Thanks for checking this out! This will be a two-shot…I was tempted to split it into 4-6 shorter chapters, but I think (hope) it will be a better read just split into two parts. The rest of the story is actually written already, but I need to edit it before posting - you can expect that fairly soon.

Warning: The description was a bit vague, so I want to give y'all fair warning - ASGZC shippers beware – this story does not end with the OT5 together.

Just to be clear, ASGZC is actually my favorite pairing, so I find writing and posting this now...very peculiar to be honest. I hinted at this possibility once before though, and I thought it was time to explore it a bit more seriously/thoroughly. I hope y'all like it for what it is, and since the ending is written already, I can promise you this: all the characters will be happy in their current situation/relationship by the end of Part Two.

PART ONE

The man in his arms was not one of his boyfriends.

He didn't need to open his eyes to know that. Even if he hadn't recognized the different feel of this body, it wasn't a position he slept in with his boyfriends—with Angeal, they would have both been on their sides. He would have been pulled firmly into the man's warm arms, his back nuzzled against that perfectly chiseled chest while strong arms held him close and powerful legs framed the curve of his ass. The larger man always woke up first, and he'd give the younger SOLDIER a playful and loving squeeze to let him know—then he'd offer to make breakfast if either had time.

Sephiroth preferred to sleep on his back—something about it being better for his posture, and so Zack would always curl up on his side, edged closely into the crevice of a single arm with his head resting comfortably on the man's shirtless chest. A gentle hand would trail across his back as he listened to the steady beat of the man's heart, sending him into a serene sleep with ease. He'd usually awaken in the same position, but always kept his eyes closed until the general murmured that he could detect a change in the younger SOLDIER's breathing and knew he was awake as a result.

With Genesis, it varied. On most nights, they'd attempt cuddling—often times they'd swap who would be the big spoon and who would be the little spoon. The man had too many moods, but Zack liked mixing it up anyway. More often than not, it didn't matter how they fell asleep—it was how they woke up that was special. Regardless of their sleeping position, somehow they'd always wake up on their sides facing one another, legs layered together in an oddly comfortable fashion, and arms draped around each other, pulling one another closer. Sometimes he suspected the redhead snuck out of bed before he woke up, just to freshen up…Genesis always looked perfect laying there, almost unnaturally so for someone who had just slept for however many hours. Zack never accused him of that though—instead he would just take the time to appreciate his boyfriend's features with a smile that only grew as electric blue eyes fluttered open.

Not only was he not in any of those positions with any of those men…he wasn't even in his bed. His big, cushy bed that was only a single room away was vacant, while he occupied the couch for the evening. His boyfriends would have carried or dragged him to the other room before allowing him to fall asleep there for the night, yet somehow waking up like this, lying on his back with his young blond friend sprawled on top of him, a single arm and leg hanging off the side…it was one of the most relaxed mornings he could recall. Even the puddle of drool seeping through his t-shirt didn't take away from how peaceful he felt in that moment.

It really shouldn't have felt as good as it did.

"Cloud," he whispered, not daring to move—not even daring to open his eyes yet.

The truth was, he was hoping his attempt to awaken the younger man would fail. It was different, and maybe it was wrong—but there was something right about the way they were laying together. Really, it was innocent enough…they'd been watching movies, and Cloud had drifted off against his friend's shoulder. More often than not Cloud crashed on his couch when they had a late movie night—they watched in pajamas, and Zack even kept a blanket ready and draped over the couch for such frequent occasions.

Normally he walked away after making sure his friend was warm and comfortable though.

The thought of staying there with Cloud was a nagging one, and one that he had been fighting increasingly often. He was tired too, he rationalized—going all the way to the other room when he was ready to close his eyes and drift off felt like a lot of work at the time. He'd finally caved in and fallen back onto the couch, his sleeping friend tumbling onto him. The movement had awoken him, but in his groggy state of confusion all he managed to do was get comfortable instead of objecting. They'd both raised their legs up onto the far end, Cloud shifting onto his stomach and nuzzling into Zack's chest after grumbling incoherently about space kittens—his friend had weird dreams most nights. He'd chuckled softly before wrapping his arms around the blond, succumbing to his own sleepiness shortly after.

All relaxing moments had to end, it seemed, and he knew this one was nearly over as Cloud began to shift on top of him. The arm and leg that had fallen off the side of the couch both snuck back up, and he cuddled into Zack's body as he made another incoherent sound. Instead of hurrying his awakening along, Zack stayed calm and still, enjoying it for what it was. Waking up like this with his best friend was only a big deal if he thought it was a big deal—he could just choose not to think that way. Everything about their friendship was physical, just typically in a more playful manner. This closeness was just slightly different.

"Zack!" He struggled against the older SOLDIER's grip, trying to push himself upright to no avail. Zack kept his eyes closed, casually pretending to be unaware of the struggle—Cloud scowled though, still squirming in the man's grasp. "I can see you smirking, jerk! I know you're awake. Lemme go."

His eyes blinked open innocently, and his amused smirk turned into a broad smile. "Mornin' Spike."

"I need to go to the bathroom. Let me go," he insisted, more clearly and expectantly this time.

"I'd rather talk about space kittens," he teased, chuckling as the younger man's face grew red—he tried so hard to look angry rather than embarrassed, but it was obvious to his best friend. The glare became too much after a moment though, and he released his friend with a muttered, "Fine."

Cloud took the opportunity as soon as it was allowed, jumping away from Zack before moving hurriedly toward the bathroom. The older SOLDIER let out a short sigh, his feet hitting the carpet as he sat upright and ran a hand through his hair. His heart was sinking in a way it shouldn't—he was feeling the absence of his younger friend more deeply than he was supposed to, and it was impossible to deny. Of course, Cloud would be back in a minute or two, but…it wasn't the first time they'd landed in a position he'd decided was harmless, and every time it happened lately, they ended up dancing around the subject like they were both guilty of something much more significant.

When had their friendship turned into something so delicate?

For years all the years they had known one another, everything between them had been natural and fun. Easy in a way that wasn't normal for either of them—sure, Zack was great at making friends, and naturally drew people in, but…it wasn't often he formed such a deep connection with any of his friends. And the connection with Cloud was feeling a lot deeper these days than it had when they met.

