on the overhead LCD panels. "C'mon, Ino, Lee! It's time for our vows."

ii.

Being married doesn't really feel very different from being single.

It is the morning after the ceremony, and Tenten kneels in the freshly-spread dirt in a corner of her front yard, sinking her fingers into loosely-packed soil. It's her first time planting anything - Ino has said to dig little holes that are half-an-inch deep, and drop the sunflower seeds into them, before covering them up.

(You'd want to plant them two inches apart at first, the blond told her, and when they're a few inches high, weed out those that don't look as healthy.)

Tenten doesn't like the thought of wasting seeds, though, so she spaces the holes out by a few inches, and drops just a single seed into each hole.

The sound of food being prepared wafts through the open window; it's Lee's turn to make breakfast today, and Tenten grins at the thought of blueberry pancakes drizzled with chocolate syrup.

Nothing has changed about their routines. Everything is the same as before; she and Lee take turns to clean their single-story rental home, and they go jogging in the evenings, chatting about anything and everything.

They're still keeping to their own rooms, she's still yelling at his puddles of sweat on the floor, and he's still patiently listening to her rants about taxpayers' monies being splurged on stupid things like playgrounds and gardens and that spanking new government building that no one ever visits.

If anything, being married to her best friend is far from the worst thing that can happen to her, even if neither of them have romantic inclinations towards each other.

With a cheerful hum, Tenten piles dirt onto the sunflower seeds, waters them, and reaches for the bag of glass marbles to mark where she's placed each seed. (Personally, she wouldn't spend money on flowers - they aren't practical, and aren't edible for the most part. But the sunflower seeds showed up in the mail without a return address, and it sure beats going to the store in case she ever needs flowers.)

In her haste to get the seeds planted before breakfast, Tenten has forgotten to bring along a pair of scissors to open the bag of marbles. She mutters a curse. Lee should be almost done by now - she doesn't want to have to run back into the house for scissors, so she digs her fingers into the thin plastic netting, and tears at the bag.

The patter of quick footfalls distracts her momentarily; she looks up, and spots what she's sure is the worst thing that can happen to her.

That annoying, pale-faced, too-smug, good-for-nothing neighbor from across the street. Why the rest of the women fawn over his regal features is beyond her. Tenten thinks those lilac eyes and that too-long, just-a-shade-lighter-than-her-own hair is the weirdest combination she's ever seen on a man.

Hyuuga Neji jogs towards her, decked in expensive running gear that fails to hide his sculpted physique. Why he's living in a tiny house in her neighborhood, Tenten doesn't know.

She doesn't care, either.

The bag of marbles rips open then, one second before he steps across the line on the sidewalk marking the boundaries of her rented place.

Tens of marbles burst from the bag, almost in slow motion, and Tenten watches in horror as they fly in all directions, a number skittering all over the concrete pavement with tap-tap-tapping sounds that spell her imminent doom.

Hyuuga Neji isn't in time to avoid stepping on the gleaming marbles; she stares, open-mouthed, as he throws his arms out to steady himself, surprise transforming his oh-so-serious expression.

She snorts.

In the next moment, he's lurching to the side, towards her, and Tenten brings her arms up in front of her face to defend herself.

He lands with a hard thump on her painstakingly-conditioned soil, hands pressing into the dirt to break his fall.

"What're you doing?" she yelps, scrambling backwards to put some distance between them. "This is harassment!"

He raises himself slowly off the ground, blinking, dirt marring his clean exercise suit. Tenten gulps when he focuses his stare on her. "I should be saying the same to you," he returns, in that silky baritone, "What possessed you to empty marbles in my path?"

She glowers at him (and the splotch of dirt on his smooth forehead stands right out). "The bag just burst! It wasn't my fault!"

"Then whose fault is it?" he snaps. He pushes himself into a sitting position, brushing damp soil off his hands. "I should sue you for this."

"You wouldn't-" Tenten gapes. "Suing someone because of some stupid marbles?"

