The first snow falls in the middle of the night without any fanfare, which Maki finds out when she wakes up to see Rin with her face pressed flat against the window. Everything outside is coated in a layer of muffling white, and Maki briefly grumbles something about how commuting to school is going to be a pain.

"'Morning, Maki-chan!" Rin turns on her heels and grins, all bright and sunshine-y even though daylight had barely broken. She walks over, lightly tugs at the corner of Maki's sleeve, and Maki only groans in defeat. It's a morning routine. She had ditched alarm clocks long ago.

"I'm up, I'm up…"

Bare feet hit the floor and Maki makes her way past Rin to prepare for the day. Meanwhile, Rin skips to the kitchen and promptly forgets what she was going to do in there in favor of staring out at the snow, palms smushed against sheer glass.

They've been living together for years, ever since graduation. Their weeks are mundane and loosely scheduled with blocks of school, blocks of work, and some precious time of rest in the little house Maki chose to rent rather than living at her parents'. If there's one thing Maki looks forward to, it's walking through the front door and being greeted with a high-energy welcome home that she always brushes off, but they both know (and Rin especially knows) how much she finds comfort in Rin's company.

Things had been great at first. Friends frequently visited with gifts to furnish the house, and to discuss college and their lives which were drifting apart by the day. They were on their feet most of the time and Rin absolutely loved having people over, but then schoolwork began to pile like the snow outside and visitors stopped showing up so much. Maki stopped talking so much about lunch dates and movie nights.

So the two of them made do with lunch dates and movie nights in their home.

One time Hanayo visited for a couple days. When she left, she left behind a vaguely tense atmosphere that she was completely unaware of. Maki waved at her from the door while Rin stayed seated on the couch, staring hard at the plate of cookies that had been set out for them.

"Fish again?! Noooo-"

"Be quiet. It's not for you."

She wrinkles her nose at Maki and sticks her tongue out. Maki, mature as always, just rolls her eyes and slides the fish from pan to plate. The curtains are closed and the snow is falling hard outside, but it's warm in their tiny house and there's a kotatsu to slide beneath. Rin is already there when Maki seats herself with her dinner, and she yelps when she feels Rin's cold feet brush against hers.

"H-hey! Watch it!"

"You know Rin can't help that!"

"Yes you can! Don't stick your legs out so far!"

For the second time within fifteen seconds, Rin sticks her tongue out and flops her arms down on the table.

"I'm more comfortable like this."

"Rin, stop it! I swear I'm going to—"

"Nyahaha!"

"Riiiin!"

If she had anything ready to throw, she'd throw it. Unfortunately, the most Maki can do is pull her legs back and scowl with as much anger as she can muster. It isn't much. Across the kotatsu, Rin grins like a child.

"Hey, Maki-chan, let's build a snowman tomorrow! It's Saturday so you won't have to work, right?"

"You decide to ask me this right after you piss me off?"

"Oh, come on. I know you're not really mad. Besides, Rin is gonna stop pestering you for real. See? See?" She withdraws her own legs out of the kotatsu and pulls her knees up to her chest, her smile less wild this time. "Get your legs back under the blanket, or else you'll catch a cold."

"I wouldn't catch a cold just from that…" Maki grumbles, but does as Rin says anyway. She pokes at her fish with her fork and takes a few bites, chewing slowly. "And do you really have to watch me eat?"

"Yup!"

"Seriously, you're impossible."

Rin sees that hint of a smile, just barely there at the edges of Maki's frown. It's good enough. "So, so? How about that snowman?"

"I've got homework to catch up on," Maki hesitates when she sees Rin's expression begin to fall. "… But I could take a break, I suppose."

She instantly brightens up again and raises her arms in a V. "Yay! It's a victory for Rin! A snowball fight-"

"No."

"Hehe, Maki-chan's smiling though~"

"I am not!" She furiously shovels in another couple forkfuls of fish and wills that flush rising up her face to stay down, but ultimately fails. Rin's childish laugh throttles at her and Maki swallows heavily, smiling in spite of herself.