The blond had his full attention as he walked back into the living room, his steps slow and short before he came to a halt at the side of the couch. Zack pulled his legs up onto the couch again, sitting cross legged and fidgeting with his hands in his lap. He looked from them to Cloud, growing wary of this routine. There was no reason for his friend's expression to be so guarded, and there was no reason for him to feel so cautious. That was difficult to vocalize though, when all he could do was stare as he looked up at the blond. Cloud was wearing his pajamas, and even though he'd put on quite a bit of muscle weight, the blond still looked ridiculous in his too-big plaid pants and a too-big white t-shirt. Even more ridiculous how the sight made his own heart leap…

He was ready to stop being so careful and just joke with the younger man about it, but Cloud broke the silence first.

"I've gotta go," he declared, a hand on the back of his neck as he eyed his friend. "Just remembered, I have a briefing in an hour, and I need to get my uniform from my place."

"You have an extra in my closet," Zack reminded him, somehow feeling like Cloud hadn't actually forgotten that small detail.

"Yeah, but it's dirty."

He arched an eyebrow, not ready to let it go. They'd just swapped out his spare infantry uniform for a spare Third Class uniform last week. "You haven't even worn it since your promotion."

"I'll see you later!" Cloud responded, a weak smile on his face as he brushed off Zack's observation without a word of acknowledgment.

The look on his face said more than he could have anyway. Zack watched curiously as his friend left, wanting to object, but too confused to find the right words. He wasn't confused about why Cloud was lying—they both knew that much. Every time one of their hugs lasted a minute too long, or their locked gazes lingered longer than necessary...every time a guiding hand drifted accidentally during training, or a pat on the back turned into a hand on the back as they walked together...It was always the same. Cloud would get flustered and find an excuse to leave.

What was confusing was the fact that two people who could tell each other anything couldn't find a way to discuss something so obvious.

He sank back into his couch with a drawn out sigh, unfolding his legs as he rubbed the remaining sleepiness from his eyes. There was a simple solution to their problem, and he knew it. All three of his boyfriends adored Cloud.

That was a conversation he was avoiding too...

o.o.o.o.o

It was an uncomfortable dinner, from start to finish.

Usually there was a lot to discuss on nights when all his boyfriends were available—their time together as a group was limited. More often than not, they met up on separate evenings whenever they could; their schedules were just too different and changed too frequently for any consistent plans to be possible.

Mondays…they were usually the exception. Mondays were a big meeting day around ShinRa, and so Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis were usually around unless there was an important mission that required someone of their caliber. None of them were fond of meetings or office days, but it was a good excuse for them to see each other when it was all done for the day.

This group dinner was spent in silence though.

The air was tense, but Zack was too consumed by his own thoughts to pay too much attention to it. He cleared his plate absentmindedly, not enjoying Angeal's cooking as much as usual—his former mentor had even made his favorite, which was odd because it wasn't his birthday or some kind of special occasion. He hadn't even worked up the will to ask why, or the politeness to say thanks—he'd have to be sure to do that before the evening ended.

A loud 'ahem' caught his attention, but he took a swig of his beer before acknowledging it. Genesis was staring at him a bit more intently than he'd realized, and he tried to give the redhead his full attention. It was more difficult than it should have been with his mind so scattered.

"We were beginning to think you were too good for us."

Zack raised both brows. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, a bit more carefully than he usually approached a conversation with any of his boyfriends.

The redhead raised his wine glass, swirling its contents before raising it to his lips. He paused a moment before taking a sip, his eyes never leaving Zack's as he set it back down. He seemed content when Zack didn't so much as blink as he waited. "You missed the last three Monday night dinners."

"I already explained that," Zack responded, a bit wary that he needed to go over this again. It wasn't so atypical for one or more to miss out on a Monday from time to time.

"You cancelled on me last Wednesday and Friday as well."

"Cloud's exam was coming up, and he needed—"

"And how did that go?" Genesis cut in, lacking any genuine curiosity.

"He passed this time," the younger SOLDIER answered, a smile tugging at his lips despite the strange vibe in the room. He was a bit surprised that the redhead didn't already know though—judging by the expressions on the other men at the table, they were already aware of the news. He'd even told Angeal already, and usually word got around quickly among the four. The more he thought about it, the more he stared at Genesis questioningly. "You knew that already," he concluded, a hand on the back of his neck as he slumped in his chair.

Whatever he thought they were talking about wasn't what they were talking about. He tried not to groan, but it drove him insane when Genesis beat around the bush about things like this—they didn't have disputes or arguments often, but when something was bothering any of his boyfriends he preferred them to just be direct about it.

"Gen…" he prompted, shaking his head helplessly as he stared with as much patience as he had left.

Genesis took another long sip of his drink instead of replying though, his sharp gaze daring Zack to try to push him into responding faster.

"Of course I knew," he said finally, rolling his eyes as Zack let out the frustrated sigh he'd been building up. "I just wanted to get it on the table so to speak. He's passed his exam now—you have no good reason to miss our dinners."

He paused for a minute, forcefully reminding himself that maybe Genesis was right to be annoyed. It wasn't like him to miss spending time with any of his boyfriends, yet somehow in the last several months he'd skipped out on more than he had in the last several years. Every time there had been an explanation, and most of those explanations were the same—Cloud needed him. Sometimes for training, sometimes for advice, sometimes to unwind after a long day…

His boyfriends liked Cloud, but maybe they didn't understand quite the way he thought they did.

"I'm here, aren't I?" he offered, forcing a weak smile.

"Are you?" The redhead arched an eyebrow, studying the younger SOLDIER carefully. "You seem elsewhere."

Zack looked from Sephiroth to Angeal, hoping for some kind of assistance. Neither seemed inclined to speak on his behalf though, which only added to the guilt he felt. "I have a lot on my mind," he tried to explain, another short sigh accompanying the words.

"I suppose it has to do with Cloud as well?"

He could feel his heart racing anxiously at the mention of his younger friend. "Yeah, actually," he admitted, his tone growing more defensive as the redhead pressed him. "I haven't seen him in almost two weeks. It's like he's avoiding me or something."

This time all three men seemed intrigued, though Genesis maintained control of the conversation. "Why would he be avoiding you?"

His heart sank at the question—it was one he'd asked himself, but hadn't found a satisfactory answer to yet. There were a few guesses, but he refused to accept any of them. "I dunno. I was gonna just ask him, but I haven't had a chance."