He angles a haughty look at her and gets to his feet slowly, being sure to avoid the shiny, see-through spheres. "Clearly you haven't possessed enough wealth for anyone to consider taking you to court."

Hyuuga Neji flicks his lilac gaze over to the ratty third-hand cars that she and Lee have parked in the driveway (but they work fine, and are better than she could hope for) and back at her, over her dirt-smudged clothes.

"Go screw yourself," Tenten sputters, glowering at him. This is why she and Lee got married - to further cut back on their expenses. "Can't you go jog elsewhere?"

"I have every right to jog on this pavement," he informs her primly, folding his arms. She sees him glance at her sunflower seed packet, but neither of them comments on it.

"And I have every right to spill marbles wherever I damn well want," Tenten snipes.

"But you have threatened my livelihood by putting my hands at risk," he retorts.

"And what do you do for a living? Feel women up with your pretty hands?" she grumbles sourly, narrowing her eyes. "I should be sorry that you weren't more gravely injured!"

"I'm an accountant, if you must know," he answers evenly, looking down at her.

Shouldn't he be rich and living in a big house, then? Tenten raises her eyebrows in surprise. "You must really suck as an accountant, if you're living in this place," she deduces none-too-charitably.

"I'm here because I chose to." Lilac eyes narrow to slits. "Don't judge what you can't see."

Tenten fumes, glancing over at his house - well-kept, decent lawn, with a recent paint job and new windows. One of the better-maintained houses in the neighborhood, actually, unlike the place she and Lee are currently living in, that is in desperate need of some repairs. "You judged me first," she snaps.

"Did I read you wrong?" he raises an eyebrow, surveying her calculatingly.

She absolutely refuses to admit that he's right.

"I'm not obligated to tell you anything," Tenten tells him instead, glancing down the street. Is Lee listening in on this conversation? He must be - the sizzle from the kitchen has stopped, though he isn't rushing out, curiously enough. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

A frown creases his forehead then, as if he's just realized how much time he's wasting on idle chit-chat. He checks his watch, and dusts his arms off. "Either way, you owe me," he says flatly.

"I don't owe you anything," she mutters darkly, scowling. "Go away."

Hyuuga Neji turns on his heel, heading for his home across the street. "I've spent enough time here. You'll be hearing from me shortly," he says over his shoulder.

Tenten rolls her eyes and settles for picking her marbles off the pavement.

iii.

The unsigned letter appears in her mailbox just days later.

It is addressed to her, and Lee sends her a curious look when he hands the envelop over. "There isn't a stamp on it," he points out.

"I can see that," she answers dryly, knowing at once who it's from. With any luck, Hyuuga Neji hasn't included any kind of poison or biological threat within the paper envelop - Tenten suddenly gets the distinct feeling that she should be handling the letter with gloves, inside a sealed laboratory facility.

"It wouldn't happen to be from Neji across the street, would it?" Lee asks lightly.

She jerks her head up at him. (He had not shown any sign of listening in on that encounter that Sunday morning.) "You overheard our conversation?" Tenten goggles.

Her best friend shrugs. "Well, I thought perhaps I should interfere, but then I realized that he meant no harm," Lee explains.

Tenten frowns. "He's such a smug asshole," she informs him.

"He is confident," Lee admits, seating himself on a kitchen stool. "But surely it is a good thing to get to know our neighbors better?"

(They already know most of their neighbors along the street, like Kiba and Shino and Sakura and Sasuke.)

"Have you forgotten the way he snubbed your priorities?" Tenten bristles. "Or how he keeps looking at us like we're some poor dormice in need of donations?"

"Have you considered that maybe he's doing that because he's lonely?" Lee says suddenly, and the words Tenten has queued on her tongue disappear, at how ludicrous his idea is.

"More like he drives people away from himself," she says finally. "I've seen you trying to befriend him."

Lee's attempts to strike a conversation with Hyuuga Neji often fail - the latter shuts the door in his face, or refuses to even answer, even when the lights are on in his house and they know that he hasn't brought anyone home with him.