Their plans to play in the snow are interrupted by a visitor. Outside, the sky is a clear blue and the snow is pristine. Outside, she can hear a group of children down the street laughing. And outside on the front step is Hanayo, bundled up in a scarf that almost muffles what she's saying to Maki. Rin stands in the doorway to the kitchen just out of Hanayo's sight, expression unusually subdued.

Ah, maybe they won't get to build their snowman today after all.

"None of us have seen you in a while, Maki-chan. Are you alright?" Hanayo has a paper bag with her. Small gifts, probably. It's been some time after all. Maki looks down at the bag, then up at her friend, pretending to yawn and rub morning tiredness from her eyes before carefully answering.

"School's been keeping me busy. Sorry," she risks a glance behind her just in time to see Rin retreat out of sight. "I, um. I didn't realize you were back in town, Hanayo. If I knew that I would've tried to make plans."

Hanayo says nothing, so Maki continues on a bit lamely. "I missed you. It's just that life gets in the way, sometimes."

"It's alright," Hanayo smiles and Maki inwardly sighs with relief. But then the smile turns downward and so does something in Maki's stomach. "I talked to Eli about… about what happened those years ago, and she thinks…"

"L-Listen, please." That relief was too good to be true, after all. Maki raises a hand to her face. "I'm fine. You guys need to stop worrying. I'm doing fine, see? Mama and Papa are pleased with my grades, and my internship has been going wonderfully, and—"

And I have Rin, she nearly adds, but chokes back on it. She looks over her shoulder again. Rin is still gone; she probably went back to the bedroom.

"You know we can't help but worry."

"Please don't." Maki winces. That sounded so lame.

"Well… here. They're from Honoka-chan. She's running the store now, you know?" Hanayo presents the bag to Maki and she carefully takes it, peering inside but paying no attention to the contents. "She's also been wondering how you've been doing."

"I'll be sure to call her sometime," Maki says stiffly.

Hanayo looks like she wants to pull Maki into a hug but wraps her arms around herself instead. A chill breeze carries dusts of snow inside. "Well, I was going to go have lunch with Nico-chan. If you'd like to come along…"

Oh. Nico. Wasn't she doing more idol things? Maki vaguely thinks back to TV programs she'd skimmed through, trying to remember if she'd seen the other girl in any shows or commercials. How long has it really been? She looks behind her again, but the doorway to the kitchen is still empty.

"Sorry, Hanayo. Maybe another day. I've got a report I need to work on."

"I understand…"

But the way she says it makes it clear she doesn't really understand and she trudges back the way she came from, a path clumsily carved through the snow. Maki stands there and watches her until Hanayo turns around and waves, and Maki half-heartedly waves back before closing the door.

She nearly jumps out of her skin when she turns to see Rin right behind her.

"Why didn't you take her offer for lunch?"

Now that it's just the two of them again, Maki can grasp that stubborn argumentative flare again. "Weren't you the one who was so excited about playing with me today? I'm going to go put on my jacket, so wait here."

"Maki-chan, Kayo-chin really wanted to spend time with you! And I bet Nico-chan misses you a lot, too!" Rin tries to step in Maki's way, but Maki just maneuvers around her. "You need to talk to them!"

"Don't tell me that," Maki weakly slams her hand against the wall, head bowed. "I know, I know I should…"

"I'm worried a lot too."

Outside, the neighborhood kids begin flinging snowballs at each other. Maki settles with a bottle of something alcoholic while Rin stands at the window, hands folded behind her back in a way that makes her look too old for her small stature.

Life continues on until the snow gives way beneath the warming sunlight. A season passes and Maki hadn't called Honoka like she told Hanayo she would, and there are no lunches with friends nor any more visitors. Text messages and emails go unresponded to. Rin never fails to act as Maki's alarm clock in the morning.

The comfort of their home and their routine keeps Maki grounded and from being swept away by her schoolwork. She still yells at Rin for acting so rashly and she still allows Rin to lean her head against her shoulder in the evenings, when they choose the couch over the kotatsu, a movie running in the background. Maki holds her hand and keeps an arm around her slight shoulders and tries to forget about everything, from the look in Hanayo's eyes to the snowman they never did build to what happened all those years ago that led to everything here.

