Happy Without Me

Chapter Twenty – And This Love Came Back To Me

A/N: Okay, this is it. The ending. Thank you all so much for reading and enjoying this :) It's been a journey.

Summary: Sure, everyone says long distance doesn't work. But if anyone was gonna make it work it was supposed to be them. They've always beat the odds – until now. Now, Amy is just walking away like they don't have two decades worth of history. Karma doesn't know why Amy made so many promises when she wasn't going to follow through with any of them.

'This love left a permanent mark, this love is glowing in the dark. These hands had to let it go free, and this love came back to me'

Five Years After The Break Up (Present Day)

"I wanna show you something," Amy says as she stands and throws an old t-shirt over her head.

Karma just props her head up on her hand to watch as Amy digs through the pile of discarded clothes in the corner of the room. She hasn't felt so satisfied in a long time and it's calmed a lot of the raging turmoil she's been dealing with since Amy's return. She can't help but start to have some faith that maybe this is it for them – maybe they're finally going to get it right.

"Show me what?"

"This," and then Amy is walking back to the bed to put a necklace in her hand that Karma hasn't looked at in years. Yeah, she has hers stored away in the box in the attic but she could've never predicted this.

"Amy, what-"

"I didn't really feel like I deserved to wear it anymore, but I always have it with me," Amy averts her eyes after a moment and adds, "I could never really let go of you, Karma."

Karma can feel the lump in her throat but she reels it in and looks down at the tattered piece of fake jewelry from her sixteenth birthday. The tip of the heart is worn and the engraved words are barely visible anymore – there's no denying that the necklace has seen its share of wear and tear over the years.

She doesn't really have any words for this reveal instead she just looks up to see Amy's red face – like it's taken everything for her to divulge this information. And then it's like looking at the gold heart mends something in her own.

"What happened to the it?"

There's a long pause before Amy's able to answer. "I won't do surgery without it – and when I get nervous I'm always rubbing it so its worn out. Guess I should've gotten us something more quality."

"We were sixteen," Karma says with a small smile. "It's not like you had money. Your other gift to me that year was Liam."

Amy cringes. "Not my best gift-giving year."

"I don't know for a sixteen year old that was madly in love with her best friend you pulled the self-sacrificing thing very well – you made me cry."

"Yeah, like that's hard," Amy teases as she stretches out on her side of the bed. She runs a hand along Karma's thigh to keep contact. "You promised to always wear yours-"

"As long as you did too," Karma finishes, carefully.

Amy smiles faintly. "I know you probably don't have it anymore but I just wanted you to know you've always been with me, okay? So, I know this is hard for you," Karma looks at Amy's hand on her leg for a moment and then back up, "but I thought maybe if I showed you this you'd believe me when I tell you that over the last five years I never stopped thinking of you."

She hesitates. "I do still have mine. I just… couldn't look at it for a long time."

"Thought maybe it just turned your skin green," Amy says, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, that's the only reason I'm not wearing it," Karma replies, dryly.

It looks like Amy sort of sobers at that and instead of answering she settles for tracing imaginary circles on the sheets. It really means everything to Karma that Amy still carries that necklace – it's an action that really only proves to back up all of the words she's been told over the last few weeks.

"Karma," Amy sounds tentative but Karma nods to urge her forward. "Being with you again, like that – I don't even know what to say. It's been so long-"

"I know. And it was good. God, Amy, it was so good. I missed being close to you," she admits. Amy's face brightens in a way that makes Karma's heart feel light and full. "It's never really taken much for us though, has it? You kiss me once and I can't really help but want more."

"I can't either," Amy says, softly. She pauses to place a kiss on Karma's forehead. "I love you, you know that. You're who I want."

Karma nods at the admission because yeah, she'd been expecting that. She kind of knew once she crossed that line with Amy it'd amplify the feelings they've both been carrying.

"I love you too," she says before pulling the sheets tighter around her frame. "Can you just give me some time to – process all this?"

Amy visibly deflates at her words. "Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. I, um, I'm sure Lauren's around – or maybe Shane."

"You don't have to go anywhere-"

"No, you're right, you asked for space all those weeks ago before my mom," she pauses and lets out a long breath before she starts again. "I'm sorry if I've like – smothered you or forced this on you in any way."

"You didn't," Karma tries to reassure Amy but she won't even spare a glance as she gathers clothes. "You didn't force anything, Amy. I chose to be there for you. Your mom died-"

"Yeah, I know, Karma. Thanks," her tone is cold and sharp in a way it hasn't been all morning.

Karma closes her eyes briefly because it was clearly the wrong thing to say. "You know I didn't mean it like that."

"No, but it still hurt," Amy confesses quietly, and Karma tries to feel bad but all she feels is the stinging anger of years ago.