(Tenten refuses to acknowledge that she and Lee have spent at least a cumulative hour at the window just spying on Hyuuga Neji.)

"So maybe that means he wants to be left alone," Tenten summarizes. "And I see why we should leave him the hell alone."

Lee rubs at his chin with a finger, studying the unopened envelop. "Are you going to read it?"

Tenten winces. This isn't the right place or time (if there is even any) to see what That Man has to say to her, but she inserts a ginger fingertip past the paper flap and breaks through the spot of dried glue anyway.

The piece of paper inside is thick, heavy, white cardstock that is probably expensive. She holds her breath and pulls it out between two fingers. Where are her gloves?

You owe me dinner. My schedule allows for this any day next week.

His handwriting is bold and precise, with wide spaces between the words, narrow loops, and some letters connecting with each other.

Huh. Tenten blinks, surprised at how reflective this is of his personality - he's uptight, prefers to be alone, and very logical. Some of those, she sees in herself as well.

Lee sneaks over and peeks at the card before she thinks to hide it.

"Lee!" Tenten snaps, slapping the card against her chest. Her cheeks heat.

But it's too late - he's caught the gist of it. Lee's bushy eyebrows rise on his forehead, and he gives her an amazed grin. "He's asking to hang out with you!"

She cringes and says nothing.

"It's the perfect opportunity to make friends with our neighbor!" Lee continues, eyes alight with excitement. "What do you have in mind?"

"Why don't you come along, Lee, I'm sure he'll appreciate your presence as well," Tenten grouses, stuffing the card back into its envelop. Hyuuga Neji did not leave a contact number or an email address, but she knows exactly where he lives, anyway.

Lee waves his hands in front of himself then. "I can't, he didn't invite me-" Tenten gives him a sour look, and he grins. "Besides, I think the two of you have the chemistry that Mr Gai is always talking about!"

She stares at him like he's grown a third eye. "Chemistry? Me and... that guy?" she sputters. "I don't even know him."

"You know him well enough," Lee informs her sagely. "Are you going to take him out for dinner?"

Tenten grimaces. Her, with loans to pay off and not enough money for herself, treat Mr High-and-Mighty to a meal? "He'll probably look down at whatever I can afford," Tenten answers.

"There is always home-cooked food," Lee suggests, glancing over at the stove. "Made with love!"

She rolls her eyes, but notes that he does have a point. Cooking at home sure stretches the funds she has.

"I'll arrange to meet Mr Gai for dinner on whichever day it is," Lee tells her excitedly, and Tenten couldn't dread it more. "I'm sure it'll be fun!"

iv.

So begins the (romantic?) dinner from Hell.

Hyuuga Neji shows up at the front door at exactly seven o'clock, and Tenten lets him in grudgingly. It's the first time he's ever stepped into the rental house. She sees the way he sweeps his analytical gaze over the worn couches and the cathode-ray TV, and the dining table set for two. At least he isn't too out-of-place in his button-down shirt and jeans, and she doesn't feel bad wearing her old blouse and fitted khaki pants.

"What's for dinner?" he asks, sniffing at the savory scent of hot food from the kitchen.

Tenten narrows her eyes. "I made chicken."

"I prefer fish," he mentions, almost casually, and considers her with his pale gaze.

"Well, you insisted on dinner," she tells him flatly. "I decide what you're getting to eat."

Somehow, Tenten feels as if those eyes see more than they should; Hyuuga Neji doesn't blink as often as she does, and it is a little unnerving when he subjects her to one of his stares.

She doesn't know what to do (Lee is a speed-dial away, but she isn't about to call him for every little weird thing her guest does). Tenten settles on pointing him towards the dining table. "Sit," she says. "Dinner will be ready in five minutes."

He shrugs lightly, his eyes raking over her form. "Sure."

She pointedly ignores him, and slips into the kitchen to put a wall between them. It's the first time she'll be spending more than five minutes talking to him, too, and Tenten feels out-of-sorts, like she needs to be chewing his head off or flinging insults at him to maintain her illusion of control.