"Is there anything you'd like to ask us?"

He stilled where he sat, hoping he had just misunderstood the question. There was enough going through his mind already without crossing this bridge. "Like what?"

Genesis let out a dramatic sigh, his eyes narrowing. "You truly have no idea?"

He turned to his mentor, a growing desperation on his face. "Angeal—"

"You can't turn to him to save you from everything," the redhead cut in, shaking his head and sending Angeal a warning glare as he opened his mouth. "No. I'm not the only one who's upset about this. You've been cancelling on all of us, and we need to talk about it."

Angeal looked torn already, looking from Zack to Genesis. He held the redhead's stare for a minute before turning back to the younger SOLDIER apologetically. "He's right, Pup. If something is going on with you, or any of us, we need to be able to talk about it. That's how this relationship has always worked."

"I'm sorry I missed the last few dinners, and I'm sorry about cancelling the other times," Zack said sincerely, looking to each of his boyfriends in turn. The apology pulsed through him as he read their expressions, realizing just how much they were affected by his absence—the last thing he wanted to do was hurt any of these men in any way. He reached out, his hand falling on Genesis' tentatively first. For a moment he was sure the redhead would pull back, but the offended expression seemed to soften after a moment. "Really. I'm sorry." He reached out with his other hand, letting it fall on Sephiroth's knee and giving it a gentle squeeze—his silver haired boyfriend hadn't added anything to the conversation, but he could tell by the slight slump in the man's shoulders that he was just as weighted by the discussion. "I'm sorry."

"You did not answer," Sephiroth noted, his hand falling on Zack's before he could pull it back.

Zack nodded his head slowly, not looking away from the bright green eyes that held him. "I can't ask you that."

"You love him."

"I love you," Zack countered, more firmly than he'd spoken all evening. He snapped his eyes away, making sure to look at Angeal and Genesis once more as his heart ached. "I love you all."

o.o.o.o.o

Three weeks was his limit. Even when he stopped cancelling his plans with his boyfriends, he still felt a huge void in his day to day without seeing Cloud—even just a minute with his best friend could brighten his day. He'd put in the effort to track down his friend—stopping by his apartment, calling and texting his phone…he still had his own missions though, and he didn't want to go overboard knowing there could be a dozen explanations for his friend's sudden disappearance.

Newly promoted Third Classes had busy schedules—more briefings and debriefings than he could count, on top of their mako acclimation and new training regime. They were assigned their own apartments, and that introduced a new social element to them as well—they had new neighbors, and people to celebrate their promotions with. Zack's heart sank at the thought of Cloud feeling the need to celebrate without him, but…somewhere inside he knew that wasn't the issue. He had a feeling none of those reasons were the issue, but he stood in front of Cloud's door, again, waiting to find out for sure.

He knocked three times, as slowly as he could despite his growing desire to knock loudly and restlessly. There wasn't a sound to be heard within the apartment though, and so he knocked again just in case—at this point, he didn't even care if he were waking the Third up from much needed sleep. Maybe it was selfish, but he had to see Cloud, even if his friend had no time to talk or hang out. He'd rather be turned away than ignored entirely.

His hope was deflating rapidly, but before he could turn to leave, there was a slight shuffling sound from inside the apartment. The noise stirred all his hopes back to life, and as the sound drew closer to the door, his heart raced anxiously with anticipation. Sure enough, a moment later it creaked open, just wide enough for him to see his younger friend eyeing him drowsily.

The pang of guilt was short lived—obviously Cloud had been sleeping, but no matter how worn out the Third appeared, nothing could stop the flood of relief from pouring over him. They hadn't gone so long without seeing each other since they'd met, and he silently prayed they never would again as he stared into Cloud's eyes.

When he felt like that silent message had been conveyed properly, he looked down, taking in the full sight of his friend. Immediately his worried expression cracked as he began to smile. Cloud was wearing his pajamas. The ones he'd walked out in the last time they'd spoken. His face grew red as he realized Zack was staring him up and down, and he shook his head before his friend could make a joke about it.

"I was too tired to care what I put on," he explained, raising a defensive hand as he spoke.

"You just like 'em 'cause they're mine," Zack told him, a toothy grin on his face as Cloud slumped. "It's fine, Spike, you don't hafta deny it. I'm glad, really. It's like I've been keepin' you company all this time."

"I don't wear them every night," the Third grumbled, rolling his eyes as Zack's smile grew wider. No way did he believe that—the lack of eye contact spoke volumes. "I'm really beat right now. Can we talk another time?"

That was enough to pause the swelling in his heart. "They keepin' you busy?" he asked, frowning as Cloud gave a drowsy nod in response. "That's good though. You must be mission ready soon, right?"

"Yeah. I get the final sign off next week," the blond confirmed, covering his mouth as a wide yawn forced its way out.

Zack nodded in understanding, uncertain if he should be happy to see maybe his assumptions about the blond's absence from his life did have a work related explanation. "You didn't have time to call though? Or text?" he asked, scratching the back of his head as Cloud met his eyes again. Something about the look he was receiving made him wish he hadn't asked—he wanted to know still, but he preferred to see Cloud smile.

That torn expression did not suite him at all.

"I just need some space," the blond explained, each word a slow struggle.

"Space," Zack repeated, testing the word almost inquisitively. He didn't like the sound of it.

"You know what I mean," Cloud responded, more quietly this time. He dropped his gaze, shaking his head just slightly as he waited for Zack to speak. The word and its meaning were still sinking in though, and he wasn't sure what to say about it. "Zack…"

The elder SOLDIER crossed his arms loosely, taking a deep breath as he tried to weigh the sadness and frustration he felt against his understanding. Cloud was probably doing the right thing trying to put some space between them...that didn't make it any easier to accept. In fact, it'd been easier when they were pretending they were both imagining the entire issue, and that obviously wasn't an acceptable solution anymore either.

"So, what?" he teased, a fake smile on his face as he tried to lighten the mood between them, "You spend every day with me preparing for your SOLDIER exam, get my help to pass, and now you're done with me?"

"That's not true!" the blond exclaimed, fiercely and without hesitation. His eyes snapped up, narrow as they locked onto Zack's. "You know that's not true."

"I was joking—"

"I don't think it's funny."

"Then tell me the real reason."

There was another long pause, and he watched as the blond shifted uncomfortably where he stood. "Why do I have to be the one to say it?"