She stands with the sheets wrapped tightly around her chest and fire in her eyes. "Yeah, that sucks doesn't it? When someone doesn't mean to hurt you but they fucking do it anyway."

Amy's back is to her but she can see the way her shoulders raise and tighten. "Can we not do this?"

"Do what? Bring up the fact that you broke my heart? That's always gonna be there for me," she's trying desperately to sound as angry as she feels but all that seems to surface is that unwavering uncertainty that makes her voice crack in spite of all of her best efforts. "If you want to be with me again you need to be sure you can handle that. You hurt me-"

Amy whirls around, shoes in hand, and cuts her off. "I know I did. I never acted like I didn't. Not once. I fucking came home to apologize. I don't know what else I can possibly say."

It kind of feels like admitting defeat when Karma sits back on the bed and murmurs, "I don't think there's anything else you can say."

She can see Amy's attempts to keep a straight face at her words, but she's doing a miserable job. "What are you even saying?"

"That I need the space I asked for."

"Should I take my stuff?" she asks after a minute.

"Amy, I'm not saying no…" Karma trails off without finishing her sentence because she hasn't exactly said anything indicating a positive answer either. Amy nods but she doesn't look reassured.

"And you're not saying yes," she finally says in a tone that makes Karma's stomach tie itself in knots.

So, she stands again to move across the room but Amy shakes her head and holds up her hands to stop all further movement. "Don't, okay? It's fine."

"Amy-"

"It's fine," Amy says, unconvincingly. "I'm gonna go. Take all the space you need."

"Amy, c'mon. Just stay, you're upset."

"I just – I guess I thought after last night that… you know what, it was stupid. We probably should've talked before I got ahead of myself," Amy tells her with a sigh before rubbing at her face. "I told you before - I can be your friend. Maybe we're just not meant to-" she cuts herself off with a shake of her head, like she can't quite fathom thoughts of them not being together.

Karma tries to speak again, but Amy's out the door and down the stairs before she can get another word in. All she can manage is grasping at the sheet around her to try to calm her heart that's hammering in her chest.

How did that get so out of hand?

"She still has the necklace," Karma says as Reagan wanders around emptying her dishwasher. Gia waves goodbye as she slips out the front door and Karma almost apologizes for just barging in and taking over their afternoon, but like, she needed advice.

"I know."

"What do you mean you know?" she asks, mind spinning.

Reagan fills a water glass and passes it to Karma before she answers. "One: I don't know why you thought she'd get rid of it. Two: she came to me a few weeks ago for advice. She didn't want to push you."

"Advice?"

"Yeah, advice, Karma. You know some direction in how to approach this whole thing?"

"I know what the definition of advice is," Karma says with a roll of her eyes. "I meant more like – what did you say? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I told her maybe it'd be a good idea to show you she's had that thing. Kind of prove she's not blowing smoke up your ass about the last five years-"

"I never thought that," she takes a sip of water as Reagan eyeballs her for the interruption.

"You asked a question, Ashcroft, shut up and let me answer," Reagan says, pointedly. "I told her it'd be a good idea but she didn't want to push too hard – but I told her to push you because you fucking need it. If she waits for you to come around you're gonna be having awkward meet ups in the goddamn nursing home."

"That's not true," Karma defends.

"Oh? Then where is she today?"

"I told her I needed some space to process," Reagan raises her eyebrows as if she's proving a point. Karma bristles. "I don't think that's unfair – this has all been a whirlwind since she came home-"

"And you didn't have to go to her when she got here. In fact, I told you not to. But there wasn't any keeping you away. You've literally just been looking for reasons to be near her," she pauses for a moment, and then meets Karma's eyes. "You look happy. I haven't seen you look this way in a long time. So, yeah, I told her to show you but she was scared to death – and possibly embarrassed. I mean - did you see that thing? It's worn as fuck. And knowing Amy, I'm honestly surprised she didn't lose it since she keeps it in her pockets."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Not my place."

"But you're my best friend-" she starts saying but Reagan adamantly shakes her head to stop the whole thought.

"No, I'm not. I love you to death but that has always been Amy – even when it wasn't. Regardless, I wasn't getting in the middle of your shit. She fucking loves you, Karma, she always has. I couldn't even lure her away when we were kids… and I mean, look at me," Reagan smirks when Karma scoffs.

"I know she loves me," she finally says when her eyes focus on the granite counter behind Reagan. "And the necklace meant -" she blows out a breath as she does her best to voice her thoughts, "that necklace meant everything. We promised we'd always wear them and she… she kept that promise. But she hurt me."

"Look, I know you want her. So, yeah the trust issues aren't gonna go the fuck away over night. But you constantly running scared and pushing her away isn't gonna fix shit. Let it go, Karma."

