Becoming

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I'm really hoping that Roy and Thea get back together soon. R/R.

"Did you know?"

Roy Harper decides that he's never going to get used to Thea Queen being down in the foundry's lower level. He's still adjusting to Thea being in on the secret, not that he's complaining about it. He thinks it's good that she knows and honestly, he feels like it's been a long time in coming. Unfortunately, life behind a mask means that you keep secrets on top of your secrets. There's always another layer to peel back in order to get to the really dirty, ugly truth.

"Is it sad that there are way too many things you could be asking about with that question?" he asks in return as Thea makes it down the steps.

In hindsight, being flippant with her probably wasn't his best response. Roy is prone to not thinking about his actions. Looking before you leap is hard to do when you don't care about the consequences of that leap. So when Thea moves towards him far faster than he expected, Roy barely has time to react. The punch is harder than he thought it would be. He realizes that he needs to start giving her more credit. This is not the same Thea Queen whose purse he tried to steal what seems like a lifetime ago. This is Thea Queen-Merlyn now, a woman forged into iron by fire. Yet even now, Roy is seeing a new side of her.

Thea hits him again and this time Roy manages to block the attack. He's figured it out by now and knows that she needs this. You can only keep anger like that bottled up for so long before you explode. If anyone in Thea's life understands this, it's Roy. So he lets her throw as many punches as she likes because there is no other way to exorcise this kind of demon. He never wanted this for Thea though. He never wanted to look in her eyes and see that terrible cocktail of anger, frustration, and desperation that he sees now. He knows that look so well because he's seen it in the mirror too many times.

"About Sara," says Thea finally as another punch connects and she stops her assault. "About . . . about what I did to her."

Thea buries her head in her hands. She can't decide if she's remembering to forget her awful deed or forgetting to remember it. She wants to scream until her throat is raw. She wants to punch a wall until her knuckles are pulp, until they're so bloody and bruised that the pain hurts worse than the pain in her heart. She wants to die because living with the guilt of Sara's blood on her hands is too hard for her. Her fingers clench around her head, her nails digging into her skin.

"Hey, look at me."

Thea doesn't want to look at him. She doesn't know what she wants anymore. She thought that her father was teaching her not to get hurt again, not to let herself get hurt again. All this time though, he was hurting her. How could she have been so blind to not see it until now?

"Roy, I . . . I did it. I can't remember it but . . ."

"I know," says Roy. "I know what you're feeling right now, Thea. You remember when I was out of control because of that drug? I killed a cop that night and I couldn't remember any of it when I woke up."

Roy looks into her eyes and wants to scream at the world like he's done so many times. He regrets that she ever crossed paths with Malcolm Merlyn. He regrets pushing her away and into the arms of the most evil man on the planet. That was his mistake and he will never stop trying to correct it. There are so many things related to her that he will never stop doing. He's not going to push this time though. He's just going to wait for her to open the door and let him in again.

"Roy, this isn't some stranger," counters Thea. "This was . . . this was Sara."

"I know," he agrees. "The feeling is the same though. You just have to tell yourself that it wasn't you. It wasn't really you, Thea."

Again, she surprises him and takes him to the floor. He looks up at her and he sees something in her eyes that he knows Merlyn put there. It's a madness and a frenzy, a killer's instinct that is foreign to her. Merlyn infected her with it like a virus and now it's killing her little by little. Roy wonders if some day, Thea will wake up and not be able to recognize herself again.

"I could kill you right now," she tells him and she's deadly serious about it.

"You could but you won't," assures Roy. "I know you. You're Thea Queen. You're a rich trust-fund brat who crashes expensive cars for fun. You sneak into parties and do drugs. You make out with bad boys like me to piss off your mother."

"Don't try to tell me who I am!" she snaps.

"Don't let your father do it either then," he tells her.

She latches onto that idea, that idea that she defines herself instead of everyone else doing it for her. She has spent her whole life trying to rebel against what she thought her parents expected of her. Why should she stop now? Why not just keep doing that? Maybe the game has changed a little but the goal is still the same. Maybe she doesn't have to let what Merlyn did to her dictate who and what she is.

"Well played, Mr. Harper," she admits as she gets off of him and yanks him back to his feet.

"Wasn't finished yet," says Roy with a grin. "I love you. I love you because you're Thea Queen. I love you because you're the most stubborn girl I've ever met, and you care about people so much that it hurts. I won't stop loving you, no matter who you become."

"You know, I probably don't deserve you," admits Thea.

"I used to say that to you all the time," reminds Roy.

"How is it that no matter how screwed up we get, we're always perfect for each other?"

"Got me there," he answers with a shrug and then rubs his jaw. "Merlyn must've been a damn good teacher. If I need to get my ass kicked, at least I know who to call now."

"I'll kick your ass any day of the week, Harper," says Thea and she's smiling now.

Roy smiles as well and takes her hand in his. He brings it up to kiss her swollen knuckles. He doesn't do more than that although he wants to. Thea understands that and silently appreciates his patience. It's never been a strong suit for either of them but they're learning how to redefine themselves. Roy figures that as long as they have each other, whatever they become will be worth it in the end.