Author's Note

Hello from the other side... (sorry, I had to... sorry Adele) But that song fits because it's been forever and I'm sorry. My other story, Walking It Off, will still be awhile until another chapter is posted. The last few months have been hectic and very, very busy. So thank you for bearing with me.

Apprehension.

It was born in her stomach and slowly infiltrated her whole body, she barely could keep herself together. It was a Monday night, and she was coming back from work. For some unconscious reasons, she ended up on his block, either out of sheer habit or something else. She knocked twice- two sharp, concise raps on his door.

The door slowly opened, but she did not look up. She hated how nervous she felt. Like she had anything to be afraid of.

"Hi," He whispered softly, but she still didn't look up and she could already see his gaze falling on her without looking.

Stop. Her stomach twisted with revulsion at her timid stance. Astrid wasn't like this, this wasn't her. She hadn't prepared what she wanted to say- because in order to do that you need to conscious of what you want. Looking at the crack in the wall outside his apartment, words just fell out. She didn't know if she meant it. Astrid gritted her jaw and looked him in the eyes. "I don't love you."

She watched his face twist first with confusion and then with hurt. Astrid knew he probably had expected her to say something along the lines of quite the opposite... but saying these words gave her some power in a situation where she was losing it. Did she love him? Maybe. But she hated him. She hated him for taking control, for messing with her.

Silence is often classified as awkward- but this silence was more than that. The tension was too strong, too thick.

Astrid held her jaw and stopped all her temptations to falter and look away- the temptations to soften and apologize. She tried to decipher his face. His emotion was prominent, but there were too many going on at once to define easily.

"Then why are you here?" He shot back bitterly.

Astrid faltered. Crap. She was expecting a number of replies, ranging from hurt to anger. But as always, he threw her off her guard and everything off balance. She looked down. Right back where she started.

Why was she here? Good question, her mind crossed its arms. Much to her annoyance, it had a simple answer.

"Because I'm weak," She looked up fiercely, "Because I let you get in my skin again. Because you can't keep yourself to yourself," Astrid hardened her jaw. "Because you're my relapse."

He didn't reply. She waited.

A car screamed as it raced past the house.

He didn't reply. She nodded at him and turned away to leave.

"Ast-"

She swiftly turned around and before he could finish saying her name, she punched him in the arm. And then again, and again and again, but she felt small arms wrap around her- but she refused to stop. With every strike, they got softer and the arms got tighter around her. "I hate you..." she mumbled into his chest. She could not will herself to fight him anymore.

"I hate you too," He replied with a deep breath.

Astrid kept her eyes closed, shut them so tight it hurt as if trying her best to shut him out would do so. A chill breeze wrapped around her bare ankles and his heartbeat was too loud. She felt him take sharp intakes of breath. Astrid felt his every movement- the rise and fall of his chest, his warm breath against the chilly night- and she hated it. He was too close for her to breathe. She drew herself out of his arms and looked him in the eyes. Her mind chastised her for not cutting to the chase already- this wasn't like her.

His eyes- once hard and hurt- had that softness in them now. That I-know-you-better-than-you-do look that he always had. She opened her mouth- but stopped short when a car raced by, drowning anything she would've said.

He laughed.

And she fell on his lips.