"I'm worried she won't be able to deal with me having so many issues – like from the break up and all," Karma admits, quietly.

It's the sound of Reagan's palms slapping the surface of the island that makes her look up. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"What?"

"This is Amy we're talking about, right? I didn't miss something?"

"Of course it's Amy?" Karma's fucking confused by this entire thing now.

"I know she was gone for five years but did you fucking forget who she is? Karma you've always had issues," Reagan says and she furrows her eyebrows in displeasure. "Oh, don't look at me like that, it's true and you know it. But when has that ever bothered Amy? She loves you – that's insecurities and all. I know you know that. Are you being intentionally dumb today?"

"No."

"Then stop looking for reasons this won't work. If you fucking sit and pick everything apart you'll find a million reasons why it won't. We can't get in the fucking DeLorean and take back what happened – you're going to have to just live with it and move past it. You gotta stop throwing it in her face."

Karma screws up her face like that isn't exactly what just happened. "I didn't."

"I call bullshit. I know how you get," Reagan answers with a raised eyebrow. Karma withers under her authority. "It's like you're picking at a scab. Give it a chance to heal, okay? She moved home, took a job here, she's basically living with you, she's apologized a million times, and she's been carrying around a fifteen year old piece of fake jewelry – like what else do you need from her?"

She shrugs because Reagan's making a fuck ton of sense. "Nothing."

"Then what the fuck are you doing here?"

The bar they were at a few days ago is crowded and way too loud but she spots the back of Amy's head almost immediately. So, she pushes and shoves her way through people. She totally stepped on a few feet but at this point who really cares?

Kay sees her first and points. "And there's the infamous Karma! Good to see you again," she wraps her arms around Karma's shoulders in a brief hug. If it was any other time Karma would've loved to stay and chat, but she really needs to talk to Amy. She waves to Will and tries to catch Amy's eye but Amy's literally sort of avoiding her entire presence.

"Amy, can you come outside real quick? Please?" Karma asks quietly, trying not to make everyone else aware of their dispute.

"We can talk later," she says, tersely. And yeah, she sounds like she's being a bitch but Karma knows better because she can see the sadness lingering in Amy's eyes.

"We need to talk now. I have something for you."

"Karma, not now."

Karma huffs and grabs her wrist. There's no way she's letting Amy blow this off because it's fucking important. They've wasted enough time.

"Hey guys, I just need to borrow Amy for like ten minutes we'll be right back!" she tells the group so there's no way Amy can say no without basically letting everyone know they're fighting. It's a little fucked but it does the job.

"Did you come here just to make me feel worse?" Amy asks.

"Can you just open this?" she hands a small box over and Amy's face drops at it.

Karma can't really figure out the reaction but then Amy says, "If this is your necklace – I don't want it. Just keep it. Even if you just leave it with all our other stuff."

"It's not-"

"I'm gonna go back inside, I'll get my stuff from your house later?"

"Amy, just fucking open it," she demands. A few people on the side of the bar turn their heads at her volume but she waves them off – they can mind their own fucking business. "Please."

It looks like Amy wants nothing to do with opening the box but she does it anyway to placate Karma. She looks up when she sees the contents. "Karma, what-"

"It's – maybe it's dumb – but it's a key. To my house… well, my mom's but you know what I mean," she explains with a small laugh. "Ames, if you're gonna stay with me, then stay with me."

Amy just opens and closes her mouth a few times like she's looking for words that keep escaping her. She settles on, "So, this is yes?"

Karma nods. "This is yes. Be with me – like for real. I'm sorry for this morning I just – it was a lot. This has all been a lot."

"Yeah, it has."

"You're who I want too. It just took me a little while to get here," Karma tells her with all the certainty that was missing this morning.

"I'm glad you did," Amy says, eyes looking mysteriously shiny.

"Don't cry," Karma teases with a smile.

Amy manages a weird half-laugh, half-sniffle thing that turns into a cough. "C'mere you," she murmurs as she pulls Karma in by her waist.

"I love you," Karma whispers before their lips meet.

Amy smiles as she pulls back briefly. "Yeah, I know."

Karma just rolls her eyes and kisses her again. "Can we go home?"

"You mean back to bed? Part two?" Amy asks before wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. And actually that doesn't really sound like a bad plan.

She licks her lips (which she totally knows drives Amy crazy), meets her eyes, and nods. "Sure, part two. And three… maybe four," she says as she starts towards the car. She can hear Amy groan at her departure.

"Lemme get my keys, meet you at home?"

"Absolutely, my parents are out, by the way. I'll be in my room – do not have clothes on when you get there," and she laughs when Amy's eyes double in size.

"Fuck my keys. We'll get my car later."