"Because you're the one who wants space," Zack replied, staring pointedly at his friend. "I can't just leave you alone without an explanation."

Cloud let out a strained breath, looking down the hall in both directions. There were a few people roaming, on their way to or from the other apartments—most weren't paying attention to the pair, but the blond seemed dissatisfied anyway. He stepped back, opening the door wider and gesturing for Zack to walk in. The First did so willingly, feeling a false sense of relief as he crossed through the doorway. Surely this was better than being sent away immediately.

He looked around with pretend interest, remembering the days when he got his first apartment as a SOLDIER—it had seemed so much bigger back then. Really, it was just a standard studio space. A small kitchenette, a proportionate table with a single chair—a couch lined up to divide the kitchen area from the 'living room' which consisted of the couch, coffee table, and a crappy TV…and of course, a small bed tucked in the opposite corner.

The small space came furnished, and obviously Cloud hadn't had any time to personalize it or decorate in any way—it was still a huge improvement from the barracks though. He remembered the then-infantryman's complaints about having so many bunk mates, and having to share a bathroom. Those problems were solved, if nothing else. Plus, as a SOLDIER's personal living quarters, it wasn't subject to standard searches and inspections.

At some point during his blank staring, Cloud had taken a seat on the edge of his bed, watching Zack carefully as he snapped out of his trance. He began to approach his friend instinctively, but quickly halted in his tracks.

"Please don't," the blond said, waving a hand up to gesture for Zack to stop. The First obeyed, his false sense of relief shattering already—he'd never heard Cloud sound so pained, not even when he'd taken a big hit during training. "I can't keep acting like things are normal between us."

"Things aren't normal between us. If they were, I wouldn't have gone so long without seeing you. I miss you, Spike." Somewhere in his statement he'd begun stepping in closer again, but this time there was no pressure to stop. He stared into Cloud's eyes, admiring the sharp glow in them—they were always beautiful, but even more so since his mako treatments. He'd been so sure he couldn't be more attracted to the blond, but he was sure he was mesmerized now. "I don't want there to be any space with you and me," he finished, taking a seat directly next to his friend.

"I love you."

It was barely a whisper, but Zack heard it loud and clear—his heart seemed to understand before he could process the confession, racing to catch his mind up to the statement. He was still staring into Cloud's eyes, feeling the younger man searching for some kind of reaction or response—the only response he wanted to give was one he couldn't though.

"I love you, too," he offered instead, fighting the pull that already had him leaning in close. A hands on approach was much more his style.

The statement actually elicited a soft laugh from the blond. "That's even worse."

"Why's it worse? We feel the same way about each other."

"It'd be easier if it were just me. If I could just take the time away and get over it," he explained, shaking his head as he took a deep breath. Zack was still fighting the urge to lean in and kiss away his concerns, instead rubbing the 3rd's back reassuringly as he continued. "I can't keep doing this—seeing you, and wanting more. I can't wake up cuddled up on you and pretending it's okay because we're friends, or wrestling around and acting like there's nothing else on my mind. I can't—"

"But you can go to sleep wearing my pajamas because you miss me so much?" Zack cut in, not needing to hear more to get the point—anything Cloud said about their friendship were things he was intimately familiar with. Every unwanted feeling that had started developing between them was just as prominent in his mind. "We can be together. This doesn't have to be an issue."

"You have three boyfriends."

His stomach was in knots already, knowing his friend had a point. "They think you're great," the First replied with a shrug.

"And I think they're great. Doesn't change anything."

It had to change something. "Spike—"

"Zack, I get what you're saying," the blond assured him, staring up with a weak smile. "I don't think that's a solution though. Just because we get along doesn't mean they want me in a relationship."

"They were buggin' me about you just a few nights ago. I told them to drop it…" he admitted, tensing where he sat. "But if you want, I can talk to them about it. I'm sure they'll say okay. They gotta see things are different with us than they used to be."

"Why'd you tell them to drop it?"

"Uh…I'm not sure, really," he responded slowly, a small shrug as he remembered that night. It just never felt like a good time to have that conversation with his boyfriends, even when they attempted to mention it. "I guess I just didn't know how you felt so I wanted to talk to you first."

"You're full of shit."

Zack's jaw dropped in exaggerated offense. "What?"

"You're full of shit," Cloud repeated, more adamantly this time. "You knew exactly how I felt. You just don't want me in that relationship for the same reason I don't wanna be in that relationship."

"And what reason is that?"

"Maybe I'm selfish," the blond revealed, shrugging a shoulder. The word 'selfish' definitely struck an accord with Zack, but he didn't vocalize it—they were on the same page, it seemed, so he didn't need to say anything. "I like them. All of them. But I love you. I don't wanna be with them just so that I can be with you. It's not fair to them, and I'm not gonna disrespect your relationship by trying to jump in knowing that's how I feel. That's why I just need you to go. Give me some time to—"

"I'm not givin' you any damn space," Zack insisted playfully, his arm pulling Cloud in closer despite his protests. It took a minute for the blond to relax again, but when he did, Zack found himself growing serious again in a hurry. "I've been fighting this for months now. This doesn't have to be a problem."

"When did it start for you?"

He'd been thinking about similar questions for a while—debating what changed, how it happened, when, why—he'd figured out that his growing feelings were mutual, and considered when those changes happened for Cloud, too...Being able to actually discuss it though, it felt therapeutic after trying to suppress it all for so long. He found himself smiling as Cloud stared at him with so much curiosity.

"It wasn't an overnight thing, or something you did one day. It just...happened over time. I mean, we've been buds for years now, but you were kinda…" He bit his tongue, remembering the Cloud he met and how different that kid was from the man sitting beside him. He loved them both, but in such different ways.

"An awkward dork," Cloud finished, looking a bit whimsical himself.

"Welllll, you're still an awkward dork, but slightly less awkward. I thought you were cute back then, but not the same way I look at you now. You've just…I dunno, grown up?" he explained, looking a bit confused by his own words It was something he hadn't figured out on his own, even after thinking about it so often. After years of friendship, nothing had really changed between them. The things they enjoyed doing together were mostly all the same—they trained a bit more often, and Cloud was better at a lot of things, but overall, they were always the same around each other. "You've really come into your own, and ya know? I think when I started noticing that, it was just…day by day you started drawing me in more."