Hyuuga Neji is very attractive, after all.

Especially in that shirt and those jeans.

Tenten scoops fluffy, steaming rice onto the two plates she's laid out, dishes the chicken (cooked Chinese-style, in soy sauce and ginger) onto the bed of rice, and finishes the dish off with blanched spinach placed on the remaining third of the plate, to balance the rice and chicken aesthetically.

Contrary to what most people think, Tenten can actually make decent, simple meals, when she isn't trying to get someone else to do the cooking instead.

Her guest is seated placidly at the dining table when she emerges from the kitchen with the plates. His hands are placed on the table where his plate should be, and Tenten sets the plate down harder than necessary on his fingers.

Hyuuga Neji frowns, pulls his hands away. "That's not how you should treat your guest," he protests mildly.

"You're not welcome here," she mutters, looking mutinously at him.

"I'd rather not be here," he agrees, sending a pointed look at the outdated living area.

Tenten rolls her eyes. "Well, eat your dinner and go home, then," she tells him.

"It was your fault that I fell, if you remember," he returns evenly, picking up a spoon to sample the meal. "Do you happen to have drinks?"

"This isn't a restaurant," she mutters. It's a good call, though - she hasn't had enough hands to bring any beverages out. For herself, that is.

"I prefer green tea," he supplies, looking expectantly at her.

Tenten looks towards the ceiling and wonders if Lee is having a better time at Mr Gai's. Probably.

The only green tea present in the house is in teabags; she dispenses some hot water from a thermos and presses a sachet into the steaming liquid. For herself, she pulls a can of beer from the fridge - a luxury, but she's going to need it if she's facing Hyuuga Neji for the better part of an hour.

He raises an eyebrow at her when he catches sight of her beer can. "Is my presence not enough for you to get drunk on?"

"Hell no," Tenten bristles. She shoves the mug into his outstretched hand a little too roughly, and green tea spills over his fingers, dripping onto the table.

Hyuuga Neji mutters a curse she's surprised to hear coming from his pretty lips, and sets the mug heavily on the table, wiping his scalded digits on his jeans. "You didn't have to do that."

"There was no agreement on how you should be treated during this dinner you forced on me," Tenten tells him, grimly satisfied. She pops the seal on her can, gulps a mouthful of beer and feels it tingle down to her stomach.

It makes her feel a little more reckless than she should be.

There is a bout of silence when she sets her beverage down, settles in her seat, and begins to tuck into her food, pointedly ignoring the presence of the man across from her. The basmati rice, steamed with a pad of butter, is rich and flavorful, and Tenten eats that by itself, first, to enjoy its nutty taste.

"Are you sure this is edible?"

She cracks her eyes open (after closing them to better taste her food) and surveys him with a scowl. "What?" she says, still chewing.

He looks at her in disdain, and prods at his chicken with a fork. "This. Have you ensured that you've cooked it to a temperature of at least 165 Fahrenheit? I wouldn't want to risk contracting salmonella."

Tenten makes sure to swallow all the food in her mouth before rolling her eyes hard. Again. "I'm eating it," she tells him, and bites into the chicken thigh pointedly, tearing a piece of meat off with her teeth. She turns the rest of the chicken towards him. "Look, no blood."

Hyuuga Neji looks warily at her, and slices his own food into neat slabs, before popping one into his mouth. He speaks only after he swallows. "It's passable."

She tries her best not to send her eyes rolling yet again. They're going to fall out of her face before the night ends. "It's my best dish," she informs him. "And you can suck it if you don't like it."

He falls silent for a bit, looking back at the other other parts of the house to entertain himself. Tenten shrugs and consumes more beer. Suits her just fine if he doesn't talk.

"You're not wearing your hair up today," he says after a while, and she looks up at him in surprise. It's not as if she puts them up in the twin buns, or a ponytail, all the time - but maybe that's all he's seen of her, when she isn't behind closed doors.

Tenten shrugs again, gathers her hair in her hands and sweeps it off her neck, draping it over a shoulder. "I do this all the time."

