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A humorous introduction

She has been alive for a long time, far longer than her seemingly thirty-something years hinted at. It wasn't that she aged gracefully, that she only gained a few, barely-there wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. She didn't care for plastic surgery, so that wasn't the reason of her youthful appearance either. It wasn't even that she never aged, she did. She just aged so slowly that no one ever noticed it, centuries passing by before any apparent change hit her.

She didn't get to close to normal people, either, so there usually wasn't anyone around to notice her particularities.

Even then, life was far from boring; there was always something new to try out. Getting a new job, any kind of job, was easy. She had magic to thank for that.

She had been a princess in a small country in Europe, a world-traveling merchant, a teacher, a seductress, a king (that had been decidedly weird), and a maid, just to name a few.

There had only been one thing that she hadn't at least dabbled in, and that had been parenthood. She had never had a child, not born nor adopted. She had had no plan of raising - or even getting close to a - child and then be forced to watch him or her die. Not again, not after Teddy.

That had been before she had met him, however. The day had been a forgettable one, she had been working as a waitress at a nice little café and he had been just another face in the crowd (albeit a good looking one), another customer to serve and then forget about.

Then he had shown up at the café the next morning, and the one after that, and before she knew it a year had passed. Sawada Iemitsu was a happy-go-lucky man, at least in her presence, and to this day she had no idea how he had wormed his way into her heart.

There had always been something in his eyes, a darkness that she knew all too well, that had her more curious than she had been in a long while.

A construction worker wouldn't behave as he did, as though he had to be on constant alert in case his enemies found him. This didn't bother her as much as it should have; she had had her fair share of enemies. One does not live through millennia (different universes and realities were a pain to adapt to, sometimes – but it was not impossible) without acquiring an enemy or two.

So, while she was curious, she refrained from asking anything about what he really did. She wasn't about to tell him anything of her own immortality, after all, and she was no hypocrite. Their relationship was a fairly normal one, a man and a woman in love (even though they both kept big parts of their lives secret from the other).

The love she felt towards him was the reason she didn't mind it (a BIG, fat lie) when he left her with their son. His eyes were desperate the day he left, they were communicating what his mouth kept hidden; plea that she understood that he would stay… if he could. And she did understand; his boss, the pleasant (suspicious/danger/keep away from Tsu-kun) old man, Timoteo, who had spent some time in their home, needed him and her husband felt a sense of duty towards him.

Most women in her position would be wondering about their husband's fidelity, but her feelings towards Iemitsu were not just those of love; she was grateful that he had preserved through her initial doubts in a relationship. She was grateful that she had been allowed to experience that closeness that all humans long for, and so she allowed him to do as she wished without much fuss.

She made sure their last night together was a memorable one, just so that he wouldn't be able to look at other women without comparing them to her (they would hopefully be found lacking).

She respected her husband's wishes so much in fact, that she refrained from interrogating the men that sometimes came after her and her son. She let them go their way, but only after beating them – with a ladle and until their skin had more colours than the rainbow – and suppressing their memories. The men left in pain, with no idea of how they got hurt, and an intense fear of ladles as well as the matriarch of the Sawada household.

What was so scary about a woman, a housewife? They wondered, and managed to trick themselves into a thinking that she had nothing to do with anything. The pride of a man, especially a Mafioso, was a fragile thing.

The world got the memo after around ten years of her constantly beating up armed men much larger than her with her ladle. 'Come near Sawada Iemitsu's family and you will get beaten up'. No one had a clue of just who did the beat-ups, even the most advanced technology failed to capture it on film.

Tsunayoshi, her Tsu-kun, was an energetic boy. Most people called him useless, and he was bad at sports and school and pretty much everything that might have made him popular, or 'cool'. She saw this, and she did tell him that it was true (lying had long since become something she found annoying. You should either say the truth or nothing at all). "But," she would tell him; "this doesn't matter in the slightest if you don't let it. As long as there are people who love you for whom you are, then the opinion of those you do not know is something you should ignore, or at least not pay so much attention to."

And she did love her Tsu-kun, he had a heart of gold; he cared about everyone he met, however fleeting that meeting was. He was like her more than he would ever know, not just in looks (scrawny and weak and short? Check.), and she felt a tinge of amusement when she realised that the 'saving people thing' was hereditary. Tsu-kun was too weak to do anything other than turning the bullies' attention away from their target and to him, however. Hence the bruises he was almost always covered in.

Hermione would have cried.

She had scanned the surface of Tsu-kun's new home tutor when he had arrived (he was suspicious, and far more dangerous than any of the men that usually came for her cute son), noticed the words 'train', 'mafia', 'heir', and 'Sawada Tsunayoshi', and had left them to it. Reborn was such a cute child, and so what if she forced herself to remain purposely ignorant of anything that happened in her home? Tsu-kun was his own person, and if he wanted to become a big-bad-mafia-man, than that was his choice.

(It wasn't like she could complain, and he did look a lot like Giotto-chan… nope, ignorance was bliss. She had not helped create the Mafia family he was the soon-to-be boss of. Nope.)

She managed to ignore it for a month (when another one of Lambo-chan's grenades exploded just outside of the kitchen window) before she gave her husband a call and told him, in what Iemitsu called her I-love-you-but-you-are-dead-to-me voice, just what she thought about the situation.

…

Okay, what really happened went something like this. She call her husband, told him "I love you, but you're dead to me" in her sweetest/most horrible/loving/terrifying voice. Then she hung up and didn't answer any of the calls her huband made that evening. Iemitsu showed up seven hours later, when all of the kids had gone to bed, and proceeded to beg for forgiveness.

(She did forgive him, but only after a night of wild sex.)

Sawada Nana might have seemed like the least frightening person in her family, but there was a reason that Tsuna had no problem taking on the role of Vongola Decimo. It involved ladles, but this time there were no memory wipes. The Mafia world was suddenly terrified of the housewife of the Young Lion of the Vongola.

Iemitsu was uncertain as to what he should think about his suddenly-kick-ass wife (then she dragged him of to bed and he realised that nothing had changed).

Then Nana decided to be honest about her past.

("WHAT?! I'm married to a several-millennia-old, time/reality/universe-traveling and immortal ("Very slow-aging," Nana interrupted) woman?" Sex is, as you have probably noticed by now, how this married couple solved their issues… so, yeah. That happened.)

THE END

A/N: I'm not sure why I'm uploading this. I mean; what. Did. I. Just. Write. It makes no sense whatsoever; it was supposed to be a MoD!Harry-is-Nana but… whatever. I'll post it.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! I CAN HANDLE FLAMES (get it? I did a pun :3 )!