"I had a crush on you the day we met," Cloud said, laughing a bit as Zack's smile grew. "You knew, didn't you?"

"Uh, yeah. I used to stand too close just to fluster you 'cause you were funny," he explained, pouting as the Third elbowed him in the side. "I stopped that after like a month! You seemed to catch on that I was a normal dude by then. I mean, a ridiculously attractive dude, but still mostly normal."

"You're not ridiculously attractive," Cloud muttered, shaking his head as Zack arched an eyebrow.

"Take it back!"

It was a playful tone, and one they both knew too well. Cloud had already braced himself, ready for the headlock Zack pulled him into as he refused to take it back—it was the way most of their 'fights' started. It only took a minute of flailing for Cloud to almost maneuver his way out of Zack's grip, but when the First realized it, he switched tactics and had the blond lying back on the bed, pinned.

"Take it back," he repeated, his tone taunting the blond to try to deny him.

Cloud's fake indignant expression was gone though, replaced by another pained look as he stared up at Zack. "I can't do this. I need you to leave."

Zack's grip relented completely, but he hovered lifelessly for a moment as he stared down. "Cloud…"

"Please. It's hard enough without you acting like this, and doing things like this. Just give me time, and maybe we can go back to pretending this is normal."

"It is normal—the only thing that's different is that I wanna lean down and kiss you, but is that really so bad when you feel the same way?"

Judging by the look on Cloud's face, yes, yes it was that bad. "You have three boyfriends."

"That's why I'm not gonna do it. Not without talking to them first, and—"

"I don't wanna be with them," Cloud told his friend, very clearly. "I wanna be with you."

"C'mon, Spike!" he pleaded, moving away from where he hovered over Cloud to his side. He propped himself up on his elbow, watching as his friend did the same...the doubt in Cloud's eyes only made him grow more desperate as he continued. "You're not thinking about it properly because I'm all you see right now. If we got together in the same room—"

"Everyone has a crush on your boyfriends…that doesn't mean everyone's a perfect match for them."

"But you know them. You're different than everyone else."

"Yeah, and I already told you, I think they're great. That doesn't mean I'm in love with them."

"You could be," Zack debated, his tone halfhearted as he tried to convince himself this was the right thing to say. It was the best option—his boyfriends weren't going to just let him have his own boyfriend on the side, and he couldn't leave Cloud alone at this point. Trying to talk his friend into agreeing and joining his relationship though...it was unsettling. "You're lookin' at it the wrong way—most people aren't already in love when they start a relationship. It happens over time, the same way it did between you and me. You just haven't spent as much time with them...You gotta give them a chance."

"Your relationship doesn't work the same way most relationships do. Even if it's not love, it's a bit more important for some feelings to be there between everyone before adding anyone else in—you told me they didn't even let you in for, what? Three years until everyone agreed?"

"They've known you for almost that long."

"And none of those feelings are there. Not even close."

"You're makin' excuses," he muttered, forcing himself to continue. His attempts at persuading his friend were growing weaker, which only seemed to be solidifying Cloud's responses. "Those feelings weren't there for us three years ago either."

"It's just not the kind of relationship for me," Cloud admitted, shaking his head slowly. "Even if I felt something for them, I don't think I could handle having so many boyfriends."

"Why not? You know what our relationship's all about—it's not that different from having one boyfriend when most the time you only see one at a time anyway. Gen's really romantic when he wants to be, and Angeal…you always said he makes you feel warm, I mean, that's gotta be a start, right? And even Seph's opened up to you—you guys have a weird amount of stuff in common."

"I'm not disagreeing, I just don't wanna be with them like that. I want one boyfriend—and I dunno, I think they're just in a different place than me. They're legends! I'm still a kid practically, and they're—"

"You're 18 now, and a SOLDIER. You're not a kid."

"Compared to them I am. They're older, and Firsts, and they're—"

"I'm a First too, ya know."

"Yeah but you act younger than me on most days."

Zack couldn't deny this, or prevent himself from laughing. "I guess, but it's not like I'll be a big goof forever. We all gotta grow up sometime, right? One day I could wake up and be boring—who knows?"

Cloud just rolled his eyes, ignoring that comment as he pressed on with his arguments. "They're the kinda guys I look up to…the kinda guys I wanna get advice from, or—"

"You don't look up to me? I seem to remembering giving you plenty of advice too, and you're still interested in me."

"It's different with you."

"Why?"

"It just is. I dunno how to describe it."

Zack understood exactly what he meant without further explanation, but he tried to remember his objective. "It's not like the butterfly phase lasts forever—it all tapers off. What matters is if there's something deeper left after they're gone. Just because you aren't feeling anything for the guys now doesn't mean—"

Cloud shook his head solemnly. "Don't you think I've thought about this? That I tried to feel something when I realized how much I cared about you?" he asked, catching Zack off guard completely. The way Cloud was responding did make it seem like maybe he'd already put some thought into it, but the idea of his friend considering his boyfriends seriously was bizarre. "When I started to think how I felt for you wasn't just one sided, I didn't know what I was supposed to think about them anymore. You always seem happy with them, and I thought...I really wanted to feel something more for them too. I just don't. And no matter how many ways you say it, I can't change it just because you want me to. That's not how it works, and that's why I need you to go...give me time to sort through all this."

He wasn't ready to leave just yet, not while the air was still so thick with uncertainty. This wasn't how he imagined the day they were both finally able to admit how they felt. "Cloud…"

"Zack, I mean it," the blond said, too soft to be insistent. He was begging with his eyes though, and that was enough to get Zack to roll off the bed without hesitation. He watched as Cloud sat up, wishing he had anything else left to say on the subject—really though, if they had just had a debate, Cloud won with ease. And it didn't bother him. All that upset him in that moment was the idea of having to walk away. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault we feel this way," Zack told him, shaking off his sadness as best he could as he met Cloud's eyes.

There was a lot he didn't understand about how he had fallen so hard for his best friend, or how he could want to be with someone so badly yet feel so torn about the idea of having that person join his relationship...but he knew they weren't at fault for how they felt about one another—neither of them could help it. The bond that had blossomed between them was just there, pulsing in a way they couldn't ignore or deny.

He ran a hand through his hair, front to back before letting out a sigh. It seemed like Cloud had no intention of replying, and the drawn out silence was taking its toll on Zack. This wasn't how it was supposed to be with them. They never ran out of things to say to each other, and even serious conversations always ended on a fun note...