Everything here is fine. Isn't it? She gently runs her fingers through Rin's hair and holds her a little closer as if afraid she'd be gone in the morning.

"Maki!"

There's loud knocking at the door, eight AM on a Sunday, and Rin turns her head from where she'd been standing at the window. Maki's buttoning up her shirt and she fumbles.

"Maki, you stubborn idiot, it's been months and I was waiting for you to show any sign that you were still here and fuck it! I'm not waiting around anymore, even if Hanayo said to! You're coming out even if I have to drag you out!"

"Maki-chan," Rin looks directly at her while Maki is still struggling to button up her shirt.

"Just, just give me a second, I'm not even—"

Nico yells again. "Open the goddamn door!"

"Just wait a second!"

She briskly walks out the bedroom and down the hall and to the foyer, and flings the front door open to be greeted with a slap to the face.

Rin, who's watching from the kitchen doorway, brings a hand to her mouth but says nothing.

"Hanayo cried." Nico is trembling with anger and she slowly draws her hand back. "She was such a mess I had to help her get home, and then I had to sit on the bed with her and hold her hand while she cried."

"I- I didn't mean,"

"How selfish can you be?!" Nico's gotten a little bit taller. She grabs the front of Maki's shirt and snarls in her face. "You're not hurting only yourself anymore! Everyone's worried sick! You need to wake up!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Maki grits through her teeth, trying to push Nico away, but Nico's apparently gotten stronger besides taller. "I'm busy with school and I spend half my time in the library. Of course I don't have time to see everyone."

It's a lie. She brings all her books home to read even if she has to lug them back the next day.

"Bullshit!" Her eyes are wide and she shakes Maki a little, but then her anger dies down a bit. "You never moved on, did you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Behind her and around the corner, Rin is still there, silently watching the scene play out.

"Come back to us. Don't let Hanayo cry ever again."

But, Maki thinks, I can't do that. And no more words will come out no matter what and Nico had released her shirt without her noticing. Maki stumbles back, pressing a hand to her chest, refusing to look Nico in the eye.

"You jerk. You selfish, stubborn, sad, sad, jerk."

A pause.

"I'll be back with the others tonight. Try not to keep us waiting at the door too long."

Nico leaves, hands shoved in her pockets. Springtime is here; flower petals blow by in her wake, and eventually Maki manages to pull herself back together and close the door.

"Maki-chan."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Maki-chan."

"What do you think is good for dinner tonight?"

"Maki-chan."

"I feel like pasta, maybe. I bought some tomato paste the last time I went shopping."

Rin stands up. Maki stops pacing. It's one PM and the sun is high, clouds dotting blue, and once daylight wanes the others will be here for an unprompted reunion.

Graduation was the happiest day of her life. Maki still has nightmares, sometimes.

"You can't stay here forever."

"Yes, I can, and you can't tell me otherwise."

She hadn't said anything relevant to what had happened since Nico left and had eventually ended up curled on a corner of the couch, trying to stop that throbbing dizzy feeling in her head and guts. It makes her want to vomit.

Rin sits beside her and rests a hand on her arm. She looks unbearably solemn and Maki wants to beg her to go back to her stupid childish grins and overflowing energy, not this… this…

"It's about time Maki-chan came to terms with everything, I think."

"No, no no no—"

Maki uncurls and latches onto Rin, hugging her tightly. Cold hands pat her back but the sensation is barely there. The nausea twists and she can barely see anything through her tears.

"You had a lot to tell me back then…"

"Rin, please, please don't do this,"

"That evening while we were celebrating, Rin got a bit carried away."

"I can't let you, you can't please stop,"

"The car came out of nowhere. You and Kayo-chin were a bit too slow to get to me."

"Rin, for gods sake please,"

"But life went on anyway. Without Rin."

They let go of each other and Maki furiously wipes at her eyes so she can look at Rin, Rin Hoshizora who still looks the same as she did when she was only seventeen years old, full of youth that never changed and energy that faded a long time ago. A seventeen year old child forever while Maki and the others grew up to be women.