He remains silent after that, and she finds herself looking at his hair, wondering why he keeps it so long, and how it looks so smooth and silky and it makes her curious what it feels like-

"My hair hasn't won any awards, in case you were wondering," Hyuuga Neji comments dryly.

"I bet you spend forever caring for it," she mutters maybe-enviously.

"You look as if you'd dearly like to run your fingers through it," he replies, and Tenten jerks her gaze back to her plate, cramming the last of her food into her mouth.

Nope. Not interested in that hair. Or those eyes. Or that body.

"What do you do for a living?" is his next question.

"So you can hunt me down?" she asks suspiciously, when there's space available in her mouth, and no more food left on her plate to fill it with. "Or find some other way to sue me?"

He raises his eyebrows at her. "I'm getting to know you better."

"Why?" she asks, the unease in her stomach increasing. She swigs a mouthful of beer.

"I thought we should get to know each other better as neighbors," he answers.

Tenten tries not to spit her beer out, and settles for looking dubiously at him. "What about Lee? You didn't want to meet him at all."

A slight grimace flickers onto his face. "He is... overly enthusiastic."

That much, Tenten can understand. She shrugs. "Well, he's not a bad guy."

Neji doesn't look convinced. "So, your occupation?"

"Weapons design. Military." Tenten glances at the swords on the wall, ancient Japanese katana and a naginata leaning in one corner of the living area. Traditional weapons are still her favorites, despite how powerful firearms have become in modern times.

He nods, but doesn't say anything else, instead following her gaze to the oriental relics.

The silence almost feels companionable now, but Tenten doesn't want to read too much into it. Both their plates are empty (so much for the food being passable), and she stands to clear the table.

"Will there be dessert?" he asks, and she looks at him in surprise. That wasn't part of the plan, though there are tubs of ice cream in the freezer that are absolutely not for him. He must've mistaken her surprise for something else, because he's quick to amend, "I was referring to food."

He thought she misunderstood that as an indecent proposal?

Tenten gapes at him, her cheeks burning. "I- I can't even believe you thought that of me," she sputters, and gathers the empty plates, beating a hasty retreat into the kitchen.

(But would dessert - that sort of dessert - really be all that regrettable?)

She dumps the dishes into the sink with a noisy clatter and runs water over them, before returning to the dining area.

"Maybe I should handle dessert the next time," Neji says. (Sometime over the course of dinner, she's started to think of him as just Neji, instead of the unapproachable, entirely-too-smug Hyuuga Neji that she's loved to hate.) He's already on his feet, hands in his pockets, and the cup of green tea is drained.

"Next time?" Tenten echos blankly.

"I can cook too, if you didn't know," he answers, raising an eyebrow at her.

She blinks at him. "Are you saying you want to cook here?"

Neji watches her in amusement. "No. I meant that we can have dinner over at my place instead."

She stares. Blinks more. "Do I have to threaten to sue you first?"

He cracks a smile, and Tenten feels a little piece of her resistance melt at that. (And that probably should not have happened.) "If you must," he replies, humor flashing across his pale eyes.

She walks him to the door, almost feeling a pang of something when he steps onto the porch, the incandescent lamps from within the house casting vague shadows on his face.

"Thanks for dinner," he says quietly, and Tenten is taken aback by the sheer absence of any of that smugness she's seen on him before today.

"Um," she fumbles. There isn't a lot of space between them, and she is suddenly rather unwilling to see him go.

"Good night, Tenten," Neji continues, stepping a little closer to her. She feels her pulse beat out of control, feels the warmth of his body through the space between them.

He kisses her on the lips, and she doesn't know what to think.

A/N: This is part 1 out of 3. Characters very reminiscent of those in Blackmail. ;) I don't know how that happened - they just slipped out as I wrote them. ;)

Also, am working on a Shira/Sen/Yome oneshot thing with hints of NejiTen - inspired by the latest filler arc, if you guys haven't seen it yet. Would totally love to see more Team Gai/Team Shira bonding. ;)