"You really think time apart will do any good?" he asked, hands on his hips as he eyed the blond skeptically.

"No, but it's the only thing I can think to try right now. These last few weeks kinda sucked."

At least he wasn't the only one who felt that way. "Yeah. I was thinkin' 'bout you more, actually."

"It's gotta be easier than seeing you and knowing this is it though. Knowing there can't be more."

"There can be more," Zack reminded him, letting out another long sigh as he resisted sitting back down again.

He just wanted to reach out—show his friend how it could be between them. Close the gap the way they both obviously wanted and needed. Even a long, tight hug felt wrong now though, knowing it would mean something else to him...and knowing there were still three big obstacles to consider.

There had to be a solution. "We'll figure this out, Spike. I promise."

"Okay," he agreed, his voice dripping with doubt.

"I'll try to back off a bit while we're working it out, but…you gotta call me, or something. You can't push me out completely—not now," Zack told him, stepping closer to the bed and grabbing the blond's hand. He ran his thumb over Cloud's knuckles, noting the way the simple touch had drawn most of the blond's attention. "If you're gonna be clear for missions, I need to know you're okay. And if you need anything, I want you to be comfortable coming to me still."

"I am," he responded, looking up tentatively. "I'll let you know before I go anywhere. I promise."

"And when you're back?"

"Yeah."

Zack studied him for a long minute, nodding when he felt content with the blond's agreement—he gave his hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it with a deep sigh. "Okay. I'm gonna talk to the guys tomorrow, see if there's anything we can do."

"I don't—"

"Wanna be with them. I get it. That doesn't mean we can't work somethin' out."

Cloud didn't look convinced, but he didn't try to argue against Zack's confident assertion either—instead he forced a smile, which Zack returned before he moved toward the door. He wanted to look back and say goodbye to his friend, but…goodbye sounded too much like he was accepting the fact that they needed to be apart before going back to their usual routine as friends. He preferred to think his bold claim was true. That something could be done to make their situation work, and that he'd be seeing Cloud by the next afternoon.

o.o.o.o.o

Of all his boyfriend's, Angeal was the one he'd known the longest—his mentor always helped him sort through his problems. He could talk to any of of his boyfriends about anything, but Angeal…he didn't get jealous or judgmental the way Genesis could, and he had a better understanding of emotional issues than Sephiroth.

It only made sense to approach Angeal first, and separately.

The problem was, he had no idea where to begin—they were sitting side by side on the couch, watching some movie about a small chocobo overcoming the odds and becoming a champion racebird. Angeal was a sucker for motivational stories, and Zack didn't mind them usually—mostly though, he liked cuddling up onto his boyfriend, and this time was no different. He was leaning comfortably into Angeal while his boyfriend had a loose arm wrapped around him, and he took the opportunity to stare blankly at the TV and allow his mind to roam.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the elder SOLDIER asked, eyes not leaving the screen as he spoke.

"Not really," Zack admitted, tensing where he sat. It really shouldn't have been so shocking that Angeal could sense something was bothering him without even looking at him, but it definitely through him off. They had only made it about halfway through the movie, and he'd been hoping to make it to the end before being asked what was on his mind. Would waiting really help? His boyfriend might not try to press the issue again if he declined, and he was beginning to doubt that he'd ever figure out the right way to approach this conversation. "I think I need to though," he said finally, his entire world

Angeal reached for the remote with his spare hand, turning off the TV and focusing his attention on Zack. The younger man didn't look up at him though—he was still eyeing the blank TV screen, heart racing anxiously as he debated what to say.

"It's alright, Zack. It's just me," Angeal murmured, sneaking his hand from Zack's shoulder into his hair. He ruffled the black spikes before letting his fingers massage at his scalp, getting his boyfriend to relax enough to look up. His mentor's eyes were filled with the same boundless patience they'd always held—there was obvious concern in them, but no flicker of jealousy about the impending conversation. "Is it about Cloud?"

"Yeah…I kinda screwed up," he said, letting out a long sigh. Angeal didn't show any signs of annoyance with his younger boyfriend—he just waited, giving Zack the time he needed to open up. "I love him."

To his surprise, Angeal almost looked relieved by the admission. "I know," he said, kindly and with acceptance.

His warmth was enough to draw out more from Zack. "He told me he loves me too."

"I know," he said again, though this time Zack's eyes went wide. He hadn't been expecting that, at all. "Well, I know he loves you. I wasn't aware you'd spoken about it."

He breathed a short sigh, shaking his head slightly as he scratched the back of his head. "You can probably guess what's wrong then."

"He's not open to the rest of us," Angeal concluded, sounding confident in his assumption.

"Nope. I mean, he likes you all, he just…he doesn't think he can care about you that way."

"And what do you think?"

He struggled with the question, again coming back to the only answer that made sense—the one that he was trying to accept himself. "It'd be easier if he was willing to try with everyone at least."

Angeal frowned, his brows furrowed as he thought about Zack's statement. "There was a time before I was your boyfriend, when I was your mentor."

Zack scoffed—ShinRa could take away the title, but that didn't change anything. "You still are my mentor."

"And that's why I'm speaking to you as a mentor now. Not as a boyfriend," Angeal told him very carefully. "There's a reason you haven't even tried to ask us if we'd consider him at this point. You've obviously felt this way for quite some time, and it's not something you can just ignore. If you love him, and he loves you, there's a simple solution to your problem."

"But I love all of you, too."

"Zack…"

He frowned. Why was Angeal looking at him like that? "I don't understand."

"Yes, you do, Pup." He patted the younger SOLDIER's shoulder, shaking his head slightly. "You've been pulling back from us since the day he stumbled into your life. It was gradual at first, but the more time you spend with him, the more prominent it's become. I think you spent more time with him than any of the three of us these last six or eight months."

"I wasn't pulling back, he just needed me, and I—"

Angeal was shaking his head again, his expression grim. "You don't need to explain yourself to me. Just know that I will always care for you, regardless. I'm sure the others will come around too. They aren't blind. They see the way you light up when you talk about him. Why do you think Gen was so hostile and Seph was so quiet last Monday? We all know something is going on with you two."

"Nothing's happened with me and him," Zack clarified, relieved again to see Angeal nod; it was good to see that Angeal believed him—to know he was trusted, and that Angeal knew he wouldn't disrespect their relationship by crossing any lines. "I just feel…different around him."