And Maki breaks again, sobbing into Rin's shoulder as those cold hands rub circles on her back.

"It wasn't anyone's fault. But you always knew that, Maki-chan. I've been here with you all this time because you still had things you wanted to say."

Walls of isolation and grief crash down around Maki as she helplessly listens to years of denied pain rush out in her own cries, and she realizes she hadn't cried back when she and Hanayo rushed to Rin's broken bloody body, not when Hanayo cried until she threw up, not when she delivered the news to their friends and not even when Rin came back a month later still wearing the school uniform and that painfully warm smile that had burned Maki until it hurt.

She knew, all this time, what kept Rin's spirit tied to her. And Maki purposefully put off finishing off their loose ends just so she could keep Rin with her. It was so selfish and it made so much sense, and she wishes they could go back to their mundane everyday routine of living in each other's company in their cozy home.

Rin stands up, and takes one of Maki's hands.

"Maki-chan, this isn't right for you or me…"

"I don't want it to be. I want to you stay!"

"Even Kayo-chin moved on. They all want to see you smile again, and to spend time with you."

"Rin…"

Another sob wracks through her and Maki leans forward into Rin's body, feeling cold arms encircling her.

"Say whatever you wanted to say, Maki-chan."

They're both standing now and Maki looks down at Rin through her snot and tears, breath ragged from crying so hard, Rin patiently holding her hands and waiting.

And she smiles that smile that makes Maki's heart bleed.

"I-I love you, Rin. I always have."

"I love you too, Maki-chan!"

A confession that never came to fruition beneath the first cherry blossoms, caught up to them at last. Maki screws her eyes shut and sees them both as teens again, Rin being Rin and laughing about something stupid while Maki smiles fondly and shakes her head. Hanayo is there, too, holding both their hands and weeping tears of joy instead of sorrow. They have their whole lives ahead of them. Things are going to be wonderful.

Her eyes open and Rin isn't there anymore, but someone who's taller even than Maki and with a mess of orange hair, beautiful and handsome and wearing that same childish grin that Maki held onto dearly all these years. Her hands are warm. Rin's hands are warm, and Maki realizes in one fell swoop that this is what could have been had that night not been so cruel.

Something in her shatters at the same time something else mends.

"I love you, I love you, I love you–"

Maki can't stop herself from burying her face in Rin's shoulder and she holds her like her life depends on it, drying her tears on her jacket and willing the moment to stay with them forever. Not yet, not yet. A finger tilts her chin up and soft lips meet hers, lasting a moment just barely too short. She tries to imprint the taste of Rin into her memory, but Maki realizes there is no taste and the warmth is gone.

"Thank you, Maki-chan."

There's nobody there and Maki is hugging herself, falling to her knees.

She calmly greets the others when they arrive in her house as if years of separation don't exist between them, their faces worried and anxious when the door opens. Maki patiently explains, but leaves out the bulk of the details, and they all take turns hugging Maki (even Nico, though she adds in a punch to the arm). All of them crammed into her small living room reminds her vaguely of their time in that clubroom so many years ago, full of life and energy and girls still riding that wave of youth.

They number at eight now, though, not nine. Maki tries to soothe the dull ache in her chest and looks out the same window Rin had spent so much time standing at, but then Nozomi is groping Nico and Umi is yelling indignantly and Eli is laughing and Honoka's scrambling for extra pastries as Kotori holds her back in vain. And Hanayo is there beside Maki, smile soft.

"I miss her every single day."

Maki thinks back to those mornings when Rin would wake her up since she had no need to sleep. And she wonders what Rin did during those nights and days alone while Maki slept or was at school and work, wandering aimlessly around the house. Just a ghost that no one else could see.

"Me too, Hanayo."

A reassuring squeeze to her shoulder brings Maki away from the window and back to her friends. Eight, used to be nine. All packed together just like old times. A smile finds its way to her face, hesitant but true.

It's okay to rest now, Rin.

.

.

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A/N: inspiration from twitter- /7ymf/status/568797653254803456

This was my first Love Live fanfic! I'll try to write something less gloomy next time, lol.