"Different how?"

"Cloud and I…we always have fun together, but lately it's just been so much easier with him," he explained carefully, hoping not to offend his boyfriend.

"Easier than it used to be with him, or easier than it is with us?"

"Both," he said, realizing it as he spoke. "When I met him, it was the furthest thing from my mind. He was just a shy, dorky kid and I wanted to help him out—I wanted to take him under my wing like you did for me. It's like he stepped outta that shell now, and he's this whole new person. We still have fun, but it keeps getting better. I can't help wanting more, especially now that I know he does too."

"I can understand that," Angeal responded, looking at Zack with a warm smile. "I felt much the same way about you."

"Yeah, but…" He shook his head, taking a moment to collect his thoughts as Angeal waited for him to continue. "You don't feel the same way about him, do you?"

The elder SOLDIER hesitated a moment, selecting his words as if they were fragile. "I enjoy Cloud's company, and I think he's a great person. He's not someone I could see myself with romantically though."

It was actually a relief to hear, but he found himself pressing the issue anyway. "Why not? You all like him, and it's not like he's bad looking."

"Our relationship has always run deeper than appearances. I'm not saying I don't find him attractive, but I don't feel the same connection with him as I do with Seph or Gen…or you, of course."

"You always have fun when he's around."

"I'm not disagreeing. I told you, I enjoy his company. More so when the two of you are together—I get to see a side of you that you don't often show anymore," he explained, smiling again as Zack frowned. "I don't usually spend time with just Cloud, so it's difficult to say if there could be something more between us. Seph and Gen agree—none of us have felt any immediate pull toward him. They have nothing but good things to say about him, but our feelings don't run deeper than that."

Zack laughed under his breath, shaking his head. This conversation was beginning to sound very familiar. "He said the same thing about you guys. He thinks you're great, but…"

"If it would make you happy, I think we'd all be willing to try to see if there could be something there. We can see how much he means to you. If he's already feeling the same reluctance that we are though, I'm not sure it would do us any good. Bonds like this can't be forced or hoped into existence."

He nodded his head in understanding, knowing that all too well. That didn't help much with their current dilemma though. He found himself staring at Angeal, needing more guidance than the man had offered—he was at a complete loss. "What am I supposed to do then? I can't have him and you guys…"

"I think you already know what to do, Pup."

"I have to choose," Zack guessed, raising both brows as Angeal nodded—it was a gentle, encouraging nod rather than one meant to pressure him, but it didn't set him at ease about the situation. "How can I do that?"

"You already made your decision; you just haven't come to terms with it yet because you're worried how we'll react. Ultimately it's not about us though. You have to pursue your own happiness; your own path. I'd never think less of you for leaving me to be with someone you truly care about."

"I do care about you. All of you!" he insisted, stunned that Angeal could think otherwise.

"Just not as much as him."

He was speaking so calmly and kindly still, but the words stung. "It's different. It's not something you can compare. Do I ever ask you if you like Gen and Seph more than me?"

"No, but to be fair, I'm not asking you either. I can just see it—you're an open book to me, Pup."

"I love you."

"You think you're doing me a kindness by saying that now, but you're not. You're making this more difficult than it already is," Angeal told him, tearing his gaze away uncharacteristically. The composed mask he was wearing was cracking, and it was almost unbearable to witness. He rubbed his hands over his face, letting out a short, strained breath as he stared off. His expression was unrecognizable as the younger SOLDIER watched him, completely devastated to see his mentor looking so wounded. Angeal was his rock—steady and unwavering. It only took another moment for his demeanor to shift back into its sturdy state, but the damage was done. Zack would never be able to forget that he had caused Angeal to feel that way. "You've been unhappy with us for months now."

"That's not true," he responded, shaking his head vigorously.

"Yes, it is. And that's okay, Pup. I thought it was normal for a while—relationships have ups and downs, especially ones like ours where we're constantly being sent away from one another. Maybe it's been building up to this point for years for you though. You're too kind…you always put us first, and your own happiness second—now you've realized you're happier elsewhere."

"That's not true," he insisted again, determined to make Angeal believe it. "You do make me happy."

"I appreciate you saying that, but if that were the case, we wouldn't be in this situation. It's okay, Zack—you don't have to look so upset. I'm not going to try to tell you I'm pleased you're leaving us, but I support you and your decisions. I'll always be here for you. You'll have to tell the others yourself, but I'll be there by your side," Angeal told him, a finality in his tone.

The truth was, his mentor was right. About his decision, at least. There was no way he could go back to acting like he was just friends with Cloud, even if that meant leaving his current relationship. His heart wouldn't allow him to ignore the way he felt about the blond any longer.

That didn't mean the three men he'd spent so much of his life with weren't important still, or that they didn't make him happy. A surge of emotions coursed through him, and he almost opened his mouth to try explaining that again, but...no matter how gentle Angeal's eyes looked, nothing could conceal the hurt within them. It seemed like his protests were only making things worse, and he refused to do anything to cause his mentor further pain.

o.o.o.o.o

Breaking up with three boyfriends after being in a three year relationship with them was unsurprisingly difficult. Well, two boyfriends—it did help that Angeal knew his intentions when they walked into Sephiroth's apartment together. It felt strange, not holding hands with the man or standing as close as he wanted or needed. Even knowing they weren't going to be involved that way, he was still drawn in by the safety and comfort that emanated from his presence. He was sure Angeal wouldn't have pulled back if he attempted to grab hold of him, but it didn't seem fair to try that under the circumstances either.

Somehow he'd strung the words together, letting his other boyfriends know what was going on in his heart...letting them know that he'd made a decision to leave the group. There wasn't an immediate reaction—it seemed like all three were soaking it in, even Angeal who had already been aware. No one looked shocked or angry or anything, really...just blank as they thought about what Zack had told them.

Eventually Angeal offered him a weak, reassuring smile, but that only made him feel worse.

Genesis snapped out of his own thoughts next. "Get out."

Zack felt his heart sink as he met the redhead's eyes, easily stung by the harsh words he undoubtedly deserved to hear.

"Genesis—" his two other boyfriends—or, ex-boyfriends—started, both silent as the redhead glared at them with offense.

"Am I supposed to be happy about this?" he asked, more furious with every word. "I'm not saying we should disown him forever, I just can't look at him right now." He turned to face Zack again, arms folded across his chest. "Leave."

Neither of the other two men made to object this time, and Zack couldn't bring himself to even look at them either. He obeyed silently, forcing himself to move more quickly than he felt capable. When his hand was on the knob, he felt another pang of sadness when no one said a word to stop him...and then another when he stepped out, closing the door behind him as he exited.

It all felt so...final. He found himself leaning back against the closed door, unable to walk away as every emotion hit him all at once.

Three years…

All three men were wonderful, and he had countless awesome memories about their time together—as boyfriends, and even before that as friends. When he'd closed that door, he'd closed a different door as well. One to a chapter of his life that he would likely never be able to reopen. They may forgive him in the long run...accept his friendship, and offer their own...they would never open up to him beyond that again though. Those three were exclusive about who they spent time with, and it felt like a massive betrayal to know he'd been accepted and then turned away from them willingly.

But Cloud…The more space there was between them, the more impossible his day to day felt. He couldn't be happy without Cloud, that much he knew. It was the right decision, but that didn't make him feel any better about hurting three of the most important people in his life.

"It's not his fault," he heard Angeal say, finally breaking the silence in the apartment. "He loves Cloud—we've all seen them together."

"He didn't even try to see if it could work with all five of us!" Genesis argued, every word nailing in the guilt the younger SOLDIER was harboring.

"Their bond is unique. None of us have that with Cloud, and I'm beginning to wonder if we ever truly had it with Zack. He's always been different than the rest of us. He—"

"Of course we had it! We'd never have spent so long with him if there were nothing between us."

"Perhaps I did not express myself adequately."

He was sure he couldn't feel worse about the entire situation, but hearing Sephiroth chime in…the underlying struggle in his tone was grueling to hear. He wanted to shout into the door yes, you did…he absolutely did express himself, and Zack saw it every day they spent together—he felt it in every small gesture, and deep in his heart.

If he knew his boyfriends…or, ex-boyfriends…it was strange to think about still, but he could imagine Angeal by Sephiroth's side, rubbing his back reassuringly as Genesis paced out his irritation. Knowing they had each other still was the only reassurance he allowed himself.

"I don't understand what he thinks Cloud can offer him that we can't," the redhead said, his annoyance transitioning into sheer disbelief. "Us! We've treated him very well over the years. Some Third Class has nothing that we don't, surely."

"I don't think it's that simple," Angeal responded, too calmly to be comforting. It was almost like he knew his student was still leaning against the door listening, and he was forcing himself to stay level headed about the whole thing. "When Zack first joined us, things were different. You used to take him out on dates, remember? Dinners, dancing...What do you do with him now?" There was a long pause, and Zack found himself debating the answer as well—he remembered everything Angeal spoke about. How great things had been when they first got together…how every time they got together, as a group or separately, it had been so exciting and different. It only seemed normal for some of that to fade and change over time though. "You bring him to the theatre, Gen. Zack doesn't have the attention span for plays—it's not really his thing. And Seph, you—"

"Are you blaming us?" Genesis cut in, offense dripping in his tone.

"No. It was the same with me. I used to bring him out too, and now…I'm so busy with work and you two that when I have time with him, I try to spend it catching up on things I enjoy. The last time I took him out, I brought him to the flower shop…he didn't seem to mind, but he must have hated it," Angeal explained, sounding regretful as he spoke. "It's difficult, with so many of us. We all try to please each other, but if we aren't careful…I think he lost a bit of himself every time he tried to put us first. When he's with Cloud, he doesn't have to try to please anyone."

"If he wanted to do something different, all he had to do was ask. I still enjoy going out on the town just as much as I did three years ago, I just usually take you to dinner."

"He had been asking me to bring him to that new movie—the comedy," Angeal said, letting out a long sigh. "I kept putting it off because I wasn't interested in seeing it."

"He may have mentioned that to me as well."

"Public cinemas are not preferable."

"He went ended up going with Cloud. They had a good time."

There was a long silence, and Zack tried to work out his feelings during it. Angeal had a point, as usual—it was always his first instinct to cave in and do whatever his boyfriends wanted. A movie was the least of his concerns, and just another example on an extensive list over the years. That didn't mean he wasn't having a good time though. He liked doing things that made them happy.

Their time together was so limited that it wasn't worth bickering with Genesis about not wanting to see another play, or trying to convince Sephiroth to leave the apartment for dinner for a change, or telling Angeal that he couldn't smell the difference between the a tulip and a daisy. Seeing his boyfriends happy made him happy, and so it was fine. They were still able to talk and bond no matter what they did...and most their evenings ended with great sex, which also made him happy.

Had he lost some of himself through it all?

Not really. Whenever there was something none of his boyfriends wanted to do with him, he always had Cloud. And with Cloud, neither were sacrificing what they wanted—their interests were just similar to begin with. His heart swelled as he thought about it more...He'd been turning to Cloud longer than he even realized.

"I would have compromised if he'd just spoken up."

"Gen…remember what you always say to me?" Angeal asked slowly, a hint of amusement in his tone. "Sometimes a man—"

"Shouldn't have to ask," the redhead finished, a dramatic sigh escaping his lips. "I suppose that's a valid point...I wouldn't say it if it weren't true."

"I believe I am at fault."

"Seph, you're not—"

"I intentionally schedule myself for missions when you make theatre plans," Sephiroth revealed, his tone uncomfortable at the admission. "I do the same when there is mention of gardening related plans or other various activities. If I am unavailable, your options for company are limited."

"It's not like you're the first person to schedule something to get out of theatre night," Angeal told him softly, clearly ignoring the loud scowl from Genesis. "And I know neither of you are that interested in all my hobbies. Zack's probably the only one who was too kind to do that, and…"

He couldn't listen anymore. It was making his heart ache worse than before, hearing them blame each other as they sorted through his decision. It wasn't what he wanted—he hadn't left thinking any of them made him unhappy. He left because he was in love with Cloud, and they weren't—he left because Cloud wasn't interested in them, and he couldn't keep going without changing things with the blond.

When they were ready to listen, he'd be sure to tell them that. For now there was only one place he wanted to be.

AN:

Hmm I'd like to reiterate Part Two is happier - I'm off to edit more now. Hopefully y'all enjoyed this so far even though this part was mostly depressing...